Whole again Remus
by Leila B
Summary: Serene has been hunted by visions all her life being a teaching assistant in Hogwarts hasn't changed that. None of her visions included a Werewolf who claims to be her lifemate though. But while Serene is stubborn, Remus Lupin is even more so. COMPLETE
1. Waiting

DISCLAIMER: Everything you recognise from the book, is J.K. Rowling's, everything else (including strange grammar and odd spelling) is mine.  
  
AN: Now this is part 3 of the Whole again - saga, and the main focus is on Remus and Serene. But other characters will show up once in a while, I promise. I am not really sure if anybody can understand what is going on without reading part 1 and 2 first. That would be "Whole again - Severus" and "Whole again - Sirius".  
  
Since this became an issue with the Sirius-story - you may have noticed that I hardly ever reply to reviews on the board. That is because I believe that the review-boards is for ... ah, reviews. And critique. And hints or demands. But not my comments.  
  
I value your reviews highly, and am proud of every one of them. If you got questions and expect answers or just like to chat - drop me an e-mail and I will answer it.  
  
  
  
1. WAITING  
  
  
  
Serene Kennedy paced her room at Hogwarts, from the door to the window and back again. She felt as if she'd been marching the five meters all night long, which was not too far off the truth since she'd not found any sleep and had resorted to pacing very early in the morning. Every once in a while she stopped, trying to breath calmly, as Dumbledore had thought her. Finally, when the ghostly bell in the hall announced that breakfast was over and the students would soon clear the hallways, she went down on her knees and dug a small wooden box from under her bed.  
  
To avoid any teachers who were late for class, she took the narrow staircase that led to a sunny court-yard. The October sun was still warm enough and the sky clear and lavender-blue, so Serene put her cloak onto the stairs and sat down to ponder what had gone so dreadfully wrong.  
  
Her life had never been calm or easy. Growing up in a faceless suburb, she had always been aware of her special powers, and none of the numerous medical experts her desperate parents took her to, could convince her otherwise. She'd known she was a witch - even when all the world assured her she was mental. Looking up at the glittering turrets that crowned the walls, she laughed mirthlessly. Oh, the relief to learn about Hogwarts!  
  
Eventually she had made it to school, but far too late, far too late. She'd learned a tremendous lot within the last three years, and Dumbledore let her even teach as Sybill Trelawney's assistant. But she still felt like an outsider in this world, just as she'd been an outsider in the Muggle world. She had not made many friends in these three years, she sighed. They could easily be counted off the fingers of one hand. There was Laurel, who'd come to Hogwarts for the same adult students course as she. But while Serene had been overjoyed to be accepted, Laurel had fought the diagnosis of being a witch every step of the way. Still, they'd formed some kind of friendship - and that was some achievement, Serene had to admit. After all she'd almost killed the other woman.  
  
Severus Snape, Laurel's lover, Potions master at the school, would never forgive her that, she was sure. Although she still admired him for his skills, she kept away from him as far as she could. Really, she obviously had no hand for male friends. Take Sirius Black for instance, famous escapee from Azkaban, only recently taken back there under the name of White - and again escaped a few days ago. Now he was on the run, and Serene could not honestly be sorry about that, because it seemed she was not able to exchange more than two sentences with him without getting into a fight. But she liked Claire, his wife. She liked her a lot. And Claire, being a squib, knew what it meant to be an outsider. What was more - she believed in Serene's visions without Laurel's reluctance or the men's open ridicule.  
  
Dumbledore, she counted a third finger, Albus Dumbledore, scary as his all- knowing gaze might be, was her friend, and she considered this friendship a precious gift. Although busy with managing a school like Hogwarts with its hundreds of students and - well, eccentric staff - he spared an hour every week to just talk to her. Of course she knew counselling when she saw it, but he was the first counsellor she truly respected, even if she could not tell him the full truth. For that would surely mean to lose his friendship,  
  
Three friends in as many years, she winced.  
  
Minerva McGonagall did not trust her, she knew that, and Sybill … Sybill envied her because of her "gift", as she liked to call it. "Ha, gift!", Serene muttered under her breath. "Curse, rather."  
  
But while Sybill had all her life craved for the visions Serene suffered, she knew not how hard it was to see the future - if nobody believed you … And she knew not how difficult it was to interpret the glimpses of future events. Serene's visions of Snape killing Dumbledore had caused her to poison Laurel, to kidnap her and hold her prison - only to find she'd completely misjudged the situation. But on the other hand - hadn't she seen the outcome of the Triwizard Tournament and Cecil Diggory's death? And she'd known that Sirius would return to Azkaban, and this had enabled Claire to save the situation and in the end save the life of the wizard she loved so much.  
  
Love … Serene let her head sink hopelessly onto her knees. Love. She had acquired three friends at Hogwarts. And then there was Remus Lupin. Sweet, gentle, handsome Remus Lupin, who taught Defence against the Dark Arts, and claimed to be in love with her. She'd never encouraged him, although at times she'd wished for nothing else than his embrace and his assurance that everything would be okay.  
  
And now the stupid bastard had gone and let himself be locked away in a cell in Azkaban of all places, to save his best friend. Lupin was like this, she sighed, never thinking about his own safety. She remembered only too well how he and Severus burst through the door of the vanishing chamber where she'd kept Laurel prisoner. How Severus rose his wand and the force of the curse slammed her into the wall. Remus had not hesitated a moment but leaped between her and the furious Potions master. The impact of the curse broke his arms and a few rips. He had saved her life that day, because Snape would certainly have killed her without a second thought.  
  
And now Remus had left without telling her he might not return ...  
  
She clenched her fists. So much for trust … Everybody at Hogwarts had known about that foolish plan, everybody but her! Suddenly she seethed with anger and kicked the small wooden box violently. The lid sprang open and the content spilled over the lawn.  
  
"Oh, damn," Serene muttered and went down on her knees to gather the small things she'd kept in the box.  
  
"Need help?"  
  
She looked up and shielded her eyes against the sun. Laurel smiled down at her, the little boy Severus had brought home a month ago, sitting on her hip and waving a toy-broom excitedly.  
  
"I just …" Serene blushed and tried to cover her collection with the hem of her robe.  
  
Laurel sat the child down onto the grass and told him to play. Then she kneeled next to Serene, ignoring her friend's secrecy. In Laurel's opinion some people built a wall around their heart so nobody would hurt them, but somehow found themselves a prisoner within that very wall. It had been like that with Severus, and it was the same with Serene. Laurel'd long ago decided to just not accept either one's rudeness and concentrate on their respective virtues. Serene and she were so different. Where Serene was fire, Laurel was earth. Where Serene was impulsive, Laurel was calm. Their difference could have made them determined enemies, but Laurel was glad they'd succeeded in becoming friends.  
  
She picked up a set of beautifully crafted Tarot cards with pictures of the sun and moon. "I remember these," she said softly. "Remus asked me to give them to you, when I met him in Provence two years ago."  
  
Serene snatched the cards from her and put them back into the box.  
  
"You did not want them then," Laurel would not cease her probing. "And I doubt you ever thanked him for any of these beautiful things." She picked up a glass marble that contained a miniature solar system and held it against the sun. When a ray of light flashed off the glass, the little boy clapped his hands in joy.  
  
"I never asked him for anything," Serene replied defiantly.  
  
Laurel laughed and put the marble into the box, together with a dried flower. "Are you sure you and Severus are not related?" she asked eventually. "That's the nature of gifts, Serene. You needn't ask for it." Her smile got warmer when she thought about Snape, and how hard it had come to him to accept gifts. "It is also the nature of love."  
  
"Cut it out, Laurel." This was a talk they had every other week, but today Serene felt too weary to endure it. "I am not in the mood."  
  
"As you wish," Laurel shrugged and let a thin silver bracelet tangle from her finger. "Just one more question. Did he get you that one, too?"  
  
Wordlessly Serene grabbed the bracelet and locked it away in its box. Laurel shook her head and sighed. "It is silver, Serene."  
  
"I know. I told him it was too expensive. But he knew I had admired it at that small jewellery store in Hogsmeade. He insisted I'd take it as a birthday present."  
  
"It is silver." Laurel pointed out again.  
  
"I already said I knew that. And I am aware that he can't afford presents like that."  
  
"Remus is a werewolf. Did you ever see what silver does to his skin? It causes burns like a white hot iron." Laurel stared at her in disbelieve.  
  
Serene swallowed. "I never thought about that," she admitted softly. Then, before the tears could wash away her last pretence of strength, she begged "Please, Laurel. Cut me some slack today. It is hard enough to know he's out there, with the Ministry, the Aurors and the Death Eaters hunting him."  
  
Laurel put her hand over hers, and the strange thing Serene could not explain happened again - the other woman's warmth flowed into her and made her calm and strong.  
  
"Thank you," she muttered, avoiding the pity in Laurel's eyes.  
  
Her friend gave her a last worried look, then she determinedly put a cheery tone into her voice and turned to the little boy. "Now who's got a great fast broom, ha?"  
  
Serene watched how the child played happily with the toy-broom Professor Hooch had given him. It was only one yard long and would not really fly but hover a few inches over the ground but the child took great pleasure from making the broom rise and land.  
  
She smiled faintly. "He seems very happy with you and Snape."  
  
Laurel patted the child on the head indulgently. "He is so good-natured. I mean, I don't know anything about children of his age. But he has great patience with me."  
  
"You still haven't given him a name?"  
  
A dark shadow passed over Laurel's face. "Severus won't allow it, and he is right. If I give the child a name, I open my heart to him even more. And when his parents come to get him and take him away …" she stifled a sob, "It is going to hurt even more than it will already."  
  
Serene nodded and took the cuddly dragon Severus had shot at the Hogsmeade Fair for Laurel. Three months, she sighed silently when she looked at the toy sadly. At the morning of the fair Remus had asked her to marry him - and she had turned him down, naturally. She'd never forget the hurt in his eyes … But she had to remind herself that all this would prevent a pain much worse than that of rejection. Snape was right in this - sometimes a small pain in the present could shield the heart against the pains of the future.  
  
Accompanied by the excited giggles of the little boy she sat the dragon onto the broomstick and made the toy fly higher than it was supposed to. Laurel took out her wand and made the dragon nod his head while he soared over them. Suddenly the child let broom be broom and beamed in the direction of the entrance door with such a look of utter adoration on his chubby face, Serene turned in surprise.  
  
Severus Snape stood in the door arch, dressed in his usual habit of darkest black, the scowl on his face prominent enough to let all pupils give him a wide berth. But the boy tapped towards him, little arms outstretched, gurgling in happiness.  
  
Serene watched the tall wizard closely, as he noticed the child. Carefully stepping aside, he avoided any contact and came down the stairs with billowing robes, the boy trying to hold to him in vain.  
  
Laurel had seen him keeping his distance to the child as well, but said nothing. The child nuzzled his face disappointedly against her shoulder, when she picked him up.  
  
Serene stood up when Severus bowed his head curtly. Skipping any polite phrases, she asked anxiously: "Any news about Remus Lupin?"  
  
The Potions master shrugged. "No. The full moon was only last night, and the Ministry will try to keep his escape under covers as long as possible."  
  
"If he could escape …"  
  
He looked at her, an unreadable expression in his eyes. "Lupin is intelligent and quite capable," he said, kinder than usually.  
  
"I keep telling her that it's a long way from the coast to Hogwarts, even for a werewolf," added Laurel. "He'll probably rest for a while and arrive sometime tomorrow."  
  
Serene took up chewing her fingernails again, until Laurel sharply tapped her hand. "Stop it!"  
  
"What?" She stared at her friend. "Stop what?"  
  
"Biting off your nails in despair." Laurel shook her head in gentle reprimand. "Remus will make it back safely. But when you see him again, you should come clear about your feelings for him!"  
  
"Don't go all motherly on me, Laurel Hunter!" snapped Serene and pushed her hand away. "Just because you can tell this little bugger what to do doesn't mean you can tell me as well!" She scooped up the wooden box and brushed a kiss on the little boy's forehead. "I've got a class to teach." And off she stormed in a flourish of emerald robes.  
  
"Let her bite her nails before she bites your head off," Snape suggested dryly.  
  
"She is afraid for Remus." Laurel bit her lips, a habit that told him she was worried as well.  
  
"I have no doubt he could successfully escape from Azkaban," mused Snape and sat down on the stairs. Laurel put the boy back onto the lawn and gave him his broom to keep him occupied.  
  
"But?" she asked softly.  
  
"We must not forget that Lupin in his werewolf form is not as reasonable as he is as a wizard. That's why he puts up with the side effects of the Wolfsbane potion every month. Without the potion the beast in him takes over - and I assure you it is not a cuddly little wolf-cub."  
  
"But he won't remain a werewolf once the moon wanes, will he?" Laurel asked, not for the first time wondering if it had really been such a good idea to leave Remus instead of Sirius in Azkaban.  
  
"He'll transform, yes. But we can only hope he does not run havoc on the way back." Absently Severus reached down to brush away something that tickled his leg, and froze in mid-motion.  
  
The little boy giggled when the tall wizard stared at him. "Woom!" he said and giggled again, as if he'd just made a great joke.  
  
"Did you hear that?" Laurel beamed at Severus. "He said 'Broom'!"  
  
"No, my dear, he said 'Woom'."  
  
"Believe me, Severus, he meant broom. He says that often when he sees you."  
  
Snape scowled and rose from the stairs. "Are you insinuating I bear resemblance to a broom?"  
  
She laughed wholeheartedly and his heart made a silly leap.  
  
"No, but I wonder if he remembers the broom-ride to Hogwarts after you saved him that evening."  
  
He looked down at the child who swung the toy dragon around by its tail. "He was asleep all the time. I doubt he remembers anything." Raking a hand through his black straight hair, he added. "Albus asked for us to join him at tea time."  
  
"Dumbledore? Do you think they found the child's parents?" Suddenly Laurel could understand Serene so much better. Maybe you had to experience the fear of losing somebody before you could really cherish them?  
  
Taking in her suddenly pale face, Severus bent down and brushed her lips with his. "Whatever it is, Laurel, we'll go through it together."  
  
* * *  
  
„Now I want you to study the newspaper cut-outs I gave you, and write an essay about fraud involving prophecy and fortune-telling." Serene looked at the sixth years expectantly. "Nothing short of 1000 words will be accepted. Unless of course you decide to do your essay about the Muggle stock exchange." She frowned at Hermione Granger, who already scribbled away, underlining whole passages in her cut-out. "Then it was to be 1500 words at least, because it is so much easier. But it will earn you additional credits for Muggle studies."  
  
Silently she prayed for the hour to be over soon. Her patience clung by its nails, and the Slytherins and Gryffindors she had to teach were especially annoying this morning.  
  
She jumped up and with two quick strides stood over Draco Malfoy, forcing him to hand over his wand.  
  
"Now that is enough, Mr Malfoy," she tried very hard to remain calm, when she saw that he had hexed Ron Weasley's book bag. "This is not funny, it is childish. If you have to play pranks, make them worth my while, for Merlin's sake!" Her hair had slipped the tight bun she kept it in for teaching, and she pushed it behind her ears impatiently.  
  
"I see you tonight at eight in the Astronomy classroom for detention, Malfoy. And you, Potter, stop grinning or you and Malfoy will spend the evening together." It bugged her not so much that Harry seemed to enjoy the punishment the other boy received, but that he had assured her at the beginning of the class, that Remus would be back soon.  
  
Eventually the bell rung and both class and teacher let out a deep breath of relief. While the students quietly filed out, Serene packed her books and papers and stuffed them into her bag. When she heard somebody nervously clear their throat, she turned with an impatient groan, expecting to find Miss Granger with yet another question. But it was only a wide-eyed house- elf, who, sensing her rising temper, kept a security distance of five feet.  
  
Serene's face fell. Great, now even the elves hated her!  
  
"I am sorry," she said earnestly. "I did not mean to snap at you. I just got a hot head."  
  
"You is wanting a glass of lemonade?" the elf chirped hopefully. Usually the red-haired witch treated the elves very nicely, even if it had taken her some time to accept how they liked to be treated. In return the Hogwarts elves took great care to iron her sheets, because she enjoyed ironed sheets. Not that they did not iron everybody else's sheets as well … "You is wanting a nice lemonade? With ice cubes?" he tempted.  
  
She sighed. "No, but thank you. Hot head, you know? A fit of temper?"  
  
The elf scrutinised her face doubtfully. "You is making a joke, Professor?"  
  
"A joke, yes. What can I do for you?"  
  
The elf paled visibly under his green skin. "No, you is getting it wrong again! It is we who does the things for you! You does nothing!"  
  
"Right." Serene had to smile against her will at the obvious panic in the elf's eyes. "Now, what can you do for me?"  
  
Producing a piece of parchment, the elf relaxed a bit. "Miss Claire of Winterstorm Manor asks you for tea tomorrow," he read proudly. Most of the house-elves at Hogwarts could read and write, which was not common in the elf-population. Many wizards felt that their elves had no need for higher learning, and why in the world would they need to know how to write their name, if they never left the kitchen anyway? But Dumbledore had encouraged the elves to study, and one of them had even written a book about their very own kind of magic, which enabled them to run such a big household as Hogwarts.  
  
"Is she not feeling well?" Serene worried. After all Claire was expecting a baby, and the last weeks had been quiet upsetting for her, with her husband in Azkaban and her close escape from being recruited as a Death Eater.  
  
"She be having a baby, so she is very very well!" beamed the elf. The Winterstorm elves and the Hogwarts elves kept close contact, and gossip flowed freely in both directions. So it was no secret to both houses how happy Claire was about the baby, even now that Sirius Black was on the run again and there was no chance of him returning in the near future, Serene thought.  
  
"You wants to send an answer?" The elf hopped up and down to attract her attention. "You is not listening at all!"  
  
"I am sorry," sighed Serene. Why did she feel she had to apologise to everybody she met today? "What did you say?"  
  
"You is not to worry," the little creature flapped his ears to underline his words. "Professor Lupin, he come back soon."  
  
Groaning in annoyance, Serene tug at her hair. "Stop it! I don't want to hear a word about Lupin anymore," she cried out.  
  
"Azkaban be a bad bad place," the elf went on, unimpressed by her outburst. "But Professor Lupin, he be a big bad wolf if he wants. He gets home soon." Carefully folding the letter, he bowed and skipped out of the classroom, leaving Serene thunderstruck. So even the elves had known about the plan. Even those tennis ball-eyed, grassy-haired little creatures had known …  
  
* * *  
  
„Laurel, Severus." The Headmaster smiled absently and kept searching something in the pile of parchments on his desk. "Sit down, sit down," he mumbled without looking at them. Eventually he sighed exasperatedly and drew his wand. "Accio!"  
  
A scroll slithered out from under the pile and placed itself obediently in the old wizard's hand. "Ah, there it is."  
  
He faced the Potions master and Laurel, who sat by the roaring fire, both watching him anxiously. Snipping his fingers he conjured a steaming teapot and a plate heaped with ginger snaps. When both of his guests politely refused, he shrugged. "It is getting colder fast this year. Ginger and a fire, that's what a wizard wants right now."  
  
Stretching his hands towards the flames, he relaxed for a moment, and as often during the last months, looked utterly exhausted. But when he opened his eyes he seemed refreshed and alert.  
  
"Well, well. You want not sweets, you want no tea." Pushing his glasses on top of his head, he smiled at them. "What else can I offer you? How about a little boy?"  
  
Laurel frowned. "What are you talking about, Albus?"  
  
He took her hand, but kept a close watch at Severus. "It has come to my knowledge, that our little guest's parents are dead."  
  
Laurel gasped in shock.  
  
Dumbledore nodded sympathetically. "Both of them, and there are no close relatives we know of."  
  
The Potions master sat very straight and avoided Laurel's gaze, when he inquired. "How did they die? A Death Eaters attack?"  
  
"His parents were killed very much in the fashion of the Godric's Hollow murders." Dumbledore's bushy brows twitched when he studied the parchment. "This report says that somebody - and we may assume it was not Voldemort but Pettigrew or one of the other higher ranks - one of them entered the house, killed Elias Kramer, then went into the nursery, where Mrs Kramer was just putting the baby to sleep. They found her dead over the bed, and assume she died trying to protect the child. The Aurors found no trace of little Jonah."  
  
"Is that his name? Jonah?" Laurel sat in her chair, very pale, her hands clasped in her lap.  
  
"Jonah Kramer. Yes." Dumbledore nodded. "You know about the infiltration of the Ministry, how they report to Voldemort. We must not let them know that the little boy is alive. They took great care to re-stage the Potters' death, and I keep asking myself, why?"  
  
"First there was the blood," Severus rose from his chair and stepped closer to the fire, glad about the opportunity to hide his mixed feelings at Dumbledore's revelations about the boy. "Malfoy said it was extremely expensive, and from my analysis I know they tried to get as close to Potter's blood as possible. But apparently this did not suffice, and so they had to try something else. Recreate a new Potter, another boy who lived."  
  
"But … do you really think that the power Lily Potter evoked then, can be reproduced by anybody?" Laurel asked confused. Slowly the consequences of Dumbledore's words began to sink in and a warm feeling of overwhelming joy spread from her heart all over her body.  
  
"Severus is right I am afraid," said Dumbledore and took another cookie. "Voldemort is still weak, and keeping him alive is costly. Harry told us about the ritual Pettigrew used to bring his master back to life, and from Claire and Sirius we know that the repeat the ritual, for lack of Harry's blood with something that comes as close as possible. They won't stop now that this child is out of their reach, they'll try to get a replacement for Jonah."  
  
"But that will need time," Laurel interrupted. „Jonah is safe, and if you think we may keep him, we will be overjoyed." Taking Severus' hand, she beamed up at him. "Won't we, Severus?"  
  
Snape closed his eyes wearily for a moment, and blew out a deep breath. "You know what this means, don't you, Laurel?"  
  
She nodded eagerly. "He'll be our child."  
  
"Yes, he'll be our child. But what if at some point in the future a relative shows up and claims him? Will you be able to give him up?"  
  
"No." She looked down at the floor, and he felt her pain just as if it were his own. Helplessly he reached for her hand.  
  
Dumbledore cleared his throat. "If that occurs - and it is not very probable, 'Ill put all my weight in your favour, Severus. I promise that."  
  
"A former Death Eater. A Muggle-raised stray witch who has only lately learned to keep her own devastating powers in control. No court would let us have Jonah, if the other side is only half-respectable."  
  
"Do not hold yourself so low, Severus," reprimanded the Headmaster gently. "The two of you will make good parents, to this little boy or any other child that will be given to you."  
  
* * *  
  
"You are a real pain lately, Mr. Malfoy," Serene remarked when the blond Slytherin showed up at the circular classroom on top of the Astronomy tower for his detention.  
  
Draco pulled his shoulders up defiantly and gave her one of the cold stares he was famous for. She could see why half of the girls in his year had a crush on him - and why the other half wanted to kill him ...  
  
"Now this is your third detention within four weeks. Do you plan to make my life miserable?`" she asked, closing her notebook. "Don't think that I haven't got better things to do than watch you do Professor Trelawney's tea- cups."  
  
Again she got no answer but an unsettling stare from grey eyes. She shrugged. Usually she got along just fine with most of the older students, that was why Sybill left her the older classes to teach, while she basked in the adoration of the younger, more easily to impress students.  
  
In the past year Draco Malfoy had never caused any trouble, but this had obviously changed, as she'd heard from other teachers and knew from own experience. Dumbledore had even made this a point at the weekly staff meeting, stressing the fact that since Severus Snape had been uncovered as a spy for the light, Draco could naturally not confide in his Head of house anymore. When she took in the boys stiff posture, she felt sorry for him. It had not been easy to be a clairvoyant teenager, but it couldn't be easy to be a son to Voldemort's third in command, either. She doubted that Lucius Malfoy would give his son the opportunity to choose whether he wanted to join the Death Eaters or not.  
  
"No, not with your wand," she remarked casually. "You know how Professor Trelawne values her china. It needs liquid soap, warm water and a gentle hand."  
  
He scowled and picked up a cup with two fingers to drop it into the water.  
  
"Oh, come on," exclaimed Serene, suddenly exasperated with his sulking. "It is not as if I'd demanded you wash Snape's cauldrons!"  
  
Draco visibly relaxed at her sharp voice. Serene frowned. "Stop toying with the cups, and sit down," she commanded. When he'd dried his hands and sat in Sybill's armchair, Serene crossed her arms over her chest and studied his face carefully.  
  
"What is going on, Malfoy?"  
  
He sneered. "Just glad you can't keep up the sweet talking."  
  
"The what?"  
  
"Why am I suddenly being treated like a raw egg?" He rose and clenched his fists, red patches showing on the pale skin. "I know quite well that most teachers in this school despise me for what my father is ..." he coughed, "I mean, what he was."  
  
"That's simply not true." Serene shook her head.  
  
"Oh please, Professor! I am not a child anymore, I can take the truth. I am a Malfoy, I am a Slytherin. But lately everybody tries to humour me, no matter how bad my behaviour gets." He kept his eyes on his shoes as if he'd never seen them before. "Even you."  
  
"Humour you? My dear Mr. Malfoy, the day I'll humour you will be the day the giant squib gets the position as a DADA teacher at this school."  
  
His face lit up. "So you are not trying to be nice to me?"  
  
Serene had troubles at keeping her face blank, when she replied gravely: "No, I won't be nice."  
  
Sighing, Draco sat down again, and Serene perched on the edge of one of the round tables. "It's all her fault!" he muttered, staring into the cold fireplace.  
  
Serene raised an eyebrow questioningly. "Who's fault?"  
  
"Professor Hunter's." Draco's eyes shot flashes of unveiled anger. "She is so ... mushy. And Professor Snape ... I mean, he is supposed to be an intelligent wizard! How can he buy that? It is her fault he broke with all his friends, even with my father!"  
  
"Mushy ..." Serene cleared her throat. "I assure you, Draco, Professor Hunter may appear mushy at times, but she is the most honest person I know. And she loves Snape." She raised her hands in a gesture of disbelieve. "Don't ask me why."  
  
"But ..."  
  
A knock at the ajar door interrupted them.  
  
"Professor Kennedy. A moment of your time, please."  
  
Draco saw with interest how his Divination teacher's face drained of every drop of blood.  
  
"Detention is over, Mr. Malfoy," she managed, suddenly breathless.  
  
When he scrambled to his feet, he got a glimpse of the wizard in the door. Lupin's robes were shabbier than ever - if that was possible. And he looked as if he'd just been drawn and quartered - nothing new a day after the full moon. Draco remembered how his father had blown up when the secret of their Professor's lycanthropy had been uncovered. Draco himself had been secretly disappointed. Who'd have thought that werewolves were so ... well, boring?  
  
"Evening, Professors," he mumbled and climbed down the spiral staircase, not without overhearing Serene's first words. He chuckled and made haste to get to the Slytherin common room, to think over what he'd just heard and seen.  
  
  
  
"You. Stupid. Bastard."  
  
Serene's voice almost choked with anger and relief at the same time. Her mind raced. Oh, he looked terrible, a long scratch prominent on his jaw, deep shadows under his eyes, and his hair standing up in spikes. She felt the overwhelming urge to hide in his embrace, to kiss every inch of his face, to beg him never to push her into that dark pit of fear again - but instead of all that she slapped him across the face so hard his head jerked back.  
  
Time stood still. Remus felt numb all over. She'd hit him. He'd thought about nothing but her for the last three days, her image being his guiding star back to Hogwarts, the only steady thought in a mind gone wild - and she'd hit him.  
  
He had not taken time for a shower, nor for fresh robes or something to eat. With all his weariness, his exhaustion from the permanent fight against the beast that threatened to take over his being - he had longed for nothing but her. And she'd hit him. She'd never understand what it meant to him. That he had no choice, could not just give up his feelings, choose another woman, softer, gentler, kinder ...  
  
Before she could strike a second time, Remus caught her wrist in mid-air. His eyes flamed up.  
  
"Don't ever do that again," he said very softly, through gritted teeth.  
  
"You could have told me!" she cried out and drummed her fists against his chest. "Damn you, damn you, damn you!"  
  
With a sound that resembled a growl more than a moan he threw her into his arms.  
  
The kiss was violent at first, almost brutal. Remus was surprisingly strong, and held her without mercy. All the pent up anger, the frustration of three years went into that kiss, and while Serene fought him at first, she ceased as soon as she understood what was going on.  
  
She'd hit him! She'd hit the only man who'd never hurt her, had never given her a hard word. The only man she ... No, she called herself to order. It could not be, for his sake and hers, and the world they both lived in. What meant the happiness of two people compared to the lives of so many?  
  
She'd long ago decided she would have to live without Remus' love. But how was she supposed to go on if he hated her? She had to do something, give him something to make up for the strike, and so she answered every hard assault of his lips with softness, until the kiss became what it was supposed to be - not a punishment but a caress.  
  
The look he gave her, when he suddenly let go, was ripe with exhaustion and weariness, and something that went even deeper.  
  
"Would it have made a difference? If I'd told you?"  
  
When she said nothing, he shrugged and left, and let Serene stand in the middle of the room, unbidden tears streaking her face.  
  
* * * 


	2. Other Options

2. OTHER OPTIONS  
  
  
  
„First I have to give you this," said Claire frowning, when she and Serene were settled at the coffee-table by the open french windows in the salon. "And believe me, I don't feel good about it."  
  
"Why?" Serene turned the parchment which only bore her name in blue ink and an inconspicious seal.  
  
Claire exhaled slowly. "It is a letter from a common acquaintance."  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Ben Olsen."  
  
With great unease she watched Serene blush to the roots of her red locks.  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Is this all? Oh?"  
  
Serene stuffed the letter into her bag and when she looked up again, her face was blank. "He used to be a student with me and Laurel in the course for adult students three years ago."  
  
Claire waited until the elves had served tea and heavenly smelling apple- pie and left the salon again. "I understood as much," she said, still upset about the sly way Olsen had blackmailed her into delivering the message to Serene. "But I also know he tried to kill Snape with a poisoned wand, and has since changed sides. If he wasn't a Death Eater in the beginning."  
  
Serene's tense posture made it evident, that she was not in the mood to discus Ben Olsen right now.  
  
Claire shrugged, secretly more worried than before. "Well, aren't you going to open the letter?"  
  
"How is the baby doing? Poppy said you could feel it kicking you?"  
  
"Serene!"  
  
"What would you rather have, boy or girl?"  
  
Shaking her head exasperatedly, Claire gave in. "Boy, I think. No, I don't really care. I want it to be healthy."  
  
Serene bit her tongue in shame. How insensitive of her to have their discussion take that direction. Claire saw the other woman's embarrassement and smiled faintly.  
  
"If the baby is a aquib - well, he or she will grow up in the one house in the wizarding world that is perfectly equipped for squibs."  
  
"And he or she will have a mother who'll love them," added Serene and reached for Claire's hand, a rare gesture that Claire appreciated even more, knowing that Serene usually avoided to touch others or show any deep emotions.  
  
„Hi, Serene," said Sirius casually when he entered the salon.  
  
She stared at him in shock and surprise. "Black! Shouldn't you be … I don't know, in hiding, somewhere?"  
  
Sirius gave her a big grin, brushed a kiss on his wife's forehead and took a seat at the coffee-table. He looked utterly at ease, and only the hollows in his face spoke of the weeks he had spent in a cell in Azkaban.  
  
"Well, I'll soon be a father," he drawled. "So I thought I ought to have a look at my daughter once in a while."  
  
Claire passed him a piece of apple pie. "What makes you so sure it will be a girl?"  
  
He shrugged. "Male instinct?"  
  
Serene frowned. "How can you just sit there as if nothing happened, when you only escaped from Azkaban two days ago!"  
  
"Don't worry, Serene, he is in no present danger,"Claire tried to calm her.  
  
"I am not worried about him," her friend exclaimed aggravated. "I am worried what the Aurors and the Ministry will think if somebody sees him in your house!"  
  
"Nobody will know," he waved her concerns away.  
  
An uneasy silence fell, and only Sirius seemed completely unaware of it. To Claire it was obvious that Serene wanted to talk about something she did not want Sirius to hear. Claire gently nudged him under the table, and after the third time he understood and got up and left the salon wordlessly.  
  
As soon as he had left, she turned to Serene. "So it is true? Remus Lupin made it back to Hogwarts? I knew he was the only one who could pull it through!"  
  
Serene sighed. "Yes, he is back." Suddenly not hungry anymore, she stood up and went to the open window that led out onto a wide terrace. "I did … I did something awful," she confessed.  
  
Claire laid inclined her head watched her carefully, but kept silent to give her friend time to come clear.  
  
The door opened and Serene jerked around, only to see Sirius enter.  
  
She stared at him in shock and surprise. "Black! Shouldn't you be … I don't know, in hiding, somewhere?"  
  
Sirius smirked. "I have been told so, yes. I only came to get some coffee, and some news from Hogwarts, if you got any."  
  
"Darling, this is not a good time," whispered Claire.  
  
"I heard you mention Remus," Sirius ignored her warning. "Is he well?"  
  
Serene turned away from him and stared out at the still flowering garden, which now, in early October burst in the vibrant colours of autumn.  
  
"Yes, he is well," she answered, her voice blank.  
  
"I'll never forget what he did for us," said Claire softly. "He risked his life so we could be together."  
  
"Together?" Serene looked at her with pity. "Even if he claims nobody will see him here - which I seriously doubt, by the way - Sirius must get away from you soon and hide somewhere else. So you won't be together for a long time."  
  
Claire blushed. "You … are right: He'll have to leave." She kicked his shin under the table. "Preferably soon."  
  
Sirius left indeed only a minute later, not without an exaggerated limp.  
  
Serene pointed out of the window. "When did you plant all those roses?"  
  
"When did you ever care about what grows in my garden?" asked Claire sternly. "Quit the evasions and tell me what awful thing you did?" She raised a hand to her mouth in sudden fear. "Oh no! You did not reject his proposal again, did you?"  
  
The red-haired witch winced. When she turned, Claire suddenly noticed how tired the other woman looked, as if she hadn't slept for some nights.  
  
"I hit him. He came back from Azkaban, all disheveled and exhausted and I hit him."  
  
"You did what?" Sirius asked in disbelieve from the door. "You hit him?"  
  
She stared at him in shock and surprise. "Black! Shouldn't you be … I don't know, in hiding, somewhere?"  
  
He ignored her questions, but crossed his arms over his chest and stared at her with a mixture of disgust and exasperation. "When Remus runs as a wolf, it is awfully hard for him to focus on … human things. I bet he only made it back to Hogwarts because you were there. And you hit him? What's wrong with you, woman?"  
  
"Sirius!" Claire rose and put a hand on his arm. "We don't know what happened. Yet." And only for his ears, "And if you don't get out of this room immediately, you'll never know, because I am going to kill you!"  
  
He left, and Serene sat down, clenching her fists defiantly. "I smacked him right across the face." Her voice trembled. "You know he did not tell me about the plan, and the danger he'd be in?"  
  
"No," said Claire slowly. "I was not aware of that."  
  
"When I finally found out, I thought I'd go crazy. The waiting! And all the time everyone from the house-elves to the bloody paintings kept telling me Remus would be alright. So they all knew, what was going on, and I was the only one in complete ignorance …"  
  
"Serene, I don't think he …"  
  
She rose a hand. "When he finally came home, I felt so … "her voice was only a whisper, "desperate, I could not think of anything else but hitting him."  
  
Claire went to her and gave her a hug that was not returned but at least accepted. "He must have had a reason for not telling you. And I am sure he'll understand why you over-reacted."  
  
"No. He won't understand. He has this foolish idea …"  
  
"This foolish idea of being in love with you?" Claire prompted.  
  
Serene nodded and closed her eyes. "He thinks he is my life-mate. It is a werewolf-thing, apparently. Something about staying together forever."  
  
"But what is so bad about that?"  
  
"I am not what he thinks I am!" Serene jumped from her seat and paced the salon like a caged tiger.  
  
"And what does he think you are?"  
  
Serene frowned. "Oh, I am gifted and kind and have a good heart and I am of course beautiful!" she counted off her fingers, mocking herself without mercy.  
  
Claire sat down and once again admired her friend's beauty. Serene's red trenses almost sparked with energy and her green eyes burned with a fire that should have been scary but made her only look lovelier than ever.  
  
"But you are," Claire remarked soothingly. "Just look at you! Remy is not the only one who thinks you are the most beautiful witch they have ever seen."  
  
At that Serene promptly burst in tears. Claire rose instantly and was by her side with a few steps. Had it been Laurel she'd have offered her comfort by holding her, but with Serene a clean handkerchief was all that would be accepted. But she did not let go off the other woman's hand and drew her to a sofa by the window.  
  
"Now. Tell me what is wrong. And don't give me that nonsense about not knowing how lovely you are, Serene. I pride myself in having a good eye for all things beautiful." She smirked. "Just look at my husband."  
  
"Thank you, baby. I always suspected you married me for my looks," Sirius chuckled in the door.  
  
Serene looked up in shock and surprise. "Black! Shouldn't you be … I don't know, in hiding, somewhere?"  
  
While she blew her nose, Claire stood up and took her husband at the elbow to lead him out of the room with utmost determination.  
  
In the hallway she pushed him against the wall and hissed: "Quit that right now, Sirius!  
  
He smirked and bent down to steal a kiss, which only made her nudge him in the ribs. "If you enter that room once more while Serene is here, I swear I'll …"  
  
"I never knew that the Fidelius Charm was such fun!" Sirius laughed. "It is amazing how everybody forgets about my presence as soon as I am out of their sight. I wonder if Jamie and Lily enjoyed it as much."  
  
"I bet they did not use it as a means to torture innocent visitors," Claire shook her head. She, too, was relieved how well the charm worked, but never forgot it had been cast to keep Sirius save, not entertained.  
  
"I am going back in to Serene now, and I can only beg you to give us some peace. She is desperate."  
  
"She is a coldhearted bitch, and Moony is a poor sod if he still believes she'll love him back one day."  
  
"Oh Sirius!" Claire rose on tiptoes and kissed his chin. „You're so blind it is a wonder you ever found home to me."  
  
His face suddenly got very earnest and his blue eyes lost the mischievous twinkle. "I'd find home to you deaf and blind and crippled. But then I will always know you'll be there to welcome me. Was Serene there when Remus came home?"  
  
"She was."  
  
"Only to smack him across the face from what I heard."  
  
"She was worried about him."  
  
"She has a strange way to communicate that, then," Sirius scowled. But at least he let his wife return to the salon and promised not to show up again until the visitor had left  
  
Claire smiled faintly when she sat down next to Serene again. "Now, where were we? Ah yes, you being ugly and evil and all that."  
  
"I know I am not ugly …"  
  
"Not ugly?" Claire gave her the sweet laugh that had drawn her towards the other woman at first, before she'd even known how genuinely nice Sirius' wife could be. "You have no idea how many times I envied you for your hair, your skin, your body, your eyes!" She threw up both hands in mock adoration. "And I know Laurel does the same at times."  
  
"My hair. My … looks," Serene repeated slowly. She raised again and went to the mirror which gleamed over the mantle. Staring at the glass in its gilded frame, she picked up the paper knife Claire had put on the mantle after opening the noon-owl. Before Claire even comprehended what was going to happen, Serene had sawed off a handful of locks and threw them into the fireplace with a shrug.  
  
"Are you mad!" Claire ran to her and pried the paperknife out of her hand. "Your beautiful hair!"  
  
"Don't you think I'd gladly get rid of my damn hair if I could get rid of my visions as well?" exclaimed Serene angrily. "Don't you think, I'd rather have a normal face and a normal live as well? Instead of everybody staring at me like at a beautiful bird in a cage?" She hit the marble mantle with her fist and winced in pain. "This," she nodded at her mirrored image, "is not who I am."  
  
"Serene …" Claire was lost for words at the self-loathing in her friend's outburst. "Please sit down. You scare me."  
  
Trembling with tension Serene let the paperknife drop and did as she was told. Claire poured them some fresh tea, and both sat silently for a few minutes to calm down a little. Then Serene sighed.  
  
"I am sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me lately."  
  
"Listen, I won't talk of Remus anymore if it disturbs you so much. But …, Claire sat down her teacup and looked at her friend worriedly. "You must not hate yourself that much!"  
  
Serene smiled sheepishly. "Or I shall be bald soon, you mean."  
  
"Let me tell you a little story." Claire cut off a generous piece of cake and passed it to her guest who had not eaten a bite yet. "While you eat this. All of it." She sighed. "All my thoughts revolve around food right now. Pregnancy does that to you, or so I am told. Eat!"  
  
Obediently Serene started on the cake.  
  
Claire leaned back. "You know that I am a squib."  
  
"Hmh."  
  
"My parents sent me to Hogwarts, still. They hoped I was just a late bloomer, but eventually, when I showed no sign of magic after my second year, they took me out of school and made me stay at home."  
  
Serene nodded, still chewing. The cake tasted deliciously of apples and butterscotch, and she suddenly noticed she was ravenous.  
  
"On the day they picked me up from school, Dumbledore asked me to come to his office, where he explained things to me. I was thirteen then, and I thought my life was over. I had never met a squib, all my family were wizards, I did not even know any Muggles. So I felt totally lost. As I sat there crying, Dumbledore patted my hand …"  
  
"He does that all the time," remarked Serene and eyed another piece of cake longingly.  
  
Claire smiled and pushed the platter across the table. "He really is the nicest wizard I've ever known."  
  
"He can be scary at times."  
  
"Oh yes! Anyway, he patted my hand, and then he said something I did not fully understand then. He said: "You can be whoever you choose to be." I thought he was making fun of me, since I could not be the only thing I desired to be - magic. Only now I begin to comprehend what he meant." Claire smiled and laid a flat hand on her belly. "Today I know I didn't really want magic - I wanted to be with others, I wanted to be part of something bigger, to be loved. As a teenager I could only assume that I'd be loved if I was like anybody else. They'd accept me, and they'd love me. Well, I was wrong. And I have never been happier than now that I am … me."  
  
Serene looked at her saddly. "But I have no idea what I really want. All my life my only goal was to get admitted to Hogwarts. I wanted a magical education, and I wanted to be amongst people of my kind. But now? I am turning thirty this Christmas, and I don't know what I want to do with my life." She smirked. "Pathetic, isn't it?"  
  
"I don't think so. But Serene, you've got a career."  
  
"Look, Laurel and Remus are born educationalists. They love to teach. It is not that I hate my job, but I can't see myself teaching Divinations forever."  
  
"You know what they say: 'Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.'" chuckled Claire. "I always thought, that in the case of Divinations the saying is especially true."  
  
Serene nodded fervently. "It is not something you can teach, really. So, that's not an option. Sirius is a writer. I couldn't write a story if my life depended on it. You are a business-woman. I can hardly manage my salary. Severus is a scientist. I hate the mere thought of researching and experimenting." She put down her fork. "So what's left? I could apply as a serving wench in the "Three Broomsticks." And Rosmerta would fire me the second day for breaking too many plates."  
  
"What you say is not correct," interrupted Claire slowly, and Serene could see how her friend's shrewd mind suddenly started to add up numbers. "I saw you doing research, and I saw you experiment, and you enjoyed it."  
  
"Did I?" Serene frowned.  
  
"You keep an archive of sketches of about every robe that has ever been made. You constantly change the colors, fabrics, trimmings of my clothes, of your own robes, even of Laurel's if she lets you. This is experimenting, and it is research."  
  
"No, it is merely a sense for fashion."  
  
"Well, since when is fashion not a serious occupation?" Claire stood up to get a notepad and a quill. "Let me just think this through …" she mumbled to herself, "15.000 Galleons a year should suffice for the first three years. By then we should be able to buy out Gladrags …"  
  
"Claire!" Serene complained. „What in the world are you going on about?"  
  
Claire hardly looked up from her calculation when she asked: "Ever thought about owning your very own fashion line?"  
  
* * *  
  
Remus Lupin sat on the examination table in the hospital, his bare chest covered with some foul salve Poppy had insisted on applying. His escape from Azkaban hav provided the nurse with some work. She had already mended the cracked rips he'd suffered from jumping off the walls of the fortress into the sea. Then she'd healed the abraasions and scratches and the torn muscle in his calf. He remembered kicking in the door of his cell after the transformation, and assumed he must somehow have fought his way to the outer wall, from where he'd dived into the icy water. His memory was blurred, but he was almost certain he'd neither hunted nor killed on the way back to Hogwarts.  
  
While Poppy rummaged in a cabinet to find something even more disgusting to smear onto him, as he suspected, he had enough time to think the last two days over. The mirror Snape had left him had surely saved his life. Only with the small piece of glass he'd been able to catch a moonbeam from the tiny window high up the wall. It needed considerably less moonlight to make him transform since he had not taken the Wolfsbane potion, but without the mirror, no moonshine would have reached him at all. This had been the first transformation in years without the subduing potion, and the pain had shot through him like a knife. But after the pain came a heightened sense of smell and sound, it was almost as if he could feel the other prisoners, the Dementors, every damned Auror in the fortress. And none of them would hold him back …  
  
Remus laughed mirthlessly when he remembered how the wizard, who guarded the wall, had shrieked when he suddenly found himself face to face with a determined werewolf. He could only hope he had not injured the man too badly.  
  
"Oh my, you are a disgrace!"  
  
He snapped out of his memories, only to find Laurel standing right in front of him, the little boy holding onto her skirt, looking up at him with a grave face.  
  
Remus slowly relaxed. "Laurel. You scared me."  
  
She chuckled. "Yeah, sure. You haven't had a look at yourself lately, have you? You look like something out of a first-aid manual."  
  
Secretly she thought that he never looked better than now, even with that vile stuff smeared all over him. Poppy had tied his brown, grey streaked mane in the nape of his neck so it would not stick to the salve, which only drew attention to his face. A half healed scratch graced his cheekbone. The brown eyes, flecked with amber, were … more alert. More awake. She could hardly tell what it was. Once again she felt confirmed in her believe that he and Serene would make a beautiful couple.  
  
"Have you seen Poppy?" she asked before her staring would make him uncomfortable.  
  
"She is looking for some herbs and ointments she needs for my shoulder," he shrugged and winced when the gesture reminded him exactly why he'd finally agreed to let the nurse do something about the deep cut at his shoulderblade.  
  
"Then I'll wait. She has kindly watched Jonah, when I was teaching the last weeks and I hoped …"  
  
Remus smiled down at the toddler. "So he's got a name now?"  
  
Laurel nodded. "His parents are dead," she explained in a low voice, as if the child could understand every word she said. "We decided to keep him as our own."  
  
"Congratulation," Remus squeezed her hand carefully. In the days after the transformation he often underestimated his remaining strength. "How can you manage all this? I mean, teaching, the child and the most demanding job of all - putting up with the Potions master?"  
  
She shook her head laughingly. "I get help from the elves and Poppy with Jonah, and with Severus … well, you know. Love makes it a whole lot easier."  
  
His face darkened as if a cloud passed over it.  
  
"I could watch Jonah while you teach if Poppy isn't up to it," he offered quickly before she could say something. Which she would do anyway, he knew her too well. Laurel Hunter had never managed to let others suffer without feeling obliged to interfere.  
  
"You mean, you want to babysit?" Laurel frowned. "Remus, I really don't think that's a good idea."  
  
He froze and looked away. "I understand."  
  
"Why .." she put a hand over her mouth in sudden understanding. "No! It is not what you think." Laurel bit her lip and couldn't believe how stupid and insensible she'd just been. "Don't be ridiculous, Remus!"  
  
"I am a werewolf." Hurt trembled through his voice, although he held onto the table so hard he could feel the wood give in.  
  
"And I am well aware of that. Still, I know that Jonah would be perfectly save with you." Laurel picked the boy up and sat him next to Remus on the examination table. "Don't touch the poor man," she cautioned the child. "He is hurt, and this stuff stinks like hell."  
  
Then she climbed the table herself and took Remus' hand. "It is just that we teach the same hours, and I am not sure how the Bogarts would react if Jonah tried to climb into their wardrobes or wherever you keep them."  
  
He relaxed gradually, and she would not let go of his hand while she asked: "Now, tell me what is wrong, Remus."  
  
"Nothing is wrong."  
  
"Come on!" she demanded unimpressed. "I have watched you for a while, and it is hard to take how unhappy you are." Laurel tickled Jonah to distract him from the interesting bandage the wizard wore at his wrist. "Sometimes I blame myself for encouraging to pursue Serene," she admitted softly. "I mean, she is my friend, but maybe she is not the right woman for you."  
  
He stared straight ahead at the wall. "How much do you know about werewolves," he asked after a while.  
  
Laurel inclined her head. "Well, I had a great teacher in Defense against the Dark Arts." She flashed him a warm smile. "They feel compelled by the moon to turn into their were-shape. They are allergic to silver. That potion Severus concocts for you every month, keeps you subdued while you are a wolf, so you are not dangerous."  
  
He nodded. "Right. 10 points to … Ah, I remember, you had no house."  
  
She let Jonah ride on her knees and laughed. "I'll take them anyway."  
  
"Being a werewolf doesn't only mean I turn once a month into a monster. It means I am part wolf." He looked at her intently. "All the time."  
  
Laurel frowned, but kept bobbing the boy up and down, a game that made him giggle on top of his voice. "And what would that mean?"  
  
"Being a wolf? It means a constant fight against the desire to act like a wolf. To claim what's mine."  
  
She paused and Jonah looked up at her with a sad pout. "Serene?"  
  
"Wolves choose a life-mate." Remus jumped off the table and paced the room agitatedly. "One companion to spend their life with. Serene is mine."  
  
"But …" Laurel resumed the game to keep Jonah content. "But Serene does not believe in this."  
  
"No." His voice was void of hope. "She does not. But for me it is not a matter of believe. It is in my blood. I love her, and I can not change that. As much as I wish I could right now."  
  
He looked so desperate, so broken, that Laurel felt almost as if she had to hug and comfort him like she did with Jonah when he woke up crying at night. But Remus was a grown wizard, and although she considered him her friend, she knew that she'd have to resort to kind words. "What happened?"  
  
He shook his head.  
  
"What happened?" she insisted.  
  
"I kissed her."  
  
A big smile split Laurel's face, and Jonah, not understanding why she laughed suddenly, joined her nonetheless.  
  
"That was about time, Professor Lupin!"  
  
"I didn't want it like this, Laurel," he turned to her and his eyes flashed. "I wanted it to be … special. I promised myself that I'd only kiss her when I was sure she loved me."  
  
"But Remus, all those years …"  
  
"All those years I was strong enough to not let it happen. I told myself I had to be patient. But even I can only take so many rebukes." He yanked the string out of his hair and shook his head. "I was so angry, so hurt. The wolf in me was still strong and it demanded …  
  
"Ah, Remus Lupin, didn't I tell you not to move!" Poppy interrupted from the door, loaded with bottles and jars.  
  
Laurel bit her lips and slid off the table, not without putting Jonah on the floor first. The boy staggered towards Poppy with wide open arms. Laurel went to Remus and put a hand to his cheek. "Pride almost destroyed everything Severus and I had," she said very softly.  
  
"I don't have much pride left."  
  
"I know. But please, Remus, do not give up now."  
  
* * *  
  
Serene walked slowly through the Forbidden Forrest, her broom following silently behind her.The sun had almost set and the trees threw long thin shadows over the path. She felt still dizzy from the figures and concepts Claire had thrown at her, but somehow they had rekindled an excitement she'd long forgotten. Maybe, just maybe Claire was right and there was something she'd be good at.  
  
A flicker of hope made her smile. If only she could fix things with Remus, if she could keep him as her friend without arising false hopes …  
  
When somebody suddenly stepped in her way, she froze and for a heartbeat thought it was Remus. Then she recognised a face she had not seen in many months.  
  
"Ben?"  
  
He smiled his cool smile at her, and his pale eyes scrutinized her like a treasured object of art. "What did you do with your hair?" he asked instead of a greeting.  
  
Selfconsciously she raised a hand to the spot where she'd cut off the handful of hair an hour ago.  
  
"Nothing." She frowned. "What in the world are you doing here?"  
  
He casually fell into step with her. Serene gave him a sideways glance while she carefully checked her mental barriers. During their time as students she and Ben had been pretty close, both awkward with their respective talents, and both drawn to each other for want of other adult students. Laurel had been involved with Snape too soon to be of any interest of Ben - if he would have been interested in somebody as plain as Laurel at all. He'd told Serene often enough how beautiful she was, how she should wear her hair and stuff like that. She had always taken his biting criticism of her appearance as a sign of attachment, but she wasn't so sure about that any more. He wore the stern robe of a clerk or junior minister, his fair hair shorter than that of any other wizard she knew, and parted to the left as if he'd taken a ruler to it.  
  
"I came a long way to see you, Serene," said Ben with his cool but pleasant voice, secretly annoyed about how she shut him out of her thoughts so completely. He should have forced her to come with him when he left, he reprimanded himself silently. Of course all those fools in Hogwarts had poisoned her with their pathetic ideas about the light.  
  
Instead of an answer, Serene paused and pulled back the sleeve from his forearm. "So you've taken the big step." The black skull grinned at her from the pale skin, and Ben gave her a smile that was eerily like that of the Dark Mark.  
  
"I was one of Voldemort's men even before I came to Hogwarts." He grit his teeth and thought about the exhilarating moment when he'd seen Snape tumble off the window-sill with the wand halfway through his shoulder. And the white hot anger when he'd learned that the hated Potions master had survived. "Although I failed him he forgave me." And once the fool Malfoy had been taken care of, and Pettigrew had cut himself to pieces, he, Ben Olsen, would be the Dark Lord's second in command. And who knew, one day, if Voldemort remained as weak as he was right now …  
  
He smirked. "I really missed you, Serene."  
  
"You could have sent an owl." She still was not sure whether to feel pleased or annoyed with his presence.  
  
"Sure, and expose you to your … friends," he scowled. "It took me some time to find an inconspicuous way to contact you. I assume, that common squib you are so fond of, has given you the letter?"  
  
"The letter!" gasped Serene and searched for the parchment scroll in her bag. She'd all but forgotten about the letter when Claire came up with her idea. "It came from you."  
  
"Right." Ben held out an open hand. "Now give it to me. It is only a plain sheet of parchment. I wanted to know if we could trust the squib."  
  
"Why?" Serene frowned again.  
  
"Quit frowning," Ben said sternly. "It will leave lines on your forehead."  
  
She relaxed her face immediately and could not believe she did it at the same time. "Why?" she demanded, now really upset.  
  
"I could not forget about you," he said softly. "We are so much alike, we are made for each other."  
  
Serene looked away, as tears suddenly welled up in her eyes. She knew he told the truth, even if she'd tried to deny it so hard, and had hurt so many people along the way.  
  
"Come with me," he baited, "and you won't have to pretend any more."  
  
"I can't," she said through clenched jaws. "I am teaching. They'd get suspicious …"  
  
"So what? Listen, Serene!" Impatiently he grabbed both her wrists. "Our talents combined! There is nothing we could not reach in the end."  
  
"I don't want this! No idea how you live with reading other people's mind, but I am so sick and tired of seeing other people's future!" She pushed the hair out of her face and stepped away from him.  
  
"Don't you see what is going on?" Ben reluctantly let go off her wrists. "They infiltrate your mind, they try to make you one of their creatures. Don't tell me you listen to that fool Dumbledore now?"  
  
"He is a good wizard," Serene stood her place. "No matter who I am, how I may be, he was always friendly with me."  
  
"As long as you do as he tells you. And guess why he is so interested in you?" He cupped her chin and made her look up. "He wants to exploit your talent."  
  
"No."  
  
"Oh yes, believe me.He is not a saint, your precious Headmaster, he is just a player in a game of power. And - what's even more important - he is bound to lose this game."  
  
Serene shook her head violently. "Stop it, Ben!"  
  
He shrugged and gave her another cool smile. "I did not mean to coerce you." Which he had meant, of course, but seemed to be impossible right now. "I really missed you, Serene."  
  
She looked at her shoes. "I missed you, too. Only …"  
  
"Only?"  
  
"I am so confused right now. I need a little time."  
  
He smiled but kept the triumphant gleam carefully subdued. "Just allow me to keep contact with you. Claire will deliver the letters, and maybe, when you've made up your mind …"  
  
She nodded wordlessly.  
  
Olsen stuffed the parchment into his sleeve and raised his wand. "I'll fix you hair."  
  
"No!" Serene clasped a hand over his to hinder him. "Don't."  
  
He frowned. "But it looks ridiculous."  
  
"I'll do it myself."  
  
"As you like." He kissed her chastely on the forehead, and Dissaparated.  
  
  
  
Remus Lupin stepped back into the shadows and watched Serene make her way back to Hogwarts, until the doors closed behind her and he knew she'd be in relative safety. The dangerous three nights around the full moon were already over, but when the pale light hit the wizard's face, he didn't fight it's compelling force.  
  
A lonely howl rose over the treetops, and Serene turned restlessly in her sleep.  
  
* * * 


	3. How to say Good-bye

3, How to Say Good-bye  
  
  
  
„Ah Serene." Dumbledore's voice came from the small adjoining cabinet. „Please sit down. I'll be with you in a moment."  
  
Serene took a seat, drew her wand and cared for tea and sweets as she'd always done at the beginning of her counselling hour. Now this was one of the moments when she just loved to be a witch, she thought. Laurel might hate to "cook" with wand and spell, but for Serene it still was heaven. No need to watch water boil, no need to search for teabags. Small blessings, she thought, but blessings nonetheless. She conjured a little extra icing on Dumbledore's cup-cakes, and waited.  
  
Eventually the Headmaster entered the room, and at her surprised stare took off the Sorting hat.  
  
"We had something to talk about," he remarked casually and sat the hat back onto its shelf.  
  
"You … talk … with that hat?" Serene frowned and poured him some tea.  
  
Dumbledore nodded. "He has been around much longer than anyone else and he remembers every student who ever passed through this school." Smiling he admired the beautifully decorated cakes. "Everyone but you, if I remember correctly."  
  
Serene smirked. "The hat could not sort Laurel into any of the houses and so you decreed none of the mature students should have a house," she reminded him. "I was terribly disappointed then."  
  
"Which house would you have chosen?" The blue eyes twinkled when the old wizard smoothed his hair and put up his own pointy hat again.  
  
"Slytherin, I guess."  
  
"Indeed." He nodded. „I'd have thought so."  
  
"I admired Snape, a lot," admitted Serene and felt very old all of a sudden. Had it been really only three years since she'd stood in the Great Hall for the very first time? "And I thought, all I wanted was to learn as much about the Dark Arts as I could."  
  
"And has this changed?"  
  
She shrugged. "I have learned a lot, even out of Slytherin. And I am less naïve than I was then." Forcing herself to snap out of her sentimental mood, she asked: "What did you … and the hat … talk about?"  
  
"Just something a student said to me a long time ago. Something I was reminded of during the last days when I dealt with Draco Malfoy."  
  
Serene inclined her head. "Malfoy? He worries me."  
  
"Does he? Some teachers say he is only a spoilt brat and needs more discipline."  
  
"Oh, he is, absolutely! But there is something in his eyes," she tried to find the right words, "Something desperate. Like a small animal that is cornered and sees no escape route."  
  
Dumbledore rose an eyebrow. "That is a very accurate assessment of Mr. Malfoy's state, my dear girl. What makes you believe that you are no good teacher?"  
  
She blushed. "You talked to Claire!" she accused, a little disappointed that Claire had told him about their conversation.  
  
"No, I did not. It is all too obvious. But tell me that your friend thinks about your self-doubts."  
  
"She offered me financial help to set up my own fashion line." Serene saw with satisfaction how surprise flickered over his kind face.  
  
"A fashion line …" Dumbledore mused. "Would that provide socks, too?"  
  
Serene laughed openly. Somehow he always succeeded to make her laugh. On the other hand he was quite good at making her cry as well.  
  
Chewing her thumbnail, she desperately tried to think up an inconspicuous theme of conversation, only to blurt out: "Ben Olsen ambushed me in the forest last week."  
  
The Headmaster was silent for a long time, then he exhaled with a sigh. "I was wondering, how long it would take you to tell me."  
  
"You knew?"  
  
"I am the Headmaster of this school," he said mildly and polished his glasses with the hem of his sleeve. "There are not many things that escape my vigilance. At least I hope so."  
  
"Ben asked me to join him." Serene looked straight ahead.  
  
"Him or Voldemort?"  
  
She paled. "Him, I guess. He said we were made for each other. But in the end it doesn't make a difference, does it? "  
  
"I am afraid you are right. They both mean Darkness." Dumbledore's face had gone all serious. "But tell me, why would Mr. Olsen think you'd consider going with him?"  
  
Serene closed her eyes. She knew the answer, had heard it whisper in her soul for years, but had never said it aloud. But now had come the time to face the truth.  
  
"Because I am evil."  
  
Her breath came in shallow gasps, and when Dumbledore reached for her hand in sudden worry, it was cold and clammy.  
  
"Serene?" he asked gently. "Won't you eventually tell me what is going on?"  
  
So Serene came clear.  
  
After she'd ceased talking, they both sat in silence. After a few minutes Dumbledore got up and went to his desk, where he rummaged in a drawer and returned with a dust-covered bottle. He poured golden liquid into two heavy glass goblets and passed one to Serene. She emptied the glass in one gulp and spent the next minute coughing her heart up.  
  
"Are you sure that you interpreted the situation correctly," asked Dumbledore, while he patted her on the back.  
  
Serene nodded, still out of breath. "I told you all I saw. You may judge yourself."  
  
"Who knows about this?"  
  
"Just you and me." She closed her eyes in sudden realisation. "And Ben. He doesn't know in detail, but ..."  
  
"You know this is not inevitable."  
  
"I know that, yes." Serene held on to the carved armrests of the chair so hard her knuckles went white. "And believe me, I will not let it happen. That is why … why I …" She barely stifled a sob.  
  
"Why you keep rejecting Remus Lupin."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"My dear girl, I really admire your courage and your determination. But I also see how unhappy you are. And how desperate Lupin is."  
  
She rose from her chair, slow and reluctantly like an old woman. "What is my happiness, even Remus' happiness, compared to what is going to happen if I let the vision come true?"  
  
"I am a few years older than you, Serene, and I can only tell you that more evil has generated from personal unhappiness than from dark intentions. People who are unhappy tend to take drastic decisions, and drastic decisions let people forget that in the end it is not the goal, but the way that counts." He raised both hands to cut off her protest. "What I want you to think about, is that by trying to prevent the catastrophy, you might actually promote it. Allow yourself a little happiness. Allow Remus to love you."  
  
She thought about it, but shook her head wearily. "I can't take the risk, Albus. I just can't."  
  
"I knew you'd say that," he smiled sadly. "So you will leave us?"  
  
Serene swallowed hard and felt that her throat was nothing but a big knot. "After Halloween. I'll make sure Sybil can take over my classes by then."  
  
  
  
Two more weeks, she thought when she left the circular office. Two more weeks, and Remus had not yet forgiven her that she'd hit him two weeks ago. Chances to make up with him until she had to leave were spare.  
  
When the spiral staircase transported her to the lower level, she was still lost in thought, stepped off without looking - and ran straight into the object of her musing.  
  
"Remus." She blushed when she noticed that she stood so close to him there wasn't room for a sheet of parchment between them.  
  
"Serene." His voice was just as cool and polite as it had been since the dreadful evening in the Astronomy classroom. But he was close enough so she could see once again how long his eye-lashes were. Way too long for a wizard, she thought dreamily, and still it was a very male face. Straight nose, high cheekbones. She had never even touched his face before that kiss …  
  
Remus raised his hand. "There is something about your hair …"  
  
She flinched.  
  
Gently he let the little ladybird crawl onto his finger. Serene watched how the insect spread its wings and flew away. With his words she had expected yet another remark about her hair, but then Remus was not Ben. Not in any way.  
  
"Remus … I am sorry. I mean I am sorry about hitting you." She clenched her fists and couldn't believe the nonsense she kept babbling. "I did not mean to …"  
  
He bowed his head. "Why did you do it then?"  
  
Serene took a deep breath. Was this the day of painful confessions? "Everybody knew about the plan. Everybody but me."  
  
"So you were just miffed that I left you in the dark?" he asked bitterly.  
  
"No! Damn it," she hissed, suddenly angry because he made it so hard for her. "I was not … miffed! I was worried. And as I said before, I am sorry I hit you."  
  
His eyes searched hers.  
  
"And I am sorry I kissed you."  
  
Even as he said it he knew she would not take the words as they were intended. And before he could say anything else, before he could explain that this first kiss should have been a declaration of love, not of hurt feelings, Serene ran down the corridor. Remus sighed and went his ways, followed by an overexcited Peeves, who was anxious to spread the news about the latest fight between the two Professors.  
  
* * *  
  
"Oh well, this is just what I expected of you, Serene Kennedy."  
  
Minerva McGonagall's voice cut like a cold blade through Serene's numbness. She'd been packing all day long, keeping her door carefully closed, so nobody would see her prepare for leaving. It was the afternoon of Halloween and the castle hummed with the excitement of students getting ready for the traditional feast. The Great Hall was already decorated with scary looking pumpkins, flocks of bats that danced over the tables. Blueish will-o'-the- wisps flickered in the hallway. Normally Halloween would be one of Serene's favourite events, but not this year. She'd be leaving tomorrow.  
  
All October long Remus and she had not exchanged any words but the few at the foot of Dumbledore's stairs. His remark that he regretted the kiss still hurt like a festering wound.  
  
But she had no right to complain, had she? No right to demand any explanations, any commitment, when she'd been the one pushing him away all that time. And it was her fault, her weakness to not have pushed him further, harder. She gave herself a mocking scowl in the mirror. Beautiful. By now even Remus Lupin should have noticed that beauty only went skin- deep.  
  
In the mirror she saw Professor McGonagall standing in the door.  
  
Serene turned around reluctantly. McGonagall never bore good news ... at least not where she was concerned. "What do you want?"  
  
She was not in the mood for niceties lately.  
  
Minerva puckered her lips and threw a stern glance at the bags and trunks. "So it is true. You are leaving."  
  
"Tomorrow morning with the Express."  
  
"Did you ever spare a thought what this will do to Remus Lupin?"  
  
Serene clenched her hands around a shawl. "Yes."  
  
"And? Does it please you to think how he'll ache when he learns that you are gone?"  
  
The younger witch sat down on the bed and faced McGonagall's anger with a pale face.  
  
"You never liked me." Her voice was very low.  
  
"This is not about dislike," spat the Deputy headmistress. "I knew from the first moment you were hiding things. And lets not forget your regrettable list of achievements." She counted them off her fingers. "Attempted murder. Poisoning. Kidnapping."  
  
Serene did not try to defend herself. "Yes."  
  
Annoyed Minerva crossed her arms over her flat chest. "Even if you had your good reasons as you claim, I think that should have sufficed to expel you from the mature students course."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"But Dumbledore believes in second chances, so we put up with you. The students like you, I'll give you that. But they liked Lockhart as well."  
  
Serene shrugged. She had never aspired to gain the sympathy of her classes.  
  
"But," Minerva continued, "what was your good reason for enticing Lupin? Vanity? Or were you just bored?"  
  
"I never ...," Serene's head shot up. "I never encouraged his advances. And it is not your business, anyway."  
  
"Well, contrary to you I care about Remus. We saw him arrive at Hogwarts, Albus and I, many years ago, when he was just a shy little boy. And so incredibly brave. I watched him grow, and fight to become the wizard he is now. I will not let you destroy all he achieved."  
  
Serene ducked her head as if McGonagall had hit her. Suddenly she reminded Minerva of a scared child, and for a moment she felt sorry for the young witch.  
  
"I care for him as well," Serene whispered.  
  
"But you still plan to leave without telling him?"  
  
"It is better for him!" Serene insisted. "I'll be gone and he will forget about me after a while."  
  
"He is a werewolf, for Merlin's sake!" thundered the Professor. "He can't just forget you. Or can you forget your red hair? It is part of you."  
  
Serene trembled. "What do you expect me to do?"  
  
"He is a decent man. He deserves an explanation at least." Minerva sighed and sat down next to Serene. Awkwardly patting her hand, she spoke without looking at the young witch. "If you tell him what's wrong, why you can't love him ..."  
  
"I can't tell him." Serene's eyes filled with tears. "I can't. He'll despise me."  
  
"Well," McGonagall sneered, "it is all about you again, isn't it? All about you and your precious feelings."  
  
She shook her head disappointedly and left.  
  
  
  
Hours later Serene knocked tentatively at the door of the Potions master's quarters. Behind her the Slytherin students passed in small groups on their way to the great hall in anticipation of the feast. Serene was oblivious of the many friendly greetings she received, but kept concentrating on the little speech she had prepared. She could only hope that Laurel was present and not occupied with Jonah. In that case she'd have to face Snape alone, and that was nothing she was looking forward to particularly.  
  
The door opened by itself. Snape stood in front of the fireplace, obviously in deep thought.  
  
Serene cleared her throat and shuffled her feet nervously. "I just wanted to ..." Her voice died away when she saw his gloomy face.  
  
Snape held a toy broom in his hand and stared at it as if it had just bitten him. When Laurel came out of the small nursery, he put the broom away fast. Jonah's bedroom had been added next to the master bedroom only recently by the castle itself, as always anticipating its inhabitants' needs. Serene remembered once more the vanishing chamber that had appeared right at the moment when she'd needed a secret place ... She smiled nervously at her friend and secretly wondered how the other woman could be so genuinely nice to her after all she'd done.  
  
"Serene! Ready for the feast?" Laurel picked up her shawl. "Jonah is asleep, for now." She yawned openly. "He wakes up every night with terrible nightmares and nobody can calm him."  
  
"We can't leave him all alone. He'll be scared if he wakes up," said Snape suddenly and pushed another log into the fire, almost embarrassed about his concern.  
  
Laurel placed a hand on his arm. "Dobby will watch him until we are back." Until tonight she had taken her meals in their quarters, but she did not want to miss the Halloween feast. Although the one thing she wanted more than anything right now was a night of undisturbed sleep ...  
  
"I need to know where Remus Lupin is," blurted Serene out.  
  
Snape frowned. "Why, in the Forbidden Forest." His mouth twitched. "At least I hope so."  
  
"In the forest?" Serene's face fell. "What would he do in the forest at this time?"  
  
"It is the full moon, and he is ..." Snape's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "You don't know?"  
  
"No."  
  
"He did not take the Wolfsbane potion so he could transform at Azkaban. But if he skips it once, he has to go without it two more moons. So he retreated to the forest. There is no way he could stay in Hogwarts while he is running wild. And I sincerely hope he won't come back until his furry phase is over."  
  
Surprised he stared after the red-haired witch who ran out of the dungeons without a word of good-bye. "Say what you want," he muttered and closed the door firmly, "but she is not right in her head."  
  
"Severus!"  
  
He shrugged. "One day she runs away from him, the next day she runs after him."  
  
Laurel rose on the tip of her toes and kissed his forehead. "So did I," she said softly. "And if I remember correctly, so did you."  
  
  
  
Claire and Sirius had their own Halloween Dinner, picnicking on the floor of the yet to be decorated nursery, while a bewitched pumpkin danced in the air. After they had finished the wonderful feast the elves had cooked, they lay on their back and discussed what to paint onto the ceiling.  
  
"Quidditch," suggested Sirius in a deadpan voice. "That way she learns the rules early on."  
  
"She, again?!" Claire laughed softly. She had begun to think about the baby as a girl, too, since Sirius was so sure they'd have a daughter. "She - or he - will not deal with Quidditch until they can ride a broom."  
  
"She - because it will be a girl, trust me - she will learn to fly a broom before she learns to walk."  
  
Sirius bent over to kiss his wife but was interrupted by a faint noise from the window. The evening-owl had left hours ago, so Claire frowned when an insistent knocking signalled the arrival of yet another messenger.  
  
When Sirius opened the window, they saw it was one of the Hogwarts owls that perched on the window-sill, carrying a sealed piece of parchment.  
  
"From Harry?" asked Claire and sat up. Harry had taken the fact that his beloved godfather was once more on the run very bravely. She could not tell him about the Fidelius Charm, and even though Sirius had made sure he did see Harry every week, the boy - and everybody else - forgot about the encouter as soon as it was over. So Claire had with Dumbledore's permission sent a letter to the Dursleys, asking them to sign over their guardianship for the whole of Harry's sixth school-year, since the boy required "persistent attention and strict discipline" - and Vernon Dursley had been only to happy to oblige. With this arrangement Harry could spend the holidays in her house, if he wanted.  
  
"It is from your friend Serene."  
  
"Well, open it."  
  
Sirius held the parchment with two fingers, as if he were afraid it would self-ignite any moment.  
  
'Dear Claire,' he read. 'If you have any way to get in contact with Sirius,' he arched an eyebrow, 'ask him how I can find Remus, who as far as I understand from Snape, is running wild. I need to speak to him, urgently. I am quite aware that Sirius does not trust me, but I need to know for Remus' sake.'  
  
"No way." Sirius crumbled the parchment into a ball and threw it into the fire. "I am not delivering Moony to her claws."  
  
Claire looked up at him and saw that he was deeply worried. "He is running wild?" she wondered. "What does that mean?"  
  
Sirius sat down next to her on the carpet and cradled her against his chest. Unbraiding her hair, he remembered the time when Remus had been running with him and James and Peter, half crazed by the power of the moon. "He was like a beast, with just a shadow of human reason. He'd run and hunt whatever moved. And he'd kill." Sirius sighed. "It got better as he grew up. Eventually he managed to refrain from slaying whatever creature we met in the woods, but still - when Remus runs wild, it is the wolf you have to face, not the wizard."  
  
"So if you ran with him, do you know where he might be now?"  
  
He nodded and stared into the flames. "There is a clearing, next to a warm spring. We used to rest there when we could not go on any further. And Remus returned there when the fury ceased, to bathe in the warm water. It helped against the exhaustion and healed some of the scrapes he suffered when running."  
  
"But you don't want Serene to know?" coaxed Claire and tried to read his sombre face. She knew that the band that tied Remus and Sirius was not just one of friendship. The kind, polite DADA Professor and her impetuous, mischievous husband were like brothers.  
  
"Remus is most vulnerable when he transforms back after the full moon. All his defences will be down. No, I don't want her near him in this moment." He shrugged. "It is too dangerous for her as well. He might eat her. Not that I care, but ..."  
  
"It is past midnight now, Sirius," Claire pointed out. "She won't find him until the dawn rises, anyway. So he'll have turned by then. Apart from that, I don't believe Remus Lupin would bend a hair on Serene's head - werewolf or not."  
  
"But she would ..."  
  
"Sirius ..." Claire sat up and kneeled, so she could face him. Her eyes were calm and clear as ever, and told him that she understood his worries. "I know you mean well. But you can't protect him all your life."  
  
"Remus doesn't need a protector," he grumbled.  
  
"See?"  
  
* * *  
  
When Serene parted the bushes with both hands, she paused and gasped with surprise. Before her eyes a wide clearing opened, huge old oak trees guarding a steaming pond, and beyond the water a tumble of mighty rocks formed a shallow cave. Waterlilies of all colours bloomed in abundance, and despite the season the grass was sprinkled with tiny blue Forget-me-nots. Tentatively Serene held a hand into the water. It was warm, a pleasant temperature, and the hot spring in the pond was probably the reason for the untimely flourish of vegetation in the surroundings, when all over the Hogwarts grounds the first bite of frost had killed most of the flowers.  
  
Steam rose in the morning chill like fog off the water surface. The dawn in the east turned what was visible of the sky into a rose-coloured dome. It was eerily silent in the clearing, only a few birds now and then making sleepy noises.  
  
Serene turned at the waterside and looked around. This had to be the secret place Claire had described in her short message. If the Marauders used to come here every full moon when Remus turned, then they had probably needed shelter from the elements, at least in the wintertime. She set out to the rocks at the other side of the pond, and took off her boots while she walked. The fine grass was soft like velvet. This was a magical place, and slowly her fear and restlessness subsided. Remus would be well. He'd probably just sleep somewhere in the shelter of these rocks.  
  
And that was right where she found him eventually, between rock and water, fast asleep. He lay on his back on a soft bed of dried grass, one arm thrown over his face, the other one outstretched. And he was stark naked.  
  
Serene swallowed hard and felt how she blushed. How ridiculous, she thought. He was not the first man she'd ever seen naked. Although she had to admit that Remus Lupin was a fine specimen, when she stepped closer. He had the body of a runner, light, sinewy, all elegance and strength. Long slender legs, narrow hips, strong shoulders. At the back of the cave she spotted a small pile of carefully folded robes, his boots and his wand. So he had prepared his return into the wizarding world as a decently clothed Hogwarts Professor already, and had no need for her assistance.  
  
He probably had no need for her apologies and her explanations as well, she scolded herself. But then, could she just leave him here? Could she just let him lie on the ground, vulnerable as he was right now?  
  
Carefully not to disturb him, she settled down next to him on the grass- bed, and - since he was fast asleep and would never be the wiser - stole a good look at him. Beyond the arm that covered his eyes as if he'd tried to block off the last moonbeams, she saw part of his nose and his lips, and suddenly could not fight the urge to touch him any longer. With infinite tenderness the tip of her finger drew the outline of his mouth, then his jaw and deeper down his neck to the hollow of his throat. His chest and thighs were covered with silvery scars. Remus had once told her that he had scratched himself violently in the Shrieking Shack when he was a child, and these scars proved how painful the transformation must be.  
  
His right collarbone bore a fresh scratch and she winced silently when she took in the bloody scrapes that went over his biceps down to the elbow. She knew quite well that werewolves healed faster than normal wizards, but it still looked awfully.  
  
Once touching him, it seemed she simply couldn't stop. His skin was warm, almost as if he ran a fever. When she brushed over his nipple a faint tremor went through his body, and she froze immediately until his breathing returned to the slow steady pace of a sleeper. Her thumb lingered at his navel, before her fingertips traced the fine line of dark hair that led further down his body. She told herself firmly to draw her hand back, and still could not cease to caress him.  
  
Instinctively her lips parted and she bit on the tip of her tongue when his body reacted to the featherlight strokes. His erection was beautiful, she thought, firm and …  
  
„You'll want to stop now."  
  
His dry voice almost made her jump. Slowly Remus took his arm off his eyes. He had been awake since she'd entered the clearing, she understood now. While she had caressed him ... Blushing to the roots of her hair she murmured an awkward apology.  
  
„I'm sorry. I didn't mean to .."  
  
„Do you ever mean the things you do, Serene?" he muttered bitterly, turning away from her.  
  
She didn't dare to look at him. This time she had really blown it, hadn't she? She'd come to say good bye, not to embarrass herself even more than she'd already done. And certainly not to make him think she just wanted to tease him. Which was of course just what he must feel right now, considering that she had done everything but …  
  
She buried her face in her hands.  
  
When Remus scrambled up next to her, she still could not face him.  
  
He said nothing, but she could hear him step into the water, and a faint splash told her that he dived and was now swimming - safe enough to lower her hands.  
  
For a moment she just sat there in the grass, her back to the pond, and her heart was numb with the sudden realisation that she could not just leave here and now. It had been a grave mistake to touch Remus - as it had been a grave mistake to kiss him on that damned evening of his return to Hogwarts. Until now she had only wanted to assure he didn't suffer all too much when she left. But now she knew she'd suffer as well …  
  
There was no need to take the Express, she convinced herself. She could always go by broom. That way she'd win two more hours, two hours that were hers alone. And she would use them wisely, to create a memory that would help them both to survive the lone cold nights that were to come.  
  
Slowly she rose and looked over the pond. Remus had ceased swimming and stood in the steaming water, looking at her with an unreadable expression in his eyes. His mouth was set in a hard line.  
  
Serene reached behind her and opened the tiny buttons on the back of her robe. The silky material slid down her body, followed by her underwear, until she was completely naked. A hot wave of emotions surged over her - shyness, excitement, longing. To this moment she had always been the one who was pursued. She had never taken the first step, and the possibility that he might refuse her offer was all too painful to considerate. What if he just pushed her away? In the month since his return he had retracted into a shell she'd learned to fear.  
  
When she took the first step into the water, her eyes found his, and exhilarating relief flooded through her veins. The amber fire was still there. Even though he fought the feeling, he still wanted her.  
  
Serene waded the few meters until she stood next to him, the warm water lapping at her breasts. She was taller than most women, and so she and Remus could stand eye to eye. His hair dripped wet from diving. She trembled, not from the cold air but from then anxiety that befell her when she searched for words.  
  
„I mean this, Remus. I honestly mean this."  
  
He touched her cheeks with wet fingers, tentatively, gently, his hands cupping her face as if he were afraid to break her, like something delicate and valuable.  
  
Then his lips touched hers, and Serene stopped thinking. It was only the softest of touches, a mere brush of warm lips, his breath meeting hers, but it was enough to still all her fears, her self-consciousness. This was right. This was meant to be. What ever the future might bring, they'd always have the memory of this morning.  
  
Gently she ran a hand down the side of his jaw, memorising the shape of his face. He shuddered lightly under her touch, and his mouth pressed hard enough against hers to make her part her lips. When his tongue explored her mouth, he made a low guttural sound, and the urgency of the kiss grew to naked need.  
  
He wrapped his arms around her, lifting her, warm water sloshing all over them, and carried her to the shore, to the bed of grass.  
  
Serene felt like warm wax in his hands, all her senses reacting to him as he laid a trail of kisses down her throat, to her heart, to her breasts. Worshipping her body, tasting every inch of her, he paid attention to every shiver, every moan and took them as guiding signs. She was ready for him, oh he could feel that, scent that, hear it from the desperate little noises she made when he entered her with two fingers of his right hand while the left still caressed the hard bud of her breast. He knew very well that he was not her first man, although he wished he could have been. She was ready, but this would not be just sex. Not just a release for lust and longing. For him it was so much more, and even if she refused to acknowledge it, this was the moment when he'd make her his own.  
  
Letting go of her breast but never of her mouth, he gently lifted her hips. She wrapped her legs around him, welcoming him, holding her breath when his penis filled the void the exploring fingers had made her so aware of.  
  
They fit perfectly, she thought through a red-hot haze of pleasure. They fit as if some god had created them only for each other. As if this man knew the answer to all her questions, and as if she had the key to all his dreams.  
  
"Faster, Remus," she begged between ragged breaths. "Faster."  
  
His eyes bore into hers, devoured her.  
  
„Good Godric, I waited so long," he moaned. "I have been longing to touch you for three years. I'd rather cut my arm off than let this end fast."  
  
He moved painfully slow, entering her each time as if it were the first. And instead of the rapid, if pleasant, release she knew, something else built with every slow thrust. Like in a smouldering fire the heat grew, burning her, melting her, until she forgot where her body ended and where his began. Almost sobbing with need, she still tried to hold on to reason. She must not give in. There were things he needed to know, truths she had to tell him.  
  
"Remus, I must …  
  
"Don't!" He threw his head back and put a hand lightly over her mouth. His voice was a hoarse whisper. "Ma coeur, don't say it. Don't do this to me ... Lie if you have to. Pretend you feel something for me. Let me believe this means something to you. Just now."  
  
And suddenly all her principles, her iron discipline, crumbled to nothing. Arching under him, she buried her hands in his thick mane, drawing his head down to silence his words with an endless kiss. He closed his eyes and so did she, and without visual guidance, only relying on their heightened awareness of each other's need, they moved as one, until the were so close to the peak it almost hurt.  
  
Only then Remus broke the kiss and looked at her. His eyes had lost their gentle brown colouring and burned in amber. He felt he could not hold back any longer, wasn't able to deny this to her and himself.  
  
"I love you."  
  
The words stood like the calm center of the storm that had both of them in its grasps. "I love you."  
  
Serene could not repeat them, not now, knowing what it would do to him, but she had his name on her lips when she let him take her over the edge.  
  
"Remy …"  
  
  
  
Much later, when the first rays of a pale November sun reached the clearing, he slept the deep dreamless sleep of those who have come home after perilous travel. Serene lay in his arms, his heartbeat in her ears, and cried silently not to wake him up, counting the minutes until she'd have to leave. 


	4. In Hiding

4, In Hiding  
  
  
  
The doors to the Great Hall crashed open. Immediately the chatter and laughter of the students ceased. Hundreds of faces turned towards the entrance.  
  
The teachers at the High Table raised their heads in alarm.  
  
Remus Lupin strode through the tables, sparing no look for the students, his face almost unrecognisably with rage.  
  
Laurel instinctively reached for Snape's hand. "Oh no," she whispered. "Something went wrong."  
  
Snape studied Lupin's face. The usually so kind brown eyes had turned an eerie amber, and his lips were drawn back in a snarl. Remus showed a hell of a lot of teeth, Snape thought uneasily. He remembered the night more than twenty years ago when he'd seen the gentle Gryffindor turn into a roaring monster. A monster with many teeth …  
  
Remus stopped right in front of Dumbledore, oblivious of the students who stared in fascination at the Professor.  
  
"Where. Is. Serene."  
  
His voice was a low growl that sent shivers down Laurel's spine.  
  
"He can't turn without the moon, or can he?" she muttered.  
  
"Oh yes, he can," answered Severus softly and rose from his seat. "If he is very scared … or very angry." He placed a hand at Laurel's shoulder. "When I say run, you'll run, without questions, promise me that."  
  
She paled. "Not without you."  
  
His face hardened. "Think about Jonah."  
  
"Where is Serene?" demanded Remus again, his gace fixed at Dumbledore, who sat only a meter away, calm and in peace. The old wizard's blue eyes showed no fear, not even uneasiness.  
  
Severus stepped behind the Headmaster, a silent presence, but Remus seemed not even to notice him.  
  
Eventually Dumbledore sighed softly and pushed his plate back.  
  
"Remus, we'll talk about this in my study."  
  
Severus coughed. "I don't think this is a very good idea, Albus. He is not in the state to talk reasonably and …"  
  
The Headmaster gave him a kind glance and a curt nod, that told him that the old wizard understood and appreciated his worries, but would not accept any contradictions.  
  
"Remus?"  
  
Laurel saw how hard it came to Lupin to control his fury. Hot anger radiated in almost palpable waves from him. But then he followed Dumbledore out of the Hall. Almost a minute there was complete silence, then everybody started to talk at the same instant. When the noise level became unbearable, Professor McGonagall clapped her hands sharply.  
  
"There will be no more talk about this," she ordered. "You'll finish breakfast and proceed to your classes."  
  
"Looks like the werewolf got some teeth after all," muttered Draco under his breath.  
  
  
  
All the Headmasters leaned forward in their gilded frames, when Remus prowled the study. It was not often they caught such intense emotions in this room. Crying students, angry parents, yes. But not a wizard who was obviously just a step away losing control. Dumbledore had to offer him a seat twice - and after that firmly order him to sit down.  
  
"Remus," said Dumbledore kindly, "what is wrong?"  
  
"What is wrong?" Lupin laughed acidly. "I can't live without her, you knew that. And still you let her leave me."  
  
"It was Serene's decision to go." The Headmaster cast a worried glance on the young wizard he remembered so well as a brave young boy. "She did not ask me for permission …"  
  
"She would not have left without consulting you! At least give me a reason, Albus! Am I not …" His voice faltered. "Am I not good enough for her? Are you worried I'd hurt her?"  
  
"Child, you'd never hurt anybody. The contrary is true. In fear of what is in you, you are all to willing to let others hurt you."  
  
"So why did you let her leave?"  
  
"Remus, she had a good reason. It is not up to me to tell you why she left, but it is not because of you, believe me."  
  
"I want her back," Remus insisted through gritted teeth.  
  
„Would you want her back against her will? Give her some time to think things over."  
  
"I waited long enough. Three years, Albus!" He stared blindly in a void. "And even longer than that."  
  
"I know."  
  
Remus shook his head stubbornly. "She is in danger," he insisted. "I can feel it. And she is not well."  
  
"Isn't it rather that you are unhappy that she is gone?" Dumbledore studied him with innocent eyes. "You can't force her to come back to Hogwarts, Remus."  
  
"But I can go to her!"  
  
The Headmaster raised both hands in a soothing gesture. "I don't know where she is, my boy. I know you won't believe me, but all she told me was that she had to leave."  
  
"London." the younger wizard spat. "Where else could she go? She doesn't know anybody in England." His voice became a low growl. "Ben Olsen. She knows Ben Olsen."  
  
"Remus …"  
  
"I need to find her." He rose impatiently.  
  
"No."  
  
"No?" Remus frowned, his breath still ragged, and the beast in him raging to be released. Everything would be so much easier, if only he could forget about words and reason and kill whoever stood in his way … "What do you mean, no?"  
  
"I insist that you honour your contract with this school. And your oath as a member of the Order of the Phoenix. I need you as a teacher, and with Serene gone, and Sirius on the run we are already short of staff. I can't do without another one."  
  
Remus grabbed the backrest in a desperate attempt to calm down. "You forbid me to search for her?"  
  
"I can't forbid you to go to London in your spare time," the Headmaster said. "But during the week you'll teach."  
  
Remus' eyes showed only contempt for the wizard he had a day ago held so highly in regard.  
  
„And I thought you cared about us," he said bitterly when he rose to leave the study. "With all your talk about love …"  
  
The door slammed shut.  
  
Dumbledore took off his glasses and polished them with a large handkerchief, before he tiredly let his head sink back against the chair.  
  
"So young," he sighed when he saw how the Headmasters in the paintings frowned at Lupin's harsh exit. "How are they supposed to understand how important time is?"  
  
* * *  
  
"Remus!"  
  
Laurel stood in front of the Potions lab and held out a hand to Lupin, who came down the stairs to the dungeons without looking left or right, neither paying attention to the Bloody Baron nor to the students he passed.  
  
He gave her a cool stare and went right into the lab.  
  
Snape was busy preparing roots and pods for the first years to grate, and looked up irritated when Remus slammed the door.  
  
"Ah, it is Professor Lupin, polite and mild-mannered as always," he remarked caustically and put down the basket he held, making sure his wand was within easy reach.  
  
"Tell your ... woman ... to stay away from me, Snape!" hissed Remus. "I shouldn't have listened to her in the first place!"  
  
"My ... woman ... is famous for not doing as I tell her," shrugged Snape. "But I'll let her know. What happened?"  
  
"Serene left." Suddenly all the rage evaporated and left nothing but pain. "She left."  
  
Snape shot Laurel, who stood in the half open door, an accusing glance. 'I told you she was crazy!'  
  
Laurel shook her head in disbelief. Could Remus be right? Had Serene left without even a word of good-bye to anyone?  
  
"Are you sure you can go on another month without Wolfsbane?" asked Snape with more than a tinge of worry in his voice.  
  
Remus crossed his arms over his chest, and to the Potions master it looked as if the other wizard tried to hug himself. "I won't take the Wolfsbane potion any longer."  
  
His voice was very soft.  
  
Snape raised an eyebrow. "Not for another month, you mean."  
  
"No." Remus stared at him. "I won't take it anymore. Ever."  
  
"Are you out of your mind?" The Potions master paled and went to the door to close it right into Laurel's face. "You know that the Ministry let you teach only on the condition that you ..."  
  
"That I spent half my life asleep and the rest of it dead-tired? I feel ... awake." Lupin still starred at Snape. "For the first time in so many years I don't feel drowsy."  
  
The shuffling of feet and muffled chatter beyond the door announced the arrival of Snape's class, but apparently Laurel was alert enough to not let them enter the Potions classroom or the lab.  
  
Remus clenched and flexed his fists as if he expected them to suddenly turn into claws. "Find me something else, Snape."  
  
"Sure, why not?" The Potions master scowled at him. "It took years to develop the Wolfsbane potion, but if Professor Lupin demands it, I, as his humble servant, shall find something else."  
  
The deeply hurt look he got for his sarcasm made him sigh. "Alright, I'll try. But don't expect any results."  
  
When Lupin turned to the door, Snape held him back. "Is it true? She left?"  
  
All he got was a curt nod.  
  
"But where did she go?"  
  
"I don't know." Remus did not look at him, but at something Snape could not see. "Yet."  
  
* * *  
  
Serene passed through the Leaky Cauldron without listening to the whistling of a group of punters leaning at the bar. If only she could get past the wall and into Diagon Alley where she'd mingle with the crowd ...  
  
The last weeks had been terrible.  
  
She had left Hogwarts before breakfast, had left Remus sleeping in the clearing. Going by broom had not allowed her to bring more baggage than a large bag with clothes and some of her dearest belongings. Everything else she'd get later, she thought tiredly, when she knocked at the bricks in the appropriate order.  
  
She had found a job in a coffee shop the next day, and went there every morning by tube, squeezed between bleary-eyed Muggles, who were on their way to work, too. The salary was meagre, hardly enough to pay the rent for the bed-sit she had found in a rundown part of the big city. But it had to do for now. She had to save the money in her account at Gringott's for real emergencies.  
  
Ben Olsen waited for her at the corner of Perpetu and Diagon Alley, critically clucking his tongue when he saw her tired face.  
  
"I told you it was nonsense to take up a job as a Muggle servant." He took her elbow and led her into one of the narrow side-alleys. "Why don't you use your talent and work for me?"  
  
"For Him rather ...", Serene muttered. It wasn't just the late hours she had to work and the noisy house she lived in, she thought, when she spotted her pale face in a shop window. She felt so ... sad, lately. It was as if a dark spot in her soul had slowly started to spread from the moment she'd left the school. There had always been darker and lighter times in her life, but this time, she feared, she was in for something bad. Every morning when she woke up, her pillow was wet with tears, and her heart hurt from dreams she could not remember.  
  
"Listen, Ben, lets not have the same discussion over and over again," she pleaded. "I only agreed to meet you for a drink, not for a sermon about You- know-Who's virtues."  
  
Ben called himself to more patience. He had her almost where he wanted her, hadn't he? She was in London, and he was the only wizard she knew there.  
  
"You are right," he agreed, a soothing tone to his voice. "No sermon today. Instead I got you something you'll like."  
  
"A Death Eater's cloak?"  
  
He grit his teeth and smiled as if he found the tired joke funny. "No. Two tickets to a charity ball in a fortnight." He bowed and presented an invitation. "On the 21st of December, at the townhouse of Countess de Malheur."  
  
"A ball?" Satisfied he saw how Serene's face got some colour. "A real ball?"  
  
"A real ball," he nodded. "Everybody of any importance in the wizarding society will be there. So no puffy eyes, do you hear me?" He reached for her hand and looked at it in disdain. "And stop biting your fingernails!"  
  
Serene considered for a moment to show him how well she could claw out his eyes even with bitten nails, but then her mind gladly busied itself with the question what to wear. Ben kept talking, she suspected later, but she didn't listen to him at all.  
  
* * *  
  
Remus stood in Diagon Alley near Fortescue's ice-cream parlour and raked his hands desperately through his silver-streaked mane. A hag in the Leaky Cauldron had insisted she'd seen Serene pass through into Diagon Alley a few days ago. But he'd searched every shop, had interrogated every shop owner and patron he could get hold of. Nobody could remember a red-haired witch.  
  
But there were other alleys, other places. With a dull ache in his stomach he took a left turn into Knockturn Alley.  
  
* * *  
  
The charity event took place in one of those houses which let you forget that there were any people in dire need of aforementioned charity. The exhibition of magical artefacts would open for the wizarding public the next day, but this evening the Ministry had invited wealthy sponsors to thank them for their contributions. Ben, dressed in his usual stern black, and Serene - in an emerald robe of her own design - drew many admiring looks at them as they slowly paraded through the crowd that had assembled at the doors. This time Ben had not criticised her, had merely pushed some pins deeper into the high crown of red tangles, because her hairdo seemed so ... unruly. Otherwise she had passed, and the dress, he remarked, looked as if it had been bought in Paris, not made at home with only a wand and a few yards of heavy silk.  
  
  
  
In the entrance hall Serene spotted a red-haired witch who bore a close resemblance to two of her students. This must be Molly Weasley, she thought, quite surprised to find the woman in the company of Malfoy, Ben and more Death Eaters than you could shake a wand at. But then Ron and Ginny's father worked for the Ministry, so Arthur Weasley would be somewhere around as well.  
  
"Dear Ben." A cool voice with a slight French accent made Ben turn. "Take a seat at our table, please. And bring your ... companion."  
  
The speaker, a woman of undeterminably age, stood in the middle of the room with so much grace and self-confidence, that Serene suspected her to be the owner of the house. She wore a robe of exquisite design made of violet silk, and a necklace and bracelet studded with diamonds. Intricately braided dark hair and coal-black eyes set off her very white skin even more.  
  
Ben raised the woman's elegant hand to his mouth. Then he cleared his throat. " Laeticia, may I introduce Miss Serene Kennedy. Serene, have you met our hostess, the Countess de Malheur?  
  
The woman gave Serene the once-over from red hair to green satin shoes. "So you are Ben's little witch?" she asked in a condescending tone that made Serene seethe at once.  
  
"Not that I know of." She replied rather brusque.  
  
Ben winced. "Serene is a bit nervous," he apologised to the Countess. His grip around Serene's arm had become painful. "She is not used to civilised society, having spent the last three years in Hogwarts." He pushed the chair against the back of her knees, forcing her to take a seat next to the Countess.  
  
The elegant woman's eyes narrowed. "Hogwarts? "she asked and suddenly a strained undercurrent tainted the blasé tone of her voice. "So we may have a common acquaintance ..."  
  
"Is that so?" Serene wished she'd never come. These people were dangerous, leery or boring, some of them all three combined. And Ben behaved as if he'd bought her at an arts fair. Any minute now he'd ask her to show her teeth ...  
  
"But of course," mused Laeticia de Malheur. "The cute little werewolf ... Cousin Lucius told me he was a Professor at Hogwarts now. What was his name again ..." She tapped her fan against her wrist, and the diamond bracelets jingled.  
  
"Remus Lupin," said Serene through gritted teeth. A flash of jealousy shot right through her heart.  
  
"Ah, Remus! Yes, I remember." The elegant woman smiled like a cat who had just devoured both the mouse and the bowl of cream. "Delicious. So ... innocent."  
  
"Innocent?" Ben Olsen frowned. He was not too pleased about the direction the conversation took. Reminding Serene of that wizard was not what he had intended when he'd invited her to the ball. But Laeticia seemed to gain a cruel pleasure out of dropping hints of her relationship with Lupin. Maybe the other woman's allusions made Serene reconsider her high opinion of the damn werewolf.  
  
"Such an avid student," the countess said dreamily, still watching Serene's reaction.  
  
The wizard to her right laughed haughtily. "I can quite imagine what you taught him, my dear Laeticia.  
  
"Well," she puckered her scarlet lips and gave the wizard a flirty wink, "you know that usually I don't do basic education. But in this case ... it was quite exciting to be his first ... teacher ..."  
  
Serene stared at her plate and grabbed the fork so hard she felt the silver bend. So what if this beautiful woman had once shared a bed with Remus? Why did this make her dizzy with jealousy? She had no claims on Remus, no right to judge what he'd done in the past or would do in the future.  
  
"And how strange to think that now Lupin is a teacher himself." The countess raised a finely drawn eyebrow. "Although I doubt we teach the same subject."  
  
"He teaches Defence against the Dark Arts," said Ben, a remark that instigated a bout of laughter from the company at her table.  
  
"That's just so … appropriate!" Laeticia tabbed the corner of her eyes with a handkerchief.  
  
When the laughter had ebbed off, an austere looking wizard from across the table nodded to Ben. "I hear congratulations are in order, Olsen?" he asked.  
  
Ben blushed and could not hide his pride. "It is only a small mission," he tried to appear humble but to no avail.  
  
"There are no small missions! No for our cause," replied the old wizard with a wheezing cough.  
  
As the conversation turned inevitably to politics, Serene kept her eyes on Ben, sensing at the same time that the Countess watched her, much like a bird of prey. She felt like one of Remus' kappas in their water-tank. She'd tell him to set the poor things free ... No. She would not. It fate had any mercy Remus Lupin would never see her again. The thought almost made her cry.  
  
  
  
The evening went on and on, and when they finally left the Countess' house, Serene felt as if she'd spent eternity in the hot noisy dining room. Just as bad as her workplace, only that the Muggles she served did not plan revolution and mass-murder, she thought. At least they did not tell her about it ...  
  
"This mission of yours .." she asked casually, as Ben walked her back to the tube, because she had refused to let him Apparate her home. "Somebody told me it will happen at Kings Cross. Can I come an watch?"  
  
Ben gave her a pleased look. "If you want. I am taking the Dementors to dinner."  
  
Serene gaped at him, her mind trying to see the joke in his words, but failing. Because there was no joke.  
  
"Voldemort lets the Dementors raid Kings Cross tomorrow afternoon."  
  
"The ... Dementors?"  
  
"The Dementors are our allies," Ben boasted. "They'll follow every order of our Dark Lord!"  
  
"These … creatures?" Serene shivered. "I didn't have the impression that they followed anybody but their own intentions."  
  
"Of course they have their … needs." He started to try and put hair strands back into the bun. Impatiently Serene pushed his hands away and fixed the pins herself.  
  
"Needs! To suck out the soul of whoever they meet?"  
  
"They are no danger to you, my darling. Just stay with me and they'll not so much as touch you."  
  
Ignoring the endearment, she walked away from him.  
  
"Great, so I am not in danger. Only all of Kings Cross!"  
  
"Get it into your pretty head, Serene," Ben chided. "You are one of us now. You must dispose of your stupid scruples. Stop wasting you pity on those weaklings. Join the side of power."  
  
She paused and turned to him, her eyes in the shadows. "You are so right, Ben. Power is what I need on my side."  
  
* * *  
  
Malfoy's town house was situated in a quiet alley behind Gringott's. Serene looked up at the high windows and threw her hair back. After all, the wizard was nothing but one of Ben's Death Eater pals, so who was she afraid of? Then she admitted to herself that her palms were sweaty with fear. Malfoy was capable of murder, and guilty as well from what Ben had told her with grudging respect. But not even Lucius Malfoy could let something so horrible happen, or could he?  
  
A house-elf opened the door a gap and bowed to the visitor.  
  
"You wish?" he chirped.  
  
"I have an appointment with your master," Serene lied quick-witted.  
  
The elf frowned and let his ears drop unhappily. "I is not sure if Master Malfoy is ready to see you."  
  
"Believe me, he is."  
  
Serene slipped through the gap and took a quick look around. The house was small, but exquisitely furnished. Claire had told her about the beautiful Malfoy Manor, and the townhouse was just as lovely. She decided that the double-doors to her right had to lead to Malfoy's study.  
  
"But Miss, no! I is to announce you!" The elf hopped up and down and tried to block her way, but she just ignored him.  
  
Malfoy frowned and put down the Daily Prophet. "Miss … Kennedy?"  
  
"Right." Serene pushed the elf back into the hall and shut the door.  
  
Malfoy rose. "I shall …"  
  
"Please give me five minutes of your time, Mr Malfoy." She tried to speak in a calm and reasonable tone. Nobody could hold it against the wizard if he refused to listen to a witch who foamed from the mouth … "Five minutes to explain."  
  
He shrugged and pointed at a chair in front of the desk. "Five minutes."  
  
Awkwardly she sat down. She had not slept, and her hair was a wild mess of copper tangles. But then again, this was not a social event. She was here to prevent a tragedy, a horrible crime, and maybe her dishevelled looks made her matter a bit more credible. And she was running out of time, and wasting precious seconds worrying about her hair!  
  
"Ben Olsen will let the Death Eaters raid Kings Cross this evening," she shot out.  
  
Malfoy yawned. "Is that all?"  
  
"Didn't you hear me?"  
  
"Olsen. Dementors. Kings Cross. I heard you." He fiddled with a large glass bowl full of Rememberalls. "Four minutes to go."  
  
Serene felt as if the ground under her feet shook. "So you are aware of this?"  
  
He sneered. "No, to be honest I was not. But on the other hand, Olsen is ambitious and eager to please our Dark Lord." His eyes narrowed. "And as far as I remember, you are his present companion, so you should be interested in all the extra credits he gains by feeding the Dementors."  
  
She ignored his remark about being Ben's 'companion, and tried to talk reason into him. "You can't possibly want hundreds of innocents to die?"  
  
Malfoy gave her a mirthless grin. "They'll hardly die, won't they? If they are worth their graduation diploma they can always call their Patronus to help. And those who are too stupid to do it," he shrugged, "are not a great loss for the wizarding world."  
  
"There will be mostly Muggles! They can't call a Patronus!"  
  
He rose from his chair and stepped to the window, juggling two Rememberalls. "Now, why would I care about Muggles?" In the grey light of the December afternoon he looked much older than Remus, Serene noticed suddenly. She knew that Lucius Malfoy, Remus, Sirus and Snape had all been in the same year in Hogwarts, but Malfoy appeared as if his persisting contact with Darkness had sucked all live and happiness out of him. If she needed a sign to warn her to not join Ben, here it was. Whatever happened, she had no intention to end up like Malfoy, a mere shell of what had been human once.  
  
"So you won't do anything about it?"  
  
"We need the Dementors. They need to be fed once in a while. I'd rather have them feast on the Muggles than on us." He scowled. "Think of it as their Christmas Dinner."  
  
Serene felt a cold shiver run down her back. There it was again, the flighty thought she hadn't been able to catch all night long. Something about Christmas … something to do with Hogwarts.  
  
Malfoy rose the Rememberall against the light and studied it. "So I suggest you stay away from the train station until you see the ambulances leave."  
  
"Christmas!" she whispered in sudden understanding. "Of course."  
  
Impatiently he shook his head. "Will that be all, Miss Kennedy? I am a busy man."  
  
"Too busy to pick up your son from the train station?"  
  
A wave of nausea hit her as all the pieces fell into place, and she pressed a hand to her mouth to not throw up.  
  
"Why should I pick up Draco? Christmas is only …" He fell silent.  
  
Serene could see how his brain feverishly came to the same conclusion as hers - only much faster …  
  
"Christmas will be on Tuesday." Her voice was very calm now. "So Hogwarts sends the students home before the weekend. On Friday, to be precisely. Today."  
  
"If what you say is true, the train will be full of students on their way home for the holidays." He swallowed hard, his face suddenly pale as death. "Am I right?"  
  
Serene shrugged. "Well, who cares?" she repeated his words.  
  
Malfoy closed his eyes and exhaled slowly. „Draco will be on that train."  
  
* * * 


	5. The Attack

5. THE ATTACK  
  
  
  
As soon as he had fully grasped the situation, Malfoy acted with cold precision.  
  
Throwing a pinch of Floo powder into the fireplace, he frowned at Serene.  
  
"Lets go!"  
  
"Go where?" she stuttered.  
  
"Kings Cross, stupid!"  
  
"But you can't Floo to Kings Cross."  
  
"I can. The Ministry opens the gate only for a small group of wizards and I am one of them. Won't do to have hundreds of us stumbling out of the fireplaces there every other minute, will it?"  
  
A moment later she felt the familiar dizziness, and the draught as they magically raced through the Floo system, only to have Malfoy push her out of a fireplace not very gently. And then she stood right in a pleasantly decorated office, where a Muggle read the newspaper without paying them any attention.  
  
"Head of Management," hissed Malfoy. "Won't see us if me move out of his office quickly." He frowned and threw one last gaze at the reading man. "By Salazar, shall I be glad once Voldemort reigns again and we get to take over public transport!"  
  
They ran down a corridor and through a door which led straight into the station building.  
  
Serene froze at the spot. The attack had already begun - and the Muggles were completely unaware of it, yet.  
  
Every now and then a witch or wizard tried to get away from the hooded figures who passed through the crowd of passengers like dark reapers. Every now and then a Muggle started to cry without obvious reason. Small groups gathered in the hall, confused passengers who suddenly felt that the prospect of a long journey was just more than they could bear at the moment. That the prospect of living another day was more than they could bear ...  
  
On a gallery high over the tracks stood Ben Olsen, arms crossed, watching his troops proceed like a commander in a war.  
  
Serene turned to Malfoy. "The train. It has to be stopped!"  
  
Without an answer he ran of in the direction of a class cabin on one end of the hall. She followed him, hoping he knew what to do. They could not help anybody in the hall right now, not until they got Ben to call back the Dementors. But they could stop the Express - or could they?  
  
While Serene was still thinking about how to explain the Muggle station master, that he had to halt all trains immediately, Malfoy had already whipped out his wand.  
  
He pointed it straight at the Muggle.  
  
"Imperio!"  
  
Serene paled. But Malfoy cast the Unforgivable Curse as if it was something he did everyday - which was probably just so, she realised.  
  
With curt words he ordered the man to give the Hogwarts Express a halting signal.  
  
"The other trains as well!" Serene demanded.  
  
Malfoy raised a brow. "I don't think so." His mouth twitched. "It is too late, anyway."  
  
"Stop. The. Trains." she yelled at him. Her hand shook when she raised her wand. "Don't make me do this, Malfoy!"  
  
"Olsen would be so proud!" He gave her a scowl. "His little Death Eater-to- be doing her first Unforgiveable."  
  
Serene let her hand drop. He was right, of course.  
  
"Please," she whispered.  
  
Both amused and annoyed by her sudden change of heart Malfoy ordered the station master to stop all the other trains as well.  
  
"Are you content now?"  
  
Serene felt the urge to spit at him, but instead she just turned and ran down the stairs that led into the hall.  
  
Malfoy looked after her until she disappeared in the now increasingly anxious crowd. "Stupid witch," he said tiredly. "They are hungry. And they won't make a difference." For a moment he watched how the hooded predators singled out their prey. Interesting creatures, a detached part of his mind thought.  
  
When he turned, he found Ben Olsen, and a wand aiming straight at his heart.  
  
"Trying to sabotage my mission, Malfoy?" Ben's voice was hoarse with fury. "Stopping the trains?"  
  
"Well, what are you going to do about it?" snarled Lucius.  
  
Ben smiled, a slow, almost serene smile. "Watch me."  
  
* * *  
  
* * *  
  
The train was full with students, almost bursting with excitement about coming home for Christmas.  
  
Remus had volunteered to be one of the two accompanying teachers, and sat in the first compartment with Professor Sprout. Sprout had read a thick volume about "Ferns - and why we love them" for the first two hours and had slept for the next, and Remus was thankful for the peace and quiet. Now, with the full moon ten days away, he was back to his calm and reasonable self - except for the wound Serene's sudden departure had left. He had spent the last six weekends searching for her, had once or twice even been able to trace her scent in one of the busy streets of London, only to lose it again in the crowd.  
  
One thing was for sure: she avoided Diagon Alley and other wizarding places. Of course she'd get along quite fine in the Muggle world ...  
  
He whipped out his notebook and began to check off streets he had already searched. Somehow he was sure she had not left England. She had mentioned her family in America only once or twice, and if they were still alive, Serene was apparently not close to them.  
  
Hermione Granger returned from a chat with some girl in the corridor into the compartment.  
  
Seeing Lupin's battered notebook, she opened her book-bag and searched a while until she found a small, well-used paperback. "I wanted to give you this," she said shyly. "It's a A-Z of London."  
  
Remus sighed. "Thank you. I assume everybody knows about ...."  
  
"About you and Professor Kennedy?" She rolled her eyes. "Of course we do!"  
  
"No secrets in Hogwarts, eh?" He flicked through the book.  
  
Hermione crossed her arms, righteously annoyed. "Oh, really, that was meant to be a secret? Then maybe you should not march into the Great Hall as if you were to eat Headmaster Dumbledore for breakfast and demand to know where "she" is!" Blushing she clasped a hand over her mouth. "Sorry. Sometimes my tongue is faster than my brain ..."  
  
"Never mind." Remus smiled at her obvious embarrassment about scolding a teacher. "You are right, after all. " He got serious. "Do you think I am dangerous to the students, Miss Granger?"  
  
She frowned. "You have ... changed," she said slowly. "But in the last two months you got better and better at controlling your ..."  
  
"Beast," he finished her sentence.  
  
"Power," she said, shaking her head.  
  
Without warning the train came to a shrieking halt. In a knee-jerk-reaction Remus caught Sprout's suitcase that fell off the luggage rack.  
  
Daisy Sprout woke up with a start. "What happened?"  
  
Hermione pushed down the window. "I don't know. The train stopped."  
  
Ron Weasely stuck his head into their compartment. "Professor Lupin, what is going on? We still got fifteen minutes to go, don't we?"  
  
Remus raised a hand. "Tell everyone to go back into their compartment and let me find out. Probably it is just a technical problem."  
  
Glad he was already in the first car, he climbed over trunks and cases until he reached the engine. The troll in the driver's cab stood in the open door and watched the tracks with a weary face.  
  
"Damn Muggle trains," he muttered. "Break down every day now."  
  
Remus cleared his throat, and the troll turned.  
  
"Professor," he greeted. "No worry."  
  
"Engine troubles, Frob?"  
  
"No, Professor, our engines run on magic. They hardly ever give me any trouble. Got a signal from Kings Cross."  
  
"Cow on the tracks?" Remus enquired smiling. "Where I grew up they once had a serious problem with Hippogriffs who refused to get off the tracks." He didn't add that it had been his mistake then not to lock the gate ...  
  
"No." Frob scratched his mighty head. "Strange signal." He pointed at a red flashing globe on top of a mast by the tracks. "Says 'Stop-Immediately- Mortal-Danger.' I only hope they stopped the 5.01 from Cardiff as well."  
  
Remus looked at his watch. "It's 4.38 now."  
  
"If the Cardiff-train doesn't stop, we are done for," mused Frob cheerily.  
  
Remus went back to his compartment, where Sprout was comforting a little girl who's cat had been hit by falling luggage.  
  
"I'll Apparate to Kings Cross to find out what is going on," he announced softly. "Listen Daisy, this is important." He compared her watch to his. "If I am not back until ten minutes before five, I want you to evacuate the train."  
  
Daisy Sprout snorted. "Evacuate the train?"  
  
"Get them all out and as far away from the track as possible." He turned to Hermione. "Miss Granger, you and the older students are to help the little ones, understood."  
  
She nodded.  
  
"Don't worry, it is probably just a schedule problem."  
  
With that he Disapparated from the compartment and left Sprout and Hermione to deal with the situation.  
  
"Into the field," muttered the Herbology teacher gloomily, looking out at the muddy plane on both side of the tracks. "And for once I did not bring my rubber boots ..."  
  
* * *  
  
All the noises, the desperate screams in the hall were suddenly muffled, as if the attack on the Kings Cross station happened outside a glass case Serene was caught in.  
  
The Dementor did not walk. He glided. And he stank.  
  
That was all she could think of. He stank of death and decay. And of desperation.  
  
Serene backed off until she hit a solid wall and could not retreat any further. She knew the right spell. She'd learned it in Remus' class. Her hand froze in mid-motion when the Dementor touched her. Helplessly fascinated she stared at the hand that closed around her wrist. It felt alive and dead at the same time, cold and only half solid … The wand slipped out of her numb hand.  
  
'Hope', she repeated the words Remus had used to teach them about the Patronus Charm. 'Hope, happiness, the desire to survive.'  
  
A happy moment, oh Merlin, her memory was blank. 'Remus', she thought in desperation, but could only remember him sleeping on his bed of grass. So at ease with the world … And she'd left him … Caused so much pain …  
  
As if she'd conjured him, Remus stood by her side all of a sudden, raising his wand and pointing it at the Dementor.  
  
"The Patronus charm", he said calmly. "Do you remember it?"  
  
"I can't …" she whispered frantically. "I can't think of a happy moment. And my wand. I … lost it."  
  
Remus reached for her hand, the one that was still free of the Dementor's merciless grasp. He, too, was shaking. "Last year ago, at the Christmas feast. When you pulled the cracker with the fairy in it …"  
  
A smile flickered in her eyes, and he knew they had to act fast now. At least he had no problems to find a happy moment in his memories. Just to know he had found her ...  
  
"Expecto Patronus!"  
  
A silvery white flash erupted from the tip of the wand, shiny, glowing in the dim light of the station hall.  
  
Serene's knees buckled and she slowly slid down at the wall, until she kneeled on the floor. She didn't know what she had expected Remus' Patronus to look like. But what charged the Dementor now was a giant silver wolf. The creature of darkness retreated at once. Other Dementors turned their faceless hoods to the diversion and let go of their victims when the silver wolf attacked them relentlessly. In the middle of chaos and mindless despair a circle of peace cleared. And suddenly Patroni rose all over the hall, dragons and flying horses and even one giant bunny, and the Dementors found themselves repulsed to the station entrance.  
  
Remus watched with great relief how the Patronus rose his head and howled in silent triumph.  
  
When he turned, Serene was gone.  
  
* * *  
  
It was cold. It had never been so cold before, and the icy sloth that rained off the dark skies that late December afternoon, had nothing to do with it.  
  
Serene locked the door with trembling hands. Her heartbeat raced, and she was hyperventilating so frantically she had to hold on to the door post. No lock or bolt would keep the Dementors out … Or Ben …  
  
She felt cold, but not from the December air, rather from deep inside. Her wand … She needed her wand to cast a warding spell at the door and the small window … Desperately she searched in her pockets, her sleeves, but the wand was gone. She must have dropped it somewhere at the train station …  
  
She undressed and let her robe fall to the floor without care and crawled into bed. When she closed her eyes, she still felt the cold breath of the Dementor in her face. She should not have run away. But then what good could it do to follow her instinct and throw herself into Remus' arms?  
  
It would only cause them more pain.  
  
"Remy …" Her voice was that of a little girl, and she pressed both hands over her mouth to not give in to her fear and sadness.  
  
Then the tears came, but they brought no relief, only more pain. A cloak of darkness closed around her.  
  
* * *  
  
Severus was already waiting in front of Dumbledore's office, when the gliding stairs transported Sirius upwards. The Potions master glared at the new arrival with barely hidden shock.  
  
"We really should check the warding spells," he muttered. "Don't tell me you are hiding in Hogwarts from both the Aurors and the Death Eaters."  
  
"I can assure you that one of your nasty little Slytherins was up and running to write an owl to his daddy, as soon as he spotted me in the Hall."  
  
"Well," drawled Snape, doing his best to appear unimpressed by the thought that the wizarding world's most wanted criminal stood next to him, "I guess you should get away fast then?"  
  
"Never mind," sighed Sirius. "The boy forgot about my presence as soon as he turned away from me. And so will you," he added wearily. What had looked like such a delightful joke, had become a nuisance pretty fast. Talking to people who could not recall the last sentence in your conversation because they'd all forgotten about him, was not funny at all.  
  
"I see." Snape's eyes narrowed dangerously. "The Fidelius charm."  
  
Sirius nodded sheepishly.  
  
"Then I'll keep an eye on you, while you are here." He smirked. "You know that you could tell me your deepest darkest secret right now?"  
  
"Because you'd forget about it."  
  
"That's right."  
  
Sirius looked at him with an unreadable expression, that slowly turned into a genuine smile. "Well, if that is the case … You are not such a bad guy after all, Snape. And when the war is over, you, Remus and I should go and have a Butterbeer or two at the Three Broomsticks."  
  
Snape snorted. "To hear that from your mouth is …. touching."  
  
"I mean it."  
  
"So do I." The Potions master knocked again, and again got no answer.  
  
"I wonder why he keeps us waiting." Sirius frowned. "It is not like him at all."  
  
"He's in the attic," howled Peeves. "In the attic with the other old bats!  
  
Snape narrowed his eyes and glared at the obnoxious poltergeist. "If I had anything to say ..," he threatened.  
  
Peeves blew a loud raspberry and vanished through the walls out of their sight.  
  
"I haven't been in the attic for years," said Sirius casually. "Maybe we should go and see what Dumbledore is doing there."  
  
"You shouldn't have been in the attic at all." Severus' mouth twitched. "But then you never cared much about rules, did you?"  
  
Sirius shrugged. "Sometimes the rules just want to be broken."  
  
"Not in this case."  
  
"Oh come on, Snape! You were a Death Eater! Don't tell me you guys ever gave a damn about rules!"  
  
Snape sneered. "As far as I remember you and I bear the same Mark." His words made Sirius instinctively reach for the black tattoo on his arm. "But of course you never experienced what Voldemort keeps in store for those who break his rules."  
  
Sirius nodded in silence. He had heard one of the Death Eaters scream in agony, and could imagine how the Cruciatus Curse felt like, after the Mark had been burned into his skin. When Severus tapped him on the head, he looked up in surprise.  
  
"So are you coming or shall we spend the next hour fussing about rules?"  
  
When they entered the attic, they found Dumbledore by the largest Pensieve either Sirius or Severus had ever seen. It was a stone basin, large enough to serve as a bath tub for a Quidditch team, and was filled to the rim with silvery cloudy matter.  
  
The Headmaster had taken off his hat and stood on a small footstool so he could reach into the Pensieve. When Snape made their presence known with a polite cough, the old wizard barely turned his head.  
  
"I forgot something," he muttered and stirred the pensive with his wand. "But I can't remember what."  
  
Severus exchanged a worried glance with Sirius. Lately Dumbledore's behaviour had become more and more erratic. Several teachers had found him in his study, caught in heated discussions with the Sorting Hat. Once or twice he had disappeared for hours, and only by accident had Poppy spotted him in one of the framed paintings, where the Headmasters of old stood in groups and yelled soundlessly at each other.  
  
And now this.  
  
"Was it something you did? Or something you said?" ventured Sirius eventually.  
  
Dumbledore let the wand sink. "Sirius! Where have you been all this time?"  
  
Just when Sirius felt relieved that the charm seemed to work with really any wizard, the Headmaster winked at him, and he wasn't so sure anymore.  
  
"Where is Remus Lupin?"  
  
Sirius frowned. "Off to London. Believe me I tried to talk reason into this stubborn fool, but …"  
  
"So did I. And Claire. And McGonagall," amended Severus.  
  
"All you get is this sad smile," said Sirius.  
  
"All I got was a snarl, and the promise to rip out my throat." Severus remembered his last talk to Remus only too vividly. Nobody, not even Remus could deny the power of the moon and the magic it evoked. And still he had refrained - if only by the skin of his teeth - to transform in the potions lab, after they had gone through the old Herbology books again in search for an ingredient to replace the Wolfsbane. But after his hasty exit nobody had seen him for three days, only Hagrid had reported scared deer and annoyed centaurs in the Forbidden Forest. "By now I really wish he finds her and knocks her unconscious and brings her back to Hogwarts, thrown over his shoulder. Or whatever it is like, when a werewolf courts a woman …"  
  
"Lets hope he comes back at all," sighed Sirius. "The last time I saw him in something that resembles his present state, was seventeen years ago."  
  
Dumbledore stepped off the footstool and brushed dust and cobwebs off his hat. "And the reason then was?"  
  
"A woman, of course." Sirius shook his head unhappily. "He is not one who shrugs off a broken heart so easily." He thought about it. "Or at least James always suspected Remus to have this ultra-secret love affair. I for my part thought he …"  
  
"Was a spy and conspiring with Voldemort," finished Snape.  
  
"How do you know?"  
  
"Well, it is obvious, isn't it? He knows all of you so well. Then he disappears for almost a year. He shows up again, refuses to give any explanations and a few months later - boom! James and Lily dead, Peter dead - for what we knew then. And you in Azkaban. Either a very dramatic coincidence, or a cunning plan to get rid of the whole …" Severus chose his words carefully, "pack."  
  
Dumbledore sat down and looked up at the two tall young wizards. "The two of you'd make a fine team. I always thought …" Suddenly his face lit up. "I think I remember. It wasn't something I did, it was something James said."  
  
"James Potter?" asked Sirius confused.  
  
"James Potter of Gryffindor," nodded Dumbledore beaming at them both. "If you'll excuse me, lads. Now that I know what I was looking for, I have no time to waste."  
  
"Waste!" muttered Sirius, when they climbed down the age-ridden ladder from the attic. "I thought we'd discuss how to get a hand on those bone fragments Voldemort's needs for his resurrection ritual. Is that a waste of time?" Brushing off his robe, he fell back, only to step into an open classroom after a few meters.  
  
"I guess he knows what he does," said Severus, but the doubt in his voice was hard to deny. "And we …" He paused, and shook his head wearily. Sleep deprivation …. He was talking to himself, again. But he still had a feeling as if he had not been alone just a moment ago.  
  
* * *  
  
Remus stood on the sidewalk of the shabby apartment building. This had to be the house, but to be sure he took out Serene's wand once more and placed it flat on his open palm. "Find your owner," he mumbled, and saw with relief how the wand instantly pointed at the door.  
  
The elevator was out of order, but Remus did not trust Muggle inventions anyway. So he climbed six sets of stairs, reading the name sign at every door until he finally found the one without a name. This had to be Serene's. He felt the wand vibrate as if it longed to return to its owner.  
  
He knocked, but nobody opened. Eyeing the lock, he tried to remember about Muggle doors. He and Sirius had shared a flat in the Muggle parts of London for a few months right after graduation. Would a simple Allohomora suffice?  
  
The door across the hall opened a gap. An old woman with curlers in her thin hair peeked out and gave him a suspicious look. Obviously she did not approve of his robes. Sirius' jeans and leather jacket disguise would have served him will, Remus thought self-consciously, but right now he had other things to worry about.  
  
"She's at home," the woman hissed. "I saw her come home yesterday."  
  
"You wouldn't have a spare key, would you?" Remus asked politely.  
  
The old woman cackled. "Your girlfriend is not the kind that hands out spare keys."  
  
"She's not my …" He coughed and forced a smile onto his face. "You are right. My … girlfriend … is not that kind."  
  
"You should get her flowers," the woman suggested. "Girls her age always fall for flowers. And apologies. My Archie had the nicest way to apologise …" her words drifted away with a fond memory.  
  
"Apologies?" Remus stared at her.  
  
"Well, she was crying, so I guess you better apologise." She gave him a wink before she shut the door. "Just in case."  
  
Remus stood in the hall and felt his breath accelerate. Serene had been crying. There was no way he'd bother with keys now. If the neighbour watched him through the peep hole, he'd care for her later, he thought, and Apparated right into Serene's flat.  
  
  
  
At first he didn't notice the heap of blankets on the bed. The flat was tiny, not more than one room, a small window and a few mismatched pieces of furniture. But somehow Serene had managed to make it almost bearable. A silk throw he remembered from her room in Hogwarts covered the only chair. She had bewitched the light bulb to make it look like a chandelier, and had pinned sketches of colourful robes to the walls.  
  
Suddenly Remus heard a muffled sound and was by the bed within a heartbeat. Serene had rolled into a tight ball and pulled the cover over her head. When he gently pulled the blanket away, he saw that she was weeping. Her whole body shook with painful sobs.  
  
In deep worry Remus touched her arm. That her weeping got only more desperate when she saw him, didn't make it any easier.  
  
"Serene," he whispered. "What's wrong? What happened?"  
  
She just shook her head.  
  
"Please stop crying, ma Coeur," he begged softly. "I can't bear to see you like this."  
  
„I simply can't stop," she sobbed. Her throat hurt, her head felt like a hot balloon from crying. There was only darkness. She was balancing on a thin rope and she knew she'd fall. It was only a question of time. And nobody would catch her. "I can't stop weeping."  
  
Remus cradled her helplessly against his shoulder and stroked her convulsing shoulders.  
  
That way they spent the night, Remus seated in a chair as close to the electric heater as possible, rocking Serene softly and listening to her sadness.  
  
She refused to eat or drink, she refused to tell him what was wrong, and he grew more worried with every hour. Twice he Apparated with her to Diagon Alley, only to stand in the long queue in front of the emergency ward of St.Mungo's. The hospital could hardly manage to treat the worst cases in the wake of the attack at Kings Cross, although medi-wizards from all over Europe had been called to help.  
  
On the paved square in front of Gringott's a large tent had been erected, where a medi-witch in white robes and a group of volunteers tried to tend to those victims who could still walk. After two hours of waiting it was Remus' turn. The medi-witch at the desk was McGonagall's age and the dark circles under her eyes showed that she had not slept since the tragedy at Kings Cross.  
  
"I am Dr Willowbark," she said briskly and helped Remus to lower his burden onto the examination table. She knitted her brows when he described Serene's behaviour.  
  
"Lux."  
  
Whistling through her teeth she shone with the lightened end of her wand into the young witch's eyes.  
  
"You should take her to the emergency ward," she decreed eventually and wrapped Serene in her blanket.  
  
"I've been there," explained Remus tiredly. "They are full, and they say she is not high priority."  
  
"I can only give you this." Dr Willowbark passed him a foil-wrapped slab of chocolate. "Are you sure this is just a reaction to the attack? Has she shown signs of severe sadness before?"  
  
"I don't know," whispered Remus and lifted Serene gently off the table. "But I should. If anybody should know, it is me. I failed her."  
  
Back in the tiny apartment, he pondered their options. They could not stay here. The grimy little window, looking out onto a concrete wall. The foldable bed with its cranking springs. Serene had managed to turn this miserable hole into a lovely refuge, but she would not recover here.  
  
"Ma Coeur," he said softly and brushed the damp hair from her forehead. "Let me take you back to Hogwarts."  
  
"No!" Serene began to tremble and tried to sit up in panic. "Not Hogwarts ... please, Remy, please don't."  
  
Stroking her back soothingly, Remus sighed. He would not spend another night in that chair, unable to help her. He was her life-mate and he would take care that she'd get help. Once more he wrapped her in a blanket, and while Serene was way too dizzy and exhausted to comprehend what was going on, Remus Lupin Apparated them to the only safe place he knew besides Hogwarts.  
  
  
  
Beeswax candles and applewood logs filled the air with their warm scent. Copper cauldrons and tried herbs hung from the old beams of the kitchen ceiling. Remus took a deep breath, cradled the bundle in his arms closer and gave the two people at the oaken table a lopsided grin.  
  
"Mum, Papa ... I need your help." 


	6. A Homecoming

6, A HOMECOMING  
  
  
  
Abby Lupin was a petite woman, but somehow she managed to hug both her son and his burden in a warm embrace.  
  
"Oh Remus," she sighed when she finally let go. "You are way too thin! Don't they feed you right in Hogwarts? And what is this?"  
  
Remus smirked at her curious face when she suddenly noticed the bundle in his arms.  
  
"I brought a guest," he said softly. "She is …"  
  
"She is ill, that much I can see. Who is she? What happened? Why …"  
  
Jerome Lupin stood up and lightly touched his wife's arm.  
  
"Abby, Cherie, let the boy catch his breath."  
  
Abby clicked her tongue.  
  
"Poor child! I'll prepare the guest room. You'll take care of them, won't you, Jerome?"  
  
And off she fluttered.  
  
Jerome tilted his head to one side and smiled indulgently, looking after her. Then he turned to Remus.  
  
"She missed you like crazy. But she tries hard not to make too much of a fuss about you."  
  
"I know."  
  
"Now tell me, what happened?" Jerome frowned when he took in his son's dishevelled looks and tired face. "We heard about the attack in London. Have you been there? Is she a victim?"  
  
Carefully he lifted the corner of the blanket to study Serene's face.  
  
„Papa," said Remus softly, still holding Serene in his arms. "It is worse than just a Dementor's attack. Would you … look at her?"  
  
His father helped him to lower the unconscious women onto the plush sofa in the living room. "You know I can't do anything without explicit permission." Jerome looked down at Serene and gently brushed the red locks from her pale face. "It is not only illegal, but against my own code of honour."  
  
Remus nodded and kneeled next to the sofa to put a pillow under Serene's head.  
  
"I know."  
  
"As long as she remains in this state, she won't be able to allow me to scan her. Are there any relatives?" He raised an eyebrow and studied his son's worried face. "Or are you in a position to grant me that permission?"  
  
The younger wizard avoided the scrutinising gaze. "She is my life-mate," he said simply.  
  
"Remus!" Jerome drew him up from his kneeling position to hug him tightly. "At last! Your mother will be overjoyed."  
  
Remus grabbed his wrist. "Papa, don't tell her. I don't want her to be disappointed in the end."  
  
Jerome frowned. "But why?"  
  
"It is a long story. And it is hard to explain. So lets keep it between the two of us for a while." He smirked. "I know it is next to impossible to keep something from Mum, but …"  
  
"I'll try." Jerome stepped closer to Serene, and after a moment of just looking at her with unfocused eyes, he moved his hands over her body, only an inch away from her skin, from her toes up to her forehead.  
  
Remus' eyes kept flickering from the woman he loved to his father. Emotions passed over Jerome's face, until he withdrew his hands and exhaled shakily.  
  
"You were right," he said in a low voice. "So much unhappiness in such a young one … She must have been sad even before the Demontors got to her. The attack only broke down her barriers completely, and she seems to me a witch who does not deal with her emotions too easily."  
  
Remus nodded wordlessly.  
  
"There is something dark in her soul … a terrible fear. She'll have to face it or it will eat her alive. But for a start a few days of peace and fresh air, your mum's chicken soup and the presence of a loved one will make her feel better." He patted his son's arm and wondered briefly about the unhappy shadow that passed over Remus' face. "A nice warm bath will help her to relax and sleep. And you'll forgive me when I say you could do with a bath as well, son."  
  
* * *  
  
Claire sat by the beautifully decorated fireplace in her living room and watched her friend Laurel sleep.  
  
Only a minute ago they had animatedly discussed the horrible attack on Kings Cross, and now Laurel was fast asleep, curled up into her chair like a baby.  
  
Sirius sat in his newly adapted study upstairs and worked on his new book. Claire had noticed with some relief that his initial fun with the Fidelius charm had passed. He wrote with tremendous discipline, took her for long walks and only in the evening went to Hogwarts to confer with Snape and Dumbledore.  
  
Otherwise their live was calm and undisturbed. Sometimes she wondered if Malfoy would demand she joined the Death Eaters once the baby was born and she could take the Dark Mark without endangering the young life. But then she pushed the thought firmly into the darkest corner of her mind.  
  
Jonah played on the carpet with one of Laurel's shoes.  
  
Claire bowed down to the little boy - no easy manoeuvre, considering her baby-bump - and smiled at him.  
  
"Honey, what's the matter with your Mommy?"  
  
Jonah looked up and giggled when he saw Laurel's closed eyes.  
  
"Mommy," he said and pointed. "Sleep."  
  
"That's right," said Claire, quite impressed. „But it is only three in the afternoon. Shouldn't she be awake now?"  
  
Jonah struggled up and tapped to Laurel, hitting her knee with the shoe before Claire could hold him back.  
  
Immediately Laurel sat up, still dazed but awake, her eyes frantically searching the room.  
  
"Jonah?"  
  
He beamed at her. „Mommy! Sleep!"  
  
Laurel exhaled slowly and blew him a kiss. Then she gave Claire an apologetical smile.  
  
"Sorry. It is only that I am so tired lately."  
  
„I can see that." Claire's grey eyes bore into Laurel's brown. "What's wrong? Do you feel ill?"  
  
"No." Laurel rose, stretched and rubbed her lower back with a sigh. "Jonah wakes up every night, screaming with fear. He has the worst nightmares you can imagine. And it is almost impossible to calm him. Warm milk, singing, walking - I tried it all. But it feels like I've been walking for miles, and still he only falls asleep from sheer exhaustion."  
  
"And so do you obviously," decided Claire. "What about Severus? Can't you take turns with the child? After all you have to teach and all that. What if you fall asleep in class?"  
  
Laurel stared into the fire without seeing the flames. How could she tell her friend that Severus spent most of the night in the potions lab and avoided any contact with Jonah as if the child were some dangerous creature? How could she tell her that they had not shared a bed for weeks? For one thing she was always tired, and in the rare nights when Jonah did not need her, Severus' side of the bed remained cold and empty.  
  
"I am just glad that the students are gone for the holidays," she said slowly. "And I still hope that Jonah's nightmares get fewer when he gets a bit older."  
  
She bowed down and gave the child a big kiss, and Jonah hugged her with chubby arms.  
  
Claire watched and laid a hand on her belly. The baby moved, kicked her violently, and she smiled.  
  
* * *  
  
Serene woke up to the sound of soft rain drumming onto a thatched roof. For a minute she just lay there, and let the different sensations slowly seep into her conscience. The pillow smelled of starch and lavender. She was warm through and through and for the first time since she'd left Hogwarts she didn't feel like crying.  
  
Next to the bed stood a comfy chair, and Remus slept in it, her hand in his.  
  
When she tried to sit up, he yawned and opened his eyes.  
  
"Hey," he said softly.  
  
Serene noticed that he wore checked pyjama pants and a linen shirt, and that she was bare naked. There was no need to be embarrassed about that, she told herself firmly. After all this was not the first time he'd seen her naked.  
  
"Where are we?"  
  
"At my parent's house." He stretched his lean body with relish. "Lets get up and join them for dinner. They'll begin to suspect I've eaten you by now."  
  
"Wait!" she raised a hand in the desperate attempt to comprehend what he'd just said. "We are … at you parent's house?"  
  
Remus sat down on the edge of her bed and gently put a hand under her head. "I did not know what to do with you. I was worried." He helped her to sit up, and she let him, although she felt much stronger by now. "Here, you can wear this." Throwing a bathrobe at her, he sniffed the air. "Mhm, it is cock au vin tonight. You definitely have to get up."  
  
"But I …" Serene felt her head and knew by just touching it that her hair resembled a broom. "I look terrible!"  
  
"They've seen you much worse," Remus remarked casually and snorted when she threw the pillow at him. "No, really! This is not a place where you need to make an impression. They are only my parents."  
  
Helplessly Serene sunk back into the pillows and closed her eyes.  
  
  
  
While Serene let Abby heap deliciously smelling chicken stew onto her plate, she took in the room with wonderment. She had always thought that Hogwarts was the cosiest, warmest place on earth, but Abby and Jerome Lupin's house beat it all. Every little thing, from the bowl with apples and nuts on the mantle to the heavy linen napkins betrayed that somebody took great pleasure in making this house a good place to live in.  
  
Abby and Jerome treated her like a familiar guest - friendly, without any pretence. Both of them had open, friendly faces. And Remus had inherited the best features of both parents - his father's tall and slender frame and warm eyes, and his mother's ready smile and light brown hair.  
  
Abby beamed at her son.  
  
"Ah Rem, it's so good to have you back. And your … friend, too. Now lets eat, and tell us all the news because I am dieing with curiosity."  
  
"There is not much to tell, Mum," Remus smiled. He had informed them about the attack at Kings Cross the night before, when he wrote a short owl for Dumbledore. "But no news is good news, right? I still hold a job. I earn my keep. I have not eaten anyone lately …"  
  
The Lupins laughed, and Serene noticed how relaxed Remus was when he talked with his parents, without the polite restraint that normally kept him from showing too many emotions. His mother enveloped him in a rapid interrogation about his life in Hogwarts.  
  
"And you, Serene, are a teacher as well?"  
  
Jerome winked at her.  
  
"Yes. Yes," she blushed a little, too aware that he had caught her staring.  
  
"Abby won't let go until she has answers to all her questions, and Remus knows that. So you'll have to let them get this out of the way, and put up with me for a while."  
  
"I teach Divinations," said Serene shyly. "I mean, I only assist Sybill Trelawney but …"  
  
"Sybill!" Remus' father chuckled softly. "How would have thought she'd end up as a teacher one day. I knew her as a girl, long before she married Garrick Trelawney," he explained. "We both grew up in southern France. She was a bit … disorganised."  
  
"Oh, she still is."  
  
"Rubeus Hagrid is the new game keeper, isn't he? I really need to talk to him one of these days. Remus writes home wondrous things about his talents with magical creatures."  
  
Serene nodded. "He really has a special gift with them. If you are interested in Hippogriffs or Dragons, he'll be overjoyed to talk to you."  
  
"Interested?" Abby had heard her last words and laughed. "Honey, this wizard here lives and breathes Dragons."  
  
"I forgot to tell you, that we are in Sherwood Forrest," added Remus. "My father works for the MWF."  
  
"The MWF?" Serene shook her head in confusion.  
  
"The Magical Wildlife Fund. This forest is the largest Wildlife Resort in Britain, much larger than your Forbidden Forrest at Hogwarts." Jerome spread his arms proudly. "We breed almost any form of magical creature here, except the larger dragons of course." An unhappy shadow passed over his face and for a moment his eyes showed the same longing as Hagrid's when he talked about his beloved fire spitting friends. "We also take in creatures that have been smuggled into the country and then abandoned by their owners."  
  
"I dread the thought that Christmas is only a day away," sighed Abby. "Last year we got the first abandoned Niffler on New Year's eve. People think they make cute pets, but of course they are not to be kept in a house or apartment."  
  
Serene tried to imagine a Niffler in a living room, desperately trying to dig trenches into the carpet.  
  
"It is the same in the Muggle word," she said. "Right after Christmas …"  
  
"You are a Muggle?" Abby's eyes lit up. "How delightful!"  
  
Remus shook his head, smiling at his mother's excitement. "No, Mum, she only grew up as a Muggle. But she is a fully capable witch. You are still the only Muggle woman in the house."  
  
"You are a Muggle?" Serene blushed. "Sorry, I didn't mean …"  
  
Abby shrugged good-naturedly. "Oh, never mind. I only hoped that finally there was somebody who chops carrots with a knife as well."  
  
"But I do!" Serene smiled. "I mean, if I ever had to cook, I'd probably do it that way. I don't know any cooking spells."  
  
"I met Jerome in France where I spent the holidays. I only found out that he was a wizard …"  
  
"A night later," laughed her husband and kissed her hand.  
  
"Jerome!" scolded Abby gently but did not withdraw her hand. "What shall Remus' guest think!"  
  
"I think it was probably quiet a shock to discover that," said Serene, secretly touched by the open display of tenderness.  
  
"Oh, the shock was there, but it was quit pleasant, I dare to say," smirked Jerome.  
  
"So your parents were Muggles," Abby would not let go. "How did they react when they found out that you are a witch?"  
  
Serene avoided her gaze. "They thought I was ill. They took me to the doctor."  
  
Remus leaned back in his seat and watched her silently.  
  
"And how do they cope today?" asked Abby. "They must be very proud that you are a teacher at Hogwarts now!"  
  
„My parents are dead."  
  
Serene did not look at anybody, and once more Remus fought the urge to comfort her.  
  
„It must have been very hard on your parents," said Jerome sympathetically. "To know that they could not help you, and they probably did not fully understand your condition either."  
  
Remus saw how Serene tensed. He knew that she avoided talking about her parents or her past, and although he had always suspected that the explanation for her brittle behaviour lay in her past, he had never harassed her to tell him.  
  
She kept her gaze riveted at the plate when she answered. "They thought I was crazy."  
  
Abby frowned. "But why …"  
  
Serene went on, almost whispering. "One doctor after the other. Drugs. Therapy. When I was thirteen, they finally found a doctor who had a medical term for the visions that came over me."  
  
"Clairvoyance." Jerome patted her hand and gave Remus a confused look, when she withdrew it quickly.  
  
"Schizophrenia."  
  
Abby seemed the only one who knew what the Muggle term meant, and explained it so unemotionally, that some of Serene's embarrassment eased.  
  
"I understand." Jerome mused. "And how do the Muggle doctors treat … Scizo … this disease?"  
  
"More drugs. A closed ward for a few years. Then they declared I was getting better."  
  
"While you had only learned to hide your true feelings."  
  
She looked sharply at Remus' father, whose eyes only betrayed kindness - much like his son's. "How do you …"  
  
"Papa is an emphat," explained Remus.  
  
"An emphat?" Serene frowned. "Is that some kind of doctor? Or a healer, like Claire?"  
  
"Well, I would not call it a healer, but a … feeler." Abby chuckled softly.  
  
"In a way my condition resembles yours," Jerome said with a faint smile. "I can feel pain, joy, any emotion in others. But there is nothing I can do about it. I can't make them feel better. Just like you can see what is going to happen, but can't do anything to prevent it."  
  
"Enough of that," decided Abby. "How did you get that beautiful name, Serene?"  
  
Defiantly Serene glared at her. "I chose it myself."  
  
"You chose it?"  
  
"I thought if only I could drop my old name, I could drop my old self as well," Serene answered with a tinge of bitterness. "But it didn't work out."  
  
"So what's your real name then? What did your parents call you?" Remus reached for her hand under the table and for once she gave in and squeezed it gratefully.  
  
"Sarah. It's Sarah," she said softly. "But my grandma called me Sally."  
  
"Well, I think Serene is a lovely name." Jerome stood up. "Lets move on to the living room and have a cup of tea before we go to bed."  
  
In the cosy living room, settled in a deep soft couch, Serene watched the Lupins with slight envy and genuine wonderment. They constantly teased each other, and still there was a mutual understanding of unconditional love and acceptance beyond their light banter ...  
  
  
  
"Rem," said Abby softly and nudged him. "Look."  
  
Only then he noticed that Serene had fallen asleep, her red hair like a silky throw over the arm of the couch.  
  
Jerome took Remus' teacup and nodded at his son. "Sleep is good for her."  
  
"I need to return to Hogwarts tomorrow. Can Serene stay?" Remus looked at his parents.  
  
"But of course she can stay!" Abby patted his arm. "When will you come back?"  
  
"In time for the Yule feast in the village.."  
  
"Well, in the meantime we'll work out a way to make Serene live up to her name a little more, won't we Abby?" Jerome stood up and hugged his son. "Take care."  
  
"Ah, Papa, you must not forget that I am the big bad wolf. So let the others take care."  
  
Still smiling Remus picked up the sleeping woman and carried her up the stairs.  
  
He put her down on the bed, and once again undressed her and covered her with a soft duvet.  
  
Serene sighed contently and opened her eyes.  
  
"Are you cold?" Remus asked very softly.  
  
Instead of an answer she reached for his hand, nestled her cheek into his palm and smiled dreamily.  
  
"Don't go away," she mumbled.  
  
So Remus slipped under the covers and fell asleep as soon as his head touched the pillow, but not before brushing her ear softly with his lips.  
  
* * *  
  
Severus and Sirius sat in Dumbledore's office.  
  
For the last hour they had discussed Severus' findings concerning the blood- sample Sirius had stolen from Lucius Malfoy a few months ago. The Headmaster watched the two young wizards with worry. Sirius seemed to adapt to the loneliness of the Fidelius charm rather well, but Severus seemed subdued and tired. Dumbledore knew well that the Potions master spent hour after hour in the lab, trying to find a new potion to treat Remus Lupin's lycanthropy. And then there were the news they'd gotten lately …  
  
Neither the Muggle newspapers nor the Daily Prophet had reported Malfoy's death, but Remus' owl had made it clear that Voldemort's third in command had actually been killed at Kings Cross.  
  
Dumbledore sighed. "We should call it a day. It is way past midnight."  
  
Sirius picked up the owl Remus had sent and read it once more.  
  
"I still don't get it. Moony says it looked like the Forbidden curse, and he should know the signs. But why would the Death Eaters kill each other?" Remus reported how he'd found the wizard's dead body in the station master's office.  
  
"A power struggle," said Dumbledore. "Ben Olsen is a very … ambitious wizard. Maybe he planed this raid without Malfoy's knowledge to impress Voldemort?"  
  
"But why should Malfoy be at Kings Cross at all? Why not stay in his townhouse and wait till the attack was over, and then confront Olsen?" Sirius frowned. "Why cast the Imperius curse at the Muggle and risk certain death from the hand of an Auror or his fellow Death Eaters?"  
  
Severus rose impatiently. "Draco was on that train," he snapped at Black.  
  
"So?"  
  
"So what? Slytherins love their children too!" Severus turned away. "I remember the day when Draco was born. Lucius was … happy. I have never seen him happy before or after. It was always as if a piece of him was missing and he was hunting for it, without knowing what it really was. And he probably loved nothing and nobody. But he loved that boy."  
  
Sirius looked down at the floor in embarrassment.  
  
"I am sorry," he said eventually. "It's only that he seemed to be interested in Draco's grades only, and in his achievement."  
  
"Draco was his only child. Of course Lucius wanted him to excel."  
  
"So he loved him. You think that's why he stopped the train?"  
  
"Well, that's how love is," said Severus bitterly and moved to the door. "It makes you weak, and kills you in the end."  
  
The door fell shut after him, and both Headmaster and fugitive stared at each other in silent worry - and even some pity for Lucius Malfoy.  
  
* * *  
  
When the grey light of morning fell through the window, Remus gently released Serene from his embrace and slipped out of the bed. Dressing silently, he looked at the sleeping woman. She seemed to feel better now, although there were still dark shadows under her eyes.  
  
He kneeled next to the bed.  
  
"Serene," he nudged her gently. "Wake up."  
  
When she only moaned, he nudged her again and kissed her forehead.  
  
"I need to return to Hogwarts to report in detail what happened at Kings Cross." And he'd have to apologize for some of the things he had said when Dumbledore had forced him to remain in Hogwarts. He still did not understand, but had begun to believe that the old wizard might have been right after all, again." But I'll return by Christmas day. You stay here, do you hear me?"  
  
She nodded silently, suddenly wide-awake.  
  
"You'll be safe with my parents. I want you to eat whatever my mother puts on your plate, and to sleep as much as you can, alright? Papa is going to show you the forest, and on Christmas Day my sisters and their offspring will arrive. So you won't have time to get bored. And then there'll be the Yule feast in the village."  
  
"But I …"  
  
"I need to leave now." He kissed her again and went to the door.  
  
Serene sat up and hugged a pillow against her breasts.  
  
"Remy!" she called softly when he had almost left the room. "Will you come back for me?"  
  
The barely veiled fear drew him to her side immediately.  
  
Serene looked at her hands in embarrassment and felt even more ridiculous, when she noticed they were trembling. Now here she was, Miss Independence, who had made it her principle to never need anybody, and was all but begging Remus Lupin to not leave her.  
  
He sat down at the side of the bed and gently cupped her chin to make her look up.  
  
"Serene?" His voice was very soft, but very serious at the same time. "I'll come back for you. I promise."  
  
She nodded.  
  
But when he looked at her a last time before he shut the door, he saw that she did not believe him.  
  
* * * 


	7. Crossing Letters, Burnt Notes

7, Crossing Letters, Burnt Notes  
  
  
  
* * *  
  
  
  
December 24th, Sherwood Forest  
  
From: Serene Kennedy  
  
To: Laurel Hunter  
  
  
  
Dear Laurel,  
  
I can only apologize for going away without telling anybody about it. But I had my reasons, and although Remus tells me a lot of people worried about my whereabouts, I still think my decision was right. Anyway - as you can deduct from my last sentence, Remus has found me … and just in time. But that's a long story. I may not come back to Hogwarts in the near future, but I certainly hope to meet you again soon, and then I'll tell you all about the last days.  
  
Only so much: I felt really bad, all alone in London, and I have no idea how you survived when you left Severus last year.  
  
I saw Ben Olsen a lot. You two never got along as far as I remember, but he really made an effort.  
  
But then things got complicated, and I almost got myself killed only because I could not keep my mouth shut. Remus showed up out of nowhere - and saved my life … Just like in some old movie. Which makes it only harder to do what has to be done … Oh Laurel, I am so exhausted and tired of running away. So I decided to give myself a Christmas present, and just yield to the part of me that only wants to be with Remus, and not think about the future for a few days.  
  
I am staying at the Lupins' cottage right now - yes, that's Remus' parents!  
  
It's strange, I never thought family could be something so genuinely … pleasant. They are so nice! Although I don't deserve it. I mean, just imagine that your son brings an unconscious woman with him and demands you take her in and feed her and all that. A woman who has treated afore mentioned son not so kindly for years now.  
  
Which reminds me - how is my darling Jonah? I guess he is a real big boy by now. Is he still suffering those night-mares? And do you still get up every night to carry him up and down the corridor so the great Potions master won't be disturbed?  
  
Sorry. I didn't mean to pick on you, this being Christmas and all that.  
  
Remus' father is going to take me into the forest tomorrow morning to choose a Christmas tree. Actually that won't be very far though, as that's where they live - in the middle of Sherwood Forest. They breed and raise magical creatures, and while I write this, I can see a purple peastork parading on the snow covered lawn. Peastorks look like overgrown peafowl on very long legs, so they don't mind the snow.  
  
I'll mail this to Dobby and ask him to deliver it to you and to send me the trunk I left in my room in Hogwarts. In the first drawer of my desk is a present for Jonah - don't be scared, it is only a toy. But there is a clever little spell that makes it move (I designed the toy and Prof. Flitwick put together the spell - we might start a business venture together, ha ha).  
  
I wish you and Jonah a Happy Christmas, and Severus as well if he chooses to leave his dungeons for long enough to celebrate with you. Since the Lupins' owl has not returned from its last flight yet, I am not sure if this letter reaches you in time.  
  
Thank you for being my friend even when I behaved like a total thistle,  
  
Serene Kennedy.  
  
  
  
* * *  
  
  
  
24th December - Hogwarts School etc  
  
From: Laurel Hunter  
  
To: Serene Kennedy  
  
  
  
My dear Serene,  
  
Remus has just dropped by and told me to my great relief that he has found you and you are staying with his parents. We (Severus and I - yes, you won't believe it, I know) were very worried about you hasty departure. You seemed so unhappy during the last weeks, and I can only regret that you would not trust me enough to confide in me.  
  
Jonah misses you very much. In the seven weeks since you left, he learned to run without falling (runs very fast!). He often knocks at your door as we pass by and whispers "Ene", which is his name for you now. He still can't pronounce the R.  
  
Do you remember the night-mares he had? Well, they only got worse by now. I am afraid Severus secretly curses the day we decided to take Jonah in. It tears me apart to see them both suffer with this situation. Jonah adores Severus, you should see his face light up when he hears him come in. And Severus avoids to touch him, talk to him or be in the same room with him. I really am at my wits' end, and guess I'll have to seek Dumbledore's advice. I love Severus. But I can't give up Jonah.  
  
I know that after pouring all my misery over you, it will be pretentious to give you advice on your love life. But: I have never seen Remus Lupin as happy as he is right now. Whatever you decide to do, please do not hurt him. I trust you have a perfectly good reason for putting him off for such a long time. But to give in and then push him away once more, is nothing but cruel.  
  
Merry Christmas from your friend who really should care about her own business, but sincerely hopes you both find the happiness you deserve,  
  
Laurel Hunter  
  
PS: The thumb print means: Jonah gives Aunty Ene a big kiss …  
  
PPS: Will mail this off with Remus, if I catch him before he leaves. If not, will have to wait, since all the Hogwarts owls are frantic with Christmas deliveries.  
  
* * *  
  
24th December - Hogwarts School etc  
  
From: Laurel Hunter  
  
To: Claire Winterstorm-White  
  
  
  
Dear Claire,  
  
guess what? Remus has found Serene and the stupid girl is well and safe with his parents right now. I am so relieved!  
  
Foolish - she is only six years younger than I, and I feel like her mother at times, desperate about her not seeing how much Remus loves her and all that.  
  
Anyway - at my last visit we talked only about the dreadful attack and my fatigue (yawn!) so I forgot to ask you if you wanted to spend Christmas Day with us in Hogwarts? You must feel awfully lonesome, with Sirius on the run. No need to sit all alone in the big house. Christmas Lunch has always been an enjoyable affair, and I am sure everybody would be delighted if you joined us.  
  
Yours,  
  
Laurel Hunter (who'll take a nap, while Poppy takes Jonah for a walk)  
  
* * *  
  
24th December - Sherwood Forest  
  
From: Serene Kennedy  
  
To: Claire Winterstorm-White  
  
  
  
Dear Claire,  
  
I apologize for running away without notice. But at that time I saw not other way out of the situation and I still believe it was the right thing to do.  
  
I am staying with Remus' parents at the moment. They run a resort for Magical Creatures in Sherwood Forest, and it is just incredible. They do a great job but are constantly short of money. I was wondering if you had any ideas to help them (the resort, that is - they take in dozens of abandoned creatures every year, not to mention those who already live in the forest).  
  
Please - don't misunderstand this! I know you are always very generous where good causes are concerned, but the Lupins would never accept charity. (That makes Remus their son - and by the way, he looks a lot like his dad, and I even found out what the J in Remus J. Lupin stands for … Won't tell you though …)  
  
But if you got any ideas for fund raising, let me know!  
  
Abby (Remus' mother) will teach me to bake pumpkin pie tomorrow. There is a feast in the village nearby (really not so nearby …) and all the wizarding families meet in the town hall for a feast on the 25th. Everybody brings something to eat, and apparently Abby is famous for her pumpkin pie. She is a Muggle, but made the best out of being stuck in a forest cottage without electricity and without the ability to use magical devices. I have never seen anybody who enjoys cooking that much. (Well, there is Coco, but she is a house elf, so that's not comparable.) I've already gained two pounds in as many days.  
  
The cottage looks really small from the outside, but is remarkably big - must be some kind of magic. There are several annexes where Remus' dad nurses sick creatures. Right now he keeps a litter of imps in a big nest of straw. They are incredibly cute, even though they will be blind for a few more days.  
  
Besides the wild animals they got a kneazel, two ferrets and a talking raven (who keeps picking at my hair and scares me a bit). Oh, and then there is Falada, a huge horse they brought with them when they moved from France to Britain.  
  
Wow, I learned a whole lot about Remus within the last 24 hours. Strange how one can … well … intimately know a person, and still have no idea about their background? Did you know Remus was born in France? Apparently his father got offered the position in Sherwood when Remus was seven years old. His mum is from Devon though. From what Abby tells me, Remus' grandparents were less than happy when their only son fell in love with a Muggle, and disowned him. But he married her nevertheless, and now they celebrated their 35. anniversary last year. Hopeless romantics, the whole lot, and I fear that Remus thinks all love affairs end like his parents'!  
  
He is so different here, Claire! You should see him. Of course he is still the kindest, nicest, most polite wizard I know - but he also laughs a lot, and seems so at ease with what he is.  
  
And who'd ever thought that Remus has sisters? Apparently he got three of them, Helena and Livia living in France with their families, and the youngest one, Julia, a musician, tours Ireland with her band right now. They are all expected home tomorrow, and to be honest, I am a bit frightened …  
  
I don't know what Remus told his family about me - but from the way they treat me I guess that his mother suspects us having an affair, and his father knows we do. Naturally they know an awful lot about werewolves, they have a huge collection of books on lycanthropy. Of course they know about the life-mate thing. I'll have to talk to Remus when he returns, and I must find a way to make him understand that he must be wrong about me. I am sure there is somebody out there, and she'll make him happy.  
  
I can only hurt him.  
  
As you can tell from the smeared letters, I am feeling low again. It started as soon as Remus left for Hogwarts. But I'll come over it. I must.  
  
But enough of me.  
  
How's the baby? Is she kicking you? Will you have a Blessing Ceremony when she gets her name? Have you made up your mind about the name yet? And may I design her robe, pretty please?  
  
Funny, how we all know it will be a girl …  
  
Any news from Sirius? For your sake I hope he is well and in safety, and the two of you will be reunited soon.  
  
Take care, and cut back on your office hours! You are the boss, after all.  
  
Merry Christmas, to Harry as well (and Sirius if you happen to see him which I hope you won't as it is dangerous for all of you ….)  
  
Your friend,  
  
Serene Kennedy  
  
PS: I enclose a few sketches of maternity gowns I designed in London. Am not sure about the color scheme, though.  
  
  
  
* * *  
  
  
  
(Shopping list, written on Winterstorm Inc. notepad):  
  
  
  
Elves: assorted woolen jumpers  
  
Hagrid: same (only size 56)  
  
Minerva: book voucher?  
  
Albus: socks, filled with candy  
  
Harry: training weekend with Catriona Dollop, Chaser (Whatevertheyarecalled- Canons)  
  
Laurel & S: agreed on no present, thank Merlin  
  
Jonah: sledge  
  
Sirius: eternal love  
  
  
  
* * *  
  
  
  
24th December - Winterstorm Manor, Hogsmeade  
  
From: Claire Winterstorm-White  
  
To: Serene Kennedy  
  
  
  
Dear Serene,  
  
still no sign of you and I am really worried by now. I send this by owl and can only trust in the birds superior ability to find anybody. Even you, who has disappeared without notice and without a trace.  
  
Since this is Christmas, I am not going to scold you - but let me tell you this: It is insufferable how you treat Remus! I always defend you when Sirius says you are not good for Moony (I mean, he used to say this when he still lived with me ...) BUT now I am starting to reconsider when I see the poor wizard going to pieces.  
  
I always had the impression you loved him, I saw you look at him with so much tenderness. But in the last seven weeks I had the dubious pleasure to watch a decent man go half crazy because the woman he loves ran off without an explanation.  
  
Well, sorry about the rant. I had to get it out.  
  
Now let me tell you what happened in your absence. Virtually nothing. I got two more months to go. None of my robes fit anymore, and as I don't intend to spend the next weeks in my dressing gown, it is either you return soon - or Gladrags.  
  
It is very quiet around Hogwarts now with all the students gone home for the Holidays. Did you hear about the attack on King's Cross? Of course you did - I doubt there is any place in the wizarding world (apart from the Carpathian mountains, maybe) were it didn't make front page. The most horrible thing was that the Hogwarts Express was due to arrive at Kings Cross just as the attack started, but stopped dead on the tracks outside of London. The engine broke or something … Anyway, it took hours until the train made it into the station and by then the attack was over. Just to imagine that hundreds of students would have fallen victim to the Dementors, gives me goosebumps.  
  
Harry decided to stay in Hogwarts - or more precisely at Winterstorm Manor, but if he'd been on that train … I know I talk like his mum, which I am not of course, but I take it as training for fussing about my own baby …  
  
Serene, I can't imagine what scares you so much about Remus. I know you don't trust men in general, but he would never hurt you. Whatever it is you fear, you should tell him. I am sure he understands. And he of all wizards deserves a little happiness, for coping with his disease so bravely. He is very cute as well - but I guess you have noticed that by now.  
  
See, I am starting all over, again.  
  
Please let me know that you are well. If you don't want me to know your address that's fine with me.  
  
Remember how you told me about the time you spent in that dreadful Muggle hospital and they only had this tiny plastic tree every year? I hope you got a Christmas tree wherever you are, a great big tree with candles and apples and popcorn and fairies.  
  
Happy Yule, my dear,  
  
your friend Claire.  
  
PS: I know you would never ask me for money - but if you need anything, just go to the Winterstorm office in Diagon Alley, and ask for my accountant. He's been advised to hand you any amount of money without questions. No, this is not pity, stupid. You are an investment, after all I set great hopes in "Serene Rags" or whatever you are going to call it.  
  
BTW: I enclose a sealed parchment I promised to pass on to you - which I do hereby, if under protest. It is from You-Know-Who. (No, not that YKW, rather YKW2 … or is it 3? - ha ha, sad joke.) Ben Olsen, I mean. I really have a bad feeling about the guy, but you seem to like him. Please be careful around him, Serene!  
  
Will be sent by express owl.  
  
  
  
* * *  
  
  
  
(Draft on back of History test, sixth year):  
  
Severus, my love,  
  
I never thought I'd dread to talk to you one day. After all we promised each other to never let misunderstanding come between us again.  
  
But now I am so afraid of what you are going to say, that I thought I'd better write you a letter to …  
  
  
  
* * *  
  
  
  
23rd December - Salazar Court, Knockturn Alley 13B, London  
  
From: Ben Olsen  
  
To: Serene Kennedy  
  
Serene, my lovely,  
  
where are you?  
  
I got the impression you did not agree with my mission a few days ago. But you never gave me any opportunity to explain how important it was for me and my advancement in the Death Eaters' ranks. Good news - I am now the Master's second-in-command!  
  
Don't know if you learned what happened to that fool Malfoy? He tried to dupe me by stopping the trains. Well, he paid dearly for that!  
  
Return to me, let me explain, and you'll understand. I need a strong, beautiful witch by my side in my new position - and I can't think about anybody who could fill that position better than you, my bossy redhead.  
  
Ben Olsen  
  
PS: Laeticia de Malheur seems quite taken with you and asked me to pass her invitation "as soon as you return." She is our liaisons with the French movement, and can give you valuable advice concerning your style etc…  
  
  
  
* * *  
  
  
  
(Scribbled on a scrap of parchment):  
  
  
  
Laurel,  
  
don't wait up for me. Will be stuck in lab all night.  
  
S.  
  
  
  
* * *  
  
  
  
24th December - Winterstorm Manor, Hogsmeade  
  
From: Claire Winterstorm  
  
To: Laurel Hunter  
  
  
  
Dear Laurel,  
  
thank you for your invitation.  
  
But I won't be alone, as Harry has decided to spend the holidays with me. After all I am some kind of relative, or so he says, and the only one he really likes beside Sirius. (He is incredibly sweet for a sixteen-year old, don't you think so?)  
  
So we'll have a family lunch - just Harry, I and the baby.  
  
XXX Claire  
  
PS. Got any plans for New Year's Eve?  
  
  
  
* * *  
  
  
  
24th December - Hogwarts School etc  
  
From: Albus Dumbledore  
  
To: Narcissa Malfoy  
  
  
  
Dear Narcissa,  
  
I'd like to convey my and the school's staff condolences at the death of Lucius. Although our ways have led us apart, I still remember a very gifted young wizard who had a distinctive sense of responsibility and honor. I know that Lucius' last thoughts were for you and his son.  
  
All I can offer you is my support, should you need it in any way, and my sympathy. I am afraid Draco will not take his father's death easily. He is at a difficult age right now. So if you have need of me (or Severus …) please do not hesitate.  
  
Yours sincerely,  
  
Albus Dumbledore.  
  
  
  
* * *  
  
  
  
24th December - Sherwood Forest  
  
From: Serene Kennedy  
  
To: Albus Dumbledore  
  
  
  
Dear Albus,  
  
you asked me to call me with your given name and so I do, but I feel very uncomfortable.  
  
I only wanted to let you know that I am well, and thank you for your advise and for listening to me all those months.  
  
I am staying with Remus - just for a short while, just because he is so happy now. But I have not forgotten, what I need to do.  
  
Have a happy Christmas, and I hope to see you again one day under luckier stars.  
  
Your ever thankful student/colleague/friend  
  
Serene Kennedy  
  
PS.: Jerome and Abby Lupin asked me to include their best wishes as well.  
  
PPS: Does the name Laeticia de Malheur mean anything to you?  
  
  
  
* * *  
  
  
  
(Written on back of sales recipe for Hippogriff grooming brush):  
  
  
  
Fashion Design by Serene Kennedy  
  
by Sarah Kennedy  
  
by Sally Kennedy  
  
by Mrs Remus Lupin  
  
by Serene Lupin  
  
Remy. Remy. Remy. Remy. Remy. Remy. Remy. Remy.  
  
Too much egg-nog - get a grip, girl!  
  
To do:  
  
Letter to Laurel (send to Dobby)  
  
Letter to Claire (mention MWF, include sketches)  
  
Letter to Dumbledore (Albus!)  
  
burn this note  
  
  
  
* * * 


	8. Comfort and Joy

8. Comfort and Joy  
  
  
  
'Severus, my love,  
  
I never thought I'd dread to talk to you one day. After all we promised each other to never let misunderstanding come between us again. But now I am so afraid of what you are going to say, that I thought I'd better write you a letter to …'  
  
  
  
When Laurel woke up with a start, she was still clutching the parchment in her hand. At some time after midnight she'd decided that writing a letter to Severus would be an act of cowardice. She'd talk to him as soon as he returned to their quarters. She'd settled into the deep chair by the fire, but somehow she'd fallen asleep … The bedroom door stood ajar and even in the dim light she could see that the big four poster bed was untouched. Frowning she crumbled the letter into a small ball and threw it into the embers.  
  
Now, this was simply ridiculous! How had they ever got caught in a situation like this? She in the living room, Severus just across the corridor in the Potions lab - and yet miles apart? When had they stopped talking to each other?  
  
Determinedly she rose from the chair and carefully opened the door to the nursery to check on Jonah. The little boy slept like an angel, long lashes throwing trembling shadows onto his rosy cheeks with every breath. She pulled the blanket up to his chin and gently stroked the down-like hair away from his forehead.  
  
Then, leaving the door open, she straightened her shoulders and went across the corridor.  
  
  
  
Severus stood by the work-bench, frowning in concentration as he spooned a fine powder onto minuscule silver scales. On the fire a cauldron simmered. Heavy scents lay in the air, sharp cinnamon, sweet vanilla, and something else Laurel could not define.  
  
Nervously she cleared her throat.  
  
The Potions master looked up, frowned and raised his hand to ask wordlessly for another moment. When he had finished weighing the exact amount of ground pearl, he stirred the powder into the steaming brew in the cauldron. Then he put his wand down and faced the woman he loved.  
  
"Laurel …"  
  
"I waited for you," she said simply, and from the way she bit her lip he knew that she only appeared calm on the outside.  
  
"I left a note I had to work all night," he said. "On your pillow."  
  
"Oh." She shook her head tiredly. "I didn't go to bed."  
  
They looked at each other, both at a loss for words.  
  
Laurel was the first to speak, but when she did, her voice trembled dangerously. "Did I do anything wrong, Severus?"  
  
His head jerked up in surprise. "No. No, of course not."  
  
"Do you regret that we adopted Jonah?"  
  
He drew in a deep breath and shook his head.  
  
Frustration welled up in Laurel. "Then what is it? Why do you avoid me? Why do you treat Jonah like some dangerous creature? He adores you, Severus! And you push him away every time he gets close to you!"  
  
All the blood drained from his face. Laurel's throat ached with the comforting loving words she held back to wait for his answer.  
  
"I am sorry."  
  
His voice betrayed no emotions, and she felt how her heartbeat accelerated with growing anger. No way she'd allow him to retreat into cold politeness.  
  
"You are sorry? About what?" she hissed. "About letting me sleep alone for weeks? About saving Jonah's life?"  
  
Severus stepped further back and brought the work bench between them as a safety zone. Why did she make it even harder for him than it was anyway?  
  
"I am sorry about my inability to deal with the situation," he explained awkwardly.  
  
"The situation?" Laurel's eyes narrowed. "What situation?"  
  
He turned away and stared into the fire. The potion in the cauldron simmered and fumed and was probably already spoiled, but he could not care less.  
  
"I will always be thankful I had the chance to save Jonah," he said so softly Laurel could hardly hear it.  
  
"Then what is it, Severus?" The stubborn tinge in her voice made it clear she would not let him get away without an explanation. "Is it because he is not your biological son?"  
  
She saw his back stiffen. "I told you a long time ago that I don't believe in blood."  
  
"Then what is it?"  
  
"You love Jonah. I knew that would happen once we had a child," he said. The fire flickered and made the shadows move like dark dancers. Severus gripped the edge of the work bench so hard it almost cracked. "He is so … vulnerable, and he needs all the love he can get. I know that best of all. You'd never leave your child, and you'll always love him. I wouldn't have it any other way." He turned and faced her, his expression still hard and uncompromising. "When I said I was sorry, I meant I am sorry that it is so hard for me to …"  
  
Laurel stepped around the work bench and reached for his arm. He flinched and raised a hand to hold her back while he spoke.  
  
"Two years ago I lived without love, and I did not even miss it. I never noticed how cold the world was. Then you came, and you wrapped me in a blanket. And now, that I have to go without it again, I am freezing. But I'll get by. It just takes time."  
  
"Severus?" Laurel frowned, and this time she would not let him retreat any further. "Are you by any means thinking that I don't love you anymore?"  
  
He avoided her shocked gaze. "It is alright. I only ask you for a little patience until I adapt."  
  
"No!" she exclaimed. "Damn it, Severus, you are one of the most intelligent wizards I know and still you can be so heart-wrenchingly stupid at times!"  
  
His mouth set in a hard line, and his black eyes bore into hers.  
  
Laurel touched his cheek with utmost tenderness. "Severus," she whispered, "love is not a limited resource. You need not give up your share for Jonah's sake. And do you really think I'd take my love away just because we have a child now?"  
  
A tremor went through his body and he relaxed gradually.  
  
Feverishly she went on: "It is the other way around. Love grows with every moment. And it is not just my love you can be assured of. Jonah adores you, Severus. Just look at his face when you enter the room. For him you are a hero who can do no wrong. The wizard who can make brooms fly and fires light up with a mere flick of his wand."  
  
"But I don't know what to do with him! I might hurt him." Severus sighed. "And I … I don't want him to fear me like I feared my father."  
  
"You just said you didn't believe in blood. There is nothing of your father in you, my love. Nothing."  
  
"Jonah is so small, and I never had much contact with babies, as you can imagine."  
  
She smiled at his obvious embarrassment. "Just follow your heart, Severus. You'll do the right thing."  
  
"I would understand if you …," he started, only to have Laurel close his mouth with her hand.  
  
"But I would not! Am I right when I think you avoided my bed to …"  
  
"To learn to exist without you once more." He closed his eyes. "It was much harder than resisting Voldemort's summoning, believe me."  
  
He smiled shakily, and suddenly the tension between them shifted dramatically without lessening a little bit.  
  
Laurel's breath grew ragged when she touched his chest with both hands. "But now, that we have cleared this … do I have to summon you?"  
  
He kissed her, almost frantic. It was quite unexpected and lasted for a wonderful, never ending moment. Then he picked her up and when he spoke, his voice was only a low growl. "The work bench or the bed room?"  
  
Laurel gasped when he kissed her again, and almost cried with relief that she had him back. "Lets start where we are and work our way to the bedroom step by step."  
  
* * *  
  
At first Serene refused to let the soft knocking at the window disturb her sleep, but when it did not stop, she hesitantly opened her eyes. It was still dark outside, and even with dawn rising late so close to the winter solstice, it could only be five or six.  
  
She mumbled a spell to light her wand, and saw that the early caller was an owl, perching at the window sill. Jumping out of bed, she let the exhausted bird in, and while the messenger warmed up next to the fireplace, Serene slipped back under her quilt and opened the sealed parchment, only to have another smaller letter fall in her lap.  
  
The big letter came from Claire, and was the expected heartwarming mixture of admonition, sound advise and kindness.  
  
Serene could only assume that their letters had crossed. But the chances for getting a real Christmas tree with all the trimmings were good …  
  
With a big smile on her face Serene finished Claire's letter - only to feel all joy seep out of her while she slowly comprehended the last sentences. With trembling fingers she opened the second scroll.  
  
* * *  
  
Laurel was not even awake when she heard the distant wailing. Drowsily she scrambled out of bed. While her bare feet searched for slippers, she bowed to the other side of the bed and kissed the sleeping wizard with an indulgent smile. How young he looked when he slept, how uuntouched by evil and by the hardships of life …  
  
The wailing came from the nursery, and while Jonah had been very good all night long - as if he'd known that his parents were in sore need of a few undisturbed hours - he seemed to get into his bad dream phase now.  
  
Laurel knew that sometimes he only moaned and whined a little and then slept on quietly. So she tiptoed to the nursery to watch Jonah toss and turn. In case he woke up screaming, she'd be close by to comfort him. Just when she considered waking him up before it got really bad, she heard another sound, a soft knocking at the door.  
  
She glanced at the clock. It was barely seven, and this being Christmas Morning everybody in Hogwarts should still be asleep. When she opened the door, she found Dobby beaming up at her, proudly presenting a parchment scroll and a small parcel, wrapped in colorful paper.  
  
"I is getting mail!" Dobby piped with a tinge of excitement in his voice.  
  
"That's great, Dobby." Laurel suppressed a big yawn. She had not slept much last night, she remembered, and the yawn quickly turned into a rather smug smile. "Do you want me to read it to you?"  
  
"No!" The elf frowned, a facial expression elves managed only in times of great confusion or serious dismay. "Dobby knows to read. Dobby learns it all in Miss Claire's school. Dobby even writes his name, he can!"  
  
Laurel smiled apologetically. "I am sorry, Dobby. I forgot!"  
  
Most of the Hogwarts elves could read and write quite well, since they were surrounded by books and learning all the time. Headmaster Dumbledore encouraged them to sit in at the lectures when they had time off - a fact the elves would never admit, since leisure was something no decent elf ever had … Anyway - Dobby, who had not grown up in Hogwarts but in the Malfoy household, apparently had learned enough in Claire Winterstorm's elf-school to read a letter.  
  
"So, is it a Christmas card?" Standing in the drafty corridor in the early morning did not further Laurel's patience. "Did Harry send you a Christmas card?"  
  
Dobby shook his head fervently. "Harry Potter give Dobby a card in person! The letter, it come from Miss Serene."  
  
Laurel's eyes widened in surprise. "Serene? You got a letter from Serene? What does she write?"  
  
"She tell Dobby Merry Christmas," beamed the elf and flapped his ears. "And she puts other letter in Dobby's."  
  
He handed her a somewhat crumpled parchment and the present, bobbed his head and disappeared around the corner, still waving his letter. Trembling with curiosity, Laurel unfolded the parchment and skimmed Serene's letter. Remus had assured her that her friend was well if a bit exhausted, but only now that she read it in Serene's own words, she felt at ease. Within a few hours Laurel's mood had lifted considerably. The fears her heart had harbored for so long, had vanished - through nothing more than a few words. Severus still loved her … and her friend was safe. She could only hope that Serene had a Christmas at least half as beautiful as her own.  
  
Laurel folded the letter and shook the wrapped box curiously. This had to be Serene's present for Jonah …  
  
She froze, suddenly petrified when she became aware of … nothing.  
  
Silence.  
  
There was no sound - and shouldn't there be her little boy weeping desperately? She had left him only minutes ago, and he had sobbed in his sleep even then. By now he should be crying. But there was nothing, and when she ran back to the nursery, she found only an empty crib.  
  
For a moment she could not breathe, not move, not think. Then cold panic almost suffocated her.  
  
Somebody had taken Jonah. Somebody had managed to break all the magical barriers around Hogwarts, and had abducted the boy to deliver him to Voldemort. It took all her strength to not hyperventilate at the thought what would happen to her child once Peter Pettigrew laid hand on him.  
  
Severus! She had to wake Severus! He'd know what to do, how to find Jonah …  
  
She stormed into the bedroom, shaking with anxiety, only to stop as if she'd ran into an invisible wall. It took a few heartbeats until she comprehended the scene.  
  
Severus lay sprawled over the bed, Jonah safely tucked into the crook of his arm. The little boy's tiny hand clutching the wizard's long dark hair.  
  
When Laurel stepped closer, Severus instinctively drew the boy closer. Jonah drooled onto his father's chest, and Laurel had to fight back the tears. Then she shook her head. Was there anybody in the world with less reason to cry than she?  
  
Slowly and ever so gently she lifted the duvet a little to slip into bed on the other side of Jonah. Severus, feeling her presence even in his sleep, sighed and reached out for her.  
  
"He cried," the Potions master mumbled. "Didn't know what to do with him."  
  
Laurel blinked back another bout of tears and brushed a kiss onto his lips. "You did the right thing, I guess."  
  
* * *  
  
Last night's rain had turned into snowfall, and by the time the Lupins had breakfast in the kitchen, the snow lay like a thick duvet over the garden and the hedge that bordered onto the forest.  
  
Serene tried to protest when Abby filled her plate with a stack of crispy pancakes, but then she remembered Remus' words and started eating.  
  
"Remy never told me he had sisters," she said when Jerome passed her a big bowl of sweet café au lait.  
  
"Remus was our first child," explained Abby and sat down next to her husband. "We always wanted lots of children. But then Rem go bitten …" Her voice shook a little. Jerome laid his hand over hers in comfort. "He was only five years old, and the doctors told us he had no chance to survive the infection."  
  
"Abby would not accept that," said Jerome and Serene could hear the pride about his wife's determination in his words. "We consulted healers, sorcerers, even Muggle vets. For two years we lived day by day, always dreading the worst. But Remus was a brave little guy."  
  
Abby took a sip of coffee and looked out into the falling snow. "The pain of transformation is so horrible that most bitten children die after a month, as soon as the first full moon triggers the …," she swallowed hard, "the wolf."  
  
Serene winced when she remembered the numerous scars on Remus' body.  
  
Jerome tapped lightly with his fork on her plate. "Eat!" he ordered. "Or Abby won't tell you anything."  
  
While Serene chewed obediently, Abby described the various cures they had tried on Remus. "He screamed with fear," the older woman remembered. "He did not understand what was wrong with him. And once he had transformed into the wolf, we could hardly restrain him, even as the cub he was then."  
  
"We lived on a farm near Toulouse," said Jerome. "The building was very old and had a deep Roman cellar. We cushioned the stone walls with straw, and that's where Remus went when the moon called him."  
  
"In a cage …," Serene said softly.  
  
Abby looked up, frowning. "A cage? We would never put our child into a cage!" she protested fiercely.  
  
Serene blushed. "I … I once dreamed about Remus, a long time ago. He was in a cage then."  
  
Jerome shook his head. "Not in our house. And certainly not in Hogwarts. Albus Dumbledore does not believe in cages, either."  
  
She nodded slowly. "When did it get better? When did you know he'd survive?"  
  
Remus' mother blew out a deep breath, as if she still felt the relief. "It got better over night. Like magic, really. When he was seven, he suddenly stopped crying all the time. He had a growth spurt, he put on some weight, he found his smile again. And he suddenly possessed a certain …," she cocked her head and looked at her husband for help.  
  
Jerome nodded. "A quiet self-assurance. Even when the children in the French village would not play with him."  
  
"The grammar school would not admit him when they found out he was a werewolf. The children threw stones at him." Abby shuddered, and impulsively Serene put a hand on her arm. "They shouted 'Loup garoux' after him … I can still hear them."  
  
"Then the British MWF offered me the position in Sherwood," said Jerome. "We moved, and since the village of Littlejohn is too small to have its own school, Abby and I taught Remus."  
  
"As soon as Remus got better," Abby smiled, "I got pregnant. As if the girls had waited until their brother was alright."  
  
"So they are much younger than Remus." Serene nodded. "And of course he went to Hogwarts soon after you moved to Sherwood."  
  
"Julia, our youngest, was born when Remus turned ten," confirmed Abby. "We had always planned to send Rem to Beauxbatons, since Jerome is French. But they would not admit a werewolf, and neither would any other school between Greece and Island. Hogwarts was the second institute we applied at, but they refused to admit our boy, too."  
  
"But .."  
  
Jerome chuckled. "But then we got a letter … when was that, Abby? A week before school started? Albus Dumbledore introduced himself as the new Headmaster, and his first task was to convince the school board to allow Remus to come to Hogwarts." He rose from his chair and smiled at Serene's empty plate. "Good girl! Now, enough of these old stories. Abby, do we have a decent pair of boots for Serene? We better get going and find us a Christmas tree."  
  
* * *  
  
Claire beamed at Harry and their guest.  
  
"Well, Merry Christmas to all of us!"  
  
She raised the cut glass goblet with pumpkin juice, and both Harry and Castor Black followed her example.  
  
They were seated by a roaring fire in the southern salon, and waited for Coco to ring the bell to call them to lunch. As every year the elves had outdone themselves with preparations for a veritable feast, and the delicious scents that wavered through the Manor were tantalizing.  
  
Still, Harry let his head hang low and had spent the last hour reading the same page of his Quidditch magazine over and over again.  
  
Claire reached for his hand. "Harry? What's wrong?"  
  
He pushed up his glasses and gave her a sheepish smile. "Nothing. It is only that I …"  
  
She smiled encouragingly.  
  
"You'll remember I wasn't very … pleased when you and Sirius got married," Harry frowned, and Claire gave his dark shock of hair a quick tousle.  
  
"But then you were so…," he blushed a bit, "so friendly. And I thought we could be a family, although we are not related."  
  
"But we are, Harry," Claire tried to comfort him. "We are family."  
  
"I know. Only, I hoped I'd have a real Christmas this year."  
  
"A real Christmas?" asked Castor.  
  
"Well, like in the books, you know," Harry explained awkwardly. "Where the whole family is there, and you talk and eat together. Only …"  
  
"Only Sirius is not with us," concluded Claire. Sometimes the Fidelius Charm, as necessary and life-saving it had proved to be, was nothing less than cruel, especially on Sirius' closest friends.  
  
"I know I am only a bad replacement for my brother," Castor smiled. "Still, it was very friendly to invite me, Claire."  
  
She shook her head. "You are family as well. We should meet more often. And Christmas is the right occasion to get to know each other. So - tell me all the family secrets." She winked at him. "You should have brought your … girlfriend."  
  
Castor smirked. "Don't have any at the moment. The last one decided that she could not live with my many faults any longer."  
  
"So you got faults? You can't be Sirius' brother then," Claire joked and rose clumsily. "The Blacks don't have any faults!"  
  
He chuckled. "Well, this one does, apparently. Commitment-shy. Arrogant. Lazy."  
  
"Should have stuck with that little musician you were so crazy about, then," said a dry voice from the door.  
  
Harry shot up from his chair. "Sirius!"  
  
"Merry Christmas, again, Harry," smiled Claire and watched with delight how the lanky boy hugged her husband.  
  
Castor looked at his brother with a mixture of joy and alarm. "Siri! As much as I am pleased to see you …"  
  
"I know. I should hide somewhere … bla bla bla." Sirius gave his younger brother a rough hug. "Can you forget you are an Auror until after lunch?"  
  
Castor smirked and pointed at his blank collar. "I am off duty until the New Year."  
  
When a fine chime announced that the elves allowed them to enter the dining room, Claire clapped her hands. "Lunch! I am starving!" She turned and pretended to straighten a painting at the wall. "Go ahead, I'll be with you in a second."  
  
While Harry and Castor left, Sirius and Claire lingered in the salon for another moment.  
  
"Why are you crying?" asked Sirius worriedly.  
  
She shook her head and sniffed. "I am only being sentimental. This is not only the best Christmas Harry ever had, but also …"  
  
"Merry Christmas then, Mrs. Black," Sirius whispered, when he buried his face in her hair and gently stroked the bump under her robes. "And to you, my little daughter."  
  
* * *  
  
In the late afternoon Abby suddenly stopped filling pie-forms with pumpkin and cream, and put the rolling-pin down.  
  
"That's the girls!" she announced brightly and chuckled at Serene's surprised gaze. "No, I am not psychic. But I am a mother!"  
  
And really - within minutes the living room and kitchen brimmed over with people, all hugging and kissing whoever they could get a hold of. Children complained about being ignored, men laughed, women fussed with each other's hair, while Serene stood in the kitchen door, suddenly feeling tongue-tied and shy.  
  
Finally Jerome took mercy on her and grabbed her hand to draw her into the center of the group.  
  
"Everybody - this is our guest, Serene. She is a friend of Remus' …," he chuckled softly and gave her a wink, "… a very dear friend."  
  
Serene blushed. Jerome started to introduce the new-arrivals. "Our daughters Helena and Livia, and their husbands, Louis and Peregrine. Helena teaches Astrology at Beauxbatons, so you will have a lot to talk about. This …, "he pointed at a small boy, "is Alex, Livia's eldest son, and over there, sleeping in the chair, is Maxime."  
  
Livia smiled apologetically. "The ride over the channel was a bit rough."  
  
Jerome went on. "The little girls, all three of them, are Helena's. Delphine, Marguerite and Noelle."  
  
The smallest girl, a spitting image of her grandmother, ventured to Serene and touched the sleeve of her robe. "I like your dress," she said with a slight French accent.  
  
"So do I!" A blond witch entered the living-room, almost buckling under the burden of a cloak, a large lute case and various other pieces of luggage. She dropped the bags, but set the lute carefully onto the couch. "What a shame that you can't do anything about Rem's appalling dress sense!"  
  
"This," laughed Jerome at Abby's delighted scream, "is our daughter Julia, the musician."  
  
"Concert in London got postponed until the end of December," Julia explained, almost suffocated by her mother's kisses. "So I decided to join the family for Christmas."  
  
While the female members of the Lupin family took the children upstairs to put them into bed for a nap, the wizards carried luggage into the house. Peregrine, a fair-haired fresh faced farmer from what Serene had been told, grinned at her.  
  
"They can be quite overwhelming at times," he said. "But you'll get used to it!"  
  
"Well, I guess Remus will be late," decided Jerome an hour later when they had finished tea. "Why don't we get dressed and drive to the village? He'll follow."  
  
Serene put away the dishes and cast a quick cleaning spell over the table and counters. Household magic was not really her field, but as long as she didn't have to cook, it would do. The cold ache in her heart got stronger as she had to admit that her sudden fascination with household chores was only playing for time. But Remus had not come back, and even washing all the cups by hand would not change that …  
  
A soft scraping noise at the backdoor made her turn. The open door let in a gust of cold air. Remus stood on the kitchen porch, his grey-streaked hair flecked with snow.  
  
For a moment time froze. Serene was caught between two heartbeats, and her senses took in every random detail. Tiny icicles melting on the tips of Remus' long lashes ... The carefully mended hood of his cloak … The light in his warm brown eyes …  
  
"Hey, Sally."  
  
His voice was a low caress, and broke the spell.  
  
"You … came back ..." Serene shook her head, dodged him and ran out of the kitchen.  
  
„Serene! Damn it! What's wrong?"  
  
Remus sighed in confusion before he followed her into the yard.  
  
It snowed again, and the apple trees in the orchard looked as if they were in full bloom at the height of winter. Serene stood in the snow, and from her trembling shoulders Remus could see she was close to tears.  
  
"Why don't you trust me?" he repeated softly.  
  
When she did not answer, he gently took her shoulder and made her turn to him. His eyes narrowed when he saw her face. "It hurts me when you do not trust me."  
  
Serene blinked back the tears. Then she took a painful shuddering breath. He had a right to know. But that did not make it easier …  
  
"My parents…" she started awkwardly.  
  
Remus waited patiently.  
  
"I lied. They are not dead." The tears proved stronger than her will to keep a little bit of self-respect.  
  
Remus frowned. "But why …"  
  
"They did not come back." Serene stared up at the snow covered branches, and the familiar pain of the abandoned child rushed over her like a cold wave. "They promised they'd come. But they couldn't cope with me … being a freak." Hard sobs shook her. "They left me in this clinic and never came to get me."  
  
"Oh Serene," Remus whispered and drew her in his arms. He let her bury her face in the crook of his neck, and stroked her back soothingly. "I am so sorry, ma coeur. No matter what happens, I'll always come for you. I promise. You must believe me." Her weeping became only louder, and Remus got seriously worried. "Please stop crying, love. I can't take it."  
  
He held her for a long time, until the weeping slowly ceased.  
  
"I know you do not believe in the bond between us," he pleaded softly. "But I need you to understand that I'll always love you. Nothing you do or say will change that. And if you don't love me, could you at least try to trust me?"  
  
She nodded wordlessly, still hiding her face against his shoulder.  
  
Kissing her wet eyelids and her trembling lips, he whispered into her ear. "My family will think I got you a magical toaster for Christmas when they hear you cry like this."  
  
Serene smiled shakily and wiped away the tears with the back of her hand. "I don't even have a present for you," she sniffed. "I didn't have time …"  
  
Remus shrugged smilingly, secretly relieved that she'd overcome the bout of desperation. How anybody could abandon a young girl was beyond his comprehension. How old had she been when she was admitted to the mental hospital to "cure" her from her magical gifts? Twelve, thirteen? Remus remembered well his own gratefulness that one of his parents had always been with him during the worst phases of his own condition.  
  
"I don't have a present either," he smirked. "But I'd say a kiss would do. In my case at least."  
  
"You once got me a silver bracelet," Serene said. Her voice was hoarse from crying.  
  
Remus winced softly at the memory of the silver burning his skin.  
  
She took his hand and kissed the open palm. "I did not think," she whispered. "I am sorry."  
  
He shook his head. "I wanted you to have it. It looks so pretty on you."  
  
Serene pressed his hand against her breast so he could feel her heartbeat. "No more silver," she whispered. "Only kisses."  
  
"I am afraid we'll have to postpone the exchange of presents," Remus sighed, when he saw Julia wave from the kitchen. "The Lupin family want to go to the feast, and they are not a force to mess with." He looked at her. Her eyes were red rimmed but beautiful as always. "Or would you rather not go?"  
  
"And miss my first Yule feast?" Serene shook her head and the red curls flew wildly. "When I have a chance to dance with the most eligible bachelor of Littlejohn?"  
  
Remus snorted. "Don't flatter yourself, Miss Kennedy. I may be the only bachelor between sixteen and sixty in Littlejohn. But I am also poor as dirt, a teacher, and a werewolf. That does not make me so eligible after all …"  
  
Serene brushed a quick kiss onto his nose. "Good enough for me."  
  
Holding his hand, she drew him back to the house, where Julia waited at the open kitchen door.  
  
"We are ready when you are." The blond witch beamed at her brother. "Hey, Rem, I see you haven't lost your magical touch with witchfolk. Serene only has to see you and she runs off crying!"  
  
Remus laughed and tousled his sister's hair. "Who are you to talk, Miss-I- haven't-dated-a-decent-wizard-in years?"  
  
Julia chuckled, nudged him in the ribs and pushed both Remus and Serene into the kitchen, where the rest of the family waited for them.  
  
In front of the house waited a huge sleigh with Falada already reigned in, and to Serene's delight the big horse wore a collar with hundreds of tiny bells. Jerome mounted Falada, while Abby oversaw the loading of her children, sons-in-laws, grandchildren and guests. When finally everyone had found a more or less comfortable place, Jerome turned to Serene and gave her a big grin.  
  
"How do they say in the Muggle world, ma chere?" He grabbed Falada's long mane and laughed. "Ho Ho Ho?"  
  
And all the bells jingled and the sleigh dashed towards the village of Littlejohn.  
  
* * *  
  
In his study in Hogwarts Albus Dumbledore sat by his desk, reading Serene's letter. Behind his back the former Headmasters in the paintings turned their backs to him. They refused to talk to him, only Frodric the Childish stuck out his tongue at him once in a while.  
  
Dumbledore didn't dare to think about how his living colleagues would react when he announced his decision, let alone the students.  
  
"Maybe I'll wait a few more months," he mused. "Maybe there is another solution."  
  
Next to the chair by the fireside socks in different colors and materials piled. The Headmaster smiled sadly. It took a while to plant a thought into the mind of people. For decades he'd been talking about warm woolen socks - and had never gotten any. Only this year twenty of his friends seemed to have had the same idea … Well, a wizard could never have enough socks, could he?  
  
Besides that it was quite probable he would not get any presents next year at all.  
  
Sighing he searched for quill and parchment, and began to pen an answer to Serene. Laeticia de Malheur? Well, that name did indeed mean something to him …  
  
* * *  
  
On the way back from the feast Serene sat very close to Remus. The sleigh was over full with sleeping children, singing adults and various items they had collected at the pageants. Abby had won a living turkey for the best pumpkin pie, and the miserable looking bird sat next to her feet in the sleigh. Julia balanced her lute and little Noelle on her lap, and Jerome let his grandson Max ride with him on Falada, in case the boy got sick once more from a vicious combination of too much cotton candy, roasted chestnuts and butterbeer.  
  
Finally Remus rose and pulled one of the big horse's reigns. "Papa, Serene and I shall walk!"  
  
The sleigh stopped, and Louis helped Serene to climb over legs and blankets. She jumped off the sleigh and stood in knee deep snow.  
  
"Remus!" she protested. "You can't be serious!"  
  
But while she still wailed about the snow getting into her boots, the sleigh took off with a last cheery wave from the Lupins.  
  
Remus grinned at her. "Alone at last!" he sighed theatrically. "You were quite a success at the feast, ma coeur."  
  
Serene threw her braid back. "They only tried to be polite. Once they learned that I can neither bake like your mum, nor sing like Julia, nor conjure fireworks like Peregrine, they took pity on me and …"  
  
"And passed you around for twelve dances in a row. I see." He gave her a wink. "No wonder I have to turn to desperate means to be alone with you."  
  
She stomped her feet. "I appreciate the romantic gesture, Remus, but it is a long walk back to your house. A very long walk!"  
  
It had started to snow again, but the light from Remus' wand was bright enough to show that they stood on the narrow way the sleigh had taken, with high dark trees on both sides.  
  
"I know a short cut," suggested Remus. "I want you to see the Forrest by night. There are tiny ice fairies that come out only around the winter solstice. You can see them dancing on the ice of the pond next to the big oak."  
  
"The big oak?" Serene groaned. "Remy, that's miles away! And it is that tourist place, isn't it? I bet they have carol singers there, all dressed up as Robin's merry men!"  
  
Remus laughed heartily. "I bet they do." He grew serious again. "But I mean the real big oak, Robin Hood's oak. Not the one the Muggles see." He wrapped her cloak tighter around her shoulders and carefully slid the hood over her head in a gesture that Serene found strangely touching. "The Department of Magical History has long ago guarded the real oak with a Muggle repellent. You know how careless they can be, especially when they come by …," he searched for the correct expression, "… buzzers?"  
  
"Busses," Serene corrected smilingly. "I'd very much like to see the real oak, Remus. But the snow is so high, I doubt we'll get further than a few meters."  
  
"So Papa did not show you how we deal with snow at Sherwood?"  
  
She shrugged. "He just told me to step into his tracks. But the snow was only ankle-deep then, and now it reaches my knees!"  
  
Remus dug in his cloak and produced a paperbag with hot chestnuts. He took one, held it up, whistled softly and threw it into the deep snow in the woods. Suddenly the pristine white snow cover trembled, and before Serene's unbelieving eyes a trench opened and led through the snow.  
  
Remus smirked. "Polar Nifflers. Papa saved them when some zoo in Glasgow went bankrupt. They are crazy about hot things."  
  
So they made their way through the silent woods. Every once in awhile Remus threw a chestnut ahead, and sometimes Serene got a glimpse of the wiggling white bottom of a Polar Niffler, digging fervently for another hot delicacy.  
  
At Robin's oak they found a veritable ballet of tiny tinkling fairies. Remus held Serene back when she tried to touch one of the little creatures.  
  
"They bite," he warned. "They can be pretty spiteful, don't let their beauty fool you. Muggles call it frostbite, but fairybite would be more appropriate."  
  
Still, the dance was one of the most enchanting scenes Serene had ever witnessed. They stood in the shelter of the huge oak, listened to the tree singing an ancient song about the winters it had seen, and then walked back to the cottage hand in hand.  
  
  
  
Abby had left the back door open for them and they sneaked up the stairs giggling like children. A flickering candle in a wind glass lightened the hallway.  
  
Remus slowly pushed back Serene's hood. His hands cupped her cold face, and she could barely breathe for the happiness that welled up when she looked into his eyes.  
  
"Can I come in to collect my Christmas present?" he whispered.  
  
Serene's lips brushed the corner of his mouth. "You'll have to unwrap it first," she teased gently.  
  
He smirked, pulled open the fastening of her cloak and carried her to her bed in the guest room. "I guess I can manage that. I am very dexterous …"  
  
* * * 


	9. The Concert / Part 1

9. The Concert / Part 1  
  
  
  
"So you are going to leave us tomorrow?" asked Jerome and soaked a swab of cotton in the bowl Serene handed him.  
  
They stood by a table in one of the straw-thatched buildings, where Jerome kept sick or injured creatures. On the table sat a very unhappy looking Augurey with a broken wing and deep scratches over its face. Obviously a big cat had got dangerously close to the bird.  
  
Serene prepared an oatmeal poultice for the broken wing. "A friend invited us to stay at her townhouse in London for New Years Eve, to see the Muggle fireworks. And then there is Julia's concert on the 30iest, isn't it? Why don't you and Abby come with us? Claire certainly won't mind. She loves to meet new people."  
  
Jerome shook his head and patted the scared creature's head soothingly.  
  
"Big events like concerts are too .... strenuous for me."  
  
She watched him as he carefully applied the warm oatmeal to the wing-joint, and saw how the creature relaxed under his ministrations.  
  
"Is it because of the many emotions you'll catch? You managed fine in Littlejohn."  
  
Remus' father smiled at her distractedly. "In Littlejohn I know everybody. And I know what emotions to expect. Still, it takes a lot of strength to block them off. Being surrounded by thousands of strangers on an exciting evening like New Year's Eve sounds like a nightmare to me."  
  
Still smiling he prepared a bed of straw for the Augurey. "Creatures and animals are so much easier to deal with. Clear emotions. Fear is fear. Love is love. Hunger is hunger. People on the other hand ... are a mess."  
  
Serene frowned and he laughed openly.  
  
"My dear girl, just look at yourself! Just look at Rem! What do you feel for him?"  
  
She blushed. "I ... I don't know ..."  
  
Jerome took a seat on a bale of straw. "I don't need to be emphatic to know. It is this very human condition, a mixture of fear and longing and hunger and love. And Remus," he sighed softly, "is just as confused. You know he loves you." His words were a statement, not a question.  
  
She nodded silently.  
  
"He is guided by love and concentrates only on that emotion while he refuses to deal with the muddy waters that lie beyond." Jerome wiped oatmeal off his hands. "That won't do."  
  
Serene shook her head. "I don't think you are right. Well, maybe you are right about me. But Remus ... He is so settled, so self-assured. It is almost scary how he knows what he wants from life."  
  
The old wizard stood up and went to the window to watch his son play in the snow with the three little girls.  
  
"Remus hates who ... what ... he is," he said quietly and his eyes conveyed the deep sorrow he felt. "He pretends to be fine, but he isn't. I am not sure if you know what being a werewolf really means. Abby and I, we have been suffocating you with facts about lycanthropy in the last days and you must forgive concerned parents who only want the best for their boy. But we …"  
  
Serene avoided his gaze and put a light blanket over the Augurey. Then she picked up the bowl, the wooden spatula and the remaining cotton. "I better ..."  
  
He would not let her get away that easy. "Remus loves you, Serene, and this love shines brighter than the darkness that lurches in him. Nevertheless he has to deal with it one day." He reached for her hand. "As you'll have to deal with the dark spot on your soul. Sometimes forgiving yourself can be the hardest thing."  
  
Serene's body went rigid. "I don't know what you are talking about."  
  
For a long moment they fought a battle of will in absolute silence. Eventually Jerome gave up.  
  
"Anyway, ma fille, Abby and I want you to know that no matter what happens between you and Remus, you'll always be welcome at our house." He shrugged and threw last look at his patient. The Augurey slept peacefully in its straw bed. "Just one more thing. Got any visions about how long his wing will take to heal?"  
  
Then a close snowball from little Delphine found its way through the open door and made them part of the largest snow fight Sherwood Forest had seen in years.  
  
* * *  
  
Oh yes, this was definitely a Winterstorm property, thought Serene when she took in the room. After their late arrival and a casual dinner in the large kitchen, Claire had led them upstairs to a lush and elegantly furnished suite with high windows and a beautiful view at the park behind Gringott's.  
  
From beyond Diagon Alley Serene could hear the bells of one of the Muggle churches chime.  
  
Remus lay on the bed, long limbs stretched out, arms crossed behind his head. His eyes were closed, but she knew he was not asleep. When they'd left his parent's house, Remus' mood had changed into black, as if a dark cloud was hovering over him. Serene was not sure what had caused the mood- swing, but he had hardly said a word all evening, although he had concentrated hard - and successfully where Claire was concerned - on pretending he was happy and calm.  
  
She folded her cloak carefully, stepped out of her boots and kneeled next to him on the bed. How familiar his face had become to her ... Every line, every feature seemed to call to her, tug on her heart. Suddenly feeling very sentimental, she straddled him.  
  
Remus' eyes flew open. In the dim light of the single candle at the nightstand his eyes appeared more amber than brown.  
  
"Is everything alright?"  
  
He did not answer.  
  
Playfully Serene unbuttoned his shirt.  
  
"Are you tired?"  
  
Her voice was a low purr.  
  
She gently touched his soft brown hair, his neck, his shoulders, in an awkward attempt to stroke away the tension. Slowly she felt his muscles relax under her caressing hands. The last thing she wanted was causing him more pain than she already had.  
  
'Don't lie to yourself,' her inner voice mocked. 'If you really wanted him unharmed, you'd leave right now. You'd not stay only because you can't bear the thought of losing him.'  
  
And still, here she was, so very close to him, trailing kisses down his neck to his collarbone, and up again to the soft spot where jaw met ear. Remus gasped softly when the tip of her tongue teased him there, and with a soft growl turned around, still holding her.  
  
Now, laying on top, he stared down at her, burned her with his eyes. For a moment she just took in the sensation of his body covering hers completely. His skin was unusually hot, almost feverish, much like the first time they had made love.  
  
She stretched upwards a fraction of an inch, nipping briefly on his bottom lip, begging to get kissed and with a sigh he obliged.  
  
"I love you."  
  
Remus' voice was only a murmur, but the words made her heart flutter. Lightly his hands cupped her face. Now it was she who closed her eyes, concentrating only on the sweet touch of his lips. His hands revelled on smooth skin, touching, teasing, claiming what was his rightfully.  
  
A quick, laughing moan escaped her, when he tickled her and rolled over so she lay on top of him again. For a moment their eyes locked. For a moment time stood still. The kiss was pure passion. There was no room for thought, no room for reason. There was only sensation.  
  
Remus' hands left her alone just long enough to unfasten her robes, to push off his boots. While he helped her to wriggle out of the clinging fabric, his hands glided down, from cool silk to hot skin, and deeper into warm welcoming moistness.  
  
Breathless, Serene wrapped herself around him, held onto his shoulders for dear life.  
  
Opened to him, eager to get closer, so close her body would meld into his.  
  
And become one being.  
  
She felt the hot white light explode in her very core, radiate waves of pure pleasure, and at the same time knew Remus was watching her, guarding her, always in control, attentive to her needs and oblivious to his very own. She drew his head down, cradling him against her breast in a sudden desire to own him fully, to tear the reigns that held him back. Even as a desperate moan and a last forceful thrust proved that it had needed nothing more to push him over the edge, the last barrier between them never fell.  
  
Exquisitely exhausted, Serene snuggled into Remus' arms afterwards, and his heartbeat sang her to sleep. She sighed softly when he nuzzled his cheek against her hair, and more anticipated than heard his words, when he whispered.  
  
"What do I have to do to make you love me?"  
  
She bit on her tongue to stifle a sob. A lonely tear slid through her lashes and ran down her cheek. If he only knew ... If he knew that merely seeing him enter the room made her feel all warm inside ... If he only knew how his presence drove away all fear, all sadness ... If only this was a perfect world and she'd be free to answer him, to tell him that there was nothing he could do to make her love him because she already did. But since she could not tell him what he longed to hear more than anything, she pretended to be asleep.  
  
Remus kissed her forehead ever so gently and watched his woman sleep, while the moonlight seeped through the heavy drapes.  
  
  
  
When she woke up the next time, she knew immediately something was wrong. Her hand reached for Remus' body next to hers, but there was nothing. The sheets were cold, so he must have left their bed some time ago. She tried to go back to sleep, but to no avail. Though she loathed admitting it - it was easier to relax when she heard Remus' heartbeat, felt his warm skin.  
  
Still drowsy, she wrapped the sheet around her body as a makeshift robe and went in search of her man.  
  
The door to the bathroom was half ajar, and when she heard water running, she almost went back to bed. But then she got a glimpse at Remus' face in the mirror. He was pale, his eyes red-rimmed, and dark stubble pronounced the hollow of his cheeks.  
  
Worried she pushed open the door.  
  
Remus who had been splashing cold water in his face, looked up and gave her a weary smile. "Did I wake you?"  
  
"No." Serene pulled up the slipping sheet. "Remy, are you ill?"  
  
He had been nervous and irritated the day before, when they travelled to London. And now he looked feverish and exhausted. And although he tried to hide his hand, she could see that his palm was lacerated with bloody cuts - as if he'd clawed his own fingernails deep into the flesh.  
  
"I am fine," he smiled faintly. "Just had a bad dream."  
  
In fact he had not slept at all, but had tried all night long to fight the heat that rose in him. Two more nights until the full moon, and he did not know if he could keep control and resist the urge to transform any longer. He had never been as happy as in the last few days - and he would not risk that happiness and Serene's growing trust by scaring her to death.  
  
'You are a coward and a liar, Lupin' he accused his face in the mirror, while Serene stepped closer and let one hand run over the back of his neck. 'You are not afraid of scaring her. You are afraid of seeing the revulsion in her eyes when she became aware of what you really are.  
  
"Want to come back to bed?" Serene kissed his shoulder, and the caress reassured him a bit.  
  
"Want to come back to Hogwarts?" he asked softly.  
  
She tensed immediately.  
  
„Why is this so important to you, Remus?" she asked, somewhat exasperated. "Why can't we keep it as it is now? You could still teach in Hogwarts and we could see each other on the weekends."  
  
Now he looked at her and for the duration of a heartbeat she got a glimpse right into his soul. The deep commitment she saw there touched and frightened her at the same time.  
  
"It's because you are the only one," he replied quietly. "And if it doesn't work out between the two of us … there'll be nobody else. Ever."  
  
"Remy …"  
  
"I'll be all alone then." He went back into the bedroom, and stood by the window, naked and barefoot, and once more Serene's breath hitched in her throat at the sight of his beautiful body.  
  
She followed him, sat on the bed and hugged her knees. "You won't be alone. You'll find another woman who can give you all you deserve. Who will love you …"  
  
She winced when Remus' fist suddenly hit the wall and produced a visible dent in the plaster. When he turned his face was raw with emotion.  
  
"I remember the day you were born."  
  
Serene shook her head. "Remus, you can't possibly …"  
  
He raised a hand. "Wait. You know I got … bitten … when I was five."  
  
"Abby told me so, yes."  
  
"And for almost two years they thought I would not make it. I was too small to understand the changes my body forced on me. But I dreamed the same dream ever night. There was only darkness and, Merlin, it was so cold. I was so frightened. And I screamed into the darkness, but nobody ever answered."  
  
The five year old boy's desperation seeped through the wizard's detached voice. Serene scrambled out of bed and went to Remus, ignoring his stance.  
  
"Not like this," she whispered and reached for his hand. "Come back to bed, love. Tell me there."  
  
Serene settled against the pillows and drew him into her arms in a protective gesture that was uncommon for her.  
  
"I got sicker every day. Weaker. I lost my will to live, and I was so afraid to fall asleep because I could not bear the dreams."  
  
Serene stroked his chest and pressed a kiss on his forehead while he remembered the dark months he had spent in agony.  
  
"But then, one night, somebody answered." He took her hand and nuzzled his cheek into her open palm. "No voice, but … I don't know. A presence …"  
  
"But, Remy, how do you …"  
  
"December 26th," he said calmly. "Thirty years ago. Your birthday."  
  
Flabbergasted she looked down at him. How could this be? It had to be a ridiculous coincidence. She did not believe in this bond. She could not afford to believe in it …  
  
"You must have felt it, too."  
  
Remus rolled to his side so he could see her face.  
  
"No." Serene shrugged and carefully avoided his scrutinising gaze. "I never felt … anything."  
  
She picked up the bath robe from where she'd dropped it the evening before and rose from the bed. "We should get up. Laurel and Severus should be here by now. I smell coffee, and I am starving."  
  
When she went into the bathroom, his eyes burned into her back, but she did not turn.  
  
* * *  
  
Before they entered the sunny salon where Claire had breakfast served, both Serene and Remus forced a smile onto their face.  
  
The room was filled with wintry sunlight, and again Serene decided fondly that Claire had a special gift with colours. The light yellow of the curtains complimented the soft green carpet, and a large bouquet of Snowroses bloomed in a green earthenware bowl on the mantle.  
  
They found Severus and Laurel sitting with Claire at an immaculately set breakfast table. The scent of freshly brewed coffee wavered through the room.  
  
Laurel dropped the scone she had just picked from the big plate with delicious bakeries, and ran to hug Serene. Serene returned the embrace, secretly surprised how much she had missed the other woman. All her life she had prided herself on how self-sufficient she was. And now she got more and more entangled in a web of dependencies.  
  
Remus and Severus exchanged polite nods, both pleased to see the other, both of them way to reserved to show any emotion.  
  
Eventually Laurel let go of Serene and drew her to the table.  
  
"Look who's there, honey! We missed her a lot, didn't we?" she cooed, and Serene frowned at her. She knew quite well that her friend loved the cold potions master from the bottom of her heart, but when had she taken to talking to him in that ridiculous way? And she severely doubted that Severus Snape had missed her as much as Laurel claimed …  
  
A small face peeked up at her from knee-height, holding on to Snape's leg.  
  
"Ene?"  
  
Serene crouched, holding out her hands and felt a sting of joy when Jonah let go of his protective base and ran to her. She picked him up and planted a big kiss on his nose. "My, how you have grown!"  
  
The boy squeaked in delight when she tickled his chin, and grabbed hold at her hair.  
  
"He remembers me."  
  
Her voice trembled a little when she marvelled at Jonah's laughing face. "After all those weeks, he still remembers me."  
  
Laurel smiled and exchanged a glance with Claire, nodding slightly in Remus' direction. The wizard looked at Serene and the little boy so unhappily, Claire adverted her eyes.  
  
"Of course he remembers you," snorted Severus, "After all you are the only red-haired witch in his life so far. And," he added with a surprisingly warm smile," you make great presents!"  
  
He held up a toy snake, as thick as a man's arm, fashioned out of soft green and silvery velvet.  
  
Jonah gurgled a few words in his own secret language and tapped the toy on the head. "Lytin!"  
  
"He can't pronounce Slytherin yet," explained Snape.  
  
Serene smiled, when Professor Flitwick's spell made the snake roll into a ball, uncurl and wind around the little boy's belly.  
  
While Laurel, Claire and Serene joked with Jonah, Severus turned to the other wizard and studied Lupin's drawn face over the rim of his coffee mug.  
  
"Allow me to state that you look like …"  
  
"A werewolf by full moon. I could howl with joy." Remus' tired attempt to joke did not convince the Potions master at all.  
  
"Are you sure you can do it without Wolfsbane? I got some in my baggage," Snape offered. "I could borrow a cauldron from Claire's kitchen and brew something for you."  
  
"No." Remus winced when the handle of the mug cracked under his grip. "I won't take it anymore. Never again."  
  
"Then pray tell me how you intent to get through tonight's concert? It is mostly open air, you know? And although the sky is clouded, the moon will be almost full."  
  
Remus sighed. "I know. I'll stay under the roof. And I …" he looked at Serene who clowned around with the little boy and the toy snake. "I just have to keep my temper. Nobody will be the wiser."  
  
Snape stared at him in sudden suspicion, and Remus busied with his breakfast.  
  
"You did not tell her!" the Potions master hissed. "Are you crazy?"  
  
"I can't. It is one thing to date a werewolf who is sedated by Wolfsbane. But how could I expose her to the … monster … I really am?"  
  
Checking with a fast side-glance that the women were still busy, Severus glowered at Lupin.  
  
"If she loves you, she won't mind."  
  
Remus shot him a bitter smile. "Well, she doesn't. Baring my heart has not changed that. But I'll be damned if I scare her away by baring my fangs."  
  
Snape shrugged. "Your decision, Lupin. But if you transform tonight, stay away from my family."  
  
Laurel laid a hand on his shoulder. "Now, what about your family, Professor?"  
  
Remus shook his head ever so lightly, and Snape shrugged again, complying Lupin's silent request. "Not my family." He took her hand, and wondered about himself briefly. How in the world had he, the deceiver, the double agent, become uncomfortable with lying? "We are talking about Draco Malfoy. Before Lucius and I … fell apart ... I was supposed to be Draco's guardian if anything ever happened to his father. But two days ago the Malfoy family lawyer informed me that Lucius changed his will."  
  
"When you opposed Voldemort," added Laurel very softly.  
  
"There are not many male Malfoys left, it is not a large family," said Remus, glad that Snape had found a inconspicuous subject. "I wonder who is responsible for the brat now."  
  
"I hope Narcissa sends Draco back to Hogwarts once the Holidays are over," mused Severus and let Jonah sit on his lap and play with a muffin. "He doesn't have many friends there, but still …"  
  
"Harry was so disappointed he was allowed to come to the concert," interfered Claire who had not really listened but had tried to pry out the reason for Serene's obvious unhappiness. Obviously her friend's mood had changed over night. One could only hope that it was only a lover's tiff but Claire suspected that something was seriously wrong between Serene and Remus, something a few romantic days could not fix.  
  
"Harry," Serene stuttered, suddenly pale. "You brought Harry with you?"  
  
"No, Dumbledore decided it was too dangerous for him. But he … we hoped, we'd see Sirius. With so many people around …"  
  
Laurel gave her friend a sympathetic smile and removed with a skilled hand a piece of blueberry muffin out of Jonah's ear. "You miss him a lot, don't you? After all you have not seen Sirius for …"  
  
"Ah, months," lied Claire and blushed a bit, thinking about Sirius who still slept in their bedroom upstairs. "Hard to bear, I give you that. It is hard for Harry, too."  
  
"On the other hand, Dumbledore's probably right," said Snape. "A Salamander- concert is far too dangerous for the boy."  
  
"Dangerous?" Serene sat down next to Remus and although she felt that he was angry with her, she chose to ignore his bad mood. "Your little sister Julia did not appear very dangerous to me."  
  
Remus sighed. "Salamander is a very … outspoken band," he tried to explain.  
  
"Outspoken!" Snape snorted. "I doubt the Ministry of Magic and you agree on this definition."  
  
"Many people say, Salamander drives the young ones into Voldemort's hands, " pointed Claire out to Serene. "They sing about everything that's wrong in our society - and as we all know, that's quite a lot. Just remember what the Ministry did to the giants! Salamander always made it their policy to speak up about injustice and prejudice."  
  
"No wonder the government wants to silence them." Serene nodded. "But what's all that to do with Voldemort?"  
  
"The Death Eaters use Salamander's concerts as a hunting ground for the discontented." Severus pushed back his plate, out of Jonah's reach. "Tonight there will be dozens of them in the audience, and also dozens of Aurors. To risky a location for the boy who lived."  
  
"I invited Cas," said Claire and refilled the coffee mugs. "You remember Sirius' brother? He is off duty until the New Year, and he told me he was a huge fan."  
  
"Castor Black?"  
  
Snape and Remus snorted simultaneously and Claire frowned in confusion.  
  
"What?"  
  
"A huge fan!" coughed Remus, and Serene beat him on the back without pity. "I bet he is!"  
  
"Will anybody explain, for Merlin's sake?" demanded Claire.  
  
Severus sat Jonah down on the floor and gave her one of his rare grins. "You'll see, Claire. You'll see."  
  
* * *  
  
Breakfast turned into lazy lunch, and after Jonah's nap the weather cleared, so they ventured outside. The snow, London had received on Christmas Day, lay still like a soft downy cover on the roofs and sidewalks of Diagon Alley. After a stroll through the alleyways, Laurel guided them to the small circular park behind Gringott's.  
  
Here crowds of children tried out their Christmas presents, bombarded each other with snowballs, or slid down a low hill.  
  
Jonah tugged on his father's robe excitedly and demanded to be sat into one of the swings tangling from the branch of a huge old maple.  
  
"Well, I guess, we leave you guys here with Jonah, while we nip into Gladrags and find something to wear for tonight," said Laurel with a deadpan voice. "  
  
Severus paled.  
  
Remus cleared his throat. "I really don't think ...."  
  
Serene chuckled at his obvious shock. "Now just look at that! You guys would rather face Voldemort himself than the playground crowd!"  
  
She could not resist the temptation to kiss Remus when he joined her laughter, and regretted the impulse instantly when she saw Laurel nudge Claire.  
  
"Since I still feel the spirit of Christmas, I'll send you and Remus ahead to the pub, while we play with Jonah for a while and catch up with you later." Laurel patted Snape's arm.  
  
The two wizard did not even try to hide their relief when they took off across the alley towards the Leaky Cauldron.  
  
Claire stomped her feet. "I love winter, I really do. But I am freezing my toes off." She sighed. Somehow my feet decided they want to be pregnant as well and don't fit into my warm boots anymore."  
  
"Remus' dad taught me a simple insulation spell," announced Serene, and cast a few words at the spot where they stood. Instantly the biting cold ceased. "How many more weeks to go?"  
  
"End of February," Claire patted the bump gently. "I can hardly wait to hold her in my arms."  
  
"Her?" Serene frowned. "How do you know?"  
  
"Sirius ..." Claire blushed. "Well, there is no way to make you believe I haven't seen him since September, is there? He is convinced it is a girl."  
  
For a while they just stood there, watching Serene build a snow-wizard to Jonah's delight. He pulled this toy-snake out of Laurel's bag and let it climb the snow-wizard. Soon a small crowd of children and parents gathered.  
  
A sturdy witch with a little girl in tow approached Claire and Serene. "This is your boy over there with the snake, isn't he?"  
  
Laurel nodded cautiously. The fear of somebody claiming Jonah was still very much alive in her heart.  
  
"Where can I buy a snake like that?" the witch asked. "Charlotte here is crazy for that thing!"  
  
The girl pouted and pointed longingly at Jonah's toy.  
  
"I am afraid, it is unique and not for sale ...," Laurel started.  
  
"But of course it is!" Claire interfered with a smile and passed the witch a business card. "Winterstorm Inc. will introduce a new line of magical cuddly toys this spring. The snake you see is only a test model. So if your Charlotte wants to own one, visit the store in Perpetu Alley in about eight weeks."  
  
Pleased with the answer, the witch and her daughter went back to their friends.  
  
Laurel shook her head in admiration. "You may be a squib, my dear, but you are a business witch of the highest rank!"  
  
Claire blushed a little, flattered by the compliment. "It is Serene's invention. But Winterstorm will gladly be her partner when it comes to producing these things on a larger scale. She'll need the money, as she seems so intent on giving up teaching now."  
  
They wandered to the snow-wizard, and Serene smiled at them, her cheeks reddened from the chilly air and the fun she'd had with Jonah.  
  
"You are happy, aren't you?" asked Claire.  
  
"I am," sighed Serene. "I know it can't last, but right now I am very happy."  
  
"Why can't it last? Now that you and Remus got it together ..."  
  
A dark shadow passed over Serene's face when a cloud hid the wintry sun for a moment. "There is no future for us," she said very softly. "We are too different."  
  
With an exasperated sigh Laurel shook her hard. "Stop talking nonsense! The two of you are made for each other. "  
  
"Yeah right!" Serene's answer came more bitter than she'd intended. "He is considerate, and I am thoughtless. He is polite, and I am rude."  
  
"You are elegant, and he is the worst dressed wizard I ever met," mocked Laurel. "So what."  
  
"He is good ... and I am evil."  
  
Claire gaped at her in disbelieve. "What in the world are you talking about, sweetheart? You are not evil!"  
  
"I had a vision ..."  
  
"About what?"  
  
She shook her head fiercely. "No. I can't talk about."  
  
"Well, sod your vision!" Laurel fumed with indignation at the other witch's stubbornness. "  
  
"I did things I am not particularly proud of to get to Hogwarts."  
  
That only earned her another frown from Claire. "Remus won't care. He loves you."  
  
Serene gritted her teeth. "See! That's what I meant. He is so ... kind. He never made mistakes, never did anything he must be ashamed of!" She kicked the belly of the snow-wizard she'd built for Jonah.  
  
The little boy stared at her in disbelieve. His bottom lip started to tremble and big tears filled his eyes an instant later. Serene closed her eyes in desperation.  
  
"Oh Jonah, honey, I am so sorry."  
  
She crouched down and tried to fix the snow-wizard. Jonah hid behind his mother's leg and frowned at her. Serene sighed.  
  
"See, that's how I am. I destroy things. I hurt those I love." She rose and brushed the snow off her knees. "It is hard enough to accept that Remus can overlook what I did in the past. But … there is something in my future. I'll do something despicable, and the more he thinks he loves me now the more he'll hate me then. The little bit of integrity in me demands I don't let him fall into that trap."  
  
„Still, you must tell him," insisted Claire.  
  
At the thought of coming clear, a dull ache started to spread in Serene's stomach. "He will despise me."  
  
Laurel snorted. "Despise you? Remus Lupin despise you? Oh sure, and pigs can fly."  
  
"But …," Claire frowned in confusion, "pigs can fly. They are just too lazy most of the time."  
  
Laurel shook her head wearily. "It is only a Muggle saying, Claire. And Muggle pigs don't fly, believe me." She reached for Serene's hand. "Remus Lupin will be the last wizard to despise you."  
  
For a moment they sat in silence, then Claire tried again.  
  
"You got it bad, sweetheart," she said softly. "I know the signs. Don't fool yourself. It won't get better once you have parted. You can't heal a blister by cutting off the toe." She smirked at Laurel. "That's a wizard saying, by the way."  
  
"And a good one," agreed Laurel. "Listen, Serene, there is something else you should consider." She helped Jonah to climb into her lap absentmindedly. "Remember my condition when I came to Hogwarts? I could not control my powers, I set things on fire whenever I got angry or sad …" She shuddered in reminiscence.  
  
"I remember." Serene renewed the spell on Claire's boots when she saw her friend stomp her feet to get warm. "We should get going."  
  
They gathered up Jonah's toys and wandered through the park back to the Winterstorm town house.  
  
"I hated my powers. They only caused pain and destruction," said Laurel before they passed through the decorated door. "But now …," she stretched out her hand and out of nothing let a small perfect ball of blue fire balance on her open palm, "it is I who controls the power, not the other way round." She looked at Serene. "To achieve this, I had to admit something to myself. My love to Severus. It gave me focus, and control." Smiling she stroked back the other witch's red hair. "It is worth a try. Allow yourself to love Remus Lupin, and maybe the visions will cease."  
  
Serene stood in the open door while her friends helped the little boy to climb the stairs in the hall. She looked over the snow-covered park, the busy people in the street. Peace, she thought. A world in peace.  
  
So very fragile.  
  
She'd tell Remus, and accept his reaction, however it would turn out.  
  
Tonight, right after the concert, she'd tell him.  
  
* * * 


	10. The Concert / Part 2

**AN: I guess you all are aware of the frustrating situation with FF.net right now. Although I try to update regularly, the site seems to go offline as soon as I log on … Sorry about the delay, and let's hope for better times.******

10. The Concert / Part 2

"Where are we?"

Serene rose on tiptoes to get a better view of the venue but the place brimmed over with excited wizard-folk. She could see trees, and even houses in the distance, but right in front of them lay an open air stage with a semi-circular audience. Most people would sit in the open, so somebody had removed the snow from the seats - doubtlessly with a spell, she thought. The stone-steps looked perfectly clean and even comfortable despite the cold. In the far back of the steps a few boxes - or rather tents - offered a more sheltered seating arrangement, and that was where Claire had booked their seats. Although Julia had offered to provide them with free tickets, Claire had insisted that Winterstorm Inc. should buy the company's usual number of tickets.

Remus pointed at church spire beyond the row of trees, and moved backwards into the shadow of a cloth roof. It was only 5 pm, but the moon stood already in the sky, at the same time enticing and scaring him. "We are in the Muggle park in the center of London. " He tried to remember the name. 

"Hyde Park?"

He frowned, then his face lit up. "Hampstead Heath."

Serene shook her head. "I only know London as a tourist," she said, at the same time trying to banish the memory of her stalking Laurel - to scare her away or kill her, if all else failed … "There was no amphitheater of that size in Hampstead Heath. I am certain of that."

Remus smiled indulgently at her. He'd never stop marveling at how well she'd adapted to the wizarding world. To think she'd been a Muggle only three years ago - well, a Muggle with considerable magical talents, but nevertheless a Muggle by her upbringing. And now she'd made his world her own to an extent that he sometimes forgot how strange some of the things she experienced must seem to her.

He reached for her hand. The closer he got to the full moon, the more he craved her touch. Still, in spite of Snape's apprehensions he was quite positive he could persist tonight, if only he stayed under a roof and had Serene by his side.

"There is an amphitheater, but it is kept invisible most of the year by the Department for Magical Conservation. And this crowd," he pointed out the hundreds of wizards and witches occupying the stone steps, "are hidden from the eyes of any Muggle by a multitude of spells, as well."

"And some are even more hidden than others," a soft voice said.

Remus and Serene jerked around. 

"Sirius!"

Remus coughed and lowered his voice. "Are you mad? To turn up here, right under the eyes of hundred Aurors?"

Then he frowned, suddenly anxious. "Wait. This is your idea of fun, isn't it? The Fidelius Charm, am I right? You probably turn up every other minute, and crack up laughing about our surprised faces."

Sirius sighed. "Well, not anymore. The fun wears off pretty soon, believe me. How did you know?"

"Well, you would never leave Claire when she needs you, would you? And even when you were on the run the first time, you sent an owl once or twice."

Sirius smirked sheepishly. "You are right. Sorry about that."

Serene gaped at her lover, unsure what he and Sirius Black were talking about.

"The Fidelius Charm?" she asked. "You mean he's been around all the time, only we can't remember?"

Remus nodded thoughtfully.

"Pity is we won't remember our clever conclusions as soon as we turn our back." 

Sirius put a hand on his shoulder. "I am sorry, Moony." He could not count how often he'd apologised in the last months, but every time he met Remus he felt as if he'd betrayed his oldest friend. He knew about Remus' decision to stay off the Wolfsbane, had even accompanied him at the last full moon, just like he had when they were boys. But Remus did not remember that Sirius had been there …

Claire joined the small group and smiled at her husband. "I just met a wizard who's son suffered from Prisoner's syndrome. He woke up only a week ago. Isn't this great? He says it was the best Christmas present he ever got." 

Sirius drew her closer. They had decided to keep the identity of "S. Padfoot" a secret, although those who remembered his nickname probably suspected him of writing the three remarkable books that had freed so many of Voldemort's victims from the prison of their mind.

"Now when is this going to start," he wondered, deliberately stirring the conversation to an unsuspicious subject.

"Claire, are you sure this is safe for him?" worried Serene. "Even with the Fidelius Charm ... if one of the Aurors spots him and arrests him ..."

"I am flattered to hear you are concerned about my safety," mocked Sirius and received a hard punch in the ribs by his wife. "We have of course taken extra precautions." He pointed at the box. "Over there stands Castor. Tonight he is my first line of defence, you might say. He knows most of the Aurors and will warn me if any of them gets too close. Then there is a handy spell that will thicken the shadows in the Winterstorm box."

Remus nodded. He would be thankful for the shadow himself as soon as the moon rose over the treetops. "And I see you borrowed Harry's cloak." A piece of silvery fabric hung out of the low slung bag Sirius carried.

"So you can put your worries to rest." Sirius could not refrain from mocking Serene.

She shot him a disdainful glance. "Really Black, I am not worried about you. But I don't want Claire to be a widow when this concert is over."

"On this we all agree." The silky voice of Severus Snape made them turn in surprise. "If I was an Auror, you'd be bound and stupified by now, Black," he pointed out acidly. "And if I was a Death Eater, you'd be dead by now, or in Voldemort's non-existing mercy."

Lauren put a soothing hand on Snape's left arm, which tangled by his side. The potion he had developed to numb the Dark Mark rendered the whole limb useless. But with so many of Voldemort's followers present, the possibility of a summoning was too high to take a chance.

Sirius held up his own arm and let it drop like a piece of wood. "See, potions master, I've been good."

"Or rather your wife has nagged you into using the potion," Laurel chuckled at his annoyed face. All of a sudden her eyes widened.

"I don't believe it! How dares this ... this horrible man to show his face in public? After what he did!"

They all turned, and immediately Sirius stepped into the shadows, so nobody would see his face.

"Ben," said Serene, and gave the dark wizard an insecure smile.

Olsen watched from the corner of his eye how Remus Lupin went rigid with barely veiled fury, and had to look away quickly to hide his scowl.

With deliberate slowness he stroked Serene's cheek. The damned Werewolf was only a temporary problem that would be dealt with as soon as Voldemort regained the power he deserved. In the meantime nothing stood against yanking the wizard's chain a little. Ben almost laughed out loud at his own joke. Oh, yes, soon Lupin would be the one to yank a chain - a silver chain that shackled him to a wall in a cage.

"Why didn't you answer my letters?" he asked Serene. He had to admit that she looked more beautiful than ever. The dark circles under her eyes had vanished and her skin had the pearly hue he found so endearing. "I was rather worried."

Serene looked down at her boots. "I meant to ... I was quite busy."

"Never mind." His hand stayed at her cheek, not only because he enjoyed touching her, but also to catch her thoughts and last but not least to infuriate the werewolf. "I missed you. We belong together, Serene."

She sighed inwardly. She had lived most of her life alone, and had prided herself in her ability to master her life alone. Why was it that suddenly everybody declared her part of a relationship? 

"I need time, Ben," she mumbled, trying to keep up her psychic shield to prevent him from reading her thoughts. "I need time to make up my mind about what I want."

"But you know what you want," he chided, only half joking. "You know who you are, what you are. And you know what is going to happen. Deep inside you know you are one of us."

Her hand flew to her mouth, and she started to worry on the nail of her ring finger, while Ben kept talking.

"As you are in the company of Hogwart's finest, may I assume you'll return there soon? You really should, it is your destiny after all …"

Remus' blood roared. So close to the full moon his sense of smell improved dramatically, and he could smell the other wizard's desire and Serene's confusion. And she'd started to bite her nails again ...

He stepped forward and inserted his body between Serene and Ben.

"Ah, Professor Lupin," the dark wizard smirked. "And there I was, thinking you were an example of good manners."

Remus' glance would have made any reasonable man duck and turn, and even Ben had to fight the urge to run when he felt the amber eyes burn into his.

"Touch her once more, Olsen, and I swear, I'll rip out your throat here and now," said Remus with deceptible softness. 

With a shaky smile Ben turned his head and tugged lightly on the fur-brimmed sleeve of the witch who stood with her back to them, watching Snape talk to a sulking Draco Malfoy.

"Laeticia, dearest, look who we have here!"

Remus paled.

Serene felt a strange anxiety, when the woman gave Remus a dazzling smile and ignored her completely. But before she could say anything, Ben stirred her away from the group.

„Remus, sweetheart!" Laeticia de Malheur smiled like a cat that had her claws out for a particularly tasty bird. She wore a fur-coat in the same deep black as her hair, and managed to look delicate and elegant at the same time.

He did not return her smile. "Laeticia. You should be ashamed."

"Ashamed? Oh my! I quit being ashamed when I was twelve." She licked her lips. "And I never looked back."

Remus took her elbow and led her out of earshot quite ungently. 

"Leave the boy alone," he said very softly.

"The boy? Oh, Draco?" The countess gave him a coy flutter of dark lashes. "Isn't he adorable? He reminds me of you … only he is not as innocent."

Remus clenched his jaws. "He is only sixteen, damn it! He is a child!"

"He is Lucius Malfoy's son, " Laeticia replied and looked at Draco who spoke with Snape, a defiant expression spoiling his angelic looks. "At sixteen he has already seen more than you had at nineteen."

"I learned pretty fast in your company. Leave him alone …" Remus' voice lowered to a soft growl and a slight shiver went through the elegant witch's body.

"Oh …" She reached out and traced the line of his jaw with a blood red nail. "It is that time of the month, isn't it, my little wolf?"Remus closed his eyes and tried to control his breath and the urge to transform right there and then. So easy to give way to the beast inside and forget all the human memories. But then he'd probably rip out Laeticia's throat …

"Leave Draco alone," he managed again, although his voice was so hoarse it was hard to understand his words.

"Or what?" Laeticia gave him a little laugh. "After all I am his godmother. I am supposed to offer him guidance, or so I understand. And I am in sorry need of a little diversion." She blew a soft breath into his ear and whispered: "Or are you willing to take young Draco's place?"

Her smile got bigger when she saw Serene approach with a deadly glint in her eyes. Deliberately she placed a hand on Remus' neck and drew his face closer, ignoring his shallow breath. "One word from you and I'll gladly relinquish …

„Draco." 

Snape' kept his voice carefully void of any emotion the boy might interpret as pity. He could remember only too well how it felt to be sixteen and all alone. "I am sorry about … Lucius. How did your mother take it?"

Draco inclined his head. "She went to stay with my grandparents. I did not feel like going." He reported the fact he'd stayed in Malfoy Mansion with only the elves for company, without further explanations.

"So who is responsible for you while Narcissa is in Italy?" Severus tried to catch Laurel's gaze. Should he offer him to stay with them until school started? After all he'd known Lucius' son since his birth. It was not that he loved the boy, he wasn't even sure he liked him. Still, he knew a soul in danger when he saw it. 

Draco shrugged, outwardly rather bored than polite, while his pale blue eyes turned to ice. "Laeticia is my godmother, as you may know. And Mr. Olsen is my guardian, now that father is dead." A frown disturbed the beauty of the young face. "Since you did not feel you were up to the task, Professor ..."

Snape returned the frown. "What is that supposed to mean?"

The boy's voice had an edge to it that was sharp as a blade. "Father trusted you … until you …"

"Draco, honey, they are about to start soon," Laeticia interfered smoothly and gave Snape a cool nod. "Say goodbye to your teacher. Ben wants us to find our seats."

The boy blushed a little, the curse of his fair coloring. Then he followed the elegant women, much like a charmed snake, until the small group vanished in the crowd.

* * *

While the band entered the stage and, after a short speech from Josh, the bass player, started with an old favorite of the crowd, Remus and Serene stood in a corner behind the tents and glared at each other.

"Why does he want you to return to Hogwarts?"

"You listened!"

"I am a Werewolf, damn it!" He looked around quickly to make sure nobody had overheard his words. It would not do to start a panic, if somebody became aware of a werewolf in a public place, while the moon was as good as full. "My senses are more alert now!"

Defiantly Serene stuck her hands into her wide sleeves to keep them warm. "That was a private conversation and none of your business!"

"Well, I'll make it mine! You refuse to go back there, while he wants you to return …" His eyes narrowed in suspicion. "Is it something about Harry?"

She paled and avoded his gaze. Yes, she had decided to tell him the truth tonight … But not here, not in the presence of half London.

"What makes you think so?" Her voice trembled although she tried to appear calm and unmoved.

"You all but fainted when you thought Claire brought Harry to the concert."

She winced. Was she so easy to read? That was what you got from letting anybody get close …

"Ben is a friend. Of course he is interested in my plans for the future!"

"A friend! You mean, a killer. By Merlin, he is Voldemort's third in command now that Lucius Malfoy is dead." He had not told Serene that on the day of the attack on King's Cross, he'd seen Olsen leave the room only seconds before he had found Malfoy's dead body. "And he treats you like his property!"

"You now nothing about Ben!" Serene felt her mind go blank with fear. As soon as he knew the truth, he'd despise her just like he despised Ben now … "And you are only jealous!"

Remus felt the blood drum in his ears and the moonlight singe what was left of his self-control.

„At least I admit I am jealous!" he snarled. "At least I am honest and admit that I can't bear watching this … this creep … run his hands all over you!"

"He. Did. Not," hissed Serene. „He just ... he kissed me on the cheek. While that vamp in her tenthousand-galleons-cloak almost undressed you! And you enjoyed it!"

Remus' eyes narrowed dangerously. "I enjoyed it?"

She clenched her fists. "And don't think I don't know that you and Laeticia once were an item!"

"An item!" He almost choked. „You don't have the slightest idea about what happened between Laeticia and me!"

"So tell me!"

"Why should I?" His voice was fraught with bitterness. "Since you don't lay any claim on me, you couldn't care less, could you?"

Serene's bottom lip trembled when she fought back the tears. He had her cornered.

"I am not going to discuss this in public!" she steamed, jerking her head at the people milling around the amphitheater. 

Remus reached for her arm and let go immediately when she winced at the sheer force of his grip. He let his hand fall down.

"Let's go home and talk this over," he suggested with all the calmness he could muster.

Serene unconsciously rubbed her elbow and shot him a furious glance. "Hardly! You may have come to meet an old acquaintance. But I came to see a concert!"

Sighing, Remus watched her throw back her hair and disappear in the crowd that pushed towards the stage.

* * *

During the interval the band members sat on the stage, tuning instruments, or joined their friends in the audience. The red haired bass player sat on edge of the stage and chatted with his girlfriend and a reporter from the Daily Prophet.

Suddenly he felt a cold shiver run down his spine, as is … something … was very close. And then … something, somebody … whispered in his ear.

The reporter noticed nothing but kept elaborating about possible hidden allusions in Salamander's cryptic lyrics, but the witch laid a hand on her boyfriend's arm in concern when she saw his eyes widen - first in shock, then in pleased surprise. He nodded, once, twice, and then he turned frantically and his hand slashed through empty air.

"Josh?" 

When he did not react, the witch pinched his arm.

The musician winced. "Ouch! That hurt!"

"Josh, what's wrong?" she asked.

He smirked, and raked a nervous hand through his strawberry blond curls. "A … ghost … just told me something."

"Something?"

"You'll see. Oh boy …" He looked across the stage where Julia Lupin sat and tuned her lute, her fair face smiling dreamily, her eyes staring into nothingness as she concentrated on the cords. "I guess we are in for an exciting evening."

After the pause, when the band had gathered on stage again, and the audience milled in from the grounds, Josh raised both hands to beg the cheering crowd for silence.

"Ladies and Gentlemen," he gave a mocking bow, "most of you are well acquainted with Salamander's history. Probably better than any of us up here."

Loud applause answered his words. Again he raised his hands. "But only a few of you know, that in the beginning …," he lowered his voice dramatically, "in the very beginning, there were five of us. And five we shall be tonight, again." He flashed a big grin in the direction of the Winterstorm box.

"Ladies and Gentleman, please welcome … Castor Black!"

The audience turned in surprise and so did most people in the Winterstorm box.

Cas, who stood in the very back of the stand, blushed to his roots, and stepped back into the shadows, looking for an escape route..

"I hate you, Sirius," he hissed through clenched jaws. "Four months you are gone without a word. Now you've been back for five minutes barely, and you manage to embarrass me in front of half the wizarding community!"

His brother, who stood very close to him in the shadows, gave him a slight push and a mocking smile. "Pity, isn't it? Trust me, you'll forget about it very soon."

Another shove, and Cas stumbled into the light - and the arms of two wizards, who, believing in a game, pushed and shoved him further on to the stage. Finally, standing in the bright light, Castor found himself surrounded by his former band mates. Only Julia sat on the far right side and ignored the uproar right next to her. 

Cas tried to get away twice, but the musicians would not let him go.

"Josh, please!" he begged softly. "I am an Auror now!"

"So?"

"So? I can't possibly play at a concert and sing songs about how stupid the government is!"

"When they made you an Auror, you swore to protect what's good and true, didn't you?" said Helen, the fiddler, with a stern frown.

Castor rubbed his forehead in confusion. "Why, yes, I did. But what …"

"You swore to protect the light. That's what we do. Our songs tell the truth, and you know it!"

"You work into Voldemort's hands!" protested Castor. "By making the people discontented with the government you …"

"It does not need our songs to make people discontented," corrected Josh and put a hand on his shoulder. "We only give them a voice. But if Voldemort ever tries to rise again, the same voice will cry so loud that his ears ring …"

Castor closed his eyes wearily. "You really have no idea, Josh! You are a fool!"

The audience had started to clap rhythmically and was getting increasingly impatient.

Josh looked straight into Castor's blue eyes. "No, my friend. The fool is you." He nodded towards Julia, who still kept her eyes riveted to the far back of the amphitheater. "To find love … and leave it …"

Cas sighed, and the last bit of resistance evaporated. Once more he touched the badge he wore under his robe, then he let Josh force a guitar into his hands and push him onto a high stool. The band fell into a familiar tune. Cas could not turn his eyes away from Julia. The guitar felt like a dead piece of driftwood and he could not remember a single cord, let alone the melody he was supposed to play.

Then the blond witch suddenly turned her head and looked at him. 

And smiled. 

And Castor Black's heart remembered the music, and his hands found the song all by themselves.

The song they played enchanted the audience with a magic of its own , innocent and gentle at first, then faster and more demanding. It told about life. About pain and joy and sunrises and starry nights. About passing seasons and everlasting love. 

Sirius, having stuffed the Invisibility Cloak into his bag, but still shielded from curious glances by the deep shadows Severus' spell had cast over the box, reached for Claire's hand. 

"May I have this dance, my lovely?"

Claire smirked and patted her bump. "If you think you can handle the two of us?"

He gave her the dazzling smile she'd never get tired of, and whirled her around.

Laurel watched them for a while, dreamily moving to Salamander's music. The happiness that radiated from the dancing couple seemed to lighten the shadows. It certainly made her smile.

She felt Severus' presence before he spoke, before she could even feel his warm breath down her neck. His left arm uselessly dangling down his side, he drew her closer with the right, until they shared the same heartbeat, in rhythm with the music.

"I won't dance in public," he said softly, and the graveness of his voice made her heart ache.

"Yes, Professor," she smiled. "And if somebody sees you we can still deny everything."

*  *  *

Remus stood on the far side of the crescent of stairs and tried to breathe slowly. Cold sweat glistened on his forehead. He stared at Malfoy and Laeticia in the front row without really seeing them. His blood, his skin, his very heart seemed to be drawn to the moon that stood fat and bright over the venue. He clenched his fists so hard, his fingernails drew blood on his palms.

"Damn it, Lupin. Calm down," he muttered, and the couple next to him moved away, just in case. One never knew with all those weirdos and bespelled maniacs that roamed the street lately. The wizard with the gleaming amber eyes and the ragged breath who mumbled to himself was obviously not interested in Salamander's music at all, and might be dangerous.

Remus felt his self-control return, though still thin and dangerously stretched by the encounter with Olsen and Laeticia. If only he could touch Serene now, find comfort in her presence ... But he'd never succeed in passing the crowd between them without giving in to the moonlight and the scent of prey ... He needed to get away, he knew it. He needed a forest, a stretch of open land … a place to run. A place without people … without …

He rubbed his face in an effort to get a grip. "A place without prey."

The couple eased away one step further, and the wizard drew his wand, just in case.

Remus tried to concentrate on Olsen and Laeticia. Laeticia was still the Death Eaters' liaison to the dark wizards of France and obviously she'd not lost her taste for the very young and innocent. He shuddered. Though he did not particularly like Draco Malfoy - he knew a bully when he saw one - he did not want him to experience the pain he himself had suffered under Laeticia's elegantly manicured hands. And Olsen - who oozed evil like a foul stench, brushing Serene's cheek, kissing the back of her hand, as if he had a right to touch her ...

A right she must have given him ... or else she'd protested, wouldn't she?

Ignoring the frightened couple, he pushed his way through the singing, dancing, clapping crowd.

Serene saw him hastily leave the audience, and a cold hand clenched  around her heart. She'd watched him stare at Laeticia de Malheur all evening long, and what at first had been uneasiness, had turned into anger and then desperation. So the elegant woman's allusions had been true. She'd been the first woman Remus loved - and obviously his feelings had not changed.

Briefly she wondered which of the many tender ways to bring a woman to fulfillment Laeticia had taught him. Had she been the one to show him how to caress with butterflies kisses? And had she been the first to notice how sensible the spot right below his navel was? Had he held back with Laeticia as he did when he made love to her, Serene? 

A jealous rage told her, no. 

* * *

When Serene arrived at Claire's house, it was past midnight. Since the Ministry had abolished all use of brooms and carpets the night of the concert to prevent hundreds of Muggles reporting the sighting of unidentified flying objects to the local police, she had been forced to take the subway to Charing Cross Road.

The Leaky Cauldron was still brimming with punters, but she managed to slip through them and make her way into Diagon Alley. 

The house was dark, but the elf at the door happily confirmed that Master Lupin had returned half an hour ago. Serene climbed the stairs, her anger extinguished by the brisk walk down Diagon Alley in the cold night air. The fury at the sight of Laeticia touching Remus so casually had turned into suffocating fear. Her palms were damp and she paused at the landing to take a deep breath. Only last night she had all but told him to find another woman to love. Now the mere thought of him touching another woman brought her heart up to her throat.

The truth. Laurel was right. Remus deserved the truth, and she could do nothing but submit to his decision. She had dreaded this moment for so long, but now the happiness of those last few days made it easier and at the same time so much harder to come clear. He seemed so certain he loved her ... But would his love survive the truth?

Determined she pushed open the door to their bedroom. The bed was untouched, and only the small pool of light from the lamp on the mantle gave a hint that somebody had been here at all lately.

Then she heard a soft sound from the bathroom. A sigh. A moan.

She followed the noise and like the night before found Remus in front of the mirror. Only now the mirror was but a pile of shards, flashing like diamonds, and Remus held his bleeding hand cradled to his chest.

Serene took in the scene and almost automatically drew her wand and uttered a repairing spell. But the mirror refused to re-assemble.

"Don't waste your magic on it." Remus gave it a bitter scowl. "It would not stop giving comments about my looks. I killed it."

"You killed it?" She stared at him in disbelieve. "You cast Avra Kedavra at the mirror?" 

He raised both hands in tired exasperation. "Did you ever pay attention to anything I told you in Defence against the Dark Arts? You can't …"

"You can't kill a lifeless object," she repeated with a mocking smile. "Not even with the Curse." Dropping the mockery she reached for his bleeding hand and raised it to her lips. If only she had a useful talent like Claire who could heal small wounds with a mere touch ... "Now let me tell you something, Professor Lupin. Punching a mirror is not advisable." She kissed the small cuts. "But as they are easily annoyed, to make it shut up you only need to stick out your tongue."

Suddenly hot, Remus could not take away his eyes from the small pink tip of her tongue between her lips. Fisting both hands in her glorious red mane, he threw her to him. Holding her would ease the pain. Holding her would calm the beast. This was all he'd do, he tried to calm the warning voice in his mind. He only wanted to hold her ...

But Serene would not be content with closeness. Her fingertips traced his jaws, his temples, along his neck, as if she tried to memorise his face. An involuntary sigh escaped him when she started to undo the top button of his collar with nervous hands.

"This is not a good idea, ma coeur …"

He tried to breath calmly, to name all magical creatures native to Britain from Z to A. But to no avail. Her touch alone would have sufficed to excite him, but her voice, whispering gentle endearments, left him no chance.

Reason protested. It was too dangerous. Only one night until the full moon … He was so close to turning, so close to let go of the restraints. The risk was too high. If he turned … If he turned with her in his arms … If his teeth so much as grazed her skin, he'd infect her …

He had warned her, had given her so many signs to back off. And still she'd touched him, teased him, torn him apart. He needed her, always, but now he needed her desperately. And when she gave up all resistance, went all soft and pliable under his kiss, he felt elated and ashamed at the same time. Elated to have her. To feel her. And ashamed to know that deep in the shadows of his soul he gladly took the risk of infecting her. To make her like him. To tie her to him, forever.

His arms pinned hers to the door, leaving her unable to struggle and unable to accept or give at the same moment. His iron grip rendered her helpless.

Hot, and almost brutal, his mouth crushed hers.

Serene's body answered his, her breasts against his chest, her soft belly against his erection, her tongue tasting his mouth. And when he let go of her wrists she touched him. Her hands were everywhere, she nipped at his lips, scraped his jaw with her teeth, singed his skin with hot kisses. His blood surged.

Serene tore impatiently at the buttons of his linen shirt, ripped it open and moaned in relief when her skin touched his. This was a Remus she did not know. A side in him he'd carefully hidden. Rougher, unrefined and in many ways more honest.

The civilized veneer gone, it was as if she'd given him a wordless permission to drop all forced gentleness, all restraint. For the first time she had the feeling as if she'd got all of him. The real Remus. Undiluted. Raw. But where she'd been afraid with any other man, she knew that Remus would never hurt her. 

A crystal bowl shattered on the floor and the shards mixed with the remains of the broken mirror. Almost unable to think coherently Remus mumbled a spell that cleared the tiles around them of the worst danger.

"Need you," he gasped while he lifted her and slammed her back against the bathroom wall.

She wrapped her legs around him and buried her face in his hair. Her mouth found his ear.

"Remy." Her voice shook like her whole body with desperate longing. "Yes." And then she almost sobbed in relief when he drove himself into her.

He filled her completely, his mouth cupping the nipple of her breast, his arms holding her in a possessive embrace. Her nails raked over his bare shoulders.

„Why?" he groaned when his lips left her breast and claimed the hollow of her throat. He was still hard, still moving in deliberately slow strokes. 

"Why tonight? Why me and not Olsen?"

Serene gasped in confusion. 

"Ben? Why should I ..."

"You say you are not my life-mate" he panted. "You don't love me, you won't commit to me. So why do you want to fuck me then?"

She could hardly breathe with the white-hot waves racing through her body, and he would not let her come down from the peak his touch took her to. How could she tell him of her fear to lose him to Laeticia? How could she tell him that she desperately needed reassurance? 'I love him,' she thought, when her hot throbbing spread all over her body. 'Why can't I tell him?'

Relentlessly he drove her further, higher, until she arched under him and cried out.

"Because it's different with you …"

Remus' body went rigid. His fingers dug into her hips. His brown eyes flashed in fiery amber, not human anymore. 

A predator.

"Different."

The words came strained and rasping.

With utmost effort he eased her down, until she stood with buckling knees, confused about his sudden change of heart.

A tremor went through his body, shook him like a fever. With a painful moan he held out a hand, and the moan turned into a low growl, deep enough to make the fine hairs on Serene's neck rise.

She stared at his hand in wordless shock. Her knees still shook from exhaustion so hard she had to hold on to the door.

Bones shuffled under the skin, changed the shape of the palm. Nails grew into claws. Dark fur … dark fur …

All she could think of was that the fur should be lighter Brown. Grey-streaked. Like his hair …

Remus clenched his eyes shut to keep back the tears. He could not face her. Not like this.

Could not touch her anymore. Could not explain.

The flicker of fear he'd seen in her eyes when he started to turn, hurt worse than the transformation. That, and the one word she'd said …

How could one woman cause so much pain?

But although the beast in him screamed for release, urged him on to make her his own or kill her, he resisted.

"Run," he whispered hoarsely. "Run, little girl."

And run was what she did.

And so did Remus Lupin.

* * *


	11. Rose

****

AN: Pwhh! Looks like FF.net is back. I really missed this ….

11. ROSE

Serene stood by the window in Ben Olson's study and looked out at the street without seeing anything. January had gone by in a succession of grey days and February was no different. Snow had been replaced with dirty slush. But the dreary weather matched Serene's mood perfectly.

Ben stepped behind her and trailed the line of her neck with the tip of his finger. She did not flinch, did not even turn.

He sighed. "I wish you'd make up your mind, Serene."

Her answer - an indifferent shrug - was the same it had been in the seven weeks since she'd suddenly shown up on his doorstep after Salamander's concert at Hampstead Heath. When he'd saw her standing there, hair wet, clutching only her coat, he had been sure she'd finally recognised that Lupin was a loser. That she had chosen him, Ben. But she'd made his mistake very clear. Still, it was quite obvious something had happened between her and the werewolf - something irreparable, he hoped.

In the last weeks he had showered her with presents and attention, and Laeticia had promised to convince Serene of the position she'd hold as Ben's wife. There was no way she could still pretend to be unaware of his desire …

"You know I want you," he concluded his thoughts audibly. "But I understand if you'd rather go back to Hogwarts to finish what the fates want you to do."

"It is not fate …" Serene let her forehead sink against the ice-cold glass of the window. "It is I who decides."

Ben rolled his eyes upwards. "Do you still believe what that old fool Dumbledore babbles? All that nonsense about free will and second chances?" His grip around her arm tightened painfully. "You know who you are, Serene. You know what you want. So why don't you go and do it? Stop fighting yourself!"

Serene winced. "Going back to Hogwarts is not what I want!"

"It was your own vision, my darling. And it is up to you to make it come true."

She turned and frowned at him. "It was a vision. Only a vision. A possibility. There are other ways …"

At the end of his patience, Ben shook her violently, something he had wanted to do all along but had denied himself to not scare her. "What other ways? It is the perfect solution for all our problems. It would end the war …" His eyes narrowed. "You do want the war to end, don't you? And just think about the future, our future. Together."

Serene trembled visibly. Together. With Ben. Why did this sound so wrong? Her throat tightened. "I ... I don't ..."

"Imagine the power we'd have!" Ben paid no attention to her sudden reluctance. "We'd get everything we ever wanted. You'd get everything!"

"You have no idea what I want, Ben." Serene's voice was soft but icy. "I don't even know what I want myself."

"Well, how does revenge sound to you?" he seduced. "Revenge on everybody who ever deserted you, who betrayed you, hurt you?"

Her head jerked up. "My parents …"

"Parents. Lovers." He scowled. "Werewolves."

She petrified.

"Don't talk about Remus Lupin!"

Ben stepped back in surprise at her flaring anger and raised both hands in mock submission. "Whoa! Whoever." His usually so innocent face shone with hatred. "I am the last who will complain if Lupin's name is never mentioned again!"

Serene turned away. "Don't you worry, Ben. What Remus and I had … is over."

"You said that before. But even with your shields up I can read your mind. You are constantly thinking about him!"

She could almost feel the hot waves of jealousy and anger that radiated from the young wizard. But had he not every right to feel angry? After all she was letting him down, trying to find excuses to defy fate … She clenched her fists. Ben was right. She had to face it. She was evil. The darkness, Remus' father had felt lurking in her heart, was spreading. How else had it been possible to make Remy, gentle soft Remus Lupin, to turn into a monster? For fifteen years the Wolfsbane potion had kept the beast in control, but something she'd done, something she'd said had made him turn …

"Darkness calling darkness." Her voice was but a whisper.

"Come again?"

Ben frowned in annoyance. He hated it when she drifted away in thought, when her mind became all foggy and unreadable.

"The evil in me attracted the wolf."

"So? You are one of us. Evil is nothing to be ashamed of."

"I thought …" She stifled a sob. "I hoped … that the light in me attracted Remus. But it was the other way around."

He shrugged again, not sure what she was talking about. Still, if it convinced her she had to go and fulfil the prophecy that would grant them more power than any of them had ever dreamt of he was the last to protest.

* * *

"Miss Claire?"

Peagreen stuck his head through the gap in the door. Claire looked up from the ledger she'd been writing in and smiled.

"What is it, sweetie?"

"There is a boy in the hall, yes." The elf frowned. "He wants not go away even when I tells him you is not expecting strangers when you is working on the books keeping."

Claire frowned self-consciously. Snape and Castor had taken Sirius to the Three Broomsticks, and she'd intended to use the opportunity to catch up on accounting. But somehow she could not concentrate on numbers and sums. The baby was due any day now, and although she could hardly wait to hold it in her arms, she was a bit afraid of the actual event. Squib or not, apparently this was something that had to be done without magic at all. She'd read up on giving birth in the last weeks, and Poppy had tried to calm her with dozen of stories about fast and almost painless births - all made up as Claire suspected. She sighed. Sirius' nervousness was bad enough, and she had no intention to add to it by conveying her knowledge about breech deliveries ...

It was sweet how Sirius treated her like a precious and fragile piece of art, but secretly she longed for the days when he hadn't been afraid to touch her, hold her … And she was so tired of not seeing her feet! And sick of maternity gowns … Even if they were as elegant as those Serene had designed for her.

Serene ...

She rubbed her temples and stared into nothingness. After their friends' sudden disappearance in the night of the concert they had not heard from Serene since. She'd vanished without a trace. And so had Remus Lupin, his absence only adding to Sirius' restlessness.

"Miss Claire!"

Peagreen kicked her shin to wake her from her daydreams.

"Ouch!"

The elf squinted up at her. "You is tired, Miss Claire? You is sleeping with yours eyes open! Peagreen tells the boy to go away."

"No." Claire shook her head wearily. "Tell him to wait for me in the drawing room. Who is it anyway? One of Harry's friends?"

"No. I is never seen him before. Harry Potter's friend, he is with red hair, like Miss Serene."

She closed the ledger and stood up with a groan. Her back ached worse every day - no wonder whales had decided to stay in the water, she thought frowning. "Well, offer him something to drink and tell him, I'll be with him in a minute."

When Claire entered the drawing room, Draco Malfoy rose from the deep chair by the fireside.

"Mrs. White."

"Draco." She smiled to hide her confusion. "I may call you Draco? Mr Malfoy sounds so …" 'Grown up' lay on her tongue. But then she remembered how it felt to be sixteen and not a child anymore but not one of the adults either.

"So … awkward."

The blond boy stared at her for a moment, daring her to make a joke at his expense. Then, when she sat down next to him, he opened his bag and searched through an assortment of magazines, notebooks and scrolls. Finally he produced a letter, sealed with the Malfoy crest in a lump of magical wax that made the crest sparkle and whirl.

"Mr Olsen let me know that if I ever needed to contact him you'd pass on my message to him. He said you were one of … one of them."

Claire frowned, angry about Olsen's nerve and at the same time embarrassed about her alleged membership in Voldemort's sinister army. "I am not a Death Eater …" She coughed when she remembered to keep up her disguise as a spoilt rich woman who at least toyed with the idea of joining. "Not yet," she corrected lamely, pointing at her bump. "The Dark Mark would kill the baby, you know."

Draco blushed. "No, I did not." He rubbed his arm as if …

Claire bent forward and before he could draw back, she yanked up his sleeve. The skin was pale and untainted by the grinning skull she had learned to fear. Sirius and Severus, both grown men, could hardly bear the pain each unanswered summoning caused. She could not imagine how terrible it would be for a boy Draco's age.

"Sorry." She let go of the sleeve.

He jerked back his arm, and scowled at her. "You think I am too young, don't you? I am a Malfoy!"

"Draco …" Claire searched for words. Dear Morgana, he was only sixteen, he had just lost his father, his mother had obviously no influence at all. And the few men he admired were Death Eaters … or, in Snape's case, former Death Eaters … "Don't you think you should talk to your Head of House before you bother Mr. Olsen?"

"Why should I?" The nonchalant frown dampened her pity substantially.

"I know Severus cares about you."

Draco crossed his arms, his face an infuriatingly polite mask. "What makes you think that I give a newt's ear about what Professor Snape thinks about me?"

"Well, excuse me …"

"He betrayed my father, and his cause when it got dangerous." The boy leaned forward and stared, pale eyes suspiciously bright. "He wasn't strong enough, he gave in to … I don't know what. Weakness. Cowardice."

Claire's anger let her forget that she had felt only pity for him a few minutes ago. "That is rubbish, Draco! When you get older you'll learn that sometimes it takes much more courage to go against all you used to believe, than to follow blindly."

He grit his teeth and held out the letter. "I don't need your sermons, Mrs. White! I only need your services."

"And what services would that be?"

Claire and Draco jerked around simultaneously, only to see Harry stand in the open door, shrugging out of his coat.

"Not your business, Potter," drawled Malfoy, visibly shaken but trying to gather his confidence.

"Harry!" Claire smiled when the dark-haired boy bent down to kiss her cheek. "How nice of you to visit."

"I told you I'd come to tea every weekend, didn't I?" He looked down on her bump. "How are you doing? I don't like the idea of you being all alone in this great house."

"Oh," she blushed, thinking about Sirius, "I am not alone. There are the elves, you know."

Draco rose from his chair, still holding out the letter. "I am leaving, Mrs. White. Will you pass on my … Hey!"

His sentence ended in a painful exclamation because of Harry's iron grip that twisted his wrist.

"What is that? A letter?" Harry pried the crumbled parchment out of Draco's hand. "Let me see!"

"Let go right now or I'll set your hair on fire," threatened Draco and searched for his wand with his left hand. "This letter is private!"

"It is a letter to Ben Olsen!" Harry paled and only strengthened his hold on the other boy's wrist. "A Death Eater! So that's how you spent your Christmas Holidays. Did you join, Malfoy?" He tugged at Draco's sleeve until the blond Slytherin kicked him violently in the shin.

"Harry, Draco!"

Both boys were so immersed in their fight they ignored Claire completely.

"Stop it right now! .... Ouch!"

Harry let go of Draco's arm immediately.

"What … what's wrong Claire?" His voice held an edge of sudden fear. "Is something wrong with the baby?"

"Not exactly." She forced a smile on her face. "I guess she is just tired of being carried around."

"You mean it wants …" Draco starred at her with an expression of utter horror and fascination. "It wants out? Now?"

"You idiot!" Harry pushed him aside. "She's in labour!"

"Now who made you an expert on childbirth, Potter?" The blond boy snarled and concentrated on Claire.

"Tell us what to do, Mrs. White! Would you like to lay down?"

Claire had to smile when she took in the barely hidden panic in both boys' faces. "I am fine," she tried to calm the situation, only to gasp in pain when the next wave hit her.

"We need to get hot water and clean sheets," Harry stuttered. "I saw this in a Muggle movie."

"I don't know about Muggle women, but I'd prefer if one of you went to get Madam Pomfrey instead." Claire sat carefully down and breathed slowly.

Harry and Draco stared at each other.

"He can go," they said simultaneously.

Normally Claire would have seen the comical element of the situation, but as things were right now, she could concentrate on only one thing at a time. "Draco, Harry, please!"

Both boys turned to her, startled by the sharp edge in her voice.

"Draco, you ride to Hogwarts and tell Madam Pomfrey I need her. And you Harry, go up to my bedroom and get my overnight bag. You can bash in each others head afterwards if you like."

Harry pushed Draco aside and sprinted upstairs to fetch Claire's bag. Malfoy stood already in the door to get to his broom, when he turned once more and cleared his throat. "I … did not mean to upset you."

When she saw the sincerity in his eyes, she had to smile. "It is not your fault, just a coincidence."

He shook his head. "This happens all the time. I show up and people get sick. Or they die."

"Don't be ridiculous, Draco!" Claire frowned when another wave of contractions overwhelmed her. "I am not sick. And I am certainly not going to die." At least she hoped so …

As soon as she saw the shadow of a racing broom pass in front of the French windows of the living room, Claire called out for Harry.

The boy came immediately down the stairs, carrying not less then four different bags. "I don't know what an overnight bag looks like."

His voice trembled a little, but he tried to remain calm and a master of the situation - not an easy task for a sixteen year old, considering the particular circumstances.

Claire dismissed all bags. "Not so important, really." She reached for his hand. "Listen, Harry, forget the bag, will you. I want you to go and get Sirius!"

He drew his bottom lip through his teeth and gave her a worried glance. "Claire, I don't have the slightest idea where Sirius is right now. I haven't seen him since September!"

"He is sitting in the Three Broomsticks with Severus and Castor," she replied impatiently. "Please go and tell him the baby is coming."

Harry stroked a damp hairstrand out of her face. "Claire, believe me there is nothing I want more right now than to have Sirius here. But …"

Her iron grip made him fear for his wrist.

"You. Go. And. Get. Him."

So for the sake of Claire's peace of mind and for the sake of his physical health Harry went into Hogsmeade to look for a wizard he knew was not there.

* * *

Castor, Sirius and Severus sat in a shady corner of the Three Broomsticks, enjoying the foaming Butterbeer Rosmerta had served them in person, thunderstruck by Sirius Black's presence in her pub. Both Black brothers had given her their most charming smile and Severus still marvelled at how a wink of blue eyes had turned the fire-breathing dragon who run the pub into a docile giggling lamb.

Castor's face turned serious.

"I am sorry I stayed away for so long. But I thought you at large."

His brother shrugged wearily. "I know."

"And then I got kind of …"

"Promoted?" Sirius' face dripped with disdain. Although he knew that no society could exist without some kind of police force, he was not particularly fond of his younger brother being one of them.

"Actually I've been demoted," Castor smirked. He knew that Sirius still held a grudge and could understand why. After all he had been imprisoned twice and both times without trial. But it had always been Castors dream to be an Auror, to stand up for the Light, and Dumbledore had always supported him in his pursuit. Julia Lupin would come to terms with it eventually - at least she had not tried to burn his Auror's robe lately. And one day even Sirius would understand … "They transferred me to the Werewolf Squad."

"The what?" Snape frowned.

"Werewolf Squad," Castor repeated patiently. He had already heard every joke there was about his new assignment. "We work together with the Department of Werewolf Affairs, and …"

"So now you investigate lunatics?

Castor's scowl made Sirius shut up.

"In the last three months we had two dead werewolves. Or more precisely - we had two bodies, who, according to the Were-registry, have bee werewolves. But a post-mortem blood-test showed no trace of the lycanthropy antigen."

"They were cured?" Severus frowned and set down his mug. "There is no cure for lycanthropy."

"The Wolfsbane potion …"

"Only relieves the symptoms. It is not a cure. The transformation still occurs, only less violently and more controlled. When Lon Cheney found the formula fifteen years ago, hopes were high that a cure would be developed soon. But all experiments failed in the end."

Sirius sighed. "And we all know that Wolfsbane is no solution. The side effects are devastating."

"It is a poison after all," confirmed Snape. "If you take it long enough it will kill you in the end."

"I understand." Castor took notes with a magical quill while he took a scroll from his satchel. "I compiled a list of scientists and Potions masters who posses the means and the knowledge to try themselves on a cure for lycanthropy."

Snape spread the parchment and smirked. "I don't know whether I am supposed to be flattered or annoyed to find my name on top of your ranking."

Castor shrugged. "Don't tell me you never considered it."

"Of course I did. But only because Lupin demanded it," replied the Potions master acerbically. "You know how stubborn he gets. But I could not overcome the lethal effects of the only known remedy. And I prefer to not kill my guinea … wolves."

"Very funny, Snape." Sirius snatched the parchment out of his hands. "Somehow I liked you better when you were still the git without a sense of humour.

The door of the pub slammed open, and Harry stormed in, out of breath and pale with anxiety.

"Sirius!"

"Mr. Potter!" Severus threw a fast gaze at the few other customers. "Why don't you shout a bit louder. I doubt the people in Edinburgh heard you!"

"I … I am sorry!" Harry blushed and wrapped the Gryffindor shawl off his neck in a sudden bout of heat. "It is only …"

"What's up, Harry?" Sirius patted the seat next to him. "I know you are surprised to see me. Sit down and have a butterbeer, and I'll explain."

The boy stared at him and shook his head.

"Harry?" Sirius frowned. "What's wrong?"

"Claire," Harry panted, finally finding his voice again. "She … the baby is coming."

* * *

"I did not know you smoked." Laurel pointed at the cigarette in Sirius' hand.

They sat in front of Claire's bedroom and waited since what felt like eternity by now.

"I don't." He stared down at the butt as if he'd never seen it before. "I haven't smoked for over a year," he muttered. "Damn it."

"Calm down, Black," demanded Severus exasperatedly. "After all the birth of a child is a perfectly natural event …"

Sirius grabbed the Potions master's arm. "What would you know about it, Snape? Ever had a baby yourself?"

He let go off the sleeve and took up his pacing. "She is so fragile … And she's been in there for hours!"

Laurel gave him a quick hug. "She is strong, Sirius. You know that. She's going to be fine."

The door opened and Sirius jumped up.

Madam Pomfrey gave him a curt smile. "Claire asks you to come in."

When he disappeared in the bedroom as quick as a broom out of control, she frowned at Laurel, Severus, Castor and Harry who crowded the hall amongst all the elves of the Winterstorm household. "So impatient! This is going to take hours, so why don't you people go home and I sent an elf when the baby is here."

Harry shook his head stubbornly. "If it's going to take hours, why did Claire call Sirius in?"

Madam Pomfrey smirked and gave him a wink, before she went back into the bedroom. "I suppose she wants to rip his head off. If not now, then in a few hours."

The past hours had been the most horrible and at the same time most wonderful experience in his whole life, thought Sirius and gazed at the tiny bundle in his wife's arms. Nothing had prepared him for the moment when he heard the first cry of his child ...

Claire held the baby up so he could take her, but he stepped back, face suddenly pale as parchment, blue eyes full of panic.

"Sirius, you wanted a girl, didn't you? Are you disappointed now?" she wondered.

He gasped. "No!"

Gingerly lifting the soft blanket with one finger, he uncovered the baby's face.

"She is so … small."

Claire chuckled. "She is supposed to be small. She's a baby, Sirius. She'll grow."

"I only ever knew boys." Sirius shook his head. "Even when my brothers were little, they were more … robust."

Madam Pomfrey, who had overheard the conversation, laughed. "Don't let her delicate features fool you. This one is a fighter, Sirius! Just you wait."

Claire unwrapped the child. Tiny as the baby was, she fitted right into her father's big hands, and slept there, oblivious to the world.

Sirius sighed and carefully sat down to study the softly breathing miracle in his hands. Amazing, how fast she'd changed from a reddish wrinkled thing into a beautiful babygirl with long lashes and a tuft of whiteblond hair. Her cheeks, hushed pink and porcelain white, reminded him of …

He looked up at his wife.

"I know we had the list down to three names. But would you mind if we call her …"

"Rose." Claire sat up. "I'd really like to call her Rose."

He smiled and blew the baby a soft kiss. "Welcome to the world, Rose."

* * *

In the mouldy smelling storage room of a potions shop in Knockturn Alley, an wizard with shaggy grey hair pushed a bottle across the counter.

Remus opened it cautiously and recoiled from the acrid stink of the potion. His stomach revolted. He had felt dizzy and nauseous all week long, but the wizard had warned him of the possible side effects of the potion. And anyway, there was no turning back now. He had already taken the first two potions, and this bottle contained the last dose.

"Don't have the guts, have you, wolf?" the wizard cackled. "Told you before, it won't come cheap to become normal. And I was not talking about money …"

With satisfaction he watched his client drain the last bottle.

Well, one would see if his latest adjustment of the mercury dose had the required effect.

"Feel anything?"

Remus' winced when a wave of excruciating pain surged over him.

The voice of the old alchemist hurt. The light from the flickering candle on the desk hurt. Breathing hurt. Even his heartbeat …

* * *

Only two alleys away, Serene cried out in her sleep. When she woke up in the morning her pillow was wet with tears.

The world was grey and foggy.

So much pain …

She curled into a tight ball under the covers and pulled the pillow over her head.

There was no reason to get up. Ever again.

* * *

As petite and fragile Claire might appear, she was out of bed as soon as Madam Pomfrey allowed it. She could hardly take her eyes off Rose and spent the most part of the first day with Sirius and the baby on a soft rug in front of the fireplace, marvelling at tiny but perfect toes and fingers. How in the world had they managed to produce something so beautiful?

Since Sirius threatened to lock the door to keep her from showing the baby to all neighbours and friends and the entire population of Hogsmeade, she finally agreed on having a small group of visitors for tea and the 'first handshake'.

Laurel had to admit that she'd never seen anything as touching as the ancient ceremony in which the Winterstorm elves welcoming the newest member of the household. Whenever she thought she knew the wizarding world and its different customs, she got surprised - just like right now.

Weeks ago the elves had taken Claire's old cradle from the attic, had brushed the intricately woven basket, had polished the hazel wood rockers, and then cushioned the baby's bed with a soft goose down mattress. Now, as little Rose lay in her cradle like in a lace-bordered nest, they passed by one by one and shook the baby's tiny hand. And Rose, barely two days old, endured the ceremony with a grave face as if she understood every word they said.

As soon as all the elves had got the opportunity to shake the baby's hand, Coco served Butterbeer for everybody.

Laurel looked at Severus. "Will there be a baptism?"

"A what?"

"A … name-giving ceremony?"

Sirius answered in Snape's place. "Among wizards there is a ceremony when the baby is placed into her godfather's arms for the first time." His face clouded over with worry. "As soon as we get hold of Remus, that is."

"Which reminds me," said Severus casually and reached for a scroll the morning owl had delivered. To see an owl with the Ministry collar still made his stomach churn, and he had been secretly relived to find that it was neither a demand to return Jonah nor one of Fudge's sudden bouts of suspicion concerning his past as a Death Eater. "From your brother," he announced.

Sirius smirked. "Why doesn't anybody ever write me a letter?"

"I assume they would if they could only remember you long enough." Snape scrutinised him with narrowed eyes. "How long since I saw you last time?"

"Yesterday," sighed Sirius. "Trust me, I am sick and tired of this rotten charm."

"Since Castor does not recall meeting you in The Three Broomsticks two days ago, he asks just me to join his Werewolf Squad for the raid of a suspected dark lab in Kockturn Alley tomorrow night. Obviously he wants me to check out the substances they find. Maybe this is where the poison is cooked that killed the two werewolves he was talking about."

Sirius crossed his arms. "I'll come with you. Something's wrong, something happened to Moony. He would not leave his parents without a message for so long."

"Castor writes that he found no trace of Lupin so far …"

"Let me see …" Sirius reached for the parchment, but Jonah was faster. One fast grip and the letter was only shreds.

Jonah beamed at the Potions master and stuffed the remains of the letter in the wizards wide sleeves.

"Fix!" he demanded.

"Yeah, fix!" Sirius mimicked his breathless voice. "And fast! I wanted to read that, Jonah!"

"Go play with Mommy for a while, Jonah. Uncle Sirius is not happy when you break his toys." Snape's mouth twitched when he set the boy down on the carpet.

"You know he is breaking things on purpose only to watch you repair them?" Laurel scolded.

Jonah tugged on Severus' robes excitedly. "Fix!"

With a quick "Reparo" the torn shreds of parchment became a letter again, and Jonah clapped his hands.

"You are spoiling him," Laurel said, and watched with pleasure how the wizard she loved blushed.

"Am not," he mumbled and bent his head over the parchment, the long black hair hiding his embarrassment. "I am teaching him. Can't start early enough."

Then he pretended to concentrate on Castor's plan, and his and Sirius' part in it.

Laurel led Jonah to the cradle that stood near the fireplace. The small boy had to rise on tiptoes to get a look over the edge of the basket, so Laurel summoned a low footstool for him to climb on.

The baby lay on her back and played with one of her soft satin shoes. When Jonah stepped onto the stool, she dropped the shoe and made a sound like a little kitten. Her big blue eyes were wide open and although Laurel knew that so small a baby could only focus objects that were very close, it appeared almost as if the little girl looked right into Jonah's eyes.

"Look, honey!" She took his hand and laid it gently against the baby's soft cheek. "This is Rose. You must be very nice to her."

Jonah looked down at the babygirl in the cradle, and then up to his mother.

"Rose," he said clearly, brows drawn in concentration.

Laurel beamed with pride.

"Severus, Claire!" she exclaimed. "Did you hear that? He just said Rose."

And while the grown-ups discussed Jonah's pronunciation, they missed completely how the baby clenched her tiny fist around the little boy's finger with considerable strength. And how Jonah gazed at the sweet face and repeated to himself: "Rose."

And another new word. "Mine."

* * *

One day after the Handshake-ceremony Sirius and Snape stood in the back of the run-down lab in Knockturn Alley and watched the Aurors search the numerous cupboards and chests in the shop. The owner had obviously smelled the danger and had escaped only minutes before the armed wizards broke through the front- and back-door.

Castor caught Severus' gaze and shrugged. "There must be a leak in the Ministry," he said through grit teeth. "This is the third operation without prisoners. Somebody is warning them."

Sirius frowned. "Did you find any evidence of Remus ever frequenting this shop?"

"Not yet. And I doubt we'll …" Castor raised a hand wearily. "Sirius! Don't! I am happy to see you after all these months, but if you change here, right in front of my men one of them will add Animagus and Black, and you'll eat tomorrow's breakfast in Azkaban. Fidelius charm or not."

But it was already too late. Where a moment ago the tall wizard had perched on a grimy counter, a great black dog looked at them now.

"Hey, Professor," one of Castor's Aurors called. "Get your dog out of here! It is messing up the evidence."

Snape snorted. "Right. Well, … dog. Let's go outside and see if we can find anything."

As soon as they had left the shop and stood in a dark backyard, Padfoot started to bark furiously. The Potions master frowned. "I don't speak dog. If you found something, lead the way and I'll follow."

The black dog led him through a maze of yards and side-alleys until they reached a ramshackle shed at the corner of Perpetu and Nonverb Alley. Padfoot barked twice and threw his considerable weight against the door which gave in after the second assault.

In the bright light of his wand Severus followed the dog and quickened his stride when he heard him whine. Before his eyes the Animagus changed back into human form and crouched down next to what looked like a heap of old rags at first sight.

The rags turned out to be the body of a wizard. Snape stepped closer. His breath hitched when he took in his colleague's pale face. There was no sign of life.

"Lupin? Can you hear me?"

He gave the wizard a hard shake but got no response. But when he checked the pulse at the neck, secretly bracing himself for finding only proof of death, there was something … a mere flicker … but still.

"He is alive," he decreed. "Barely."

Sirius stroked the damp hair out of the clammy face. "Moony?"

Without hesitation he picked up the limp body and looked at Severus, his mouth set in a hard line.

"What now?"

"We need to get him to St. Mungo's, and fast." The Potions master's eyes burned like black fire. "And then …"

Sirius stared down at his best friend's deathly pale face.

"And then we find Serene Kennedy."

* * *

Ben Olsen grit his teeth and watched Serene over the table, never dropping the smiling mask he wore for his guests. He should have listened to Laeticia and let Serene stay in bed. But then again he could not let her indulge in her mood swings forever. And he was tired of her weeping. Not to mention that dark rings under her eyes spoilt her beauty considerably.

If she did not get better soon, he'd provide her with a potion that would do the trick, he decided.

Right now she sat next to the French ambassador, a promising supporter of the cause, and looked as if her dog had just died. He chuckled softly and dabbed his mouth with a napkin to hide a smirk. As far as his sources had reported, it was not exactly the dog that was about to die … but the wolf.

Still, nobody could demand from the ambassador to understand why the young witch who was supposed to entertain him, sulked because of a werewolf.

When the door crashed open all of a sudden, Ben dropped both napkin and smile.

Sirius Black … White … whoever …. stood in the dining room, as unselfconsciously as if he'd been properly invited to Laeticia's dinner party. He ignored the hostess' protest, rounded the table with a few strides and dragged Serene out of her chair.

For the first time in almost a day she showed a reaction to what was going on.

"Sirius!"

"Get. Up." Sirius snarled, whipping out his wand when he saw Ben move.

"Do it, Olsen. Give me a reason." His eyes narrowed dangerously. "Raise so much as one finger, and I'll kill you right here, in front of your guests."

Olsen grit his teeth but did not dare to reach for his wand.

Sirius stared at Serene. "I told you to get up and come with me."

"Or what?" She paled with anger. "Or you kill me as well?"

He went to her chair and pulled her up forcibly. "Maybe. Or I'll make you sorry you are still alive."

A moment later, when they were out of the door, Ben Olsen and his party had forgotten they'd ever seen the infamous criminal Sirius Black in the dining room. But nobody could explain why Serene Kennedy had run off all of a sudden, without a coat. She'd even left her shoes under the table …

* * *


	12. No Cure for Love

12. NO CURE FOR LOVE  
  
  
  
When Sirius pushed Serene into the room at the end of one of St. Mungo's bleak white corridors, her elbow felt like mush. The tall wizard held her in a merciless grip, and she had long since given up on trying to struggle out of it.  
  
The room was small and crowded. In shock Serene recognised Laurel, Severus and Claire, Dumbledore and on the other side of the bed Abby and Jerome Lupin. Every face stared at her accusingly, with much more resentment than was deserved for running away without notice, she thought.  
  
Then Severus stepped aside, and she saw that the bed was occupied. The body was covered with blankets and a duvet up to the chin. A hand lay on top of the white linen sheet, wrist shackled to the iron frame of the bed. Long, sensitive fingers. A hand she'd recognise by mere touch ...  
  
"Remy ...," she whispered.  
  
Sirius gave her a hard push that sent her stumbling to the bed. She heard Claire protest softly, saw Laurel step forward protectively, but everything around her paled when her eyes took in the face that had hunted her dreams since she'd left Claire's house by night almost three months ago.  
  
At first glance she thought he was dead. His face was almost translucent white, with deep dark shadows defining the angles and hollows of the skull. His lips were encrusted with tried blood. Only when she watched carefully she could see his chest raise and fall slightly, so she knew he was breathing still.  
  
Pain slammed into her like a vicious bullet, as if the dull shell of sadness and hopelessness that had encased her during the last weeks had suddenly cracked and left her defenceless, her heart bare to the onslaught of emotion.  
  
"What happened to him," she whispered and reached out to touch his cheek ever so gently.  
  
"You happened to him!" Sirius' hissed at her. "And look were that brought him!"  
  
"Calm down, love," Claire stepped between her husband and her friend, and touched the wizard's hand. "Don't let your pain render you blind."  
  
Serene touched Remus' face ever so gently. The skin felt dry and cool, much cooler than it ought to be.  
  
"What happened?" she repeated, this time addressing the doctor.  
  
"Mr. Lupin apparently took a potion that is known on the black market as 'Tabula rasa' ..."  
  
She frowned. "Tabula rasa? Blank slate?"  
  
"It claims to be a cure against lycanthropy."  
  
"But ..." She swallowed hard and stared down at Remus' pale face. "But Remus always said there was no cure ..."  
  
The doctor shook his head unhappily. "Now, TR is indeed a cure - only a lethal one. The potion does what it is supposed to do - burn out the lycanthropy virus. We know that lycanthropy is a violent infection that causes the recall of much older, primal features. The human body fights the change with all its strength. That's why many of those who get bitten don't survive the bite in the first place. TR neutralises the virus."  
  
"What the inventor of this potion did not consider," added Severus, his voice betraying neither scorn nor pity, "is that the body, once adapted to the infection, won't be able to survive without it."  
  
Serene stared wide-eyed at Dr. Jung. "You mean, he is healed but he is ... dying?"  
  
"I am afraid so."  
  
Gingerly she lifted the blanket off Remus' chest. He had lost so much weight that his rips and collarbones stood out like sharp edges. The old scar of the bite that spread star-like on his shoulder blended with the death-pale skin. He was not dead, not yet, and still he looked no more alive than a marble statue.  
  
"Claire!" Over the unconscious wizard's body she looked at her friend. "Can't you do anything? You are a healer!"  
  
Claire slowly shook her head and reached for Serene's hand. "A broken wrist, maybe, or a twisted ankle. Cuts and bruises, yes. But this? I am so sorry, Serene, but this is way beyond my abilities."  
  
"There is one remedy ..." Dr. Jung started slowly, addressing Remus' parents. "Since his body can't survive without the lycanthropy virus ..."  
  
"You must re-infect him." Sirius' conclusion hung in the air like a dark cloud.  
  
"There is a werewolf in the hospital's staff who'd agree to administer the bite," explained the doctor. "But as you'll know, the code of conduct provides capital punishment for a werewolf who bites without explicit permission. Since Professor Lupin can not speak for himself, my colleague will need the permission of the victim's next of kin."  
  
"No."  
  
Abby Lupin's voice sounded strangely strangled. "I won't let this happen to him. No ... not again."  
  
Dr. Jung frowned. "Mrs. Lupin, are you aware that your son will die within days if he does not get re-infected?"  
  
Wide-eyed the older woman stared at the doctor. Her hands griped the iron rail of Remus' bed. "I know that."  
  
"Abby, please!"  
  
Serene's eyes widened in disbelieve. "He is going to ..."  
  
"No!"  
  
Remus' mother turned away from the small group gathered around what would be her son's death bed. Helpless sobs shook the petite woman, but she insisted on her decision.  
  
"He hated to be a werewolf. He despised that part of himself so much he wanted to burn it out of his being by taking that potion. And as you say," she jerked her shoulder away from Dr. Jung's comforting touch, "he was well aware of the possible consequences. I respect his decision."  
  
"Mr. Lupin, you can't possibly ..." Sirius felt like shaking the woman really hard to make her see reason but his wife's soft nudge convinced him otherwise. "You can't let him die!"  
  
Jerome's voice was fraught with pain, when he stepped between his wife and his son's best friend. The onslaught of emotions from so many sides made him nauseous and dizzy, but he stood his ground. "Abby is right. We have to respect Remus' decision. He wanted to end his suffering. We have no right to force him to endure it further."  
  
"Don't you understand? He is going to die!" Sirius shook his head.  
  
"But he'll die as a man, as a normal human being. He'll die the way he always wanted to live." Abby whispered, and brushed her son's forehead with a soft kiss. "I won't take that away from him. Not if all I can offer him in return is the continuation of an existence he despised."  
  
Sirius looked at Dumbledore, but the old wizard only shook his head.  
  
  
  
Serene stood by the door, thunderstruck. When Dr. Jung explained the possible remedy, hope had surged almost painfully - only to be smashed by the Lupin's refusal to give their consent.  
  
Slowly comprehension crept icily into her heart. Remus would die. He would die. He would not only be somewhere else, separated from her. He'd be gone. Why in the world had he taken this damned cure? He'd always seemed so settled, so at peace with his double nature. Then she remembered the look on his face in the dreadful night after the concert. The self-loathing in his eyes, when he could not control the urge to turn anymore.  
  
Then she knew.  
  
Her fault. Again.  
  
He had not tried to get rid of the lycanthropy, but of his love to her, a love that had brought him nothing but pain.  
  
Blind with tears she saw the female doctor whisper into Dr Jung's ear. He nodded, shot her a curious side-glance and left the room, only to return a few minutes later with an older wizard, hair greying at the temples but still devastatingly handsome..  
  
"Could we talk to you in private for a minute, Miss Kennedy? And may I request your presence, Headmaster Dumbledore?"  
  
At the end of the hall was a small room with a few battered chairs and a magical coffee cauldron.  
  
Serene sat down tiredly. The day had been bad, really bad. She was impatient to get back into Remus' room though. If she was to lose him, she wanted to savour every minute they had left.  
  
"Let me introduce you our resident Werewolf-specialist, Dr Matilykos," started Dr. Jung awkwardly after serving them paper-cups with something that only resembled coffee. "Miss Kennedy, my colleague Dr Willowbark remembers Mr Lupin bringing you into the emergency tend after the attack on King's Cross. Is that correct?"  
  
She nodded.  
  
"She claims you suffered from a severe bout of depression, much worse than what is to be expected even after a close encounter with a Dementor."  
  
"I could not stop crying, yes."  
  
"Dr. Willowbark remembers Mr. Lupin claiming that your condition were his fault and that he'd failed you."  
  
Serene blinked. "His fault? No, he ... I ran away ... I ..."  
  
Dumbledore raised an eyebrow and looked at the young witch who sat next to him. "Serene?"  
  
She frowned and rubbed her burning eyes with the back of her hand. "Remy had nothing to do with my condition. But I don't see what ..."  
  
Dr Jung rose a hand. "Let me explain. The Werewolf code of conduct states that a werewolf may administer the bite only with the consent of his next of kin or spouse of the person, even in immediate danger for the life of a person."  
  
Tears welled up in her eyes and her voice trembled precariously, when she answered. "I understood that, yes."  
  
Dr Jung exchanged a glance with the older wizard who stood by the window and watched Serene out of dark green eyes. He answered the questioning look with a slight inclination of his head.  
  
"Still, there is a not so well known clause in the code, that has been brought into action only once or twice within the last century."  
  
"It states, that a werewolf may also bite another werewolf with the consent of a lifemate," explained the other wizard. His voice was mesmerising, a dark low melody, with a slight trace of a foreign accent. "Since the death of a werewolf will cause severe consequences for the lifemate."  
  
Serene looked up. "How do you know so much about all that?" she asked, still blinking back the tears.  
  
Instead of an answer Dr Jung let his hand slide into the other wizard's.  
  
"Oh," said Serene and stared at them in astonishment.  
  
"Is this a problem for you, Miss Kennedy?" The young doctor's face grew even more earnest than it had been before.  
  
"Did you get the impression there was too much love in the world?" Dr Matilykos sneered. "Because if it were so, we could easily dispense with certain forms of love. But since the world is in the sorry state it is, love is the most precious gift. Any kind of love."  
  
"No, no," she blushed. "I was only surprised ... I thought I was the only one who ... loved ... a werewolf. I am sorry."  
  
He accepted her apology with a gracious nod.  
  
Serene swallowed and looked from Dr Jung to his werewolf companion. "What you said before about a lifemate giving consent ..."  
  
"The problem, Miss Kennedy, is that you are nowhere officially enrolled as Mr Lupin's lifemate."  
  
"Officially enrolled?" she frowned.  
  
"The Department of Werewolf Affairs takes these things very serious. Lifemates have to register, so in case of their death the Ministry can take precautions to keep the werewolf from going wild. And there have been occasions of lifemates running amok when their partner got ..." Dr Jung's voice broke and Dr Matilykos stroked his hair soothingly.  
  
"When the werewolf gets killed," the older doctor finished the sentence. "You must not forget that in some parts of Europe werewolves still may be shot at sight. That's why the Ministry likes to have an eye on were- relationships."  
  
Dumbledore rose from his chair and went to the coffee-cauldron to refill his cup, not without casting a quick spell over the brew. "Correct me if I got this wrong: If Miss Kennedy was enrolled as a lifemate, her consent would overrule the parent's decision?"  
  
Dr Matilykos nodded solemnly. "That's right. The question is now: Are you Mr Lupin's lifemate?" He sat down next to her and scrutinised her face. "And if you are, how can we prove it to the Department?"  
  
Serene stared at the Formica table. Her mind raced. In the darkness a small gap had opened and let in light. Saving Remy ... Saving Remy ... She could not grasp another thought. Then comprehension slowly dawned. Was she a lifemate? She, who had always refused to acknowledge the bond between them? Who had pushed him back again and again, had hurt him, had even made him turn?  
  
"Miss Kennedy?" Dr Jung tried to get her attention. "Let me describe how I imagine things went in you case. You only need to give me a sign, if I am correct."  
  
She looked up and nodded.  
  
"You are aware of a connection between Mr Lupin and you. The attraction is very strong, not only physically but also spiritually. But you fought it all the way, because you are afraid to commit yourself to such an intense bond."  
  
She bowed her head, and Dumbledore reached for her hand.  
  
"But when you were separated," the doctor went on, "you started to feel unhappy. Very ... unhappy. As if part of your heart and soul were missing."  
  
A painful sob escaped Serene's throat. "How do you know?"  
  
"I have been there," he answered with a faint smile and looked at his mate.  
  
Dr. Matilykos cleared his throat. "I dare to say that Mr. Lupin suffered the same pains. You must understand, that due to his nature a werewolf needs three things. He needs a pack. Most werewolves have a close knit circle of friends."  
  
"The Marauders," Dumbledore muttered to himself.  
  
"They need a territory, but most of all they need a lifemate. To make up for the terrible loss of humanity they suffer, their wolf-part gives them the ability to find their lifemate even if they are continents apart." His gaze held the younger doctor's for a second, then he looked at Serene. "A reason why so few children survive a bite, is that when you are very young, the possibility is quite high that your lifemate is not born yet. And the horror of facing the world all alone is more than most children's soul could endure."  
  
Serene crumbled the empty papercup. "Remy insists he knew the exact moment when I was born."  
  
"I bet he really did. But you never felt his presence? There was never the feeling that somebody was waiting for you out there?"  
  
"I ... don't know." She shook her head wearily. "There were ... dreams. Then we met and it was as if I had always known him. And when I left him there was nothing but that dark abyss of sadness."  
  
Dr Matilykos cleared his throat. "We must not conceal from you, that these symptoms will become worse once you admit being his mate to yourself. Once you open your soul to the bond, it gets irrevocable. And it is quite a force."  
  
"So what happens if Remus gets re-infected ... and dies?" Dumbledore sat up straight, his face unhappy and showing his true age. "What will happen to Serene in that case?"  
  
Dr Jung sighed. "He is already very weak. We can't give you any guarantees that his body will endure new infection with lycanthropy. The fact he was taking this potion at all is a strong indication that he has no will to live. He is not going to fight, I am afraid."  
  
"And this means for Miss Kennedy?" Dumbledore insisted.  
  
"I don't care what it means for me," Serene cut him off impatiently. "If this can save Remus' life ..."  
  
"It can save him. In fact it is the only way I see." Dr Jung tried to calm her. "But there is indeed a considerable risk he may die - and then you'll probably die with him, the connection being so fresh and all."  
  
"But if he does not get re-infected very soon, he'll die for sure." Dr Matilykos looked straight at Dumbledore. "I don't see what difference it makes."  
  
"If she remains in denial, his death won't cause as much pain as it would to his declared lifemate." The Headmaster stroked his beard, then he nodded at the two wizards "Please allow me a few minutes with Miss Kennedy."  
  
In the door Dr Matilykos turned to Serene a last time. "You must decide fast. Tomorrow is the full moon, and Professor Lupin won't survive another month. If you decide in favour of the bite, I'll administer it myself, if you trust me that much."  
  
His eyes got soft. "I know you don't want him hurt." Dropping the formal address, he gave her a kind smile. "But he is in agony already, Serene The bite will hurt much less than the damned 'cure' he took."  
  
They left, and Dumbledore took both of Serene's hands.  
  
"What are you going to do, my girl?" he asked softly. "All the time you worried about saving the world. And now it all comes down to saving one wizard."  
  
Serene fell apart in his arms, sobbing helplessly. Dumbledore let her cry, patted her back now and then, and only when she had wept a big wet spot into his shoulder, he passed her a handkerchief.  
  
"I guess I know your decision already," he said, and the kindness in his voice triggered another flood of tears. "I only want to make sure you are aware of the consequences."  
  
"Remus will live." Serene stated it plainly.  
  
"Indeed. But it will also mean that you are tied to him. Forever. No more running away. And he'll want to live in Hogwarts. It is his territory, after all. How are you going to manage?"  
  
"I will," she twisted the handkerchief. "I'll keep away from Harry Potter and the school. I could live in Hogsmeade, I assume. If only he survives."  
  
"In that case," said the Headmaster and rose with a sigh, "let's not lose any time. From what I know, the Ministry will have a pile of papers waiting to be signed before they let you enrol in the Werewolf Registry."  
  
  
  
As it turned out, the Ministry did not only demand stacks of parchment to be filled in and double stamped, but also three witnesses who would state that Remus had considered Serene his lifemate.  
  
"Wouldn't do to tie a wizard to a witch while he is unconscious and can't do anything about it," grumbled the wizard from the Ministry. "Poor sod wakes up and is married. Worse than married, since there is no divorce for lifemate-bonds." He sharpened his quill at the desk in the hospital office where he had set up shop.  
  
Serene frowned at him. "How am I to produce three witnesses at such short notice?"  
  
The clerk shrugged and pushed up his oversleeves. "That's not my problem, Miss. But no witnesses, no certificate."  
  
Dumbledore stepped forward and took the one drop of Veritaserum the Ministry's regulations demanded. "I am Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Wizardry and so on and so on. I shall act as a witness for Miss Kennedy. Remus Lupin has mentioned his connection to her many times."  
  
The clerk scribbled down his statement and let him sign at the bottom, the he looked up. "Anyone else?"  
  
Claire watched Serene's face and her eyes filled with tears of pity. Sirius waited outside in the hall, fuming at the injustice that he could do nothing for Remus. After all, the Ministry would not acknowledge the testimony of infamous Sirius Black, escapee from Azkaban ...  
  
While Claire searched for a clean handkerchief for her friend, Laurel proceeded to the desk. "My name is Laurel Hunter, I am a teacher and colleague of Professor Lupin's. He told me only a few weeks ago that Miss Kennedy was his lifemate."  
  
"Should have kept to the official order of procedures then. First tell the department, then tell your friends," muttered the clerk, but at Snape's scowl he dutifully penned down Laurel's words.  
  
"We need a third one," he decreed, when she had signed the parchment. "And it better not be another Hogwarts staff member!"  
  
The door to the hospital office opened, and Abby and Jerome Lupin entered, both pale and with dark rings under their eyes. Serene looked at them, her bottom lip trembling with the effort to remain calm and not break down crying.  
  
"One of the nurses told us what you have in mind," said Abby in a tone so accusingly it cut right into Serene's heart. "How dare you! How dare you to ..."  
  
"Abby," said Jerome soothingly and stroked the back of her hand. "Cherie, we agreed we'd listen, didn't we?"  
  
He looked at Serene, who gripped the edge of the desk so hard her knuckles went white. "Ma fille, would you step outside with us for a moment?"  
  
She followed the couple into the hallway.  
  
Abby sobbed helplessly, and all Serene could do was passing her the handkerchief Claire had pressed in her hand a minute before.  
  
"You have no right to do this to him," Remus' mother uttered when she could speak again.  
  
"I love him," said Serene quietly. "I respect your point of view, Abby, but I can't let him die. I simply can't."  
  
"You love him? Ha!" exclaimed Abby. "That's easily enough to say. But you have no idea what it means if he gets infected again. To watch him thrash in agony, night after night. To feel his body burn with fever and to know you can't do anything about it. To hear him scream ..." Her voice broke and Jerome pulled her into his arms.  
  
Serene pressed a hand against her mouth in desperation. "But I will know, Abby," she said softly, trying not to cry. "I will be with him, every step of the way, just like you were with him when he got bitten the first time." Gingerly she touched the weeping woman's back. "But I can't do it without your help. You know so much more about lycanthropy than even the doctors here. And," her voice trembled when Abby looked at her through tear-filled eyes, "you love Remy."  
  
"Cherie, she is right." Jerome patted his wife's back. "All the stuff you found out when he was a child will still apply ..."  
  
Slowly Abby's sobs subsided. She looked up at her husband. "I kept a diary then, didn't I Jerome? About all the herbs that proved useful."  
  
He inclined his head and pressed a kiss on her forehead. "They helped him then, they will help him now, I am sure."  
  
Abby emerged from his embrace. Shyly she touched Serene's cheek. "I'll let you have my recipe book and my collection of herbs. And I'll teach you to cook chicken stew," she whispered, her voice still raw with tears. "Just ... don't leave him again."  
  
"I won't. I promise I won't leave him." Serene breathed out a long breath of relieve. It would be incredibly hard anyway to save Remus' life, but she doubted it could be done at all without the Lupin's help.  
  
"I hate hospitals. I hate the smell of them," she said softly, suddenly shivering in the overheated hall. "I spent too much time in whitewashed halls. I hate them." She looked so much the forlorn child that Jerome impulsively put an arm around her shoulder.  
  
"Then we should take care that you and our boy get to leave this place as soon as possible."  
  
Serene gave him a sad smile. "I still need a third witness. Or would you give your consent now that we ..."  
  
Abby turned away from her pleading look. "No." Her voice was hard. "He would not want to live on without a lifemate. I could not do that to him. If you really are his lifemate as you claim, then you'll do everything to save him and make him happy. But if this is just a game, some plot that will result in even more pain and desperation, I'd rather let my son die like he wanted."  
  
"Still, there is something I can do for you, Serene," said Jerome and gently took both women's hand. "When Remus brought you to our house before Christmas, he told me you were his lifemate." He squeezed Abby's hand. "He was going to tell you, Cherie, as soon as he had Serene's assent."  
  
His glance warned Serene to protest. "So if you'll have me, ma fille, I will act as your third witness."  
  
  
  
After the wizard had grumpily accepted Remus' father as the last witness and had sealed the documents with a lump of magical wax, all they could do was wait. When Serene entered the small waiting area adjoining the isolation ward, her tired eyes took in the small crowd that waited for the Ministry's answer almost as anxiously as she. The Lupins sat on a threadbare sofa in a corner, while Julia crouched in front of her parents, holding their hands and trying to comfort them.  
  
Snape perched on the arm of a lopsided stuffed chair, one hand lightly on Laurel's shoulder, a casual but strong anchor. Suddenly Serene felt how a wave of envy almost suffocated her. Why couldn't she be more like Laurel? How did her friend do it, how did she handle this difficult, headstrong wizard and still hold on to her own personality? Then she remembered Laurel's words. Hard work, she'd said. It needed hard work to be happily in love.  
  
If only Remy survived. If only the fates grated her one more chance she'd work her butt off, Serene vowed silently.  
  
In the corner to her right Sirius towered over a chair, with his usual protective air . And Claire, bent down over a bundle on her knees .  
  
Serene moaned.  
  
"Oh Claire, I am so sorry!" She kneeled down next to her friend, eyes wide with guilt. "I was so immersed in my own problems that I completely forgot about you!"  
  
The other woman smiled. "Honey, do you really think I'd hold that against you? The wizard you love .", she caught Serene's hand and squeezed it gently. "You love him! Protest is futile. It is obvious for everybody to see." Except for Sirius, she thought, but he was blind with worry about his best friend.  
  
Serene bowed her head in silent submission. "You are right."  
  
The bundle stirred and when Claire lifted the edge of the blanket, the baby's face split with a big yawn. "She is such a good girl," praised the proud mother. "She smiles and she sleeps."  
  
Softly touching the baby's cheek, still warm from sleep, Serene stared at the small face. "She is beautiful," she whispered after a while. "How old is she?"  
  
"Three days," Sirius informed her, his voice gentle with wonder, as always when he talked about his daughter. "Her name is Rose."  
  
"Rose", Serene repeated softly.  
  
"Remus is to be her godfather." Claire held out the baby for her to take, ignoring Sirius muttered protest.  
  
Serene blushed. "I am going to drop her."  
  
"Nonsense!" Claire nudged Sirius' ribs harder than necessary. "You are good with children. I saw you with Jonah."  
  
"Thank you for being here." Serene avoided her friend's gaze and concentrated on Rose's sweet face and the tiny mouth that formed a perfect "O". "Remus would appreciate it very much."  
  
"Remus?" Claire frowned and a jerk of her head called Laurel to her side. "Stupid girl, we are here for you."  
  
"We care a lot for Remus, don't get us wrong." Laurel stroked red tresses out of Serene's tired face. "But we are your friends. We love you. We would not let you stand alone in a situation like this." She swallowed hard. No matter how it ends."  
  
Serene quickly passed Rose back to Claire, and wiped the tears out of her eyes with the back of her hands.  
  
"Thank you," she mumbled shyly. The she ran out of the room.  
  
Sirius stared after her, a frown on his face.  
  
"She is nuts," he scowled. "I said it before and I say it now."  
  
Claire turned and put the baby in his arms. "She loves Remus, and she is afraid she'll lose him, you big oaf!" she hissed. "Try to remember how that feels."  
  
Then she followed Laurel, who was out of the door already. Sirius looked helplessly at Snape.  
  
"Girlfriends," the Potions master shrugged. "I'd sooner face a Hungarian Horntail."  
  
  
  
* * *  
  
  
  
It took almost a full day for the paperwork to clear, and when an express owl brought the certificate that gave Serene the permission to decide about Remus' treatment, night had already fallen and the moon stood bright and full over the hospital.  
  
Dr Jung took the certificate out of Serene's trembling hands. "I'll go and inform Pavlos that we can proceed." He scrutinised her face. "Do you want a few minutes alone with Mr Lupin before ... before ...."  
  
Serene's eyes were unnaturally bright. "Yes, I would like that very much."  
  
Dr Jung whispered a few words into the waiting people around Remus' bed and everybody left the room, patting Serene's shoulder, stroking her cheek, giving her a comforting hug, when they passed her.  
  
Suddenly the room was empty. There was nobody but her and the silent pale man on the bed.  
  
She sat down carefully at his side and took one of his cold hands into hers. His face was as white as the pillow, and his breath came so shallow she could hardly say whether he breathed at all.  
  
"Remy ..."  
  
She did not know what to say. Where there any words to convey how she felt? And would it make a difference if she said all that, now that he could not hear it anymore?  
  
"Remy," she tried again, "they can't tell me if you'll survive this treatment. Maybe I did the wrong thing. Maybe this is only causing you even more pain. But I could not decide any other way."  
  
Raising his cold hand to her mouth, she kissed the slow pulse on his wrist.  
  
"I love you."  
  
There. She'd said it. And the comprehension that this had been all he'd ever wanted to hear her say, cut through her like a blade.  
  
"I love you. I don't know if you survive. I don't know if I find the courage to ever say it again when you are awake. But I wanted you to know it."  
  
If this were a movie or a romance novel, Serene thought while she sat there, holding his hand, waiting for the inevitable, he'd wake up now. And we'd live happily ever after.  
  
She bowed down and gently nuzzled her cheek to his, and remained so until a soft knock at the door made her sit up sighing.  
  
Dr Matilykos entered with the younger doctor in tow. His eyes had changed from the peaceful forest green to a translucent emerald colour. A thin layer of sweat covered his face, and Serene noticed that his hands trembled with the effort it took him to resist the call of the moon.  
  
"How do you manage that much control without Wolfsbane?" Serene shook her head. It came hard to him, that was plain to see, but he clung to his human body.  
  
"It took a long time to master that," he answered through gritted teeth. "And believe me, I'd rather be in a forest somewhere, running wild."  
  
He stared down at Remus' still body.  
  
"I am sorry, but you will have to leave the room, Serene," said Dr Jung softly. "As soon as it is done, I'll call you in, I promise."  
  
  
  
The door closed behind her, and she stared into the eyes of the small group that gathered in the corridor. Abby was pale with fear, but kept her head up bravely. Julia clung on her father's arm. Castor Black and Dumbledore had their head bent together over a piece of parchment. Severus stood like a dark presence behind Laurel, and even Sirius was there, comforting his crying wife. Serene was too exhausted to ask him how he had made it through the hospital entrance and the Auror that was posted there.  
  
She refused the chair, Castor offered her and stood, her back to the door, her mind and heart still at the other side of the wall.  
  
A clock ticked away the seconds, but they lost their meaning quickly as muffled sounds from the sickroom took over as markers of time.  
  
The soothing voice of Dr Jung.  
  
Furniture being moved around.  
  
Eventually a soft growl.  
  
"He'll be ok," Serene repeated to herself like a mantra. "He'll be ok."  
  
Then she heard Remus scream in agony, and broke down weeping in Dumbledore's arms.  
  
* * * 


	13. The Cottage

13. THE COTTAGE

Dr Jung inspected Serene's left wrist and tabbed the reddened skin with an balsam soaked swab of cotton. "This should do the trick," he mumbled, wrapping a gauze bandage around the wrist. "Those amateurs at the Ministry were not too gentle, were they?"

She grit her teeth when she remembered the unveiled contempt in the eyes of the witch who had tattooed her wrist with the small moon symbol. Invisible to all but those who knew the revealing spell, it proclaimed her a werewolf's lifemate. The witch had used the tattooing needles to make a silent statement that she did not agree with Serene's decision. With the tattoo it was official and Serene took it as some kind of wedding band. It itched and burned like crazy. Still, what was a small tattoo compared to the cruel wound Remus must have suffered ...

She looked across the room to the bed, where the patient lay, immobile and pale as before. Twelve hours had passed since the bite, and Dr Jung had sent away all friends and family but Serene to get some sleep.

A nurse had set up a cot for Serene next to Remus' bed, but she had not been able to calm down enough to close her eyes, and had spent the rest of the night listening to Remus' shallow breaths.

"Is this really necessary?" She gingerly touched the silver shackles that tied Remus to the bed.

"No, it isn't!" Dr. Matilykos snarled. "Technically, he isn't even a werewolf until the next full moon!"

"It is standard hospital procedure with all werewolves", the younger doctor tried to soothe. "And legally, he is one. Even now."

"But the silver …" Serene stroked Remus fingers, "… it will burn his skin."

"Allergy to silver is a symptom of lycanthropy. Since Professor Lupin was only recently re-infected, it won't harm him. Yet. And there is a padding between the silver and skin."

Dr Jung showed her that the skin at the patient's wrist was without blisters or burns. "The silver keeps him in his human shape. Once he is in your care, it is up to you to decide if you'd rather keep him shackled. It may be advisable at times. At least when he is close to turning."

"I feel so ... powerless," Serene admitted and rubbed her tired eyes with the heel of her right hand.

"You really don't need to be a doctor to handle the matter, Serene," said Dr Jung gently. "Just be there. Care for him. Touch him. He should recover from the bite itself without any problem."

"But ..."

"There will be considerable pain. And fever." Pavlos Matilykos pushed himself off the wall and started to pace the room. He looked exhausted, sick, as if a loud word or a slight push could finish him off.

"But probably not worse than the pain he went through every month. There are herbal remedies that will help a bit." He halted in front of her chair and gazed down at her. "The most important thing is that you'll be there."

The younger doctor scribbled down a list of herbs and passed it to Serene. "I trust Abby Lupin's collection will include most of these, if not more. She made some remarkable discoveries we shall research in the weeks to come."

Serene pushed back her chair, unable to remain seated any longer. "So he'll wake up and everything will be fine?"

"Ah ..." Dr Jung winced and threw a pleading look at his mate. "Not ... not exactly ... fine."

She paled. "What do you mean?"

"The cure he's taken is, as you may recall, named "Tabula rasa", blank slate. And aptly so, as we suspect. When Professor Lupin wakes up, he'll be exactly what the name says. A blank slate. Without any memory whatsoever."

Serene's mouth fell open. "Not even of his family?" she managed. " Hogwarts? His name? "

Dr Jung shook his head. "Nothing. But you must not worry. As the lycanthropy virus gradually takes over, the memories will return. Once he has turned at the next full moon, he'll be his old self again."

"And better, we should hope. " A frown line formed between Matilykos' brows. "Since you, as his mate, will certainly do everything to make him whole."

Serene turned her back to him and stared at the whitewashed wall. From the alley outside she could hear faint voices and through the open window the first scents of spring wavered into the hospital room. All day long she'd fought the impulse to push the doctors and nurses aside and levitate Remus out of the building into the warm sunshine. He needed air. 

Open space. Herbal teas and salves, that she could do. Even chicken soup, if it was necessary. But how was she supposed to heal Remus' soul?

"How?" she said softly, addressing not so much the doctors but the wall. 

Dr Jung rose and gave her an affectionate hug. "Don't worry too much, Serene. Pavlos is overly fond of passionate addresses."

"Am not," mumbled the older doctor, but Serene could hear the smile in his voice.

"It is much easier than it sounds, really," encouraged Dr Jung. "Move back to Hogwarts, make sure his friends are there when he comes around. Love him. That's the most important thing, I guess. Love. A home. Friends"

"A mate. Pack. Territory," translated Dr Matilykos and patted her shoulder, a rare expression of sympathy. "In four weeks, when he changes, and his memory returns, he'll remember that as well."

She closed her eyes wearily. When he said it, it sounded so simple. So natural. 

"I'll try."

After lunch, Abby and Jerome could not stay away any longer. Remus' mother touched their son's cheek. It did not feel cold and clammy as it had before the bite, but warm. Too warm.

"He is already running a fever," she worried.

"His body is fighting the infection." Dr Jung moved his wand slowly over the patient's forehead and nodded satisfied. "It is the reaction we hoped for."

"How …" Abby swallowed hard. She had promised herself to stay calm, but looking at her son made that very hard. "May I see the bite?"

The nurse lifted the blanket gingerly and revealed a dressing across the wizard's chest. A wave of the doctor's wand loosened the bandages.

Serene winced. The bite on Remus left side was so deep that the white bone of the ribcage showed. Flesh and skin were torn and mangled, and still - the wound was already starting to heal.

"It is not the wound you need to worry about," the doctor pointed out. "It is going to heal incredibly fast. But we will have to wait until the full moon to see if the re-infection was successful."

"What if not?" Serene covered Remus' limp fingers with her warm hand. 

"Think of the lycanthropy virus as something that helps him to survive the change." Dr Jung raised his head and looked her straight in the eyes. "His body will try to change within the next weeks, and the stronger the pull of the moon, the stronger the urge. The patient feels as if his skin is getting to tight, is suffocating him."

"He'll try to rip it off, scratch himself to tear the human skin off." Abby's bottom lip trembled. 

"It is the affection that enables the human body to survive the change. Otherwise the pain, the shock would be too severe."

"How long will he have to stay in St. Mungo's?" Jerome stood on the other side of the bed, a hand gently on Remus' shoulder, concentrating only onto his son's being. There was pain, but right now it seemed to be bearable. "Can we take him home?"

For the first time Dr. Matilykos spoke up. "He can't stay here. But you must not take him to Sherwood either."

His voice held a deep growl, and Dr Jung instantly crossed the room to stand beside the Werewolf in the corner next to the door, casually touching his arm as an anchor to sanity and humanity. 

"Sherwood is where he was bitten the first time. It is already some werewolf's territory."

Serene understood at once. "And St. Mungo's is yours."

He inclined his head.

"I suggest you bring him back to Hogwarts," Matilykos said. "He'll feel safe there. It is the place he chose, his place."

Hogwarts. The thought of returning to the castle, to the students, to … Harry Potter … let Serene pale. She could not possibly return there. 'Not even for Remy?' asked a soft voice inside her heart.

Suddenly she felt a hand slip into hers and squeeze it. It was Dumbledore, who had entered the room in his usual silent way. "Do not worry now," he calmed her. "We'll find a way."

"A way to be in Hogwarts and at the same time not to be there?" Her voice was bitter. "A way to save the world and at the same time save the man I love?"

"Exactly," the Headmaster beamed. "There is a small cottage right between Hagrid's house and the Shrieking Shack. Still on Hogwarts grounds, but sufficiently far away from the castle itself, and close enough to the Shack, should needs be. It is small, but large enough for two people. And – this comes very conveniently, I must admit – the owner is nobody else than your friend Claire Winterstorm."

"Would that do?" Serene asked Dr. Matilykos. 

He nodded. 

"How are you going to transport him all the way up north?" Jerome asked with a frown.

"Rumour goes the father of a certain student owns a slightly modified muggle car," remarked Dumbledore casually. "I'll go and pay Arthur Weasley a visit at the Ministry."

* * *

"Phew," Laurel blew out an exasperated breath. "Why don't we drop our wands, wash the dust off our hands and sneak out into Hogsmeade for an hour? Right next to Honeyduke's there is this new place ..."

"Where the Arabian wizard roasts coffee beans in the back of the shop?" Claire sighed and hung the last curtain. "Oh yeah, lets do that!" 

Her arms ached, her back protested and her hair was a mess. How muggles went through life without magic or house-elves she did not know. She'd stumbled twice over Jonah, who tried to help and dragged the most curious things from the depths of the attic. At least Rose was living up to her reputation of being the best baby ever. She'd slept in her basket by the fireplace all morning, and only now started to make soft meowing sounds. 

Serene was checking To-do-lists when Laurel and Claire, both hoisting a child, climbed down to stairs from the attic.

A bed for Remy, chairs and a table, all the little things a household needed - the attic of the cottage had provided them. It seemed that every tenant had left one thing or the other, and since the cottage was almost as old s Hogwarts, Serene had been able to choose between four different beds, gothic, empire, Victorian and something she supposed was pre-goblin-war.

The Hogwarts elves had provided linen, the Winterstorm elves pots and pans and cutlery. And Laurel had presented her with a basket full of china plates and cups, all bearing the Snape family crest. She insisted that Severus would rather smash every single plate than ever use it, and Serene had accepted the set as a loan for the time being.

So she was set. And still …

Resolutely she fought down the wave of fear that threatened to overwhelm her. She'd do fine. Dr. Jung had said so. Even Abby had assured her that she trusted her.

Six more hours to go. She'd go crazy before Remus even arrived!

When she felt a tug on her skirt, she crumbled her list to a ball. Jonah beamed up to her, in his hands the ugliest candle holder Serene had ever laid eyes on. 

"Look, Ene!"

"He found it and he insisted you use it …" Laurel shrugged and tousled the boys hair. "He thinks it is …"

"Magic!" Jonah crowed. "Pretty!"

"Well, if you say so, honey …" Serene placed the carved monstrosity on the mantle.

Then she gladly let her friends whisk her away to the new coffee shop.

* * *

Starburst's, the new coffee shop, was brimming with young wizards and witches, lounging on soft pillows and carpets, sipping strong coffee from delicate little cups. Serene joined the long queue at the counter and fought her way to the corner where Laurel had secured a cosy space for them and the children.

"This place is going to be a veritable gold-mine come Saturday, " decided Serene when she set the tray with coffee and a plate of Honeyduke's finest almond truffles on the low table. 

Laurel smirked. "Even now I can spot students who should really not be here. But it's my day off today so I'll pretend to be blind."

Still, a few carpets away two Slytherins and a small group of Ravenclaws packed their books and bags suspiciously fast and scrambled out of the shop.

"Speaking of gold," Serene cleared her throat and looked at Claire, "we will of course pay rent for the cottage."

"Don't be ridiculous." Laurel chose a truffle. "Neither you nor Remus are in a position where you can spend money for rent. A teacher's salary at Hogwarts is fine with room and board provided, but not if you need to cover rent." She closed her eyes for a moment when the delicious chocolate melted on her tongue. "And Claire will not take money from the two of you, or will you, Claire?"

Rose's mother looked up from the baby-girl she held in her lap and raised a fine eyebrow. "I beg your pardon. I was busy counting Rose's fingers." She smiled. "Still all of them there and perfect. What were you talking about?"

"Rent." Serene said it fast, before Laurel could interfere again. "Now that you are our landlady, we should pay you for the cottage."

"Ah yes." Claire bit on the tip of her tongue and calculated fast. "How about ... 100 Galleons a week? It is a very nice cottage, isn't it, and comes fully furnished."

"100 Galleons!" Laurel exploded. "You must be out of your mind. Both of them are poor as house-elves! They can't possibly pay ..."

Serene laid a steadying hand on her friend's arm. "100 Galleons is only fair," she nodded. But she had lost her colour and stayed rather subdued for the rest of the hour they stayed at Starburst's.

Back in the great Winterstorm Mansion Claire put Rose to bed in the nursery, and Laurel gave in to Jonah's insistent pleas to sleep on a huge pillow next to the baby's cradle.

"I don't believe it," she shook her head when she gently closed the door. "At home he throws a fit when I as much as suggest he takes a nap."

Serene smiled. "He's in love."

"In love!" Laurel snorted. "He is barely 18 months old."

The other witch shrugged. "Apparently it's not a matter of age or reason."

Before she could turn away and slip into Claire's office, Laurel took hold of her arm and gently held her back. "If it is not a matter of reason, what else is it?"

Serene looked at the floor. "Of heart, I guess."

"So you finally figured that out," Laurel smiled and could not suppress a certain smugness. "Took you quite a while, girl."

When she saw tears in her friend's eyes, she bit her tongue. "Serene, won't you tell us what's the matter with you?"

"Sometimes love is not enough." Serene's voice trembled but she held her head high and her fists clenched. "Sometimes it won't prevent the ones you love from being hurt."

Laurel helplessly brushed a red curl from Serene's forehead. "Maybe you are right. But then again … Love may not be enough but it is the only thing between us and the darkness."

Serene closed her eyes, suddenly pale as death. Darkness. So … alluring. No more rules. No responsibilities. No guilt. A shudder went through her body and the hair on her neck rose when she fought the darkness spreading.

"Lets go and talk about the things that really count. Money," she managed to mutter, and avoiding Laurel's scrutiny she went into Claire's office.

"We should get the rent-matter out of the way right now, don't you think so?"

Serene swallowed. At 100 Galleons a week her savings would barely allow them to stay at the cottage until the full moon. As far as she knew Remus had spend most of the money he had on the damned cure that had almost cost his life. They could of course move to Hogwarts - Dumbledore had offered it, fully aware that she would not take the risk. And she could not teach there either, not for the time being at least. She grit her teeth. Business was business. She find a way to provide for the wizard she loved, and would take it step by step.

"Well, lets see ..." Claire opened a huge ledger and picked up a quill.

"Listen, Serene," said Laurel softly, "I know you find it hard to accept help, but I had hardly any opportunity to spend money at all in the last year, so there should be a nice lump sum in my vault at Gringott's. And Severus is spitting rich, although he'd rather cut his hand off than touch his father's heritage. We can give you the money you need, as a gift, a loan or whatever you can accept."

Serene swallowed and found it hard to speak through the sudden surge of tears. "I won't forget that, Laurel. Thank you, but I have to go through this alone." She squeezed her friend's hand. "But is a good feeling to have somebody to fall back upon ..."

Claire looked up from the tidy column the quill had scribbled. "Well. 100 Galleons a week, that's 400 Galleons for this month."

She ignored Laurel's muttering and proceeded with her coolest business voice. "400 galleons ... so I owe you 42.838 galleons all in all. Do you prefer cash or a draft to your vault at Gringott's?"

Serene stared at her, momentarily flabbergasted.

Laurel frowned. "You ... owe her?" she asked.

Claire pushed the ledger towards Serene. "See yourself," she smirked. "You can check it, but I am quite positive my sums are correct."

Serene's eyes narrowed when she saw the headline on top of the page. It read 'Kennedy Design'. 

"What?" she stuttered.

"Well, there is the design for Winterstorm's newest best-seller on the international toy market. Lyty first of all ..."

"Jonah's snake?" wondered Laurel, understanding dawning. She grinned sheepishly. "I am so sorry, Claire! I assumed ..."

"That I'd rob a friend in need, I know," replied Claire, a little hurt. "We started mass-producing the toy designs Serene scribbled that afternoon in London. The afternoon before the concert."

Serene looked up, tears in her eyes. "But those were only sketches!"

"So?" Claire opened another ledger and passed it to her. It contained moving images of beautiful witches in breathtaking robes. "Nobody expects you sew them with your own wand. Lots of witches know how to sew. But only you can design clothes like these. Lovely dresses. Elegant dresses. Expensive dresses." She smiled in open delight. "Very expensive."

"Winterstorm is producing robes designed by Serene?" Laurel wondered. "And people can order them from this catalogue?

"They can buy them as well in the store in Hogsmeade."

"The store?" Serene's voice shook suspiciously. "What store?"

Claire held out her fist, and when she opened it right under her friend's nose, a golden key glinted on the flat palm. "Your store, if you want. Rent it from me ..." She could not suppress a small scowl in Laurel's direction, and the other woman took it self-consciously. "Rent it or buy it with the profit you make. You design, I produce, we sell together."

While Serene searched for words, Laurel showed her joy and relief in the outcome of things openly. "So you need not worry about how to pay for the cottage!"

"There was no need for worry about that anyway." Claire closed the ledger. "But as things are she won't need to teach at Hogwarts anymore either." She threw their friend a questioning gaze. "And maybe one day she'll tell us why she is so scared of that school all at once."

* * *

„Will you quit fretting and sit down for a minute?" demanded Laurel in the evening.

They had been waiting all afternoon and Serene had all but marched a trench into the living room floor, so nervously had se paced the room.

Claire had taken Rose and Jonah back to the Manor were they slept now, and Serene and Laurel were still waiting for Remus to come home.

Serene stopped and stared at Laurel, her face pale, her eyes wide with fear.

"I can't do this."

"Oh nonsense!" Laurel felt a faint head ache crawl up her neck. Her friend radiated fear like a the fire in the hearth radiated warmth on this chilly spring evening. "Of course you can. There is nothing much to do but being there. And loving him."

"I caused him nothing but pain so far." Serene dug her nails in her palm.

"That's not true." Laurel shook her head and stood up from the window seat where she'd curled up for the last hour. "I have never seen Remus happier than those days after Christmas."

"Seven days, Laurel!" Serene's voice threatened to hitch. "I made him happy for seven days! But how am I supposed to make him happy for the rest of his life." 

"Serene …"

"He will not remember what happened between us. But after the full moon, when the lycanthropy virus takes over …"

"May it be as you say. But first of all his conditon means you got four weeks without dark memories. Four weeks you should enjoy without worrying about the future." Laurel gave her a sympathetic smile. "Dumbledore once told me to take it day by day, and I can only repeat his advise."

The red-haired witch drew in a deep breath and unclenched her fisted hands carefully.

The house was ready. The wooden floors gleamed in the light of the fire. The windows sparkled. The bed in the upstairs bedroom had fresh linen that smelled of lavender.

"Day by day," she said softly. "I'll try."

Then a sharp rap on the door made her jump.

Laurel opened. Her mouth fell open when she saw a red muggle van park in front of the cottage - hovering three feet in the air.

"Sirius!" she stuttered.

He held up a hand. "Don't say it! I know you did not expect to see me here."

Laurel frowned. 

Sirius waved tiredly at the back of the van.

"Dumbledore was called back to Hogwarts. Seems like Draco Malfoy did his best to beat Snape in the run for "most obnoxious Slytherin ever". High time his Head of House returns to duty." He rubbed his temples. "High time I am getting home."

"Won't you help us to move Remus into the house …", Laurel started, quite surprised by his foul mood.

"No."

With that Sirius turned and walked down the narrow path which led towards the Shrieking Shack and further to Winterstorm Manor.

Laurel watched him depart and shook her head.

Then she saw Severus open the sliding door on the side of the van and carefully levitate out the body of a wizard, wrapped in warm blankets.

The potions master sighed in relief when the body glided through the cottage door, and squeezed Laurel's hand.

"Muggle cars!" he snarled. "Give me a carpet any day!" His dark look in Sirius' direction spoke volumes. "No wonder Fudge wants to banish the use of these things."

"What is the matter with Draco Malfoy?" Laurel put a hand under Remus' head to prevent him colliding with the wooden door post.

"I don't know any details. Seems like he started some kind of secret society." The Potions master's face darkened. "Olsen's influence."

His eyes locked with Laurel's for a moment, so intense that she reached out and touched his face.

"I could never forgive myself if we lost Draco."

"We won't."

Together they navigated Remus into the cottage.

Serene still stood in the middle of the room, her hand clasping the back of a high chair.

Her chest was so tight she could not breath. Her heart hammered.

But then, when she saw Remus, all her fear dissolved.

Nothing mattered anymore.

Not even her visions.

She stepped forward and removed Laurel's hand off Remus' head.

"I'll take care of him now," she said softly.

And without paying them any further attention, she brought Remus to bed.

Snape smirked.

"I guess we are not needed here. Let's pick up Jonah at the Manor and go home."

All Laurel could do was agree heartily.

* * *

When Remus woke up, it was in the early hours of the morning. Grey light seeped through the lace curtains and drew intricate patterns on the wall. It took him a few minutes to focus and that single task demanded so much effort it left him weary and exhausted. His body felt as if every bone and sinew had been dislocated and roughly set into place again. 

From the dim light he could tell it was early hours, but the room was not familiar at all. A sloping roof where rains drummed a soft steady rhythm. Two windows with snow-white curtains. A four poster bed with soft pillows and a downfeather duvet. He did not know where he was but it certainly wasn't ….

He frowned. This was not … Not the place he was supposed to be. He was … Who was he?

His heart skipped a beat when there was a void instead of a name. 

He was … 

This was ridiculous. It was there, on his tongue, he could almost taste it. But whenever he thought he had it, it slipped out of his mental grasp.

His skin got cold and clammy with panic when he became aware that he was not alone in this strange bed in this strange room. There was … someone … a woman snuggled into his arms, soft breath against his chest, warm skin against his. Glorious copper curls spilled like a silky blanket over his shoulder when she moved in her sleep.

And for some reason his panic subsided. Whatever had happened, wherever he was … whoever … This was right. This woman in his arms, her head cradled in the crook of his neck, was how things were supposed to be.

Drawing her closer, he closed his eyes and listened to her breath until he fell asleep once again.

When Remus woke up the next time, the ray of light on the wall had wandered to the next corner.

A cool cloth was pressed to his forehead.

Then the gentle voice of a woman asked: "How do you feel?"

He thought about it.

His ribs and his side ached and itched, as if a wound was healing. Strangely he had no idea whether this was good or bad. Nor how he was supposed to feel ...

He opened his eyes.

The woman put the cloth back into a basin that hovered a few feet over the floor and went to the dresser by the window. It was the same woman who had shared his bed earlier. Now her wild red tresses were ordered into a neat braid, that fell down a green robe. The colour complimented her eyes, Remus thought, and at the same moment wondered how he knew that she had green eyes.

Indeed, they were green, he was confirmed when she turned around to face him.

"Can you tell me your name,? she asked with a slight tremble in her voice. "Who you are?"

He frowned but though he tried hard, he could not remember. It was there, yes, but only like a shadow in the back of his mind. Too faint to catch it.

"Who am I?" he surrendered and looked at her with barely suppressed panic.

"Your name is Remus J. Lupin."

The woman sat down next to him on the bed and reached for his hand. Immediately he felt calmer.

"Remus J. Lupin," he repeated slowly. "What does the J stand for?"

She smiled and he basked in the warmth of it like a kitten in a spot of sun on a rag. "I really don't have the slightest idea," she admitted. "I never asked. But I suppose it is short for Jerome. That's your father's name."

"My father." Again, his mind was blank, could provide neither image nor scent. "Jerome Lupin." It sounded right, though.

"Your mom's name is Abby. And you got three younger sisters. Livia, Helena and Julia."

Wearily he closed his eyes. He needed to sleep and could only hope she'd stay there, holding his hand, or even better, holding him in her arms like last night. But then again, that might have been a dream ...

"Remy?" Her voice hitched in her throat. "Do you remember me?"

And there, in the hazy zone between waking and sleeping, was a name. He all but sighed it, before his breath got even and calm, and sleep embraced him completely.

"Sally."

* * *


	14. Desperate Meassures

****

AUTHOR'S NOTE:  
  
I really need to apologise. I never meant to let you hang in a void like I did.

But they made me suffer at work for being away all August, and I haven't had an hour to breathe since I returned.

Besides that we moved house, my laptop was buried on the bottom of all those crates and boxes, and university starts on the 1st of October and I am virtually unprepared (… tremble …).

Still, I guess I am back in my tracks now and promise to keep up my usual rhythm of updates (at least) once a week.

Thank you for waiting so patiently.  
  
Enjoy!

  
  
14. DESPERATE MEASSURES  
  
Dumbledore propped his chin onto his folded hands and took a good look at the two boys sitting at the other side of the wide oak desk. 

Draco Malfoy's hair was badly singed, and his left hand had the size of a bludger. He cradled it against his chest and when he tried to move his fingers they wiggled like fat worms trying to crawl into a watermelon. The other chair was occupied by Ron Weasley, at least Dumbledore assumed that under all that hair and beard Ron was hiding.

"Well." The Headmaster suppressed a sigh. "Would one of you care to explain what exactly happened?"

"He challenged me to a duel!" exclaimed Ron, his voice somewhat muffled by his beard.

"Only after he sneaked into Slytherin." Draco raked a hand through his hair and winced when it came away black and smelling of sod. "He got no business there!"

"They were conducting secret Death Eaters meetings." Ron rose from the chair. "He plans to deliver Hogwarts to You-Know-Who!"

Dumbledore sat back and frowned. Neither Ron nor Draco were exactly model students, and their teachers were well aware of the animosity that had developed since their first day at school. Petty rivalry about points, house cups and girls were to be expected, but this?

"Is Mr. Weasley right?" he asked solemnly and dared Draco to lie to him. "Are you and your fellow Slytherins involved in some kind of secret society?"

Draco avoided the Headmaster's stern gaze. The old wizard could look right into your very heart, his father had always warned him, and Draco knew it was true. 

"Yes," he admitted.

"See?" Ron triumphed and flicked back his coat of hair. "I was right! He is a dark wizard!"

"We are just meeting and discussing things without you Gryffindors!" Draco hissed. "What is so dark about that?"

"You are a Death Eater!" Ron shouted back. "Why don't we check his arm, Headmaster? Let's see it, Malfoy!"

Dumbledore came around the desk and laid a hand onto Ron's furry shoulder. "That is a serious accusation, Mr. Weasley. What lets you think Mr. Malfoy is a Death Eater?"

"He … he gets letters from Ben Olsen!" Ron huffed. "And we know who that is, don't we?"

"Mr. Olsen is my guardian, appointed by my father's will." Draco grit his teeth. "And you got no proof he joined the Death Eaters."

"The man tried to kill Professor Snape and Professor Hunter!"

On Dumbledore's forehead a new crease formed. Nobody had informed the students how Snape had got hurt so badly by Olsen's poisoned wand that only Harry Potter had been able to remove the snake venom by using Parseltongue. But the grapevine at Hogwarts was a magical one and grew at lightning speed. How much did the students really know about what had happened a year ago in London?

"And …" Ron's voice rose dramatically. "It is a well known fact that all dark wizards came out of Slytherin!"

The Headmaster could not suppress a sigh now. "Mr. Weasley, this is not true at …" Then he changed his mind. "You go and see Madame Pomfrey. Ask her to deliver you of that fur, and spend a night at the hospital. The Barbartus curse is not to be underestimated. Your tongue will feel furry for a week, I am afraid."

Ron shot Draco a dirty look and left the Headmaster's office, secretly relieved that the old wizard had let him get away without any further punishment.

Draco's mouth set in a defiant line when the door closed.

"Well, Mr. Malfoy, what am I to do with you?" Dumbledore asked softly and sat down again.

"He had no business in Slytherin!" Draco repeated. "He and his scarred friend keep spying on me since our first year!"

"Enlighten me, Draco, why you and Weasley don't get along. If it is because of that pure-blood nonsense? Because if it is, let me tell you that the Weasley bloodline is as pure as any."

Draco frowned. "If you say so. But he's Gryffindor. And so is Potter. No self-respecting Slytherin would ever befriend one of those do-gooders! People get sorted into Slytherin for a reason, my father used to say. It is our home, and the only place where we should seek friends."

The Headmaster paled and closed his eyes wearily. He stayed silent for so long that Draco watched the old wizard's face in sudden alarm. Was he ill? Merlin, he was over a hundred years old, wasn't he?

"I heard that before," Dumbledore said slowly, and his eyes wandered from the student to the headmasters in their frames. "In fact I heard that one time too often, I am afraid. This must end."

The boy moved to the edge of his seat, sensing a way out. "May I go now?" he asked casually.

Dumbledore just waved him out of the office absent minded. "This must end," he repeated softly to himself. "This must end."  
  
* * *  
  
When Sirius entered the grounds of Winterstorm Manor, he intended to sneak in on tiptoes - something he had not done for months. But as soon as he reached the entrance stairs, he spotted his wife, curled into a tight ball in the corner of the door, her head covered with her arms.

Her back shook with desperate sobs, and the stifled noise broke Sirius' heart.

"Baby," he kneeled next to her on the floor and gently touched her shoulder. "What happened? Is something wrong with Rose?"

Claire winced when he touched her and only relaxed slowly when she heard his voice. Her eyes were red and puffy from crying so hard, and her voice hitched with sobs she could not suppress any longer.

"Ben Olsen was here."

Sirius paled. The mere thought that Olsen, one of Voldemort's wizards in command, had entered his house and threatened his wife in his absence made him cringe with guilt.

"What did he want?" He could barely breath with sudden fury. "Did he touch you? Did he lay a hand on you?"

Claire shook her head. "No. He was perfectly polite and well mannered. That made him even scarier."

"But, Honey," Sirius picked her up effortlessly and set her on his lap, "what did he want from you?"

"Looks like Voldemort remembered that I was still to receive the Dark Mark."

The memory of the night at the cemetery when only Sirius' self-sacrifice had saved her from being taken into the Death Eaters' custody brought fresh tears into Claire's eyes. Back then her pregnancy had convinced Voldemort, that the Dark Mark could wait. Nobody wanted to risk the life of a pureblood baby of ancient bloodlines.

"They'll wait for a few more weeks, until Rose is weaned."

"So Olsen came to scare you."

She shrugged and blew her nose. "I guess so. And to remind me that he knows I am a squib."

Sirius grit his teeth. "I should have killed the bastard when I had the chance." 

He held her tight, until she'd calmed. Then he rose from the stairs and set her on his feet. The crown of her head barely reached his shoulder. How bravely she coped with all the threats and dangers of standing on the side of the light - while he himself slowly despaired …  
  
"And now, that I told you what bothers me, it is your turn."

Claire blinked at him out of clear grey eyes, deep pools of cool where he just wanted to sink and forget.

"I am … only tired. It was a hard day."

She raised an eyebrow and blocked his way into the house. "Sirius?"

Defeated by the worry in her voice he inclined his head. "What?"

"Your feet are bleeding."

She gently pushed him down on the stairs again and cupped his feet with both hands to mend the cuts and blisters. "You did not try to run yourself into oblivion like this for … oh, it must be months. So don't you dare to tell me nothing is wrong."

Sirius sighed. Sometimes he wished she couldn't look through him like that. But then again she was the only person he never needed to deceive. With her he could be himself and she'd always accept him.

"I can't go on like this, Claire," he whispered.

Wordlessly she started to knead his shoulders. He'd talk in his own time, she knew him too well.

"We brought Remus home today."

"Is he alright?" Claire had spoken to Severus and Laurel only shortly, still confused and shocked about Olsen's unexpected visit.

"He is barely alive. Thin as a ghost. Feverish. And he is in pain." Sirius rubbed his face with both hands. "But it is going to get worse in the next weeks."

"The doctors said he'd recover fast."

"He'll suffer. He'll be without a notion of who he is and what happened to him. And there is nothing I can do to help him."

"Sirius …" She gently stroked his brow.

His eyes were dark with pain when he took her hand and kissed the palm, a gesture that always opened her heart. "Remus is my friend. I am supposed to be there for him. But with the Fidelis charm … How am I supposed to give him support or advice?"

Claire stroked his hair, and wished she knew the answer. But the truth was that Sirius was right. The charm had saved his life but severed him from all friends.

"And there is something else," he admitted softly. "Rose."

Claire's head jerked up. "Rose?"

Sirius stared into a void. "She … I got the impression she recognises you, your scent, your face. She smiles at you when you pick her up." His voice was raw with emotion. "She'll never recognise me. She'll grow up without any memory of me being there for her. It is as if I never existed."

"Oh Darling." She pulled him closer. "I am so sorry. I never thought about the consequences of the Fidelis charm for a child so small."

"You know how I grew up. I always wanted my children to be sure of my love. One day she'll look back and she won't find me in her past."

Fair hair fell over his face like a silky shower when Claire drew his head to her shoulder to comfort him. Her heart drummed a steady calming rhythm and slowly the sharp stab of pain dulled.

"Sirius?"

"Hm?"

"Since you are a writer, why don't you do just that?"

He raised his head and frowned. "Write?"

"Write a book for Rose. Tell her how you fell right now. Tell her that you did not miss a day of her life yet and intend to stay with her as long as she needs you." Claire smiled. 

"A book for Rose." He let the thought sink in. "You are such a clever woman, Mrs. Black."

"I know," Claire beamed at him and brushed a quick kiss onto his lips. "That's why I married you."  
  
* * *  
  
Dr Jung had been right about the surprising speed of Remus' recovery, Serene thought with wonder, when the patient insisted on sitting outside on the bench by the backdoor on the third day. Still he moved like an old man, still he was far too thin, but the light had returned to his eyes.

She sat with him for a while, doing nothing but being glad it was spring, raising her face to the sun. Remus breathed in contentedly and dozed of after a while.

Serene smiled. His face was so familiar now. Who'd have thought that she'd have somebody someday who's every feature she knew by heart? Without thinking she raised a hand to trace his bottom lip, and only after her finger had touched the soft skin, she became aware of what she was doing.

Trembling she pulled her hand back. She'd give him all the time he needed to get his memories back. Dr Jung had advised her not to force anything on Remus, neither emotions nor facts. Let his brain decide if and when it wanted to reconstruct his former self. She understood the necessity of that, but Merlin, it was hard!

Dumbledore had visited twice already to teach Remus a technique that should help him to find the way back in his own pace. And she'd not interfere with it out of the petty desire to touch him ...

To distract herself she rose silently and went back into the house to conjure some tea.

When he heard the back door softly close, Remus opened his eyes. He'd not slept at all, and Serene's behaviour confused him more every hour. He was pretty sure she'd been in his bed when he gained consciousness the first time. But never since. She was sweet, friendly, gentle but she never touched him unless it was to dress his wound or feel his temperature. And still he knew somehow that her touch would be familiar. And somewhere deep in the dark pit that was his memory nowadays, he knew she'd once turned from him in fear ...

Before he could come to a conclusion, the garden door opened and a tall wizard in black robes stepped in.

His angular features resembled those of a bird of prey, and for a long moment he just stood there, his dark glance not missing a detail.

"I am Severus Snape," he said, his voice much more pleasant than his harsh exterior. "How are you today, Lupin?"

Remus studied him and then took time to clear his throat.

"Snape? Why do I get the feeling I should apologise to you?" His eyes misted over in confusion. "Did Lupin … I mean … did I hurt you?"

Snape sighed. He'd always appreciated his werewolf colleague's knowledge and dry humour, and found it rather disturbing to see him like this.

"Do you remember anything about me?" he asked gently.

Remus thought about it. The black-clothed man belonged to Hogwarts, at least that was what Serene had told him. He started to walk mentally through his own brain and opened doors - just like Dumbledore had taught him the day before. And yes …

"You brew stuff," he mumbled. "Disgusting stuff. Are you some kind of cook?"

A broad grin split the severe face of the Potions master. "You might say so."

Companionably he took a seat next to Lupin and let his gaze wander over the small garden.

"Foxglove over there," he pointed out. "Basil. And Prussian bluebells."

Remus smiled. "It is lovely here, isn't it? Although ..."

Snape let him think.

"I got the feeling I should live in some kind of stone building. With turrets. And great halls."

His visitor nodded. "You did, before you … fell sick."

"Where?" Remus' fingers dug into Snape's arm. "Tell me where that place is."

"I can't." The voice stayed cool even when the eyes betrayed sympathy. "I won't. You'll have to find your memories yourself."

Remus sighed. "That's what Serene tells me, what everybody tells me. Do you have any idea what it means when you wake up into nothingness? With no past at all?"

"No regrets." Snape's voice was raw with sudden envy. "To walk around without the terrible burden, the eternal guilt ..."

Suddenly Remus' hand reached out and pulled up the sleeve of Snape's robe. He frowned when he saw the Dark Mark. "A snake slithering though a skull," he said slowly. "I remember that."

Snape grit his teeth and braced for what was to come. But Remus' words were without the disdain he'd expected.

The other wizard scrutinised the Potions master's face, and nodded, as if he'd found the answer to a question there. "The mark," he said, "got nothing to do with you anymore. I think I remember that as well."

Suddenly his face distorted and his breath hitched.

Snape frowned. "Lupin?"

Remus slid off the bench, clutching his arms, whimpering softly.

The Potions master kneeled by his side, but Serene was faster. Dropping the tea-tray she carried, she cradled Remus' head in her lap.

"A seizure," she explained shortly. "We must get him upstairs."

Remus' fingernails dug deep into the skin of his arm and tried to slice it off. His lean body shook so hard it took Snape some effort to levitate it.

Later that evening Snape reported to Laurel, how surprisingly calm Serene dealt with the situation. "She's grown with the challenge," he concluded. "I always thought she was quite self-centred and vain, but she really cares about Lupin."

Taking the patient to bed had no influence on his condition. Soon blood from numerous wounds stained the linen, until Serene so no other way but conjure a pair of magical mittens to cover Remus' hands and prevent him from skinning himself. 

Snape was taken aback with the sheer agony in Remus' face. He'd known that the Wolfsbane potion he used to brew for his colleague every month, took away most of the pain of the transformation. But he'd seen the actual process and the pain seemed almost unbearable.

When Dumbledore knocked softly at the bedroom door, the Potions master gratefully let him take his place. 

"What's wrong, Laurel?"

Serene sat down on the couch next to her friend. Remus had calmed a bit and Dumbledore had offered to sit with him, which gave her a bit time for her visitor. Snape had left to fetch more herbs from the glasshouses at Hogwarts, while Laurel and Jonah waited in the cottage for his return..

Laurel sighed, and with growing sorrow Serene noticed the tears in her eyes. 

"I really don't want to bother you with my problems," she said. "You got enough to worry about with Remus so ill and everything else." 

"Oh rubbish!" Impatiently Serene waved the objection away. "Let it out. What has happened? Is Severus giving you the cold shoulder again?"

Blushing, Laurel shook her head.

"It is because of Jonah."

"Jonah?" Instinctively Serene's eyes searched for the little boy. At the moment he sat suspiciously quiet next to the fireplace and played wand-waving with a thin stick. "Is he ill?"

"Ben Olsen contacted Claire again two days ago." Laurel took a deep shuddering breath. "He is pressing at her for financial support. Looks like he stepped right into Lucius Malfoy's tracks. He might try to finish what Lucius and Peter Pettigrew started."

"You mean, he is going to try and steal Jonah from you to complete the recovery potion for his Master?" The red-haired witch stood up and looked out of the window blindly. She felt as if a sudden cloud had darkened the sky. 

"Jonah is one in a million. The circumstances of his life are as close to those of Harry Potter as it gets. Since they can't get Harry, they might try and get Jonah back."

Serene's hands clamped around the windowsill so hard it was a miracle it did not break. Fate really moved in circles, and again she was back on square one. 

She took care to relax every muscle and calm her face before she turned around.

"I don't know if it is any consolation to you, but I had a vision about Jonah's future a few days ago, when I stumbled over him in the attic." She frowned. "At least I think the wizard I saw was Jonah."

"You saw him, grown up?" Laurel grabbed her friend's hand and squeezed it hard. "How did he look? Was he happy? Married? Healthy?"

"Hold it, hold it." Serene smiled under the assault of questions fueled by love. "It was only a glimpse. He looked good, very handsome. Thirty, maybe thirty two. And he read a story to some children."

"Children." Laurel exhaled slowly. "He'll have children of his own!"

"Three of them as far I could see." She patted Laurel's back while the other woman dissolved in helpless tears. "Don't worry. We won't let anything happen to him."

Had Laurel looked up at this very moment she'd have seen the green eyes of her friend turn to cold fire. "Nobody will lay hands on Jonah," Serene vowed quietly. "Not Voldemort, not Pettigrew. And neither will Ben Olsen."

After a while, when Laurel's tears had tried, Serene went upstairs again to check on Remus. "He is asleep," smiled Dumbledore when he ran into her on the stairs. "He's recovering fast, don't you think so? He gained weight."

She nodded. "He starts to remember bits and pieces. But these seizure! The cramps, the pain."

"You knew what to expect, Serene." The old wizard gently patted he arm. "You must not fear. He'll get by."

Dumbledore went into the living room and found Severus, Laurel and Jonah on the floor, playing with a log of wood, Snape had transfigured into a miniature centaur.

For a moment the Headmaster's face got soft. Who'd have assumed that the misanthropic Potions master would make such a fine partner and father?

The his glance fell on the mantle over the fireplace, and his forehead creased. 

"What is this?"

Laurel looked up and shrugged. "Jonah discovered it in the depths of the attic. Apparently it is supposed to be a candle holder."

"Of outstanding ugliness." Severus rose from the floor and took a good look.

"Oh, I agree." Laurel laughed. "But our son thinks it is pretty."

"Magic!" Jonah tried to feed his centaur with cookie crumbs and the tiny creature scowled at him.

"Magic." Dumbledore pushed back his glasses and studied the thing with renewed interest. "It bears a certain resemblance to Hogwarts, don't you think?"

Laurel picked up the candleholder again. Her eyes narrowed. "Well, this could be the castle, you are right in that. There's the inner courtyard, and these pointy extensions might be towers. But …"

"Hogwarts only got four towers, as we know. And this thing got five points." Severus stubbed a finger at the tower in the middle. "Although the school certainly could do with another tower to provide more space for the Potions lab."

The Headmaster smiled absently and put the candleholder back in it's place. But before he left, he asked Serene if he could borrow it, and she gave it to him as a present, glad to be rid of it.  
  
* * *  
  
Sirius stood by the wooden fence that surrounded the narrow stretch of garden. Tiny bluebells nodded in the soft breeze. The wizard he'd know for almost all of his life kneeled in the middle of this sea of petals and gently brushed his hands over the flowers. Remus' face glowed with pure enchantment.

When the wind turned he suddenly froze. His nostrils widened and he turned so swiftly Sirius could not stifle a grin of relief. Recovering or not, his old friend still had the keen senses of a werewolf.

Lupin got to his feet and raked his hand through the grey-streaked hair in a familiar gesture of awkwardness.

The wizard by the fence did not smile. Remus frowned and tried to evoke a name, a connection.

"I should know you, shouldn't I?" he asked softly.

Sirius sighed. 

"You … ride a Muggle motorbike," blurted Remus out. "Damn it! How can I know that but not your name?"

"It's Sirius Black, and yes, I once had a motorbike." Sirius jumped the fence and held out a hand. "Moony."

Remus paled, shocked by the white-hot stroke of memory that flashed through his brain when he heard the nick-name.

"Sirius." A slow smile lit up his face. "I remember. Where is Jamie? Didn't you bring him?"

Sirius winced. Merlin, how was he supposed to tell his friend that the bright eyed boy he remembered had been dead for almost fifteen years by now? He took a coward's way out.

"James could not come," he explained with a suddenly dry throat. "And shouldn't you … I don't know … be in bed or something?"

"I took off." His friend gave him a sheepish grin. "I am not tired. Honestly, I feel like running through the forest, wild." He frowned. "Did I do that, before I lost my mind?"

"You did not lose your mind!" Serene scolded gently, when she stepped out of the cottage's backdoor. "You only lost your memory, and the doctors say it will return soon."

She fought the instinct not to let Remus out of her sight as long as he was so vulnerable. But the pain in Sirius' eyes appealed to her heart. After all Sirius risked his life visiting his friend, with the Aurors still looking for him.

"Why don't you go for a walk with your friend Sirius? He knows the forest very well," she suggested, her eyes warning the visitor to not give Remus any hints on who or what he was. "And maybe he'd like to stay for dinner?"

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "You cooking?" he drawled. "You would not want to make little Rosie an orphan, would you?"

"Don't press your luck, Black." Serene scowled at him. "Now go away, you two!"  
  
* * *  
  
"I want to leave school," Draco complained, drowning a mug of butterbeer. "I won't suffer any longer how they treat me!"

The wizard who shared his small table in the shady back of the Three Broomsticks, looked up from the piece of parchment held by a bottle, a glass and a wand. 

Rosmerta had made it her business to catch a quick glimpse when she served the drinks, but had only seen crude black lines.

"Might be a map of Hogwarts, what with the four towers" she thought now as she stood behind the counter and polished a row of glasses by waving her wand in circles. "Won't do any harm to let Dumbledore know that Malfoy brat is giving away maps of the castle to strangers.

While the witch decided to stop by Madam Pomfrey that very evening, Ben Olsen tried to make sense of Draco's sketch.

"So what is this?" he sighed and pointed out a protruding shape.

"Slytherin tower," the boy shrugged.

"But as far as I remember that tower is not twice as tall as any other." Ben cursed his luck. Hadn't he spent more than two years in that dreadful place himself? Why had he never taken the time to produce an accurate map? But then again, there were too many details only older students like Malfoy would know. Ancient lines of defence. Booby traps. Long forgotten charms.

And Malfoy was a great source of information about his hated school. Oh, he expected great things of Lucius' son. There was a fire burning in the boy's soul, something angry, bitter and vile. But his design lacked nonetheless.

"Let's start over," he suggested amiably. "Let's go through this step by step. The magical re-enforcement. The shields. And the loopholes."

Draco smirked. "In a minute, Ben. Tell me about Laeticia first." He tried hard to appear sophisticated and detached. Like a man of the world who had elegant, beautiful countesses lusting after him every day. But his stomach was in a tight knot that dissolved with pure relief, when Ben fished a letter out of his wide sleeves.

The older wizard tangled the parchment in front of Draco's nose.

"First the map."

When he saw the stubborn glint in the boy's eyes, he dropped all friendly pretence. "The Dark Lord does not suffer fools gladly! And a wizard who is jumping at a witch's beck and call, is nothing more than a fool. Once you joined and received the Mark, you should be aware of where your loyalties lie!"

Draco blushed and adverted his eyes. "There is nothing wrong with giving a woman the illusion she can rule you," he drawled with nonchalance. "As long as she lets you in her bed." His eyes narrowed when he looked at his guardian. "I assume you play this game yourself with Miss Kennedy."

Olsen's pale eyes froze into hard ice. "Serene is not Laeticia."

"Well, you may be right. After all Laeticia won't let a Werewolf put his paws onto her naked skin, will she?"

A hiss of rage, a wave of wand, and Draco slammed backwards into the wall so hard a thin line of blood trickled down his chin. Olsen stood by the table, clutching the wand so hard it threatened to break any moment. Draco was imperative for the Master's plan. But right now Olsen would have gladly strangled his white neck.

Not enough that Serene had made no effort to return to him, his spies had reported that she shared a cottage with Lupin now. He could only hold on to the hope that Serene knew what she was doing. They belonged together. He'd known it from the first moment he'd laid eyes on her. 

They were alike. 

Black flames.

For a full minute he let the boy hang in the air, before he released him without gentleness.

"You want to live to be a Death Eater, you better pick your insults carefully," he snarled. "Now get you noble ass on that chair and make sense of that scribble you call a map."  
  
* * *  
  
As the moon waned, Remus' condition bettered as expected. He was back to his old weight now, and when Dr. Jung visited he tested his patients reflexes and found them flawless. Nevertheless he warned Serene that with the waxing cycle of the moon, the seizures would happen more often and get worse until the first transformation.

"But I am optimistic," he calmed her. "He's in remarkably good shape. He seems quite content, and his memory returns faster than I assumed."  
  
On the evening of the new moon Serene and Remus took a walk along the lake. Remus had not entered Hogwarts yet, but liked to come to the lakeside and stare at the towers that used to be his home.

This time, diverted by confusing emotions and insecurities, he turned away from the castle, and looked at Serene. He had to ask. He had to know.

"Was Remus Lupin in love with you?"

"Honey, you _are_ Remus."

"I know." He stared across the quiet lake while the setting sun washed over his face in bright golden strokes. "I just can't remember being him." He crouched down and picked up some flat stones. With a quick flick of his wrist he made them skip across the water surface. "Was he?"

Serene swallowed. "Was he what?"

"In love with you."

"He told me so." Her voice trembled.

"And did you mind?"

"At first I did not believe him. But he … you were persistent."

He sighed in relief. "Good."

"Good?" Serene's eyes betrayed her confusion. "Why?"

Remus turned to face her and raised a hand to touch her cheek. "Because I think I am in love with you."

She jerked back and he immediately dropped his hand.

"You don't look too pleased."

"I …" Serene blushed. "It is just that these words used to mean so much to you. And never anything to me."

He would not let her retreat, and suddenly she found herself in his embrace, with his shoulder inviting her to rest her head.

"I don't recall I talked of love very often," Remus said softly and started to stroke the back of her neck.." At least not to anybody but you."

"I told you how my parents left me in that hospital and never came back for me, didn't I?" Serene's voice was muffled by the collar of his robe. "You may not remember, but I told you this Christmas at your parents. I waited for them, but they just did not come."

When Remus looked down, he saw glittering tears hang between her lashes like dew. Worried he'd hurt her somehow, he kissed the crown of her head. "You must not …"

"No. I must. You need to know, to understand." She took a deep trembling breath. "I was very young then, barely fourteen. They just could not cope with me being what I am - a witch, a clairvoyant. For me it was obvious. They did not love me because there is nothing about me that is loveable."

"Oh Sally." His voice made an endearment out of the plain name of her childhood.

"For a year or so I only wanted to die. Then the pain crawled deep into my soul and stayed there like a festering wound." She searched for a handkerchief and blew her nose. "Ah, I don't think I ever cried as much in my life as I did lately."

"Because of me." His eyes darkened.

"Because of many things." Serene took his hand and led him onto a narrow path that led back to the cottage through flowering hawthorn rows. "When I was eighteen, they had no choice but release me from the hospital. I'd learned to hide the symptoms of what they called my "condition", and I was desperate to make up for what I'd missed. Somebody somewhere had to love me, hadn't they?" Suddenly furious about her naivety she kicked a branch off the path. "It took me years to understand that "I love you" usually translates as "I want to fuck you"."

She almost stumbled when Remus grabbed her shoulders and jerked her around. His face was hard with anger. "I have no need for a translator. I love you. That's it."

His lips crushed hers in a mixture of frustration and desire.

With a sigh Serene surrendered.  
  
They stumbled over the door step, impatiently kicked the door shut and tore at each other's clothes. But then, after the first rush of headless passion, the pace got softer, slower. For Remus everything was new and familiar at the same time. Her scent. The way his heart beat like a drum, when she traced the pale scar on his shoulder. The way her skin tasted when he brushed it with his lips.

He drew her on top so her soft hair fell over his face like a fiery cascade.

Serene kissed him, covered his forehead, his nose, the corners of his mouth with tiny butterfly kisses. Then she allowed herself to abandon all self-control, to follow his lead and trust him completely.

It felt right, Remus thought, intoxicated by her scent and the soft moans, when he slowly entered her.

His eyes held her captured while he started to move, dared her to look away now.

"Don't be afraid of me," he murmured against her mouth, taking in her ragged breath. "Please, don't be afraid of me."

"Remy ..." A picture shot through Serene's mind. Remus' hand turning into a ... paw. Could he remember her confusion, her shock? But she had not been afraid, not even then.

"We'll never hurt each other." It was a vow, a charm, a plea, and her voice broke into a sob, when his body answered it.

Remus felt his blood race through his body. A multitude of pictures, sounds, scents. "At a pond," he whispered hoarsely. "We made love at a pond, you and I."

When he finally came in her, the intimacy of it made her cry out.

A repeated loud knock against the cottage's door woke Serene from pleasant dreams. Remus' keen senses had made him aware of somebody's presence outdoors minutes ago, but the scent was familiar, and so he'd taken his time and waited, stroking Serene's hair idly.

"What …." She rubbed her eyes and tried to see the clock in the dim light of the fire. It had to be dinner time.

The door flew open, and Sirius stepped into the room impatiently.

"Don't ask me what I am doing here," he warned. "I got no time to explain."

"I remember." Remus sat up and stared at the tall wizard in the door. "You are … were … a prisoner of Azkaban."

"I found a way out," Sirius' heart ached. He could not even tell his friend that he'd helped him escape the second time.

Serene cleared her throat and pulled the blanket up to her neck. "Sirius, as nice it is of you to visit …" 

The wizard's expression was unreadable. "Sorry to disturb your … with whatever it is you are doing."

Remus muttered something under his breath, but Serene laid a hand on his arm to calm him. She had known Sirius for a while by now and although they argued most of the time when he was not on the run, she now recognised the alert in his eyes.

"What is wrong?"

"Dumbledore wants us at Hogwarts within the hour. He calls in all staff, no exceptions." Sirius breathed in deeply. "Something is bound to happen. Something serious."  
  
* * *  
  
All the teachers, ghosts and house staff met in the Headmaster's office ten minutes before dinner. The short time span assigned to the meeting made it clear that they could expect neither a discussion nor a long explanation. And they did not get any.

"I called you all back to Hogwarts, now that we shall be facing difficult times. Maybe the most difficult ever."

Dumbledore cleared his throat and drew a dark glance at the former Headmasters and Headmistresses who crowded in one of the gilded frames. "I'd be glad if you stood with me in this. Still, this is your private decision. But I will follow this through on my own, if need be."

Severus raised an eyebrow. Dumbledore hardly ever made insinuations like this. And his behaviour in the last months had been more than eccentric. 

"Albus? Won't you tell us what you are going to do, before you make us consider whether we want to join you?"

The Headmaster smirked self-consciously and rubbed his beard. "I'd rather say this once and for all, in front of the school assembly. It concerns the student body as much as the staff after all."

"Oh dear, he isn't going to close the school, is he?" whispered Madam Pomfrey.

Minerva McGonagall slowly shook her head. She was not certain about Albus' intention, but knowing him so well, she suspected something awful. She'd watched him study dusty parchment scrolls, argue with Headmasters from the 12th century, and again and again stir the pensive in the backroom of his study.

But the ugly candleholder Laurel's boy had found in the attic had obviously let him make up his mind.

Dumbledore took a deep breath and straightened his back.

"Let's go."

They entered the Great Hall and the chatter hushed immediately without any effort of the prefects. Hundreds of young faces gazed up to the High table expectantly.

The Headmaster looked at them with a mixture of concern and fierce determination.

"I have an announcement to make," he said with a steady voice that betrayed nothing of the doubts he'd gone through to reach the decision he was going to proclaim.

"An announcement that may shatter all you believed in until now. I can only trust you know me well enough that I act out of necessity and consideration."

A murmur rose between the table. Even the ghosts were whispering. Laurel could see several of the house-elves eavesdropping in the back of the Great Hall, Dobby among them.

Dumbledore cleared his throat.

"Coming into force this very moment, I proclaim the dissolution of the Houses of Slytherin, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw and Gryffindor."  
  
Then all hell broke loose in the Great Hall.


	15. The Fifth Tower Part 1

15. THE FIFTH TOWER (part 1)  
  
Hundreds of faces stared at the Headmaster in stunned disbelief, while hundreds of voices tried to find words for the unspeakable. Even the teachers and Mr. Filch had paled and could barely refrain from hurling questions at Dumbledore.  
  
Abolish the Houses!  
  
Laurel saw Snape draw in a deep hissing breath, as if he'd been stabbed in the heart. When she reached for his hand he tried to withdraw it instinctively, but as she would not let go he surrendered and accepted the comfort she offered.  
  
Sirius stood in the back of the Hall and watched the reactions. He could understand the wild emotions that charged through the room, and the thought of his old house vanishing tug a little at his heart, but he had never identified himself by being in a particular house. But he knew that for many students and graduates house-pride was something to take very serious.   
  
  
Professor Flitwick bent over in a coughing fit, a sign that he was distressed. Gratefully Madame Pomfrey used the opportunity to usher him to the hospital and get away from the confusion and uproar in the Hall.  
  
  
Dumbledore raised on hand to silence the crowd. "Once upon the time, or rather several hundred years ago, there was a fifth tower in this castle, whereas today we only have four of them. And there was a fifth founder, although we only see the portraits of four in this Hall. But history, as Professor Hunter will confirm," he gave Laurel a wry smile, "history may overlook some people, but it does not forget. What happened can't be erased. Thoughts can't be un-thought. And sometimes what we call the shroud of time, is only a thin mantle of plaster."  
  
He raised his right hand, and without word or wand, a white flash shot right into the wall over the great door.   
  
The walls shook. Students shrieked. Plaster crumbled and fell in large flakes.   
  
And between the paintings of Rowena Ravenclaw and Helga Hufflepuff a new image emerged, the face of a witch of indefinable age and curiously silver-streaked hair. Her eyes seemed alive, bright and blue as ice, even if the picture hailed from a time when magical paintings had not been in fashion yet. In her palm the witch held a beautiful butterfly.  
  
"This," Dumbledore nodded at the painting, "is Estella Etherwing, who together with the most famous and gifted witches and wizards of her time founded this school as a place where young people would receive an education in the magical arts But not only that. Hogwarts was to be a beacon of humanity and scholarship in a violent world that tried to extinct magic with fire and sword. Here the students would find a safe place, friends for life, and they'd find … themselves. But then, centuries after Etherwing's death, something happened."   
  
He snipped his fingers, and a gold-framed portrait sailed through the air and reluctantly settled next to the teacher's table.  
  
Dumbledore knocked against the frame. A thin wizard with shaggy grey beard appeared, only to cross his arms defiantly and give the student assembly a solemn stare.  
  
"Etherwing's portrait was covered up, her statue removed, her tower torn down. And ever since that day, students were sorted into the four houses of Hufflepuff, Slytherin, Ravenclaw and Gryffindor. The Honourable Headmaster Oliver Crombad may have an explanation for that. Don't you, Sir?"  
  
The wizard frowned.  
  
Dumbledore addressed the students again. "They extinguished her name from almost every book, but as some of you know" - his eyes seemed to bore into Hermione's - "there are certain books in the restricted section which have incorruptible ideas about what may be changed in their text."  
  
A wave of his hand conjured a heavy leather-clad volume, bound by magical chains and locks.  
  
The headmaster whispered a few words and the book ceased to struggle. The locks snapped, the chains clanged and the pages flew open all by themselves. An eerie voice started to talk.  
  
"Etherwing, Estella. Collected works. "Ye Olde Art of Transfiguration" - "It takes a castle" - "On Celtic Charms and runes"  
  
The book shut with a dramatic sound.  
  
Dumbledore nodded. "She laid the foundations for what you are getting taught today in Transfiguration class. But she also was a great pedagogue.  
  
"She and her teachings almost caused a disaster," the Headmaster in the frame suddenly yelled, giving up his sullen defiance. "A band of students formed, and they almost succeeded in their rebellion against everything we beheld as right and true. We had to stop them. But more important, we had to make prevent it from ever happening again."  
  
With that he walked out of the frame, but not without a loud "You fool! They'll rise against you as well!" in Dumbledore's direction.  
  
Silence filled the Hall like thick fog.  
  
  
Eventually Hermione Granger stood up and rose her hand, red as a beet with nervousness,. A quick glance at the head boy and girl had told her they were too stunned to ask any questions, and the other prefects had shown no reaction either.  
  
She cleared her throat. "What is going to happen now, Headmaster?" she asked. "Without the houses, I mean. Where will we … belong?"  
  
"You all shall be re-sorted."  
  
A gasp of pure horror sliced through the air. Most students remembered the sorting with a dull ache in their stomach. All the anxiety and fear. And to go through the whole procedure again?  
  
"But …"  
  
The prefect took a stand. "But if there are no houses, why another sorting?  
  
"The hat will find groups of five. It remembers every student it ever sorted, but since some of you have considerably grown, it will have to take another look at you, just to make sure. And you must not be afraid that there won't be a group for you, as we just took a count and found that the number of students in every year is divisible by five."  
  
"But, Albus!" whispered Minerva McGonagall urgently and tugged on the Headmaster's sleeve to get his attention. "What about the next years? What if one of the students transfers?"  
  
"We'll cross that shaky bridge once we get there," answered Dumbledore as softly. But aloud he said. "Well, then, for the second time this year - let the sorting begin."  
  
"No!"  
  
Draco Malfoy stood up so abruptly, Goyle almost toppled backwards off the bench. "You can't do this! You can't take decisions so grave without consulting the board!"  
  
"That, Mr. Malfoy, let be my concern, will you please?" The wizard's voice made it very clear that he had no intention to discuss or postpone what had to be done.  
  
For a moment Draco froze in mid-motion, unsure whether he dared to leave or not. Then he sat down again, very slowly, and Serene could almost see the words of a letter of screaming complaints composing in his mind.  
  
She was not sure what to think about the Headmaster's step. As a child she'd given her right hand to belong - anywhere. And for a while the thought to belong to Slytherin had been her idea of happiness. She remembered her first evening in Hogwarts as if it had been only yesterday. The sharp disappointment, when the hat had decreed that adult students should not be sorted.  
  
But if there was one authority she respected, one wizard who's wisdom and utter kindness had never failed her, it was Albus Dumbledore. So she guessed, they all would just have to sit and wait what was going to happen.  
  
  
The Headmaster's wrote a magical sign in the air, and the Sorting Hat appeared, complaining loudly and twitching like mad. Obviously the Hat did not agree with the Headmaster at all.  
  
While the students watched in awe, hat and wizard exchanged whispered unpleasantries. In the end Dumbledore remained successful, and the Hat rose over the assemble, but not without muttering under it's breath, as it started to circle the Great Hall.  
  
"What is this?" Remus asked softly. He certainly remembered some of the people. The older witch who had hugged him with tears in her eyes was Minerva, and he even knew the name of the cat and that it had bitten him many years ago. But other things remained shrouded.  
  
"The Hat used to sort students in their respective houses," Serene explained with a hushed voice. "It is able to determine whether a child will fit in best in either Slytherin, Gryffindor, Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw."  
  
"But the Hat was created by all five founders," Dumbledore interfered, speaking up so the students concentrated on him and forgot to stare at the still circling hat. "It incorporates a part of every founder: Slytherin's shrewdness to find the five different minds, five different personalities who'd complete each other., Gryffindor's courage to state facts nobody would dare to mention. Hufflepuff's knowledge about the merit of loyalty. Ravenclaw's patience where minds are to study. And Etherwing's believe that the plain brown chrysalis will one day turn into a thing of beauty."  
  
  
The Hat had finished its search and returned to the High Table. Grumpily it sat on it's stand and kept talking to itself until the Headmaster tapped it rather hard.  
  
Huffily the magical artefact cleared it's brim. Old dust rose and glittered in the shine of a hundred candles.  
  
"Well, well, well," rasped the Hat. "You wanted it. So don't blame me, when this gets out of hand. Cause it will."  
  
"Let that be my concern." Dumbledore sat down. "Do what only you can do, and let me deal with the result."  
  
The Hat coughed. "You are right, Headmaster. Only I can do it! I remember you all as you sit there at the High Table. You - such a brilliant mind, and such romantic ideas. And the little McGonagall girl. Transfigurations it was, wasn't it?"  
  
Minerva gave the Hat a stern stare, but it went on babbling as if it tried to win time.  
  
"And Severus Snape, well, we had a word or two in silence, hadn't we?"  
  
The Potions master scowled. "We did. But this is not the time for reminiscences, is it?"  
  
"And there's the Lupin boy! I always knew you'd end up at the High Table!" the Hat exclaimed, ignoring Snape's rebuff. "See, I told you, it didn't matter that you are a w… "  
  
A hard smack on the crown by the Headmaster let the Hat wince.  
  
"Do what you are supposed to do! Let's talk about the future, not the past."  
  
Serene let out a breath she had not even known she held. Two more weeks to go, and it became harder every day not to answer Remus' questions. And now that stupid felt cone had almost said the W-word …  
  
Remus frowned and shook his head in confusion. "It didn't matter that I was what?" he asked softly. "What is everybody talking around, Serene? What is wrong with me?"  
  
She stroked his hand under the table. "Nothing is wrong with you, love. And your memory will return, I promise. Just be patient. Please, it is for your own good."  
  
He sat silent for a few moments, then he pushed back his chair. "I need some air. I'll take a walk."  
  
When Serene rose, he raised a hand to hold her back. "No. I … I really need some time by myself." His mouth set in a hard line. "Maybe something I see triggers my memory."  
  
She dug her fingernails in her palm. She could not tie him to her wrist, could she? But she'd almost lost him once - and that had scared her more than she cared to admit.  
  
Remus' face got soft, when he saw the look in her eyes. She worried about him. It gave him a warm, fuzzy feeling. "Nothing will happen to me, I promise," he said gently and touched her cheek. "I'll be back."  
  
When he slipped out the back door, the Sorting began.  
  
  
* * *  
  
  
An hour later, Remus sat on a bench in the Owlery and stared into darkness. The walk through the castle had left him even more confused. There were so many things he remembered, but that made him only more aware how much he'd forgotten.  
  
Eventually he'd ended up here, in this circular room with he high ceiling. He knew that this was the place where the students and staff kept their owls, but right now the room was almost empty.   
  
Remus drew his knees to his chest and let his head rest. He could not go on like this. All the confusion. The seizures and the mind-numbing pain. But then - he had Serene, hadn't he? When he remembered her in his arms a few hours ago, a dull ache filled his heart. Something had happened between them, before … before he'd lost his memory. Something that'd scared her. And him.  
  
He sighed. He couldn't remember anything about that event but the look of utter shock in her eyes and his own sinking feeling.   
  
"Lupin, you must have been such a fool," he sighed into darkness.  
  
"I never thought so," answered a young voice, and Remus' head jerked up. Lost in thoughts he had not even noticed another visitor to the Owlery.  
  
Hermione lit her wand with a soft word, and stood by the wall, unsure what to do. Madam Pomfrey had warned the students that Professor Lupin had lost his memories, and must not be pushed on his way to recovery. So she chose her words carefully.  
  
"You are a good teacher, and I always enjoyed your class." When he did not answer, she paled. "You know you were a teacher here, don't you? You remember that?"  
  
Remus smiled at her obvious distress. "I remember that. I even remember your name, Miss Granger, and I remember the circumstances of our first encounter. Something with a Dementor, wasn't it?"  
  
She nodded, relieved she'd not blown it. "Are you alright, Professor? I mean, why are you sitting here in the dark Owlery instead of the Hall?"  
  
"I just wanted a little privacy."  
  
"I did not mean to disturb you. I only need an owl …" She looked around and saw the empty perches. Sighing she stuffed the rolled parchment back into her sleeve. "Looks like the others were faster than me."  
  
"An urgent letter, Miss Granger?" He patted the seat next to him. "How did the new sorting go?"  
  
Hermione sat down and let her head hang low. "It was a disaster. I guess that's why there are no owls left. Every student must have written home today!"  
  
He kept silent in sympathy for a moment, then he asked, part out of curiosity, part because he knew it would help her to come to terms with the situation if she set it in words.  
  
"So where to did you get sorted?"  
  
"There is no 'where' anymore," Hermione replied with a grave voice. "There is only a 'who". My 'group'. Like kindergarten."  
  
Remus had to suppress a smile when he heard the doom in her voice. "And your group is so disastrous?"  
  
"Not ... all of them."  
  
"Well, who is it?"  
  
She sighed. "There is Ron and Neville."  
  
"Ron ... tall lanky kid with red hair and obnoxious brothers." Remus smiled in delight. "And I think Neville got something to do with a toad, hasn't he?"  
  
Hermione nodded. "Trevor was his pet toad, until Professor Snape ... Neville got a cat now, almost bigger than Crookshanks."  
  
"So this Crookshanks is another member of you little party of friends now?"  
  
"Crookshanks is my cat." She laughed and Remus congratulated himself. His memory might be dim, but her remembered that ferocious cat of hers very well.  
  
"Harry is also in my group," continued Hermione. "Which is not half bad, I assume. Others got sorted with four bastards, and I only got one." She blushed. "I mean, with four people they do not get along with."  
  
"I recall the correct word is indeed "Bastard"," replied Remus with a deadpan voice. "So this Harry is one? A b..."  
  
"No!" Hermione's eyes widened. "Harry's one of my best friends, and you ..." Her hand flew to her mouth. "Oh my, you don't remember Harry?"  
  
"I have no idea who he is."  
  
"Black hair, green eyes? With a scar on the forehead?" she tried, but only produced more head shaking. "You taught him to call his Patronus."  
  
Remus frowned. "A stag. Big silvery stag," he murmured.  
  
"Right."  
  
"I'll remember this Harry sooner or later," Remus sighed. "But you seem to be rather happy with Ron and Neville and Harry. So who is the fifth?"  
  
Hermione's teeth set on edge. "Malfoy."  
  
"Lucius?"  
  
She stared at him.  
  
"Lucius must be ... well, he's my age ..." Remus raked through his hair. "He's got a son then?"  
  
"Draco. He's a b... We don't get along too well."  
  
"Why?"  
  
With a groan Hermione raised both hands. "Why should we? He's ancient wizard bloodline, I'm the first witch in my family. He's rich, I'm not. He's smart, I'm smarter." She scowled. "And he hates that! And of course he's Slytherin, and I am Gryffin..." Her voice faded.  
  
"Not anymore. Maybe that's what Dumbledore intended."  
  
She stared at her shoes. "Taking away what connects us with some to take away what keeps us apart from others."  
  
A soft sound made both of them look up. Serene stood in the Owlery door.  
  
"Hermione, you should go to bed, " she suggested friendly. "I understand, sleeping arrangements remain the same, at least for the time being."  
  
The girl nodded. "It is late. Thank you helping me make sense of it, Professor Lupin."  
  
Remus smiled. "You did al the important thinking by yourself, Miss Granger."  
  
"Then thank you for listening."  
  
She slipped out of the Owlery, and Serene held out a hand. "Let's go home."  
  
Outside the castle Remus drew her close to him, breathing in the scent of her hair, feeling her warmth and her heartbeat.  
  
"This abolition of Houses. Should I be distressed?" he asked softly. "Did I care about my House?"  
  
Serene rested her head on his shoulder. "I don't know." A long sigh escaped. "Remy?"  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"Once you got your memory back, we should talk about all this. Lets talk about the little things. What kind of ice-cream we like best. Our favourite books. Favourite Muggle movies."  
  
"Beauty and the Beast, the French original," Remus said without thinking. "I have no idea what it is about, but I remember I liked it."  
  
He kissed her forehead. "Let's go home. To bed."  
  
  
* * *  
  
  
As Dumbledore expected, his study was not empty.  
  
The dark tall wizard in front of the fire threw more shadows than physically possible. The Bloody Baron hovered over Snape's left shoulder, and scowled when the Headmaster entered. Drawing his sword, he charged - and halted in mid-air when Dumbledore raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Will you let me explain, Severus?"  
  
The Potions master did not turn, and his voice was so cold, it was a miracle the fire kept burning.  
  
"There once was a wizard who taught me to honour traditions."  
  
"Severus …"  
  
"And now you abolish all tradition. For what?"  
  
Dumbledore let the words sink in. "You have every right to be angry. But what we consider tradition, was new once and unheard of. Take Slytherin Tower, for instance. You never use it. Most students don't even know there is a Slytherin Tower. But centuries ago the House of Slytherin resided in a tower, and the mere thought of making students live in a dungeon would have caused uproar. So, you see, traditions change. And every new tradition has to start somewhere."  
  
"Why?"  
  
Snape turned around, his face white with suppressed fury. "Why fix something that is not broken? The four houses worked just fine."  
  
"Did they really, Severus?" Dumbledore's eyes filled with sympathy and something close to pity. "The wizard you are today … Did you become who you are because of being in Slytherin or in spite of it?"  
  
Time froze.  
  
Even the Bloody Baron, furious himself for the tout that had been delivered to his house, ceased to race through the walls of the lab.  
  
"A long time ago," Dumbledore said so softly, Snape could barely understand him, "two young boys started school. And from their first day we knew they were special." He sighed and seemed to look beyond the walls, back in time. "Both incredibly gifted, both fiercely dedicated. If they had combined their respective talents, they'd have delivered the world of Voldemort long ago."  
  
Defiantly Snape stepped back.  
  
"You are talking about James Potter, aren't you?"  
  
"James … yes." The Headmaster nodded slowly. "James ... and you, Severus."  
  
The younger wizard scowled. "Potter and I? You must have been sadly mistaken, Albus. We never had any common ground whatsoever."  
  
"See?" Dumbledore got up and started pacing the room with the agility of a much younger wizard. "Did you ever ask yourself why you disliked each other from the first day on?"  
  
""I did not dislike him," protested Snape. "I just …"  
  
"You just wanted to stay with your house because it was safer, wasn't it?"  
  
"I desperately needed a home. You know why." The Potions masters face clouded over. "And James … He had friends of his own in Gryffindor."  
  
"I once asked James the same questions, you know?" Dumbledore reached into his sleeve and produced something that looked like a glass marble, with silver liquid swirling in it like a minuscule galaxy. Snape had seen time capsules before, but never such a small one and never so casually held. They were incredibly precious and frail, and once dropped, the memory they contained evaporated and was lost.  
  
Dumbledore let the capsule roll over his palm and before Severus could react, it shattered on the stone floor.  
  
A silvery grey shape rose from the ground, parted, formed, solidified. Suddenly there was another Dumbledore standing before him, very much like the one he remembered from his later school years. Next to him a boy with unruly dark hair, probably sixth or seventh year, sat on a Quidditch trunk and tuned his broom. The resemblance with Harry Potter almost took Severus' breath. It was one thing to see James' son day after day in class, and another to stand just yards away from his now dead former rival.  
  
"The things we spoke about, James," said Dumbledore the Younger, "are dangerous. I'd feel much better if you were not so adverse to work together with Snape."  
  
James frowned. "Syltherin' Snape? I don't think so."  
  
"But why?"  
  
"Because he's Slytherin. And I am Gryffindor."  
  
Dumbledore the Older sighed. "You see? Back then I did not comprehend what he really meant. But I do now."  
  
The content of the capsule was spent and the memory settled like dust on the floor.  
  
"The houses kept apart what was supposed to be together."  
  
"Oh really?" Snape's voice dripped with cynicism. "Let me guess. Potter and I in a circle with three more students. That's the model now, isn't it? So that would have been Potter and I and who? Malfoy? O'Brien?" He gingerly touched the silvery dust with the tip of his boot. "And don't tell me, Pettigrew and I could ever have been friends, because I am not buying that!"  
  
"Potter. Snape. Evans. Black. Lupin." Dumbledore shrugged. The perfect circle. Meant for life."  
  
"Evans." Snape closed his eyes. "Lily. She was ... kind."  
  
"So she was." The Headmaster held out a hand as a peace offering. "Severus, I know you only want the best for your students. But do you really believe that house rivalry and the kind of arrogant intolerance the system produces, will do them any good? Do you believe that …. let's say, Draco Malfoy … finds support of the kind he needs with his croonies in Slytherin?"  
  
Snape took a deep breath and thought about Malfoy's increasingly problematic behaviour. "Probably not. But his … circle … is just ridiculous. Potter, Granger, Weasley and Longbottom of all students! How is Draco to fit in, with four Gryffindors and him the only Slytherin?"  
  
"No!" Dumbledore impatiently shook his head. "He is not Slytherin anymore. You all must get that into your head. He is Draco Malfoy. Unique."  
  
"Unique," Snape repeated with a strange hitch in his voice. "He is, isn't he? They all are."  
  
"So were you." Dumbledore's smile embraced him. "You still are. You are Severus Snape. Not Slytherin."  
  
Two hands touched, and a firm grip confirmed the bond between the two wizards.  
  
  
* * *  
  
  
When Minerva McGonagall looked out of her window the very next morning, her mouth fell open.  
  
Right in the middle of the former courtyard a tower had … well, grown, she thought, for the castle very much resembled an organic being that reacted to the needs of it's inhabitants.  
  
"A fifth tower to watch so seventh years won't sneak up there to make out," she grumbled, while she finished her morning exercise. "Just what we always wanted."


	16. The Fifth Tower Part 2

16. THE FIFTH TOWER (part 2)

One week after the re-sorting, Dumbledore, McGonagall and Flitwick stood in the circular room on top of the new tower. While the Headmaster drew an intricate pattern of lines and circles on the stone floor, Professor Flitwick hovered in mid-air and waved his wand. Whenever the light from the tip of the wand crossed one of the lines, it glowed red or blue.

Minerva watched the lines flash and noted their colour with different quills.

Eventually Dumbledore checked the list she'd compiled and frowned. He passed it to the Charms Professor.

„What do you think, Theodore?"

Flitwick sighed when he saw the abundance of red ink. „It won't hold. The web of charms and spells we wove to protect the school from intruders, was pierced by the new tower."

„Estella Etherwing's power remained when the stone and timber was removed," said Minerva. „The tower must have gone through the web like a sharp spear."

„But can the web be undone to ..." Dumbledore stroked his beard, „to Apparate into Hogwarts for instance?"

„By a wizard of great power inside the castle?" Flitwick thought about it. „I'm afraid, yes."

„And next week is the full moon, and the night after is Beltane," Minerva reminded them. „One of the most powerful nights. Even some of the seventh years could tear up the web that night, if they knew the right spells."

„So we better fix it before Beltane," said Dumbledore and with a swish of his hand let the lines and circles disappear. „We need all staff, even Sirius Black if there is a way to contact him."

„I'll check with Claire," promised Minerva. „I am certain they meet now and then in a secret place. She just looks too happy to have not seen her husband in so many months."

* * *

Serene was on her way back from the clothes shop in Hogsmeade when she ran into Castor Black who walked up the small road that led from the cottage to Winterstorm Manor. When she waved, he stopped and waited for her at the life oak by the crossroad.

He wore his Auror's uniform, and the small lunar sign that showed he was a member of the Werewolf squad. Serene could well see, why Julia Lupin could net get completely free of that wizard, even after so many years. His smile was a devastating weapon.

„Are you visiting Claire and the baby?" she asked friendly.

He nodded. „I am on my way to the Manor. But it is a busman's holiday. Actually I needed to talk to Remus Lupin about the wizard who sold him that cure. Looks like we got a hot trace to ..."

Serene's eyes widened in shock. „You ... talked to him already?" she croaked.

„I met him down by the lake, and he recognised a face on some of the candid shots I brought. But he'll have to come to London to identify the wizard if we are successful."

„You ... insufferable idiot!" she hissed. „You told him he was a werewolf? Just like that?"

Castor shook his head when she dropped her basket and ran down the lane, without a word of good bye. His brother had once called Serene Kennedy a nutcase, and Castor had to agree.

When she entered the cottage, out of breath after the run, Serene was prepared for everything - accusations, confusion, even despair - but not for the icy glance in Remus' eyes.

He stood by the window and the setting sun lit his hair up like a golden brown halo. 

„I remember," he said.

„I know." She swallowed hard. „Castor … he was not supposed to tell you."

He scowled at her. „And when was I supposed to learn what I am? On the night of the full moon? When I sprout whiskers and claws? What were you going to say?" His stare grew bitter, and Serene bowed her head guiltily, when he mocked her voice. „Ah Remy, by the way, you are going to turn into a monster in the next five minutes?"

„No!" She raised both hands helplessly. „You … Dr Jung told me your memory would come back in time."

„The seizures." He looked at his forearm, where faint red lines told of a particularly bad night. „The pains. This is going to happen every month. I remember now."

„Remy." Serene reached out to touch him but he stepped back abruptly as if she'd threatened him with a red hot poker. „Remy, do you remember the cure you took?"

„The cure?" His face grew blank, then his eyes narrowed. „I think … It tasted bitter. It hurt."

„It almost killed you. They had to re-infect you so your body could fight the side-effects of the cure."

"Re-infect me!" He paled and clenched his fists. „So it was successful?"

„It almost killed you," she spat, furious about Castor's interference. „I wouldn't call that successful!"

Remus turned away from her and stared blindly into the sunset. „I … didn't want this anymore," he whispered. „To live in fear of the moon and of my inner beast."

„You almost died on me!" She stepped closer, but his defiant stance dared her to touch him. „Everything will be all right, Remy, as long as we are together."

„Together!" Wearily he closed his eyes. „I remember what happened on the last full moon we spent together." In a flash he turned around and grabbed her wrists. 

She winced with pain and shock when he pushed her against the wall.

„I remember London, the night after Julia's concert! I started to change!" Now he shouted at her, desperate to make her understand the hopelessness of the situation. „There were … claws! And I could feel my mind shift …" His eyes gleamed in amber.

„It was my fault!" she cried. „I … made you angry! I was so annoyed, I kept pushing you …"

"Merlin!" He let go off her and stared at his hands and then at her. „Sally, that's no excuse! Being annoyed can never be an excuse for losing control like that. You hear me?"

There were tears glittering in the corner of his eyes, and he wiped them away with the back of his hand. His mouth set in a hard line. „We can never be together. It is too dangerous."

Serene sank into a chair, trembling all over suddenly. He was going to leave, she saw it in his eyes. And she'd be alone again … 

Blinking back the tears, she took a deep breath to calm down. It had all been a terrible mistake. A mistake to come to Hogwarts in the first place. A mistake to get involved with Remus - worse, to let him sneak into her heart. The heart she'd guarded so carefully.

„What now?"

His bitter smile told her everything she needed to know. Walking out of the cottage without a further word did not make it easier at all, but at least for the time being she could pretend to be the one who left. And not the one who was left behind …

And so she stood up and softly closed the door behind her.

Remus waited in the large living room of Winterstorm Manor and warmed his hands by the fire. Since Castor's innocent words had triggered a flood of memories, he'd felt cold. He remembered now, oh yes. Jamie was dead, and so was Lily. And Voldemort …was rising again. But there were still dark corners in his mind, shadows, where important facts lurked. Something he'd heard in the back-street shop where the old wizard had sold him the cure.

He remembered that Sirius was on the run, and there was no way to contact his friend but through Claire. But if he'd ever needed his friend it was now. Desperately.

When Sirius entered the living room, Remus could only stare at the wizard. Black looked … well, not at all like a man who was hiding from the Aurors and Death Eaters alike. He wore his beloved jeans under his robes, was barefoot and smiled.

Remus' eyes widened when he saw the wriggling child in his friends arms. Memories rose - of Claire being pregnant …

Sirius laughed softly. „Moony, this is my daughter. Rose."

Remus stared at the baby in disbelieve. Although she was now almost eight weeks old, Rose Black reminded him of a delicate doll with her white-blond locks and startling blue eyes. How could this tiny beauty be Sirius' daughter? Had Harry looked as fragile and precious? he tried to remember. Or was this a girl-thing?

„She's lovely," he said in awe. Then he remembered his reason for coming to the Manor. „Sirius, I need to talk to you."

„So do I." Sirius sat down in a deep chair by the fire. „Castor left an hour ago. He told us what happened."

Claire offered Remus a cup of tea, but he politely declined. „Are you alright, Remus?" she asked worriedly. 

He shrugged. „Not really, no."

„Castor did not mean to shock you," Sirius apologised for his brother. „Nobody advised him to keep silent."

„You could have told me." Remus stared at Sirius accusingly. „You are my oldest friend, and still you left me deaf and blind."

The tall wizard lowered his gaze and played with Rose's tiny fingers. „It was hard," he admitted. „Especially when you asked me about James. But they told us at St. Mungo's that we must not push you."

Remus nodded. He understood, but it still hurt.

„Claire and I have been talking about this for some time. We just wanted to wait until you … felt better." Sirius cleared his throat and unceremoniously plunked the baby into Remus' lap. „If anything happens to us, we want you to take care of her."

Rose raised her tiny hand and grabbed Remus' finger. She held on with surprising strength.

„Of course I will …" Remus looked up, and understanding dawned in his eyes. „But …"

„We would be honoured if you became Rose's godfather," Claire took in the scene with a smile. Clearly her small daughter had learned very fast how to wrap every male present around her tiny finger.

„Claire, I am …" Remus' face showed how moved he was and it took some effort to keep his voice calm. „I am a werewolf. Certainly not the right person to trust with a child's future."

Claire crossed her arms over her breasts and gave him one of her unsettling stern looks. „I trusted you with Sirius' life," she said. „If you hadn't taken the risk of saving him, this little girl's father would still be in Azkaban."

„I'd be dead by now," said Sirius firmly.

„Padfoot, I need to leave soon," said Remus so softly only his friend would hear his words. „I need to go to London, to make up my mind about a few things."

Sirius only nodded.

„But I am honoured and glad to be Rose's godfather." Remus looked into the small face seriously and the child's blue eyes looked back at him with the same expression. „I'd guard her with my life, you know that."

He shook his head with a sad smile. „Remember how Lily used to say, I'd be the first of the Marauders to become a husband and father? Well, I don't know about Peter, but right now it looks like you beat me in both categories."

Claire touched his cheek and had to restrain herself from hugging him. He had always had this shadow of deep unhappiness around him, but now the shadow seemed to have darkened over night.

„It's going to be alright, Remus," she whispered. „I don't know what ails you, but it's going to be alright."

„I'll see to that," muttered Remus and passed her daughter back to her. „That's why I have to leave now."

* * *

The gliding stairs came down before Serene could mutter the password. She felt too weary to be surprised, but when the door opened and a dozen faces looked at her expectantly, she halted at the doorstep.

„Is this a staff-meeting?" she asked confusedly. „I did not get an owl."

„You must have missed it," Minerva said and pushed her glasses back up her nose. „Word just went out. We need everybody at Hogwarts as soon as possible."

„Another re-sorting?" Serene knew she must look like something Mrs Norris brought in, but she did not care right now. She'd come to ask Dumbledore's council, but with so many people present that would have to wait.

The Headmaster's eyes did not miss her sorry state. „Has anything happened, girl?" he asked softly, while the assembly took up it's chatter. „Where is Remus? We need him in Hogwarts as well."

„He left." The words burned her throat like acid. 

„He left?" Dumbledore repeated after her. „But we need him here, and now!"

Serene's bottom lip trembled. „So do I. But that does not change the fact that he left a few hours ago. Castor Black told him the truth, and he .." Her voice broke. „He wanted to change without me."

„Oh Serene." The old wizard looked at her with a pity that almost brought the tears back to her eyes.

„No," she said flatly. „It's okay. He wants it like that, he can have it. I don't need him." With his silent permission she fled the study.

Dumbledore looked out of the window when she left the castle, and shook his head. „That did not sound too convincing, my child," he muttered to himself. Then he turned around and faced the assembled staff. „Without Professor Lupin we won't have enough magical power to repair the protective net. We'll have to wait for his return."

„But, Albus," Minerva worried. „he may be gone for a long time."

„I doubt that." He gave her a faint smile. „Love drove him away. Love will draw him back." He addressed the other teachers. „For the time being entry to the fifth tower shall be forbidden for all students, unless in the presence of a staff-member."

* * *

A week later Neville stood outside of the Potions lab and took a deep breath. It wasn't as if he were afraid of entering. Not exactly ... afraid. Only that he and Professor Snape were not … well, they were both happier when the other was as far away as possible.

Still, it was necessary, and, as Hermione liked to say, Snape was only human after all. At least they assumed so. The wizard was in love with Miss Hunter, wasn't he? And the little boy they'd adopted seemed to adore the Potions master …

Neville counted back from five and knocked.

After ten seconds he knocked again. Eventually he pushed against the wooden door, and noticed it wasn't shut at all.

„Professor Snape," he ventured.

The tall wizard looked up from his desk. „Longbottom."

He sounded less than pleased, but at some moment two years ago that voice had lost its ability to frighten Neville to death. 

„What do you want? If it is a delay on your homework on Knorkwood's first theorem, so let me tell you again, that the re-sorting is no excuse."

A small sigh told Snape that he'd just reminded his student of another unpleasant detail, and he had to suppress an amused smile. He didn't really dislike Longbottom - as long as he stayed away from the breakable items in the lab. But right now he was busy.

„It's not the essay," mumbled Neville and made a mental note to start with it right away as soon as he'd escaped the dungeons. „It's about Malfoy."

"Draco?" asked Snape, trying to keep any emotion out of his voice. He really worried about the boy, whose behaviour had changed from fierce protest into stubborn silence since the sorting. Most students got along with the re-structuring of their living-conditions amazingly well. But not Draco. While he had no chance but stick with his appointed group he did what he could to make it clear he had neither interest no inclination to get closer to Potter, Granger, Weasley or Longbottom. Now, with Crabbe and Goyle sticking to their own respective groups, it became obvious that Draco had no friends at all. Though all Slytherins had accepted him as their spokesman, nobody seemed to genuinely care for him.

Snape seemed unsure what to do, and Neville tried hard to not show any surprise. And now the Potions master's face contorted and he stuck his head under the table to hiss something unintelligible. The student could not see anyone hiding in the shadows under the desk, and surely there was not room enough for a person down there, was it?

„Malfoy keeps sneaking up the new tower," he mumbled, suddenly feeling awkward. They had discussed this, Harry and Mione and Ron and him. They had warned Draco. After all Dumbledore had forbidden any student to enter the tower. Even the most stupid Slytherin had to see that strange things happened there. It seemed very much alive. Windows continuously changed their number and position, and reminded Neville of watchful eyes. But Draco had brushed off their warning with an annoyed frown, and spent hours in the Fifth Tower. So they had decided to bring the problem to Snape, since there had been a time when Draco listened to the Potions master.

Snape nodded slowly. „I'll talk to him." The boy was really trying his patience. Gifted and bright as he was, he seemed quite likely to end up as a Death Eater - or simply dead. „That was very considerate of you, Mr Longbottom, to come to me first."

Neville blushed, considerate not being an adjective Snape often used on him. „He is one of us now", he said softly. „Even if he hates us."

„He does not …" Snape reconsidered. „Well, I am afraid you are right. He hates you, and Potter and Weasley and Granger. But he also hates me, and his mother, and Albus Dumbledore and the rest of the world. But most of all he hates himself."

Neville frowned. He knew all about self-consciousness and awkwardness, but why Draco Malfoy, who was handsome and smart and rich, should hate himself, was out of his comprehension. „It's not our fault. We leave him alone as much as possible." Which was not particularly hard, since Draco treated them like slime.

„Maybe you should annoy him rather more than less," Snape said in no particular direction and pretended to continue with his grading of first-year essays. „Maybe you should not make it so easy for him."

"You mean, not let him go alone." Neville thought about it and his face brightened. „Sneaking up that tower with the four of us in tow would be a lot less interesting, would it?"

The Potions master kept staring at the parchment scrolls. „Anything else, Mr Longbottom? I am busy, as you may well see."

Suddenly Neville drew in a sharp breath.

„Anything else?"

„Ah, Professor?" Neville's voice hitched.

„What?" Impatiently Snape looked up and saw Neville stare wide-eyed over his shoulder. „What is it, Longbottom?"

„There … there is something floating in the air, „stuttered the student nervously. „Looks like … looks like …"

"A glass bottle of Vesuvian acid." Snape's voice was sharp as a sword and twice as cold. „If it shatters on the stone floor, we'll be done."

„I know that," hissed Neville, sweat appearing on his forehead. „I may be useless with potions, but even I …"

"The I suggest you bring the door between you and the bottle, Mr Longbottom." Very slowly Snape rose, and turned to the bottle, while his hand waved Neville out of the Potions room. „Get out, now."

The boy moved backwards, inch by inch until his back hit the door post. „Professor?" He did not dare to speak up. „Who is making the bottle fly?"

„Get out." Snape stood like a shield between the door and the bottle, and only when Neville was safe out on the corridor, he recognised what had been missing in the picture. The Potions master had not held a wand.

Neville covered his ears with both hands and waited for the inevitable.

In the lab Snape stared into the corner next to the long work bench. The bottle with Vesuvian acid rose and fell and bounced through the air like a bubble of soap. The content of the bottle sufficed to blow a man sized hole into a brick wall.

The wizard knew he had only seconds to consider. At a sharp command the bottle bounced upwards and the Potions master Dissaparated. A batting of an eyelash later he appeared again in the room next door, clutching the furiously protesting Jonah in his arms.

Before Snape could say anything, a eardrum-shattering noise made the walls of the dungeons shake. Mortar, dust and flakes of old paint fell on the wizard and the child in his arms, but the ancient stone walls withstood the explosion. 

Jonah held Snape's wand in his chubby hand and waved it with much enthusiasm.

„Boom!"

Snape shakily set the child on the floor and plucked the wand out of his fingers. „Merlin, Jonah! I told you, this is not a toy, didn't I?"

Jonah smiled an angelic smile, and cocked his head. „Have, please."

„Not before you are admitted to school. And that will be in nine years and four months!" The wizard wiped the sweat off his brow and slowly sat down on the floor next to the boy. „How did you make the bottle fly, anyway?"

„Say fly," squeaked Jonah and tried to get to the wand again, but Snape hid it firmly behind his back. „Say Wingardium Leviosa and woosh!"

„Flitwick!" The Potions master's eyes narrowed. „He babysat you yesterday, didn't he? You must not do that, Jonah. Do you understand? It is dangerous."

Slowly the recognition what could have happened sunk in, and made him shiver with cold. The boy could be dead by now. He himself could be dead, but his life hardly mattered. He had not only had a second, but a third and fourth chance. He could not complain. But Jonah's life, so young, so promising …

In a surge of emotion that would make him wince in embarrassment when he remembered it later, he drew the boy in a tight embrace. Jonah rested his head on his father's shoulder and held still, when he felt the wizard tremble. He even patted Snape's back as he'd seen Laurel do when she'd comforted Aunt Ene.

Eventually Snape gave Jonah free.

„Well, young man ... Your Mommy is going to skin me alive if she ever gets wind of this." He cautiously stuffed his wand back into his belt. „So we better roll up our sleeves and get a us a broom and shovel." Slowly he opened the sturdy oak door that connected the storage room and the lab.

The work table was turned over, the parchment scrolls partially singed. Some students would be very unhappy to learn they had to do their essay on the effects of wormwood all over again. The pickled newts on the shelf seemed okay, but blackened walls and shattered glass told of a serious explosion.

An exalted grin split Jonah's face. „Boom!"

* * *

Serene had spent the night of the full moon sitting at the bedroom window and staring up at the dark sky, oblivious of the tears that streaked her face. Remus was turning right now, she could feel it. How could she sleep when he went through the pain and horror of the first change?

The next day she felt sick and as if her head stuck in a thick cloud. Every sound hurt. It was like a bad hangover - and no aspirin would make it go away, she knew.

Her mood when she walked over into Hogsmeade to meet Ben, was accordingly. She was not interested in him and his scheming. 

In the door she almost got run over by Draco Malfoy, who hurried out of the pub without looking left or right. Before she could say something, Ben Olsen stood by her side and laid a hand on her arm.

„Serene, my dear."

„I am not your dear," she snapped impatiently. „And I am not in the mood for socialising, Ben."

When she made her way through the pub, Ben's eyes followed her greedily. What a rare beauty she was! And she was his. If only she'd give up her idiot vain attempts on saving her soul! It all accounted to Dumbledore and his influence on her, the Master and Ben had agreed. They could have won that war long ago, if only Serene ceased fighting her fate.

„You seem upset", he remarked casually, when he returned from the bar with two foaming mugs. „Is anything wrong?"

„Ah, stuff your false pity!" she hissed and shot him a hard glance. „You got spies in every second house in Hogsmeade and know about my every step better than I do!"

„Only because I worry about you," he said, and because it was the truth, she took it without further opposition.

„I know." Serene sighed. „I am sorry, but this really is not the best of occasions."

„Well, I thought with Lupin gone and all," Ben raised the mug, „I'd keep you company until he returns."

She stared at the table, blind for the vicious smile that distorted his innocent face for a split second. „He won't be back for a while." Her voice was thick with pain and shame.

„Of course Laeticia will keep him for a while," Ben said maliciously. „She never had any sense of time."

„Laeticia?" Serene's head shot up. Where there had been misery was now blank suspicion and jealousy. „He is with Laeticia?"

Ben dug in his sleeve and produced a magic photograph that showed Remus entering Laeticia's elegant town house. Serene had been there several times with Ben, so she recognised the entrance very well. And that was Remus' cloak, she knew that from the patched hood.

Ben took her hand and she was so numb she let him. „Serene, don't you see he is only playing with you like a cat with a mouse. Clearly he doesn't want to be with you. All the trouble you went through for him ..." He brushed his lips over her knuckles, while her eyes burned holes into the photograph. „All the pain. For nothing."

He snatched the picture out of her hand before she could tear it into shreds. „I'll need that one, sorry." 

She shrugged in pretend indifference.

„Serene, won't you come back with me?" he asked.

Her wild red hair flew when she shook her head defiantly. "No!"

„The why don't you do what you feel you want to do, just once?" he suggested with a lure in his voice that had worked fine many times before. After all he mostly suggested what people wanted to do anyway. They only needed a push …

„Once in your life follow your own desires and quit straining for an ideal others set." Again he touched her hand and again she did not push him back. Hope gleamed in his heart like a hidden spark in the ashes of a ruined house.

„I don't know what I want," she sighed.

„But you know what is going to happen." He frowned. „Sooner or later it is going to happen anyway. So why not sooner? Why not tonight?"

„Tonight?" Her face was blank. The last night had been the night of the full moon, the only night that counted. The night when Remus had made it clear he did not trust her, did not want her anymore.

„It is the night of Beltane. A night of ancient magic. Tonight could be our night." Darkness seemed to waver around him and for a moment his face was lost in it. Only the pale blue eyes burned out of the deep blackness. "Draco is going to make use of it, but he is only a boy. He might fail. But you … you could do it."

Serene let her head sink. „I'll think about it," she said lamely.

„That's all I demand. Think about it, do it and return to me. We are made for each other, we complete each other." Silently he vowed not to make the same mistakes Lupin had made. Once Serene was with him he would not allow her to take a single step without his explicit permission. She'd be his and his alone.

„I brought you something that might be of use. It only works tonight," Ben said and pressed a small compass-like device into her hand. „It is a finder."

„A finder?"

He rose and held up her coat for her. „To find whoever you need to find. And you know who that is. You've known for ages."

She looked down at the thin metal needle. „Yes. I've always known. I just tried to deceive myself."

* * *

It took Dr Matilykos some effort not to growl when he met Remus Lupin. They stood in a secluded corner of Hyde Park, and the still almost full sphere of the moon rose pale and beautiful over the treetops, although it was only late afternoon.

The doctor had agreed to the meeting only after Dr Jung had cornered him and given him a fierce lecture about his hypocratic oath and his responsibilities. Still, there was no way he'd invite another werewolf into his very den, so St. Mungo's was out of the question.

But Hyde Park was recently unclaimed, and so the vast park could serve as both neutral territory and a place where - if everything went wrong - two werewolves could fight without hurting too many people.

Remus sat on a bench and looked as if a Muggle truck had reversed over him. For a moment Dr Matilykos professional instincts took over. He cleared his throat although he knew the other werewolf had noticed his scent as soon as he'd parked his broom at Kensington gate.

His wand shone a blue light into Remus' eyes and made the wizard wince. The doctor shook his head. 

„Don't rise. I brought you something to take away most of the pain and some of the weariness." After searching in his many bags he threw Remus a small bottle.

„I won't take Wolfsbane," muttered Remus and held the glass vessel against the moon light.

„You'd be dead now if you'd taken Wolfsbane," said Dr Matilykos. „All the gods of Greece, Lupin, are you completely out of your mind to change all alone?"

Remus stared at his boots defiantly. „I always did it alone."

"From what I heard that's not true," snapped the doctor and sat on the armrest of a bench across the walkway, still close enough to understand Lupin - werewolves had keen hearing -, but not close enough that the scent of another male would override all humanity and trigger the change before it was necessary.

„You changed in the presence of those Animagi friends of yours, or so Albus Dumbledore told me."

"I was a child then." Remus did not look up. „And they were not in danger. Prongs and Padfoot were strong enough to stand up to me." He sighed. „And Peter had a strong instinct for survival, and kept behind Prongs."

„That still is no explanation for your coming to London of all places!" hissed Dr Matilykos. „This is not your territory."

„I didn't change here. I flew to the marshlands in the south."

„Still, apart from the danger you put others in by changing in a place that could very well be already claimed, you changed without assistance after a re-infection. You must be suicidal!"

The silence in the park was impenetrable. Even the small animals of the night had found better places to feed and fight for the time being. Humans decided to take a different way through the park all of a sudden. Even the lights of the city seemed hesitant to penetrate the darkness between the groups of trees. There was only the moon, and the need to unleash the inner beast beat on both wizard and doctor alike.

„Now be a good wolf and drink your medicine!"

Remus felt so weak he could hardly uncork the bottle. It tasted faintly of tree-bark and clover. Even after the first sip the pain in his every bone and sinew ceased a bit, and felt strong enough to face the doctor.

„I never asked to be re-infected!"

Dr Matilykos rolled his eyes. He remembered only too well being twenty years younger, and all confused. „Well, no, you did not ask for it. But you were only one day away from Elysium. You were hardly in the position to talk."

„So why could you not let me die?" Remus clenched his fist around the bottle. „Why push me back into this life I am so sick of?"

The doctor rose impatiently. „Nonsense! You are not sick of life! Because life, Lupin, is so much more than … this." He pointed at the moon. „It is so much more than waiting and counting the days and living in both fear and desire."

He paced on the soft green lawn, a motion that would have made Remus sick only a few minutes earlier. But the draught had done it's trick, and he felt better with every minute.

„You are so lucky, and you don't even have a clue!" snarled Dr Matilykos and came to a halt right in front of his patient. „You are only … what, 38? And you got yourself a territory in a great part of this freezing island with space enough to roam and people who won't pull a shotgun when they spot you at their doorstep. You got a family and a whole bunch of friends you are so important to they'd drop everything to come to your rescue."

„All my friends but Sirius are dead." Remus' face glazed over. „They have been dead for sixteen years!"

The doctor frowned. „Is that so? Well, pray tell me who those people were, that crowded the hall at St. Mungo's while you were sick? A quite peculiar assembly, I recall. A healer with a baby. The Headmaster of the most renowned school in this part of Europe. A Potions master who checked all my draughts and concoctions as if I tried to poison you on your deathbed. His wife who held your hand for hours. A gamekeeper from Sherwood and his Muggle wife. And I am not even talking about various witches who all claimed to be your sister, and their husbands and boyfriends …" He could not suppress an angry growl anymore. „So don't you dare to say you got no friends, you ungrateful cub!"

Remus' eyes narrowed. „But I …"

"And then," the doctor waved away his objection. „there was the red-haired witch who moved heaven and earth to get the ministry's permission to have you re-infected!"

„Serene?" Remus rose with a start. „She? She did that to me?"

Dr. Matilykos bared his teeth. „She is your life-mate, you idiot! Did you expect her to buy a black dress and wait for your funeral?"

The younger wizard laid his head back. The pale sphere hung now high over them, and the cool light flooded down like liquid.

„I almost killed her," he whispered hoarsely. „I … got angry and I could not hold back the change anymore."

„That was the reason why you took that killer cure?" Dr Matilykos perched on the armrest of his bench. „Because you think you'd infect her one day?"

„It is too dangerous for her. You know how we are when the moon is full." Remus shook his head. „It could happen again, and the next time I may not get away without hurting her."

„Excuse me, but that's rubbish," Dr Matilykos stated and looked down his nose.

„Ha?"

„If werewolves could infect their mates so easily, it would occur more often, don't you think?" He gave the young wizard a scowl. „Actually I never heard about it anywhere. And you'll find that even if you turn completely you wont be able to hurt her." 

„But I …"

„What happened?" Matilykos held up a hand. „Did your claws come out?"

Remus blushed and nodded faintly. 

„But that was because of …" The doctor stared at him intently. „Think, Lupin! Was it Serene who made you so angry you had to turn? Or was it something else?"

And then understanding slowly dawned. The evening at the concert. The pull of the moon without wolfsbane. Olsen. Laeticia. Remus hunched down and raked both hands through the velvety grass as if he needed the anchor of firm ground.

„Something she said." His voice trembled slightly. „It triggered a memory."

„A very unpleasant one, I wager," nodded the doctor. „These things happen. But even if you had turned, you would not have hurt her. That's what all this life-mate thing is about, don't you see? To have one person who must never fear you, whatever state you are in."

Remus covered his face with both hands.

The doctor sighed softly. It was time the young fool got back up north, and he himself wanted to answer the call of the moon. „It will be easier, you see," he continued, now softer. „Much easier to turn if you know that in the morning there will be somebody waiting to take you in their arms. That somebody will love you, no matter what."

„She does not." Remus stood up wearily. „Oh, she likes me, but she does not love me. She told me so, many times."

Dr Matilykos' patience ran out. „Now cut that out! There are ways to show love without actually saying it. What witch in her right mind would let the ministry tattoo a permanent sign into her skin if she was not in love?"

„Sign?"

„You think the ministry would have let me re-infect you without the explicit consent of a life-mate? Oh, they registered her as a werewolf's mate, they marked her down."

„Serene took the tattoo?" Remus' voice was only a sigh.

„Any decent werewolf would buy a lovely ring now," snarled the doctor. „They like that, humans do."

„I need to get back to Hogwarts." 

„Do you? Well, I won't keep you."

Remus smiled and stuck out a hand for the doctor to shake. After some hesitation Matilykos touched Lupin's hand, only to have them both wince and pull back immediately. On both wizard's neck hair stood up. Teeth bared involuntarily. 

Remus gave a little shrug. He had met other male werewolves before, and it had always been the same. Their nature told them not to seek the company of other males who'd fight them for their territory. That was why they had never gained any considerable lobby with the government.

He bowed slightly.

„Thank you, doctor."

Matilykos smiled faintly, for the first time this evening, and went without greeting away over the lawn to where he had his broom hidden. But at the gate, several hundred meters from Lupin away he turned around one last time. A werewolf had no trouble to hear over that distance.

„Nice seeing you alive, Lupin."

* * *

Serene stood outside the „Three Broomsticks" and stared up at the moon. It still looked perfect and yet it was already waning. Had Remus survived the change last night?

Did she care at all?

Maybe Ben was right after all. Maybe fate had a sick sense of humor and let you walk for miles only to lead you back in circles to the very point you started out? And maybe she'd find some peace once she'd done what the dark part of her soul demanded. 

She pulled her cloak thight around her shoulders. The spring night was lush, but she froze nonetheless. She'd never been cold before she'd met Remus. She'd never felt that much pain. Maybe it was time to end it once and for all.

With a last look back at the bright lights she let her broom circle around the pub and then took flight to Hogwarts.

* * *

In the staff room Professor Flitwick shot up from his seat so fast the chessboard between him and Minerva McGonagall toppled over. Pawns and queens fell with faint shouts of complaint.

Flitwick winced and clutched at his heart.

„Are you feeling sick again?" Minerva bowed down and checked the small wizard's face anxiously. „Shall I get Poppy?

Dumbledore was by his friend's side in the bat of an eyelid, although nobody had noticed him entering the room.

„What is it, Theodore?" he asked softly.

The Charms Professor looked up at the Headmaster with deep sorrow in his eyes.

„The web we spun … Somebody just pulled a thread. It is coming undone."


	17. A Dark Portal

17. A DARK PORTAL  
  
  
"I don't like this," Ron muttered under his breath, when he almost slipped and fell off the ancient winding stairs that led up to the room on top of Estella Etherwing's tower. "Didn't you hear Dumbledore? We are not supposed to be here at all!"  
  
"Ah, stuff it , Ron!" Hermione pushed the errand hair-strands out of her face and waved her wand exasperatedly to get some light. "Your brothers would be so disappointed in you if they could hear you now."  
  
"Ssh!" Harry raised a hand cautiously. "Can you feel this? The stones are ... grinding."  
  
Neville nodded slowly. They had followed Draco as obviously as possible to annoy him so much that he'd go back to their quarters. But Malfoy had found his way to the tower like some kind of sleepwalker. The skin on the back of Neville's neck tickled, which was no good sign at all. For a moment he cursed himself for being so foolish and telling his friends what Snape had had to say. "We are climbing a tower that's about to crumble, only to keep Malfoy out of trouble," he sighed. "We must be out of our mind!"  
  
Harry sought Hermione's attention by snipping his fingers. She shone her wand at the end of the stairs from where the strange humming noise emanated. There was a small wooden door, and since the stairway ended right there, this was where Draco must have gone to. And the darkness that seeped out through the gap under the door like black haze made the four students cowering on the landing reconsider.  
  
Harry frowned. "What is he doing in there?" His scar ached like hell. Dumbledore had assured him that Hogwarts was safe, but right now it felt as if Voldemort sat in the other room, with only the wall between Harry and death ...  
  
Another tremor shook the tower and Neville grabbed Ron's arm. "I say we get out of here."  
  
Ron nodded, rather pale. Hermione's words had hit his sore spot. Of course Dumbledore's ban should have made climbing the tower only more exciting, but for the first time Ron felt as if the Headmaster had reasonably forbidden any entrance.   
  
"I must be getting old," he sighed. "But I think Neville is right. We should get out of here, as long as we can still walk."  
  
"Ah, you and Harry can always Apparate, can't you?" Hermione replied prickly. Bill Weasley had given the boys lectures in Apparating during the Christmas Holidays, and Hermione couldn't make up her mind whether she was rightfully concerned about minors Apparating or only miffed because nobody had invited her. On the other hand there was this very secret crush she had on Ginny's oldest brother, and maybe it was better she did not see him too often. That way she had less opportunity to embarrass herself …  
  
"Hermione!" Neville's elbow connected roughly with her ribs and startled her from her daydreaming. "Are you asleep?"   
  
She frowned. "I was only thinking …"  
  
"Well, I say we go in, get Draco out and leave," Harry suggested, bravely concealing his growing unease with the shaking tower.   
  
"He won't be too pleased to see us, I bet." She chewed her lip and tried to imagine what Draco might be doing in there. Probably dark rites and curses. Certainly he was not gazing at the stars and writing poems - in Hermione's mind the only decent reason to climb any tower by night.   
  
"What if he doesn't want to come with us?"  
  
Harry snorted. "There is still the Petrificus spell, isn't it?"  
  
Neville blushed. He had not forgotten the night in their first year, when Hermione had kept him from following them searching for the Philosopher's stone. By now he was as good with spells and curses as any of them, probably better. But he was not so certain if he could petrify anyone. Well … He reconsidered when he remembered the time Draco had turned one of his favourite Persian peonies into a carnivorous twine. Yeah, with Draco Malfoy he could do it.  
  
"Let's go in," he muttered and went past his friends.   
  
Harry, Ron and Hermione stared at him in surprise, when Neville gave the door a resolute kick. The ancient wood splintered, darkness wallowed out into the landing like a living creature. And Neville froze in shocked disbelief.  
  
  
* * *  
  
  
Serene stood on the stairs that connected the first and second floor when another quake shook the tower. Grabbing a protruding stone that would have served as a handrail centuries ago, she pressed her back against the wall until the tremor subsided.  
  
The finder had led her straight to the tower, where she found the seals on the door broken. Somebody had entered against Dumbledore's explicit ban - and she had not doubt, who. The needle on her flat palm glowed and flickered impatiently and urged her to keep climbing. Since it turned in mad spins, the person she was following had to be moving up the winding stairs as well.  
  
She shivered. Her coat seemed like thin paper and did not warm her at all anymore. She wanted this to end. The cold. The loneliness. The pain of losing out. So she'd do what Ben demanded ... no, she corrected her inner voice while she took a deep breath and climbed on, ... not Ben. What the Fates demanded. After all she'd seen that very clearly in her vision. Not exactly like this though, but who knew in what direction the circumstances were to develop?  
  
Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to be one of Voldemort's people? Sure, she'd have to hide everything that was light and warm ... her love for Remus, for instance. But then again - she'd been hiding the dark and evil side of her soul for so long ... You tried to hide it, the inner censor triumphed. Or why do you think Lupin decided he could not live with you?  
  
When she met the dark haze that flowed down the stairs, she did not even notice it until she stood knee deep in darkness. The finder's needle slid over her palm and halted trembling on her very fingertips.  
  
The door to the circular room on the highest floor stood ajar.  
  
Serene winced when she stepped into the room. A gap had opened in the stone floor, and this was the source of the dark haze. It welled out of the void beyond the stones. Draco Malfoy stood straddle-legged over the opening, muttering something unintelligible. On the other end of the crack Hermione and Harry had linked hands and tried to reverse the spells Malfoy used to open the floor further.  
  
"What is going on here?"  
  
Harry barely raised his head, but Serene could see his scar was an angry red. Neville, who had kneeled by Ron's side, mobbing up blood that trickled from his friend's bottom lip, stood up and sighed in relief when he recognised Serene. He had all but expected Voldemort himself, he admitted silently.  
  
"Malfoy is trying to prove he is Death Eater material," spat Ron with narrowed eyes. "He opened this … gap."  
  
"It is a portal!" Hermione's face was pale with concentration. Harry and she had tried every reversing spell they'd learned from Professor Lupin, but Draco had countered their attempts without any apparent effort. "He is opening a portal!"  
  
Draco's face was covered with dark lines and smeared symbols, and Serene suspected strongly that he had not used lipstick but blood. It gave him a primitive look, something that reminded her of shamans and ancient magic. "Ancient," she whispered. "Beltane." Magic strong enough to tear apart any shield that keeps Hogwarts safe from intruders and attack from outside.  
  
Suddenly Draco seemed to become aware of her presence and bared his teeth. With a flourish of his right hand he sealed another curse. Ben had given him a scroll filled with tiny scribbling, and Draco had spent the last week to memorise the sentences. The language was foreign and the gestures old-fashioned, but the effect of the first two curses showed that the magic was still working.  
  
His gaze singed the four former Gryffindors Dumbledore and his foolish hat had chosen to be his friends. Friends! A bitter laugh threatened to suffocate him. Them and him! Ah, and there was Serene Kennedy, the witch Ben Olsen had a crush on like some schoolboy. The one who had turned Professor Lupin from a cool werewolf into a docile fluffy cub. What they saw in her was beyond Draco's perception. Anyway he was through with women. Laeticia had sent him a letter via Ben, informing him that their affair was over. No explanation. Not that he'd expected one. He had never understood what she saw in him, and had always known she'd drop him sooner or later. Still it hurt to be spurned like this. But soon it would be him, Draco, who caused the pain.   
  
Serene's mind raced. Was this the moment?  
  
Was this where it all would end?  
  
She took a deep breath and clenched her fists. But before she could move a foot to step onto the crack on Draco's side, Dumbledore's voice rose from the depths of her memory. "You are what you chose to be. Evil or good - it's your decision. But remember, my girl, that the right way may not be the easy one."  
  
She sighed. She had never been a coward. Stupid, maybe. Easy to persuade. But not a coward.  
  
"Granger, get away from the gap," she ordered with as calm a voice she could muster.  
  
"But, Professor Kennedy, this is a portal!. We discussed portals in Defence Against The Dark Arts, and Professor Lupin said never to …"  
  
"Will you shut up for once, Hermione!" Serene hissed, grabbing the girl by her sleeve and drawing her away from the fiery line that marked the gap between the dimensions Draco had opened.  
  
"Harry can't keep the portal closed all by himself!" the girl wailed and dug her fingernails painfully into Serene's arm. "The curses Draco applied ..."  
  
Serene swallowed hard. The portal would open - it was only a matter of seconds. And she was pretty sure Draco had no easy passage to Ibiza in mind. This was a portal straight into hell, or more exactly straight into Voldemort's den. Should Harry try to hold the gap shut, he'd fall when Draco fell. And both boys were much too young and weak to stand up against the ancient power that clawed at them.  
  
Icy calmness seeped into her heart. So this was the moment.   
  
"The right way is not the easy one," she whispered, and pushing Harry off the gap, took a flying leap at the spot he had stood on a second ago. She was considerably stronger than the boy, at least where spells was concerned, and the gap pulled together painfully slowly.  
  
Draco sneered. "You!"  
  
"Me." Serene felt the darkness lure her to let go. "Step off the portal, Malfoy!"  
  
"No way!" His voice was hoarse with contempt. "I'd rather die here tonight. At least I'd die in glory!"  
  
"You stupid little brat!" She could barely talk, so hard was it to concentrate on holding the seams of this dimension together. "What would you know about dying in glory? Only what Ben Olsen told you!"   
  
Draco's face lost all it's colour. Only his eyes remained blue burning fires in the increasing darkness that did not fall but rise from the abyss to their feet. "Shut up!" he yelled. "You are a coward! You hung around us all these years and never dared to do what you came for. But I am not like you. I do what needs to be done!"  
  
"Not like me." She stared right into his eyes. "Certainly you are not, and you should thank your fates for it."  
  
"You couldn't get it right and now you want me to fail as well."  
  
"Oh dear Morgaine, don't you see Ben is only using you to gain entrance into Hogwarts?" She sharply turned her head to the four students who still cowered on the floor. "You there, help your friend and get out of the tower! Harry, go tell the Headmaster that a portal has been opened, and I don't know how to lock it!"  
  
Ron and Harry helped Hermione to stand up and jump over the gap, and Neville caught her on the other side. She limped to the door, throwing Serene a look that oscillated between suspicion and admiration.  
  
"I'll stay with you," offered Harry, the scar a violent red in his otherwise pale face. "Maybe I can help you."  
  
"If you want to help me, you get the hell out of here!" Serene hissed impatiently. "Stop being a hero once and for all! What good can it do if you go down with Draco and me?"  
  
"But …"  
  
The despair in his voice made her drop her head in shame. "Sorry, Harry. I know you can't help it. But I need to concentrate now." Muttering all balancing spells and connecting curses she could think of, she moved her hands over the now two feet wide crack in the floor in a weaving motion.  
  
"Get going, Potter!" Ron pushed his friend out of the tower room and looked back a last time at the bottomless darkness that gaped between Draco and Serene. "Miss Kennedy?"  
  
Serene frowned at him. "Out!"  
  
"Yes, Ma'am. Thank you."  
  
  
* * *  
  
  
When Remus' broom approached the outer gate of Hogwarts, he could see the faint glow that emanated from the new tower. But what really worried Remus was that the top of the tower seemed to flicker and disappear once in a while. He stood by the broom-shed and rubbed his eyes, but the sudden void where the brightly lit window had been, did not go away for another ten seconds. Then the tower appeared once more.  
  
A knot in Remus' stomach told him something was fundamentally wrong.  
  
The feeling became certainty, when he found the Great Hall deserted and most of the students and staff assembled in the Inner Courtyard. Minerva McGonagall and Mr. Filch tried to drove the students back into their quarters, but to no avail. Everybody craned their neck and stared up the tower. Only now Remus noticed the inch wide cracks that went through the ancient stones.  
  
With relief he saw Sirius stand next to Severus Snape. This was not the time to wonder, why Sirius had come back and since everybody in Hogwarts seemed to be busy otherwise, Remus decided that he needn't worry for his friend's safety either.  
  
Sirius pointed out a particularly dangerous spot between the fifth and sixth floor. "We better get the kids out of the yard," he said quietly to Snape. His left arm hung down limply like a piece of wood. The Dark Lord called his servants tonight, and while Snape's ointment made the sign less painfully compelling, it rendered the arm useless for hours. Still, it was better than involuntarily answering a call by death itself. "If this heap of stone stands longer than the next thirty minutes I'll eat one of you pickled newts."  
  
Snape nodded, then turned when he saw Remus Lupin make his way through the gaping crowd.   
  
"About time," he snarled and gave his colleague a short nod. "The next time you can't stand Miss Kennedy any more, do have the kindness and tell somebody where you are going. You upset Dumbledore."  
  
"Moony! You OK? You did change last night, didn't you?" Sirius hit his shoulder with an enthusiasm that made Remus wince. The moon was out, and although it was not full anymore, it enticed and called. This was not the time when a werewolf wanted to be hit - not even by an old friend.  
  
"What is going on?" he asked instead.   
  
"Remus!" Laurel pushed through a group of students, Jonah riding on her hip. "You are back! Finally!"  
  
"Finally?" He raised an eyebrow. "Laurel, tell me what is going on up there!"  
  
"Something is wrong with the tower. And we need to count the students to make sure nobody went in there." She produced a silver ball the size of a grapefruit and threw it in the air. It began to circle like some kind of drowsy golden snitch, and returned within minutes. Before Laurel could catch it, Minerva snatched it out of the air. Her face was white but for two red spots on her cheeks. She'd have never admitted it, but the deep sorrow in the Headmaster's eyes worried her more than the sounds and lights from the tower.  
  
A quick glance on the silver ball ascertained what she'd suspected all along.  
  
"The frightful five are missing," she said softly to Laurel. "Granger, Potter, Weasley, Longbottom. And Malfoy."  
  
"You think they went up the tower?" Remus asked  
  
Dumbledore stepped closer to them and drew a circle with his wand, so the other students would not listen. "I am afraid so." He stroked his beard. "We must get the children away from the yard, in case the tower falls."  
  
"Falls?" Sirius frowned. "How can it fall? It is part of Hogwarts, isn't it? It's magical. Magical towers don't just crumble."  
  
"Do you see the glow from the top floor?" Dumbledore pointed out. "A portal has been opened. It will quickly exhaust any magic in the tower, it sucks it up like a dry sponge."  
  
"Five students are missing," Laurel reminded him. "Do you think they went up there?"  
  
"Well, portals usually don't open by themselves." Remus put his head back to look up. The tower shook again. "Somebody must be up there and open it."  
  
"Malfoy." Snape's word was a verdict.  
  
"Or Serene Kennedy." Sirius put a hand on his friend's arm. "I don't see her anywhere. And she'd be able to do it, with a little help from her good friend, Mr. Olsen."  
  
"No." Remus' voice lowered threateningly until it was only a low growl. Sirius stepped back cautiously. He knew better than aggravating a werewolf while the moon was high and almost full.  
  
Laurel gave him a hard nudge in the ribcage. "Serene would never endanger all of us by delivering Hogwarts to the enemy."  
  
"But I am afraid she went up the tower as well," Minerva said softly.  
  
"I'll go and get her." Remus' face dared them to object but Dumbledore did it nonetheless.  
  
"It's too dangerous, my dear boy. Magic is not working and if the stones come tumbling down, all of you will be lost."  
  
"I am werewolf." Later he'd be surprised about the fierce pride that had tinged his voice. "I need no magic. And I'll be damned if I leave my life-mate die while I stand down here gaping."  
  
  
* * *  
  
  
On his way up the narrow winding staircase Remus met Harry and his friends. Hermione limped and Ron's lip was swollen and bloody, but other than that they seemed unharmed. He sent them down with a few sharp words, and continued upwards.   
  
The tower pulsed and shook. Stones fell and hit the stairs, and Remus had to duck and dive, and jump up missing steps. The dark haze that crawled down had made it till the fourth floor, and from there Remus had to wade through cold darkness. The instinct of the wolf told him to get away as far a s he could, but his heart urged him to find Serene.  
  
Eventually, on the top floor , he found her - elated into the air a few feet over the ground, opposite to Draco Malfoy, who also hovered. The gap through the stones had widened to a full yard.  
  
"Remus." Her voice betrayed the relief she felt only too well.  
  
He gave her a warm smile. No matter the ground had split. No matter darkness was licking at his ankles greedily. They were together in this. They'd get through it together.  
  
"What are you trying to prove, Mr. Malfoy?" he asked calmly.   
  
"Go away!" Draco spat, wiping sweat off his forehead. "This is not your business!"  
  
"Ah, but it is." Remus leaned against the stone wall with an ease he did not feel at all. The boy looked like a ghost, an ancient ghost, face smeared with blood, eyes burning with something very close to madness. "You know, your father and I were never friends. We fought for different causes. We had different convictions, and would have killed each other if the situation had demanded it, I guess. But ..." he cautiously pushed off the wall and stepped closer to the gap. "But Lucius was no traitor."  
  
"I don't give a damn about Lucius," sneered the boy, "like he did not give a damn about me!"  
  
He clenched his fists when a fresh surge of darkness hit him from below. "He'd have hazarded my death when he ordered the attack at King's Cross!"  
  
"That's nonsense and plain stupid!" Tears of pity stung Serene's eyes and she had to remind herself that it was Draco who they had to thank for the situation they were in. The memory helped a lot to ease her sympathy for the boy. Still, he had to know the truth. Ben Olsen's web of half-truths and deceit was a dense one and was tight enough to suffocate everything that was honourable in Draco's soul.  
  
"Your father tried to stop the train!" she continued, never allowing him to drop his gaze. "When I told him you were on the Express, he moved heaven and earth to stop the assault. I doubt he cared a second for all those other students who rode the train as well. But you, Draco, you were his son."  
  
"And he loved you." Remus stretched out a hand. "Even Lucius Malfoy had to love somebody. He died because he tried to stop the train."  
  
"No. He was part of the attack!" Draco's voice trembled doubtfully. "He was there. The Aurors got him."  
  
Remus' head shot up. He had found Lucius before the Aurors even reached the station master's office where Malfoy had stopped the Hogwarts Express a few miles out of London. The dead face had looked young, Remus remembered, untouched by evil and hatred and greed. Lucius had looked peacefully, as if he slept.   
  
"Not the Aurors. Ben Olsen got him," he said softly. "The attack was Olsen's plan, and when he learned that your father had sabotaged it, he executed him right there and then."  
  
"No." The sound died in Draco's throat.  
  
"Your father gave up his life so you would live, idiot boy!" Serene knew she could not let him mourn now. There'd be a time for that, too. Hopefully they'd survive, and then Draco would have to face the fact that his guardian had killed his father. But now he had to leave the tower, and let Remus take his place. Not that a wizard and a witch alone could force the portal closed, but they could keep it like it was now, half open, until help arrived. "Move your butt off the gap!"  
  
"But ... I can't." Draco's voice was rough with unshed tears. "If I leave my position the portal will be opened. And Miss Kennedy will fall."  
  
"Then don't dare to move, Malfoy," hissed Serene. A cold wind from the abyss made her shiver. It smelled of humid soil, of wood and rain.   
  
Remus could smell it, too, and the scent triggered something, a memory he just could not grasp right now. He had no time to ponder the image evoked by the scent right now, he had to think. The boy was going to faint sooner or later. The spell, he was an integral part of, sucked all his power out of him.  
  
"I'll take your place," he decided and yanked Draco away from the portal, only to take his position in a swift move.  
  
Serene screamed. The momentum of the change had turned the ring of power that held her and Remus and - so she assumed - the whole tower in a fragile balance. Once, twice, three times it made them whirl around the axis of darkness, and only when Serene was sick enough to throw up, it ceased. But now she'd lost even the small projection on the wall that had given her the illusion of safety earlier. Now she hung suspended in the air, opposite to Remus, with nothing between them but a few yards of air and darkness, and still unable to touch. The cold wind from the portal made her hair rise and fall like flames in a storm.  
  
Remus chuckled softly, a sound that made Serene hiss with irritation.   
  
"What's so funny, Lupin? There are miles of nothing under our feet and my stomach turns at the mere thought of falling down and never landing …"  
  
"I just thought we'll be hanging around for a while," Remus said, and through the dim light in the circular room she could rather hear than see his smile. "I like it when you wear your hair like this."  
  
"What's got in you, Remus?" she wondered exasperatedly and forced herself not to look down.  
  
He sighed and shifted slightly to the right, a tiny motion which made the tower shake immediately. "Uh uh." Remus shifted back. "That was not a good idea."  
  
"Don't move, do you hear me!"  
  
"Draco, try to get out of the tower," Remus ordered with the calm voice he used in the classroom to restore order when a counter-spell went wrong. "But be careful! The portal is draining all magic out of the tower. Do not try to Apparate or anything like that. Climb down the Muggle way, and watch for disappearing steps!"  
  
The boy tumbled out of the door.  
  
Remus looked at Serene and smiled. "You never told me you are afraid of heights," he remarked casually as if they sat safe and sound in the "Three Broomsticks". "Only on top of cursed towers or when you stand on a ladder as well?"  
  
"Remus!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"I am not in the mood to discuss heights. Or depths for that matter!"  
  
"Well," he thought loudly, "maybe we should start to discuss those small things we don't know about each other as you suggested a few weeks ago? Or maybe," his voice lost it's warmth, "maybe we should discuss the really important matters first."  
  
"Really important matters?" She drew in a sharp breath.  
  
"Maybe there is something you'd like to know about me." He stared at her through the shadows between them. "For there certainly are things I'd like to know about you."  
  
Serene clenched her fists. Couldn't he just let it go? Couldn't he just accept it was over? After all it had be him this time who'd decided they were not meant for each other.  
  
"Laeticia," she whispered and fought the urge to spit the name into the abyss. "I need to know what she is to you."  
  
He frowned. "Laeticia?" Suddenly a warm glow spread through his whole body. Was Serene … "Are you jealous?"  
  
"Jealous?" she repeated with an incredulous voice. "No, of course not! You just tell me we can't be together and the next thing I hear is that your first way leads you to your dear friend Laeticia's house. So why in the world should I be jealous?"  
  
"Serene, I went to see Laeticia …"  
  
She closed her eyes as if she could shut out the image. She'd seen the photograph, but to hear it from Remus' mouth made it even worse.  
  
"I went to see her," Remus continued, unaware of the knife he'd just stabbed through her heart, "to ask her to leave Draco Malfoy alone."  
  
"I understand," she said wearily. Then her head jerked up. "About Draco? You went there because of Draco?"  
  
"I thought that's what I said?" he asked in confusion. "Why did you think …Oh." His voice died.   
  
"There is something between the two of you," Serene said with a tiny voice. "A certain kind of intimacy that comes from … well, you know."  
  
"I … see." Remus nodded slowly. "That's why we need to talk about these things."  
  
Serene felt cold sweat trickle down her spine. Everything was better than thinking about the situation they were in, everything. Even hearing about Remus' love affair with Laeticia de Malheur.  
  
"So talk."  
  
He cleared his throat. "I told you how I knew about your birth when I was seven years old, didn't I?"  
  
"Yes." Serene's heart skipped a beat. She'd always pretended that this story was one of Remus' ways to tell her they were meant for each other. Funny how it sounded like a promise, when he spoke about destiny, and like a threat when Ben did.   
  
"For a while it helped to calm me," he continued softly. "But then … When I graduated …" His voice echoed the unhappiness of those days. "They all had girlfriends. Peter had this witch who worked in the Ministry, and of course Jamie and Lily had each other. I mean, even Sirius had some relationships that lasted longer than a day!"  
  
"Are you trying to tell me you never had a girlfriend?" she asked doubtfully. "Because I won't buy that."  
  
"No, I … well, I had sex. But not love. Not even a crush. I never felt anything." Remus gave a small laugh. "I remember the day when Lily invited me to their flat while the guys were out trying to get tickets for the Quidditch match against Finland. They lived in that grubby apartment under the roof in one of the Muggle roads close to Diagon Alley." He could see it even now, the two dollhouse-sized rooms that Lily had turned into a home with wand and paint. "As soon as I sat down she locked the door and cornered me. Oh, she'd have made a great Auror, our Lily."  
  
"Cornered you? About what?" Against her will Serene was fascinated by this dead witch who still lived in the memory of her friends.  
  
"Actually she asked me right away if I was gay."   
  
Serene's startled gasp matched his own reaction very well.   
  
"And she told me, that if it was so, I should quit pretending right then and there and come out of the closet immediately. That James and the others would understand. That they'd always love me, and that they were worried about me." He sighed again. "I … was mortified. Not because of their assumption. I'd have happily presented a boyfriend, if I'd have had any. I had no girlfriend because I hated to pretend I was just a normal wizard. And whenever I told a girl the truth there was this expression in their eyes, disgust, fear … pity. I could bear neither.""  
  
Serene felt the tension in his voice and would have given her right arm to be able to touch the wizard who hung on the other side of the chasm.  
  
Remus closed his eyes, when he remembered the dark days that had followed his meeting with Lily. "I felt … that I was losing out. The happiness they all seemed to possess - I wanted the same. So I left. I never explained to my friends. No wonder Padfoot suspected me of having changed to Voldemort's side. I kind of disappeared. I travelled a while, through Scandinavia and Eastern Europe. And then I visited my mother's people in France. That was where I met Laeticia."  
  
"And you fell in love with her."  
  
"No!" His eyes opened wide in shock. "I didn't love her. Laeticia is not a person who'd want to be loved anyway. She … has exquisite taste. And a heart as black as coal. I was attracted though. It was more or less the same thing Draco must feel for her, although I was some years older than he is right now. Fascination, physical attraction. It was flattering that a witch of such … elegance and sophistication would want me." A bitter laugh raked through his words. "So the wolf went into the spider's parlour and stood less chance than the proverbial fly."  
  
"She hurt you." Serene did not need to ask. "I could hear that in your voice when you talked to her."  
  
"Physically, yes. Hurt my pride as well."  
  
"Physically?"  
  
"When I decided that I'd been wrong about ... her, us ... she made it clear that she'd not be the one who was left. Oh, I was free to go, but only when she gave me leave. So she chained me ..."  
  
"In a cage," Serene finished his sentence hesitantly. "Your arms bound with silver shackles."  
  
He tried to make out her face in the darkness.  
  
"How do you know?"  
  
"I … dreamt about it." She frowned while she tried to remember the dream. "You know that my parents left me in the hospital when I was fourteen. I had a … very hard time. But there was this recurring dream of this man." Every night for weeks, and she had never told any of the psychologists about it. "He was in pain. As much pain as I was in. Worse even. It helped me to get through my own desperation. And I know when he broke free, I'd get my freedom back one day as well."  
  
"The silver shackles." Remus spat with disgust. "There was padding between the silver and the skin, but I could not break them. And once or twice a month she'd come down to the cellar and let me out of the cage. The Countess of Malheur's pet werewolf."  
  
"But what did she want?" Serene asked and blushed immediately. "Oh. I understand."  
  
"Danger turned her on. The risk I'd change when we had sex made me desirable. Just that. She never gave a damn about me. She only wanted to fuck a werewolf."  
  
Tear suddenly stung his eyes when he remembered his humiliated state then. He blinked. "The thought of seducing a monster."  
  
"You are no monster!"  
  
He shook his head ever so doubtfully, but remained silent.  
  
Serene's eyes pierced the darkness that seemed to thicken with every minute. The power from the portal tugged at them, and it became harder and harder to keep up the balance.  
  
"We are going to die here, aren't we?" she whispered.  
  
Her words echoed where there had been no echo before. It made her heart sink. Dimensions in the towers were shifting, and the abyss had started to pulse like a living being.   
  
Remus took a deep breath. "I don't know," he admitted. "But if I die with you I die a happy wizard."  
  
"And yet …", she said softly, "you left. You did not allow me to be with you when you changed."  
  
"I was so scared, so afraid I'd hurt you one day."  
  
"Hurt me?" Another echo, answered by a faint grumble. "What happened in London was my fault, Remy! I made you angry."  
  
"I could not hold back the change." Embarrassment trembled in his voice. "I did not want you to see me like that. No woman ever has … but Laeticia."  
  
"I'll kill her." The words were out before she could think about it. "That is if we don't die here anyway."   
  
"I needed to talk to Dr Matilykos to make sure there was no danger for you."  
  
"You'd never hurt me, sweetheart." The absolute certainty in her voice made him smile.  
  
"I was not sure. I wanted to hurt Laeticia when she daunted me around the full moon. She used to tell me what a horrible freak I was, a monster, something sick and ugly. That I was not human and no human woman could ever feel anything but primal lust for me."  
  
Serene paled. "So this is why you …"  
  
"You also think I am not human." He stared at her, his gaze daring her to lie. "You said it was 'different' with me."  
  
"Oh Remy, you fool!" Serene's voice rose with sudden understanding. "I … it …," she sighed and closed her eyes when the memory embraced her like a warm coat, "It was different, yes. Not because of what you are, but who you are."  
  
She blushed. This was the moment when the music was supposed to swell and the violins started to play. When they'd sink into each other's arms. But not in the real world. In the real world they hung suspended in mid air over a bottomless abyss. In the real world everything was awkward and embarrassing, and needed much more courage than in the movies she'd seen.  
  
"Who I am?" he repeated, keeping his voice painstakingly void of all hope.   
  
"The man I love," she whispered.  
  
"Come again?" Remus frowned.  
  
"I …"  
  
A flash of pure green light hit them so suddenly, Serene screamed in shock and Remus instinctively reached out to catch her - a motion that would surely have undone the fragile balance of power. But where they should have tumbled and fallen into darkness, they softly sank to the ground. The hole in the stone floor was not fully closed but seemed to be sewn together with faint green threads of green light. Remus grabbed Serene's arm and drew her away from the seam towards the wall.   
  



	18. Together

18. TOGETHER  
  
  
  
When Remus raised his head, still dazed from the fall, Dumbledore gave him an encouraging if shaky smile.  
  
"You must excuse the long time it took me to get to you, children. Just takes the body a bit longer to follow the mind these days."  
  
He sighed and gratefully took a seat on a stone block the last eruption of power had forced out of the wall.  
  
Remus still crouched on the floor, holding Serene safe in the cradle of his arms. He still did not understand, how in the world the gap had shut - well, almost shut, he thought with a fast side glance. A moment ago they had hung right over the mouth of sure death. And now they sat here with the old wizard, who patiently waited, the wand on his knee.  
  
The wand ...  
  
The werewolf's keen eyes spotted the difference between Dumbledore's usual wand and this one immediately. Twenty years ago the Headmaster himself had taught Transfiguration for a while. Remus remembered only too well staring at the wand and the pincushion that changed into a miniature hedgehog. It had been a plain wand, fashioned from a pear tree. But this one ... Remus had never seen one like this. Beautifully crafted from some material that looked suspiciously like bone, inlaid with thin spiral patterns of pure silver. The silver lured him, as it did with his kind, but he was well aware that only one touch would burn his hand and hurt like hell.  
  
Automatically stroking Serene's hair, he focused at the Headmaster's face. If there was one wizard he respected as much as his father, then Albus Dumbledore. No matter what, he had always listened, helped, offered advice and support and sympathy. And he never seemed to tire. When James and Lily had been killed, and Sirius taken away by the Aurors, it had been Dumbledore who had forced the others to go on, to care for Harry's safety. It was Dumbledore who had never believed in Voldemort's defeat, and all those years he had never allowed Remus to drown in misery.  
  
If Serene had been his guiding star, then Dumbledore had been his navigator, the one who gently stirred him back into course if needed.  
  
"Headmaster?"  
  
The old Wizard's head snapped up as if he'd slept with his eyes open.  
  
"The wand? Whose is it?"  
  
Dumbledore looked down on the wand on his thigh and gave a shrug. "Oh that. It's Etherwing's, of course. The one thing powerful enough to defeat the combined powers of the ancient spells and the magic of this special night."  
  
Serene frowned and sat up. She still shook with exhaustion from the - hours? days? - she'd tried to pull the seams of reality together.  
  
"Didn't you tell us she was all but forgotten? That the other four had extinguished any trace of her existence? How did the wand survive?"  
  
Dumbledore's kind blue eyes twinkled in agreement. "The Hat, of course."  
  
"The Hat." Serene felt a throbbing that announced a major headache. All she wanted was grabbing Remus, getting off this cursed tower. Oh, and a hot bath.  
  
"I should have known all along," mused the Headmaster and studied the silver wand in his hand. "The Hat contained Gryffindor's sword. And it gave it to Harry when he needed it desperately."  
  
"And tonight you desperately needed Etherwing's wand." Remus tried to stand up, and found that his knees buckled as if he'd been ill for a long time. The darkness from the gap had fed off his life energy.  
  
"Desperately, yes." Dumbledore smiled. Then he bowed down to Serene and gently touched her cheek. "That was very brave of you, girl," he said softly, and Remus noticed how she blushed and avoided the Headmaster's gaze.  
  
"I could not ..."  
  
The old wizard shook his head. "I know. You did well." Pointing at the gap that was still sealed by shimmering green threads, he sighed. "Who'd expected anything like that, hu? A portal ..." He rose and stepped closer to the centre of the room. Thin wisps of darkness still seeped out of the opening in the stones. "Haven't seen one in ... ah, ages. Very clever of Thomas to think of the possibility to unlock on at this time and place."  
  
"Thomas?" Serene let her head sink on Remus' shoulder. It seemed so natural to stand like this, one supporting the other. And she did not care anymore if seen appeared weak. She was weak right now, wasn't she?  
  
"Tom Riddle, now better known as You-know-who." Remus kept a close look on the Headmaster. You never knew with Dumbledore. What if he decided to face his old enemy himself and have it over with? What if he re-opened the portal and crossed over to where it led?  
  
"Where does it lead?" he asked, clearing his throat. "To Voldemort?"  
  
Dumbledore shrugged. "I assume so. I haven't had time yet to study the scrolls young Mr. Malfoy got from Ben Olsen. You must understand," he faced Serene, as Remus would know about such things, being the DADA teacher, "that the nature of such a portal is neither good nor evil."  
  
"They used them in the early days to get from one place to another very fast and safely." Beyond all explanations and reason Remus felt the closeness, the warmth. Her breath on the pulse of his neck. The scent of her hair. All he wanted was grabbing her and getting off the tower. And a warm, soft bed.  
  
"I once told you how Hogwarts was created as a safe place in a world that had decided that magic and witchcraft were evil and to be feared. So every similar place had a portal that enabled the wizardfolk to travel in safety." Dumbledore touched the threads here and there and they pulled closer, closing the gap until no darkness could get through. "The portal leads you wherever you want, or wherever the spells that constructed it, specify."  
  
"It smelled ... musty." Remus' forehead knitted in the attempt to identify the scent from the gap.  
  
"If Draco had succeeded in opening the portal, he'd have opened a door right into Hogwarts. We'd have been unprepared and defenceless." Dumbledore blew out a deep breath of relief. "But thanks to you and Serene this hour of danger has passed."  
  
"It was thanks to Granger and her friends," Serene interrupted. "They knew they had no chance but they tried to stop him nevertheless."  
  
"Although they had strict orders to stay away from the tower. Points will be taken away ..."  
  
"But Headmaster, they probably saved all our lives." Her eyes widened in disbelief.  
  
"Then again, as there are no more houses, there are no more house-points," the old wizard winked. "So maybe they'll get away with something less ... unpleasant. Minerva will give them a good talking to."  
  
"Less unpleasant?" Remus snorted.  
  
"And I'll treat them to an afternoon at Fortescue's ice-cream parlour."  
  
"That's more like it."  
  
Dumbledore's face got serious again. "Since we are here, alone, and this is a special night, and we just got away by the skin of our teeth, I'd like to show you something."  
  
He pulled his own wand from his belt and raised it. A few quiet words, and the small turrets in the high walls darkened until neither moon nor stars could shed their light into the tower room.  
  
Instinctively Serene fumbled for Remus' hand. Darkness filled the space within the circular walls again, but this time at least it did not crawl up her ankles like something nastily alive. But still, this darkness here was ... dark. And perfectly so. Impenetrable, and of a density that threatened to take away Serene's breath.  
  
Remus stroked the backside of her hand and whispered into her ear. "It's nothing to fear. It's only because there is no light."  
  
But even he felt uneasy. Werewolves could see in the dark, couldn't they? Everywhere. Always. But not now. It was like going blind all of a sudden, and his other senses ran riot and tried to make up for the loss. He was almost painfully aware of Serene next to him, of Dumbledore's presence in the room, the tiny scrapings of stones still shifting, a nightbird passing by outside the tower.  
  
Dumbledore cleared his throat. "You are wrong, Remus. Because this is the only thing we need to be afraid of. The complete absence of the light."  
  
A sigh trembled in the thick darkness and Serene felt tears well up in her eyes. This was what Ben wanted, wasn't it? This suffocating everlasting night.  
  
"From the beginning they fought, darkness and light. And every once in awhile it seems the darkness is about to win. In the Middle Ages, the Goblin Rebellion, the Great Wizard War of 1776. And now again."  
  
Remus could not make out the position of the Headmaster any more, and that made him even more nervous than the blindness. The gentle voice seemed to float in the room, bodiless.  
  
"It was a hard, vicious fight, and each side had it's allies. And it's victims."  
  
Serene felt Remus wince and bitter guilt replaced the fear she felt. He'd lost so many of his friends to Voldemort. How could she ever hope he'd love her, once he knew ...  
  
"Aye, for a while it looked as if this time the darkness was more powerful than ever," Dumbledore went on. "But then ..."  
  
A flicker in the darkness.  
  
A tiny pale light, the flame of a single candle dancing in the air. Never had Serene felt so much relief, and so much admiration for a small speck of light.  
  
"This was ... is Severus."  
  
Remus nodded slowly, although nobody could see it. He had always considered the Potions master the bravest of them all, the one who had been able to make the all important step back to the right track.  
  
"All the odds were against him. And I have to admit that when he joined Voldemort, even I ...," Dumbledore's voice hitched in his throat. "For an awful moment even I doubted he'd ever come back."  
  
Serene reached out in the darkness. Her fingers touched nothing but cool air. "You never gave any of them up," she said quietly. "You believe in second chances, don't you?"  
  
"I do. And I am rewarded more often than even I expect."  
  
Another flame appeared.  
  
"Severus was the beginning. But there were others. Mothers who gave their life without thinking. Not for the cause, or an idea. Out of love." A smile warmed the words. "Go on, dear boy. Touch it."  
  
Remus winced and reached for the new flame. For a heartbeat it danced on his open palm. Comfort and peace filled his heart and a wound that had been bleeding for almost sixteen years, finally healed.  
  
"Love," sighed the Headmaster. "So many kinds of love. For a friend, a child, a husband or wife."  
  
"Sirius. Claire."  
  
Staring at the flickering lights, Remus could have cried and laughed at the same time. "So this is all it needs? Lights? No hero, no masterplan?"  
  
"Only love," Dumbledore said quietly. The darkness was pierced now with persistent sparks, and light enough to through shadows on his face. "Still, it can be the hardest thing, and the most precious we possess."  
  
Serene's throat tightened into a knot. She'd never loved anybody, had she? Always felt there was something missing, like a void where her heart was supposed to be.  
  
The old wizard seemed to read her thoughts. "Many there were who held themselves in low esteem. Who thought they were not worth or able to contribute." In the centre of the room, where darkness had taken a last stand, two lights appeared and made the victory complete. "Love. It always came easy to you, Remus. Love for others that is. And you, Serene, you thought you could go without and not suffer."  
  
She swallowed hard. "Remus' light I understand. He is decent to the core. But I..."  
  
"You are wrong." He lifted both hands and let them sink in a desperate search for arguments. "I am neither decent nor good. Lily and James, yes. Even Snape, for what he did was incredibly courageous. But I am not. I am .."  
  
"Hard to learn to accept what you are, isn't it?" The Headmaster interjected. "Not only to know and understand it, but to admit it to yourself."  
  
The werewolf bowed his head. He knew Dumbledore for so long now, and it still shocked him sometimes how effortlessly the old wizard could read his heart.  
  
"And you, my girl, are by far not the evil creature you believe yourself to be."  
  
"She is not evil!" Remus drew her closer, holding her in an embrace that was a shield and a stance at the same time. "She is kind. And gentle. And she ..."  
  
"Remus ..." Dumbledore chuckled, quietly amused by the outbreak of the younger wizard. "I know."  
  
Serene could not take her eyes off the tiny lights that trembled in the draft. Could it really be? Had she been wrong all the time?  
  
"Remus loves me," she said softly. "So he sees only the fair side in me, and kindly overlooks the dark streak."  
  
"Nobody is all dark. Or all light for that matter," Dumbledore assured her.  
  
"You are."  
  
"I?" Now the chuckle turned into amused laughter. "You'd be surprised, my girl! Ah, I am only human after all."  
  
"But you ..."  
  
"Let's just say I lived long enough to make some mistakes not only twice but trice. And as the Muggle saying goes - three is the charm."  
  
Remus returned the smile. His Muggleborn mother loved that saying, and he'd often found it true. And maybe Dumbledore's philosophy was true as well. Maybe one needed only enough opportunities to commit a certain mistake, to finally get it right eventually.  
  
"Now you young people go off and spent the rest of this magical night together," the old wizard waved a hand in dismissal. "Let me sit here for a while amidst the lights and the memories, and catch my breath before I start the long climb down those stairs."  
  
"We'll walk down with you," Serene laid a hand on his arm.  
  
"No, it'd only be a waste of that precious night," he shook his head. "The two of you have some serious talking to do, and when you are done ..." A smile lit up his face and gave Serene and Remus a glimpse of a much younger man. "When all is said, Beltane is a night for kisses. And more."  
  
When Serene blushed, he could barely hold back a laugh. "I had a great many Beltane nights in my life, child. And I can only recommend them. As it is way past midnight, you and Professor Lupin should get out of this old musty tower as fast as possible."  
  
But when Remus took a step towards the door and the stairs, he shook his head. "It takes forever to climb down. Several steps are missing, and the magic will be off until the sun rises. You better pass through the portal."  
  
"Through ... this?"  
  
Serene paled. The mere thought of getting close to the bottomless depth gave her the creeps. "I am not jumping straight into Voldemort's headquarter. No way!"  
  
"I can't hold that against you, I guess." Dumbledore chuckled and stroked the last tear off her cheek. "But as I told you that portal will transport you to where you want to be."  
  
"Both of us?" She grasped Remus' hand.  
  
"Well," the old wizard stroked his beard as if he had to consider the question, "if you both want to be in the same place?"  
  
He raised Estella Etherwing's wand, and the light of the moon caught in the inlaid silver and shot strokes of silvery light at the portal. The green shimmering threads dissolved and the gap opened again. This time no darkness tried to devour the room. But the portal was still a lightless soundless zone, and exactly what one considered a comfortable means of transportation.  
  
"I don't know ..."  
  
Remus took her hand. What Dumbledore had showed them, had recalled so many memories. And hope. This was a magical night, Beltane, throbbing with ancient powers. Tonight he would find out what stood between and Serene. It was imperious to know, as only then he could think of a way of convincing her that it meant nothing.  
  
"Together," he said quietly. "We'll depart together and we'll arrive together. In a place where we want to be."  
  
With a last glance at Dumbledore who still stood with Etherwing's wand raised high, ready to close the portal as soon as they were through, they stepped into nothingness.  
  
* * *  
  
The journey through the portal lasted forever, for a heartbeat, for a deep- felt wish. Walls turned into brushwood, wooden beams into a starry firmament. And where Serene had stood on firm ground, she felt now the soft grass of a clearing under her boots.  
  
"Remus?"  
  
A moment of panic. When had they ever wanted the same thing? When he'd loved her, she's refused him. And when she's eventually found, she loved him, he had turned away from her and left ...  
  
"I am here. Right here." His voice was steady, warm, and betrayed nothing of the deep gratefulness he felt for finding her by his side after the journey.  
  
"We are together."  
  
"Did you doubt it?" he teased her and drew her close. He couldn't stop the grin. She was so sweet, so confused about the portal, and at the same time striving so hard to disguise that confusion.  
  
A faint crack of brittle twigs alerted him, and with a fluent move he pushed Serene behind his back to shield her against a possible attacker. When she started to complain, he raised a hand. "Sh! There are not only unicorns in this part of the forest."  
  
Serene kept her breath, but the creature that stepped out of the shadow of the lifeoak in the clearing, was neither dragon nor hydra. The centaur glanced down at them with the arrogant frown of his kind.  
  
"We have not seen you around here since the Midwinter moon, Lupin."  
  
"I was ... ah, indisposed."  
  
The centaur raised both eye-brows. "The stars said so."  
  
"Did they?"  
  
"They did."  
  
Remus sighed. Small talk with a centaur was an impossible feat. He grabbed Serene's hand and stepped aside so she could see the creature. And a sight he was, silver coat and curly beard and all.  
  
"This is Zephyr, one of the centaurs of the western part of the forest."  
  
The centaur bowed his head and gave a soft whine. "She's beautiful, your mate." As dire their steady talk about planets and stars could be, in the presence of a woman they developed unexpected congeniality.  
  
"'tis the night of Beltane. Spring is in the air. I'll leave you alone now." That was unusually tactful for a centaur, thought Remus. But the big grey one probably had a date with some star or comet.  
  
"Good night to you then, Zephyr."  
  
"Good night to you both." He chuckled softly and threw back his mane. "Like the moon, Lupin, we all move in circles."  
  
With that he took off into the woods.  
  
Serene frowned, still impressed by the strange creature and the lightness with which he moved through the brush. "In circles? What does he mean?"  
  
Remus shrugged. "Well, centaurs never tell you straight away what they ..." Then he suddenly smiled. "Or maybe they do, some times. Just turn around, darling."  
  
Behind them lay the pond and the shallow cave, the spot where they'd first made love half a year ago. But where dry leaves had covered the ground then, now bright green blades shot up all over the clearing. Tiny blue flowers dotted the green. In the light of the moon the whole place looked more like a scenery out of one of Serene's dreams. Not out of a vision, she thought when she kneeled down to pick one of the flowers, but out of dream. Her dreams were always sweet, weren't they?  
  
"It is a sign that the portal brought us to this very place. We need to talk, Serene."  
  
He said it casually, but she knew that this was the beginning of the end. They'd talk and he'd make her tell the truth. And after the talking was done, they would not, like Dumbledore had insinuated, spend the rest of the night making love. When all was said, he'd turn away from her in disgust.  
  
"There are things I need to know. Things I have a right to know, I think."  
  
She played for time, stroking the velvety petals of the flowers and avoiding his glance.  
  
Remus kneeled down next to her. Out of impulse she gave him the tiny blue bloom. He took it and with it he took her hand in his and brushed the knuckles with his lips.  
  
"Marry me."  
  
Serene winced. "I ..."  
  
"Or are we already married?"  
  
She bit her lip. That. Another lie. Another thing she had "forgotten" to tell him.  
  
Remus cupped her chin with his free hand and gently forced her to meet his eyes. And what she saw there, hope, joy, ... love ... made her change her mind. He had a right to know. Her hand closed around the wand.  
  
"Show!" she whispered.  
  
The sign of the moon on her wrist stood out clear against the fair skin. Smaller than a Knut, it made it's circle, from new to full.  
  
"You did this." He could hardly breathe. The day when he'd asked her to marry him only to have her turn him down, was a memory almost as dark as that Halloween in Godric's Hollow.  
  
"They would have let you die." She dropped her wand and drew a deep breath. "I don't care if you are mad about me now."  
  
"You did this. In many countries, including your home country this is still a sign of shame."  
  
She shrugged. "I never felt at home there. The first time in my life I felt at home was when I arrived at Hogwarts. Only ..." her voice trembled and this time she did not look away, but held on to the love she saw in his eyes. "Only later I recognised it was not Hogwarts, I was at home at. It was you, Remy."  
  
"And you for me." He framed her face, then combed his fingers through her tousled curls, drawing them back, so he could see her clearly. "And don't you see that there must not be any lies or deception between us. That we need the truth."  
  
"I ..." She touched his cheek, desperate for a last caress.  
  
"Ssh." He kissed both her eyelids, then rose from his knees and pulled the robe over his head. "I'll start."  
  
Undressing in his calm and tidy way, he folded trousers and shirt and placed them next to his boots. Naked he moved gracefully and without inhibition, closer to nature than any human being.  
  
"I never let anybody see the change. I ... loathed it. Still do in many ways," he said so softly she could hardly hear it. "But you need to see who I really am."  
  
"I know who you are."  
  
"Not all of me."  
  
The air seemed to waver like it did in the blistering heat of an August afternoon.  
  
Serene dug her fingernails in the palms of her hand and held her breath. She had seen Remus change - well, part of him. His hand. She remembered sprouting pelt, shifting bones. She remembered how utterly stunned she'd been. But nothing prepared her for the process he let her witness now.  
  
The man crouched on the forest ground, and she could see how his face distorted with agony. Sweat gathered on his forehead and his breath came fast and shallow. Then his shape changed, so smooth it was hard to make out where it began and where it ended. Brown human eyes melted into amber wolf eyes. Grey streaked hair grew longer, denser, became a shining coat. And still - it was Remus, she thought, when the wolf stood in front of her, panting and trembling from the exhaustion.  
  
Gingerly she reached out and touched his face. The pelt was surprisingly soft, and where Remus' temperature had almost reminded her of fever, it seemed just right with the wolf. The beautifully drawn face looked up at her, then he stubbed her hand. Serene let her fingers run along the spine, felt the hard muscles under the pelt, the gentle nip of sharp teeth on her other hand.  
  
"You are lovely," she said and deep-felt honesty trembled in her voice. "Just lovely."  
  
The wolf let out a soft sound, almost like a sigh. Then he stepped back, and the change started all over.  
  
Serene sat down in the grass, and when Remus was back to his human form, she forgot all her good intentions to give him time and space, and cradled his head in her lap. From his reaction she could tell she'd acted instinctively right. He closed his eyes and just lay there for a while, breathing hard, hair humid with sweat. Serene traced the line of his jaw with her fingertip.  
  
"You are lovely," she repeated, her voice as much a caress as her touch.  
  
The corners of his mouth turned upwards. "No, you're the one with the lovely face, honeychild."  
  
"But you have better hair."  
  
He propped his exhausted body on one elbow and looked straight into her eyes.  
  
"Why is it you can't take a compliment, Serene? I've never known a woman who takes it almost as an insult if anybody admires her looks."  
  
"It was always my face," she answered, suddenly embarrassed, "always my face men fell in love with. Never my ..."  
  
"Heart." He touched the back of her neck and let his hand remain there, even when she winced. "They did not love your heart because they did not know it. But I knew you even before I'd ever laid eyes on you."  
  
Serene felt the warmth of his hand and closed her eyes, concentrating only on his presence, his touch. "I dreamed of you," she said. "I told you I did not know of you, but I lied."  
  
"I know." His dry answer made her chuckle against her will.  
  
"But Remus, I just don't see how ..."  
  
"Let me tell you a story." The wizard made himself comfortable, laying nakedly on the grassy ground without the slightest notion of shame.  
  
"Four years ago I boarded the Hogwarts Express to assume my first honest job in more than a decade. I was ... nervous. Scared, even. Dumbledore was right, I knew a lot about Dark Arts," he laughed softly. "But who was I to teach children how to defend themselves, where I had barely saved my own life and failed to save my friends?"  
  
Her hands started to wander along his arms, up and down, warming him, comforting him.  
  
"The first day of term was the day after the full moon, and the wizard in Knockturn Alley who'd fixed the Wolfsbane Potion for me, was a quack. Anyway, I felt like chewed up and spit out, sitting in that stuffy compartment, trying to find some sleep. The students boarded, and suddenly ...," his eyes opened all of a sudden and found hers, "there you were."  
  
"I don't remember seeing you on the train, " she mused. "I saw you first in the Great Hall when they started the Sorting."  
  
"I did not see you, either." He snuggled his cheek against her open palm in a very wolflike gesture. "But I felt you. Your ... heartbeat. I knew of your presence. But then there was all that confusion, chaos."  
  
"The Dementors searched the train for Sirius Black," she remembered. "Minerva would not let us go and see what was happening. But the students told us later on."  
  
"Harry ... fainted. Brave boy, he never made much fuss about it." Remus took her hand and laced her fingers with his. "It took my thoughts off you, for a few hours. But then, sitting in Dumbledore's study, the feeling came back."  
  
"The feeling?"  
  
"Of having reached my final destination. The end of all journeys."  
  
Her throat tightened when she heard the unshakeable certainty. He laughed suddenly.  
  
"Ouh, it was horrible!"  
  
Serene frowned and cupped his face with her free hand. "Make up your mind, Lupin. Was it wonderful or horrible?"  
  
"Both." He nodded sincerely. "Wonderful to know I'd found you after all. Horrible because I feared I'd been wrong all along. Maybe I had misjudged the signs when I was a young boy. Maybe you were one of those giggling schoolgirls I'd seen on the train. I asked Snape if there were any new staff, but there wasn't. Merlin, I was so scared I'd have to wait another seven years till you graduated."  
  
"Well," she mumbled slowly, lowering her face until her lips could touch his forehead, "I could have been Professor Lupin's pet."  
  
"I don't think so," he replied dryly. "You'd never be anybody's pet. My mate, my love, but never my pet."  
  
Cupping her face with both hands he held her only an inch away from his lips, far away he could focus on her eyes, close enough he could feel the caress of her breath on his skin.  
  
"Now, that you've seen me, do you hate me?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Then let me see you. Tell me the truth, Serene," he whispered. "There is this wall between you and me and I won't have it any longer."  
  
She froze. With considerable effort she escaped his embrace and sat in the soft grass, burying her head in her arms.  
  
Remus sat up as well and stroked her back in quiet desperation. Oh, he wished he could spare her ... but if they wanted a future together, he needed to know.  
  
When she finally spoke, it came so abrupt and unprepared, he winced and let his hand drop, a gesture that throve tears into her eyes. "I am the one who will deliver Harry Potter into Voldemort's hands."  
  
He said nothing, and Serene swallowed hard. Of course, she'd seen this come. Not in a vision but in the darkest part of her heart. In a few moments he'd find his breath and a polite excuse to leave.  
  
"How do you know?"  
  
She turned in astonishment. "Did you not hear me? I am going to deliver Harry. Voldemort will kill him and the world will go up in flames."  
  
Remus raised a hand in an attempt to slow her words. "My hearing is superb, as you well know. My question was, how you knew."  
  
"A vision." She clenched her fists and a defiant line formed on her forehead. "And don't you dare tell me, it won't come true!"  
  
"Because it will. Because all your visions became reality so far."  
  
"Yes."  
  
He sighed. "And this is it? This is why you would not love me, or marry me or even be with me?"  
  
She jumped up and nervously started to braid her hair, a sign of great despair. The moon gave her skin a translucent shine, and her tresses burned like copper. His heart ached when he only looked at her.  
  
When he rose, she held up a hand to keep him at a distance.  
  
"Don't you understand, Remus?"  
  
"I understand very well."  
  
"Everything that is sacred to you - I'll destroy it."  
  
He shrugged. "Why didn't you take the chance when it was there?"  
  
Now it was she who gaped at him. "Ha?"  
  
"Tonight. You stood at a portal that led straight to the Dark Lord himself. And Harry was there, without anybody to defend him but a few kids."  
  
Her pale face got some colour with shame. "Did you never ask yourself why I was there in the beginning? Not to gaze at the stars, I assure you. I climbed the tower because I knew Harry would be up there."  
  
"But then you changed your mind."  
  
"I couldn't do it tonight." Her voice was but a rasp. "That doesn't mean I won't do it at some point in the future."  
  
"I know."  
  
Her hands fluttered through the air like two small birds. "So this is over then."  
  
"No!"  
  
The anger in his voice made her wince. Ignoring her defiance he grabbed her shoulders and shook her furiously. "No! It won't be over."  
  
"But ..."  
  
"Whatever happens, whatever you do, it won't be over. Isn't this why you took the tattoo? As a sign that what we have will last forever?"  
  
On Serene's lashes trembled a single tear and she wiped it away with the back of her hand. Before she could find any words to make him understand, he continued. "Whatever I am. Whatever you are. This is forever. And when it happens, when it really happens, we'll deal with it."  
  
"You will hate me."  
  
"No."  
  
"Ah, don't kid yourself, Lupin!" she scowled, suddenly angry. "And don't pretend you'd lean back and watch me do it!"  
  
"I won't." He stayed calm which infuriated her even more. "I'll do my best to stop you. But whether you succeed or not has nothing to do with my feelings for you."  
  
Shaking her head in disbelieve, Serene lifted both hands in a pleading gesture. "I just don't know what you expect of me, Remus."  
  
"What we had in the cottage."  
  
"In the cottage?"  
  
"Falling asleep together. Waking up together. The simple things. Going for walks."  
  
"Watching the sunset." Her voice broke.  
  
"That as well. What I expect ... what I demand ... is the present."  
  
Serene looked at him. His eyes were sincere. Maybe he was right. Maybe she'd forgotten about the present in her worry about the future.  
  
"What?" he smiled.  
  
"I just love looking at you."  
  
"You should know my face by now, shouldn't you?"  
  
"That's part of the miracle." Her finger traced his jawline. "I know your face so well. And I never thought I'd be so close to anybody. Ever. I could draw you, I even dream of you, Remus."  
  
"Your eyes," she continued, when she noticed the light her words had lit. "So ... warm when you look at me."  
  
She trailed off as he brought his mouth back to hers. The kiss started out a sweet caress, lingered, turned into a passionate plea. Remus' hands slipped under her robe, skilfully unfastening buttons and hooks. The smooth material slid down her shoulders, and the soft shirt she wore underneath, followed.  
  
Then he drew her down to the soft grass, and the scent of spring mingled with the now so familiar scent of his body. He wanted her so much, wanted those hands run over him again, wanted to devour her, bury himself in her. Not hiding anymore, but coming home to her. With iron self-control he reigned in the fiercest of desire. He'd never hurt her, never.  
  
"Remy ...," she breathed. "Whenever we make love I feel you are holding back."  
  
"I try to be gentle."  
  
"Don't." She fisted her hands in his hair, drew his head down to hers. "Don't. Be what you are. Don't hide. I won't break."  
  
His eyes flashed amber. A soft growl escaped his throat as he pinned her to the ground. Serene drew in a shuddering breath when he started to move again, forcefully now, his teeth nipping at her shoulder, sampling her taste without hurting her. Shock stabbed into her, fused with molten pure lust.  
  
It was different this time. Oh, it was always good with him, but this time it was even better. The power that always hummed between them, sizzled. Her blood raced and so did her heartbeat, when his mouth found her breasts, ravenous and hot. He wanted every bit of her, needed to know she was all his, and would not cease until he was sure.  
  
His hands held her wrists, forcing her to accept where she was giving in willingly. He savoured, tasted, touched her in places nobody had ever touched her that way. His breath seared her skin, urged her to give herself up to him. And when she did, when she reached the peak of the wave and tumbled down in breathless exultation, he would not let her go.  
  
He'd never let her go.  
  
Clasping her hand with his, she took him into her.  
  
When his tongue slipped over the pulse at the base of her neck, making her shudder and cry out his name, he knew.  
  
And when she started to retaliate, to give back him back the glory in every caress, every touch, he knew.  
  
But when she said it, panting, her lips brushing the side of his neck, while their bodies moved in perfect unity, his heart exploded nonetheless.  
  
"I love you, Remy." Her eyes went blind with passion and tenderness at the same time, and he gladly let her drag him into that whirl of fire.  
  
"I love you."  
  
* * *  
  
The moon was still bright when they awoke from the deep slumber fulfilling sex induced. A soft breeze whispered in the trees, when they gathered their clothes, wordlessly, in silent compliance. While Serene dressed, Remus stood there, with his clothes pressed to his chest, watching her.  
  
This was their night. He did not want it to end yet.  
  
Impulsively he held out a hand. "Let's run."  
  
Serene stared at him, then a smile lit up her face. "I'll spoil my dress," she said slowly.  
  
"And your fingernails," he agreed. "But the forest won't care about the state of your manicure. It will accept you, as you are. And we'd be together in this as well."  
  
"Together." She tasted the word. It felt good. Promising.  
  
Her boots were quickly tossed aside, and when her bare feet connected with the soft grass, she took a deep breath. The air held a promise, too. Freedom. And love. After all, there'd be love.  
  
When the wizard turned the second time that night, she felt as if he'd done it a hundred times in her presence. He was her mate, whatever form and shape.  
  
The wolf pushed his head against her hand, until she scratched the sensitive spot between his ears. Then he ran a few meters to the fringe of the clearing near the pond.  
  
His eyes gleamed amber when he tilted his head as if he was daring her to follow. Sharp teeth flashed in what could only be a grin.  
  
Serene threw back her head and looked up at the moon. This was Remy's world and he offered to make her part of it. How could she refuse such an offer?  
  
The sound that escaped her throat was part sigh, part laugh.  
  
"Let's run."  
  
And run they did.  
  
Through brush and wood, across clearings and meadows. Through branches and leaves that stroked their skin, and through high grass that caressed them, for it was the night of Beltane and every living creature celebrated life tonight.  
  
* * *  
  
When Zephyr the Centaur retreated from his outlook on the rock formation by the western border, he spotted them sitting on top of the hill near the lake.  
  
"Small lights we mortals are, compared to the planets," he grumbled to himself. "But, alas, sometimes we shine brighter than the stars."  
  
While the centaur made his way carefully back into the woods, witch and wolf sat on the hill, Serene's hand buried in Remus' soft grey pelt, his head resting on her knee. And there they remained, until the moon paled in the east and the sun rose over the five towers of Hogwarts on the first morning of May.  
  
  
  
THE END  
  
  
  
Almost.  
  
What comes now is about the six of them, the final battle between the darkness and the light, and how it all ended. And I felt I owed Remus and Serene their own Happy End.  
  
So there will be a three-chaptered "Whole Again - Epilogue", beginning on November 3rd.  
  
Serene was my very own little story-telling experiment. Could I create a difficult character - and slowly turn her into somebody I'd find likeable, without corrupting her? Remus is so easy to love, but Serene? She turned out to be rather interesting - and brittle and strong-minded. And I kind of like her now. Most times.  
  
Let me use this opportunity to tell you how delightful writing this story was. Again I learned a whole load of new words, and some colloquialism as well (even if I use them wrongly sometimes ...)  
  
Thank you all for your reviews and e-mails, for encouragement, criticism (helps a lot) and praise (pleases a lot). I've said this before but it still amazes me that this story is read all over the world, and some of you stayed with me since the first chapter of "WA-Severus".  
  
You all are a great audience! 


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